We kicked off the Premier League under Boo-urnley’s Friday Night Lights. What is the bestest reality check for the confident champions of the Championship?
Oh yeah, a goal from Erling Haaland like 3 minutes into play. To their credit, the Clarets hung in, playing evenly for the next 30 or so minutes. Kevin the Broom left injured, and one started to wonder if sommet was brewing.
Then City of Men got a 2nd, which ended all hope. They added on a 3rd late, then the cherry on the shit sundae – a deserved red card. OOF. August might be a tad rough for the White Lives Matter crew.
Fortunately for the viewer, we get a shit ton more action! Most of it be on Peacock, though. So don’t be cheap.
Arsenal host even MOAR turbulent than normal Robins Hood, to start Saturday off (7:30, Peacock). We’ll probably be perfect 2-for-2 in arse kickings after that mercifully ends.
Next up, a 4-pack for the 10 am window, annoyingly all on Peacock. Litre and I must watch Mighty Whitey’s visit to Goodison Park, but y’all may want to opt for sommet a little less eye-bleedy. Spunky Luton Town away to Trashbirds seems a good bet, or even yeah right’s Cherries home to Fronk’s Retirement Home Hammers. Shit, even watch Team Knifey at home, back in the big leagues! Try to forget they’s playing Uncle Woy’s Palace, though. Ick.
Our first spotlight shines on last season’s happy surprise (Unai Emergy’s resurgent Villa) against the new universal enemy (Bonesaws FC). This is your usual 12:30 big NBC kickoff, so the Peacock suits won’t squeeze your bollocks completely dry.
Back to Peacock for Sunday Funday, though. Praise Beesus host new-look Spurs (9:00), followed by Under-New-Management Chelski hosting the German Elton John and his arsehole band (11:30). Two intriguing matchups, even despite all the late window evil.
Monday Night is back on USA (3:00), but it’s just Men Untied kicking the shit out of Big Lots varietal Wolves. Holy shit, have they ever had a wretched summer. The manager watched the talent drain, got to spend none of the resultant funds, and said ‘adios’ like 96 hours before the season started. Fucking ouch. The Red Devils have bought and sold well, in my estimation. Who knows if they’ll get off to a flyer, though. Always hard to tell. But they surely take all 3 points here.
Lots of NFL scrimmage fun today, too. Don’t be going outside or anything cray-cray like that.
Finished Season 2 of Star Trek: Strange New Worlds. It’s such a good show when it isn’t doing gimmicks like a Lower Decks crossover or the musical episode.
Caught a case of the Nineteen. Now I gotta watch this Bearistocrats v Tits game on TiVo without the benefit of precious booze.
I’d almost rather be sick at work.
Oh no! Hope it’s a mild one. I think it’s just about time for the latest booster to come out, I will be first in line.
Likewise. Just downed my first Paxlovid dose. Hope it does it’s thing.
I’m kind of worried about being on a 13 hour flight stuck with the same people.
I’ve got plenty of masks.
Trying to get Wifey to indicate what she would like for dinner…
Spoiler alert… It will be something, anything that I make…
Or plot twist – she wouldn’t care up until you’re 90% done and suddenly decide that she doesn’t want X, but Y. And it’d somehow be your fault that you didn’t see into the future to know that she wanted Y in the first place 😀
After 41 years she knows better.
We had zucchini fritatta and a tomato and olive salad. She was cool with that.
Great to hear. Wifey’s been pretty chill about menus too (tonight’s was a riff on greek-style moussaka, but with chicken and red velvet cake with just a touch of cherry liqueur to give it a bit more of an aroma), since I love to cook (unlike her), with the only point of contention being her occasional craving for surstromming that leaves a certain horrendous mass-grave-y odor in the kitchen for days XD
I had some good zucchini last night, with salmon and leeks. I just slapped it on a cookie sheet and bunged it in the oven, my favorite kind of no effort dinner.
The thing that drives me crazy is when the Dr. Mrs. comes up with a solid suggestion and I say “I love it, that’s perfect, that sounds wonderful” and then she keeps presenting more ideas.
That’s when the phrase “Stop drilling baby, ya struck oil!” comes into play.
I’m sure the Dr. Mrs. would love it.
I love this
Well, Newcastle game is pretty much done.
🎶Won’t you take me to Spunky(Luton) Town?🎶
Have ye found yer Prem muse??
Noone finds a muse in Luton. Hell, most people are lucky to even find their checked luggage at the carousel there 😀
Plenty of mice to be found in Luton, however.
Fucking chairs all have arm rests. Sleepin there is a bitch.
I have a friend from Luton, but I think I’m more of a Crystal Palace kind of girl, since I’m practically a queen.
OK assdicks, I’m off to Fenway Park to make bad dietary decisions and root for the Tigers.
No one do anything stupid until I get back.
I mean, I woke up so that was already stupid.
This game is great.
