Look, it’s something approximating the football we all know and love and hate at varying times. One might think I put quite a bit of thought into my first game intro of the 23-24 season but y’all would be mistaken. Nope, the slapdashery shall continue unabated! I’ve not been fired yet so I’m going to continue with what works. Besides, you wanted some incisive insights regarding this game? For shame! And now…

Housekeeping:

-I’d very much like to thank the folks here that did the heavy lifting during the offseason. Filling holes and voids wherever you found them must have been a challenge at times and it was mighty appreciated.

-Oh hey, fellas and gals that have that squirrel running around your frontal lobe screeching, “I want to type something on this here site”. Well, have I got a deal for you-it’s called Doorcoin and you can have some should you wish to throw your thoughts against the wall. Seriously, should you wish to toss a team preview together or even if you wanted to do a game intro post, we’re nothing if not accommodating. I’ll be honest, sometimes I just don’t have much to say about the second meeting between the Bucs and the Texans. That’s where you jump in and weave your magic.

-Lurkers Awake! There are many benefits to commenting here. We’ve fixed almost all the bugs! Also, if you have a substance abuse issue and you’re wondering what the benefits of leaning into it are, boy, have we got an experienced crew here for you! Want to learn a new, unrecognized language? We’ve got you covered. Thinking about adopting an animate sex toy? Checkmark!

To the game!

Browns/Jets:

-Not that we’ll see either of them but both these squadoos love them ostracized qb’s. They each took different paths to get there but they arrived at the same destination.

-We should see failed Wonder Boy Zach Wilson-will he ever learn to say the right thing? Has his ego completely unraveled?

-We might see some option trickery from Cleveland. There’s been some funky backfield formations in camp and word is that Elijah Moore might function as the third rb.

-Nathaniel Hackett has been recycled of course. Now he’s going to be calling plays from up in the sky, as far away from the players as possible. He recently said that Payton calling him out, “broke the code” by going public with his comments. “He should have talked behind my back like a real man” is the logic I’m guessing.

That’s it, I’m sure I forgot a bunch of things but I’ve only got about 120(?) more posts to do over the course of the season so I’ll get to it when I get to it.