I leave Monday for a work week in Detroit. Trying to very much just hunker down and make it home in one piece.
Obligatory
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zcp-DNVY4kw
– Calvin Johnson, on draft day
My big thing is just that it’s a lot of time with other people.
https://youtu.be/Rf0fmqWS-kI
So, uhhh, wellness and BAC check for Hippo, or we’re all moving straight to establishing strong alibis ?
I am actually heartened that we played semi-decent football. Spacing and passing were excellent, just finished like poo.
But I know we are garbage overall. So also not surprised.
of course
Yep.
Expected no less.
YEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS BOBBY!!!!!
Paquetá to Man City? Handling it just fine, thank you very much.
Bowen with a wonder strike for the Hammers! 1-0!
https://twitter.com/TakeThatBro/status/1690377352193200128?s=20
– Gumby, pulling up his tickets to The Cure show
We also would have accepted “Let’s try not to make this entire thread about the Cornblower household’s sex life, all right?”
Sounds like a certain someone’s recent luck with the ladies….
The Matildas are moving on.
Yes, I thought about saying “still waltzing” but I’m gonna let the hack announcers make that pun.
7-6 on PKs. Some incredible saves from both keepers, and thankfully Australia didn’t lose when their second-to-last kicker got stuffed by the French keeper, (ridiculous save), because her initials were ‘C. Hunt’ and I think we all know where that would have gone.
So, Colombia story!
Senorita Weaselo’s best friend’s coworker is an absolute moron, and the Webster’s Dictionary image when you look up “fuckboy,” from her friend’s reports. Poonhound in the worst way. And one of the girls he hooked up with is Colombian, and there may have been some lying involved, because he had the opportunity to say it was just for the sex, and doubled down.
Anyway, she presented him with a plane ticket for a future trip to meet the in-laws, and he’ s seriously considering taking it, while continuing to fuck around. I’ve asked Senorita’s best friend if the coworker is aware of the situation, and he thinks it’ll be fine and he’ll be able to fuck around in Colombia.
I’m figuring, best-case scenario is once he goes they find his body in a few months in a river somewhere?
Oh they’re definitely going to be looking for his body. Best case scenario here is the body’s in one piece when they find it.
And that they can tell it’s *his* body.
Oh, I’m not expecting we’d hear anything from or about him ever again. I’d guess missing, presumed machete to the head. And arms. And legs. And torso. And genitals.
In that order (again, if he’s lucky).
On being a fuckboy (artist’s conception):
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2eeAVzmZaVQ
Just have her text him this link: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Colombian_necktie
The river El Chapo kept all his hungry hungry hippos in.
The more things change, the more they stay the same XD
Sounds like my prom.
lol. I’m curious, is attending those mandatory stateside, or one could avoid them like the plague without repercussion?
You could up here but then you would miss fingerbanging some broad in the back of a 78 Ford Fairmont station wagon!
So, I’d have missed nothing but a chance to miss some foreplay in a monument to less than ideal US motormaking in the late 70s. Ah, cool, I was wondering since such events were completely voluntary (but with mandatory attendance,… not kidding btw) that I managed to somehow weasel my way out of (since I had better things to do – like replacing my first car’s turbo on the night of my senior prom)
I shit you not that beauty was front half Ford Fairmont and back half Mercury Zephyr, welded together. It transported the starting lineup of my basketball team in high school with plenty of legroom. I was the shortest at 6’2.
Nice. My (older than me) Audi* could only fit me properly, mostly because if the rest of my High school football team wanted to ride anything but the bus, they wouldn’t have A) tried to smoke in my car (despite being warned that this is grounds for immediate jettisoning) and B) messed with my radio – stopping my heavy metal to play some chalga (google at your own risk) is one of the quickest ways to make me genocidal and C) they could’ve worked and earned for their own rides, instead of having to ride the craptastic bus our team kept hiring 😀
*Audi 80 B3 ’87/8 that I rebuilt to near mint condition, did an engine swap on and tuned juuuuuuust right. And as soon as I was finished, the poor bugger got totalled by a semi
I went to high school with a girl who’s dad owned a junkyard. She had a corvette that was two different wrecked ones welded together. It looked brand new.
Not mandatory anywhere I went. There probably are some private-type schools where it is.
Oh shit, the French hit the post on their last kick!
Aaaaannnnnnd the Aussie kicked, (the keeper, for some reason), drilled her kick right into the post.
We go to extra, extra PKs.
I like how you’re live blogging on a delay
“I just wish that ability to delay translated into other areas.” – Mrs. Cornblower
It was new to me!
The French woman who just scored either badly scraped her nose during the game or she has a howling case of syphilis.
Aussie Aussie Aussie Oi Oi Oi
We’re on to PKs against France!
I say I miss this when the season is over. I FUCKING HATE THIS.
Just relax, lean back and think about this in context. People here were so starved for sports that they feigned interest in women’s footy, so enjoy the masochism tango with your team. After all, it could be a lot worse 😛
I am already back talking the announcers. We have our “You know they can’t hear you right?” from Mrs. Cola.
Tell her that we live in an era of microphone-toting, internet enabled devices that hoover up a bunch of data for the sake of analytics, so she can’t actually be sure if your threats and curses aren’t actually reaching the studio execs (in an anonymized and collated form. Ie “x % of our audience would rather shove a 12mm Hilti masonry drill up their noses than listen to any more “insight” than <insert former marginally successful player now turned pundit here>”
I’d say ‘Alexei Lalas’ but you did say ‘marginally successful’, so he’s out.
Fuck, I’m going to have to start paying for Peacock, aren’t I?
Time for Lowratio to get a job!
… y u no pirate? There’s plenty of sources available on the seven seas to take care of your needs without you paying a single cent to NBC Universal
Sheer laziness.
Nothing wrong with that. Now, if it was ’cause of moral reasons, then I’d be concerned 😀
Highlights I have watched so far this morning:
Essendon – with the playoffs on the line – eking out a win against the 2nd-worst team in the AFL.
THIS LADY THE COLOMBIAN KEEPER I CALL HER DAVID JAMES BECAUSE SHE JUST MADE ONE OF THE MOST SHOCKING MISTAKES I HAVE EVER SEEN IN A GAME WHERE ENGLAND’S NATIONAL TEAM IS PLAYING.
and Australia vs. France in a sudden death shootout that apparently included a total of 21 attempts (which included a retake that was saved twice).
And they should have made France do a retake for the stutter no u mean stop no stutter step shot
Maybe bk’s pessimism has a point, after all?
Mate, I’m an Arsenal fan – it’s not pessimism, it’s just bitter goddamn experience 😀 On the bright side, we still eked out a win, so yay.
There goes my Ramsdale clean sheet. WHERE THE HELL IS CECIL TO LIVEN UP THE TROOPS?????
Have we ever seen Gov. Rhodes and bk in the same place/tank?
Hippo the White faithful are big afraid of ye outmuscling us on set pieces.
They are just straining to see a rationale for Michael Keane in the XI
Here so I don’t get fined.
/and to watch a soulless 0-0 draw at Goodison.
Boy howdy, is we ever set up for it.
We haven’t won an opener in 10 years….
HOLD OUR LUKEWARM BEER!
Up next, spite nap. ‘Nite!
2-0 … A couple more proper goals and I can at least hope for a draw!
I fear my 3rd position prediccion looks pessimistic now. Good show, Pistoleros
Telemundo conceded at 96′
Mierda
Finally, a goal in proper footy. Now, I just need to see how my Gunners will let me down today
And the Gooners have a soccer point
COL looking gassed. Tension!
Steve Cooper somehow got even uglier. Poor bastard.
1-2. No CIA Air Support at the back for COL. Tch.
Uf. Thought the COL goalie had bad hands. Turns out she got mad hops. High jump.
Famous saying: In Colombia, there are no ugly women. Only poor husbands.
Took a shower. Put on some cologne. Force of habit for the ladies
[straightens robe, preens on mirror]
Ugh. Slippery hands. 1-1
[Sees nic gum pack]
c’meeere
golazo
Well done Hippo… and let’s go teams… uhmmm… I mean side’s.
Series A kicks off next weekend. Napoli defends it’s title.
Marika defendes her Boyz.
1-0!!!!
LA CAFETEEERA LA CAFETEEEERA LA CAFETEERA
https://youtu.be/4VUWNuhLni8
I’d never seen that clumping together at the top of the box for a corner kick. “De laboratorio”, as narrators say.
Daly almost got eye gouged by the Colombia sub. “Accidental, the usual” per Telemundo narrator 🤭
… gotta say, while Hippo’s eloquent post is nice and all, he could’ve just distilled it into a single, simple sentence. “Oy, Arseholes, stock up on beer and say goodbye to your families ’cause PROPER FOOTIE IS BACK!”
Heading to the pub at 9:30 for the late tilt. Kid is at the inlaws! Oh I gunna drink!
Hah, the in-laws are here, kids are playing WoT on top of my T-72’s engine deck and my wife’s already managed to curse out a ref for some reason #lifeisGOOD 😀
Watching the Matildas win surrounded by Aussies at the MCG was pretty freaking cool.
Waking up to a penalty shootout: added to, stricken from bucket list.
Topical schwag ✔️
Damn right
Nawt the way Hippo spells it though…
“And now I have to get a degree from America.” -Jeff W., Greendale, CO
Unless you’re a Canukian, then its ColoUmbia…
Buenos días cabroneeeeeee.
E.
This morning’s soundtrack:
La Cafeteeera, la cafeteeera, la cafeteeera ¡vamos Colombia!
https://youtu.be/4VUWNuhLni8
Ciao Amico
ciao buh dee 👋