Scotchy kills hobos for our amusement on the football open threads. What would you like for me to do and relate to you?
Because preseason football has started and we need something!
I have some stories to tell but I know Hippo will judge me very very WASPily.
See, the funny thing is, and it’s an indictment of our whole society, violent stories of hobo dismemberment are happily applauded, but I tell one story with some steamy sex in it and I’M THE PERVERT!
Nice, America, nice!
***
I played golf today for the first time in a very long time. Did pretty decently too. I shall tell you about it this week so Rikki can finally tell us about the night he won the Super Bowl.
***
Allow me to remind you about DFOCon in Vegas this November. The details are first weekend in November, staying in Downtown, and good times to be had.
***
Here is tonight’s preseason schedule:
Baltimore Ravens v Philadelphia Eagles (NFL Network) 4:00 PM Pacific
Battle of Inglewood! (NFL Network) 6:00 PM Pacific
Are we having two hour games now? How the fuck does that work?
And here’s the REAL football schedule:
Calgary Stampeders v BC Lions (CBS Sports Network) 4:00 PM Pacific
Enjoy your Saturday night!
You know what I hadn’t missed? Driving on the left side of the road.
The ring girls with the frozen smiles of three women who don’t speak a word of Spanish.
luckilly unwanted groping is international
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KwNurAxrsqY
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ADWG6EXrbcE
Joe Tessitore threw out more cliches in that match than either fighter threw punches.
The fight Horatio recommended is pretty crazy; one round left and both guys are fucked up
Valdez has only got half a working face left
That’s the guy who won a championship while fighting with a broken jaw.
I’m guessing his long-term health is not going to be ideal.
I hope he gets some sound future health advice. Being tough is one thing, being dumb is another.
Guy just came out and busted out solid commentary in two languages with a face that looked like it had been beaten with a shovel.
My man, I hope you have invested your money in high yield bonds and can retire soon, because you seem like a solid and intelligent guy and blocking punches with your face is not going to help that continue.
I agree with the win, but scoring that 119-109 is absolutely insane.
Yeah it was NAWT 10-2. But at least the right guy won.
Or even 11-1. Nice math asshole.
I always fuck up trying to score boxing rounds. I think 116-112 was about right.
When your acordian is just too bulky
I’m saving a spot for all y’all
Good thing I keep all my money in gold buried in the back yard or else I mighta splurged on a Las Vegas flight
ESPN about to show two Mexicans fight for a championship belt if you like watching boxing matches where the defensive philosophy comes down to “try to take the punch on the jaw instead of the chin while throwing two punches of your own in response.”
I mean this as a compliment.
Announcer: “This is the kind of fighter who has fought through a broken jaw!”
Me: “So he’s an idiot?”
Hello DFO!
‘tis I, Brick!
How fares Europe?
Luckily they haven’t fallen under the spectre of Communism, yet. Some ol’ chap named Adolf seems to have them headed in the right direction for now.
During my first term as God Emperor of the Known Universe and Delaware, I will make it a priority to eliminate “clean” versions of songs from my kingdom, and in fact will require random profanities be added to every song just for good measure.
I just want Angel Hernandez fired.
Into the sun?
Not even that far. Venus will suffice.
If you can donate to my campaign more than him, it’s done.
You got my vote.
I see the Falcons beat the Jets 21-3 tod…
Hold on, I’m being told that Braves beats the Mets 21-3 today. Good god.
In their defense, if Atlanta had scored seven more runs, the Mets would be guaranteed to win it in the bottom of the 9th.
Outstanding.
Bottom of the tenth, really.
So why are the Chargers “LAC” but the Rams are just “LA”?
Lack of tenant’s rights
So Kroenke has something to laugh at Spanos about during their Stonecutter meetings.
If I go to DFOCon in Vegas can I bring my two friends?:
Diamonds are Forever took place in Vegas, partly, right?
Kidd and Wint were there for about eight seconds, so sure.
From the article where I stole that picture I learned one of them’s names is Putter Smith, and that Sean Connery assumed the actors themselves were also gay. I guess no one told him about the whole “acting” thing.
Which I think tells you why Sean Connery was, and always will be, the best Bond ever.
He wasn’t acting. He was being himself as a secret agent.
His character in The Rock being Jimmy Bond is a conspiracy theory I can get behind.
Fully in Vegas.
What about that sequence on the moon?
That was Moonraker.
You know this.
Alright.
/crosses leg, sips beer
I’ve told some hard and ugly taxi stories from my younger days.
Isn’t it time for a good story?
This is a Balls post so I’ve got that going for me.
My second cab driving stint was in San Diego and I was a busy motherfucker on Friday and Saturday nights.
There was this totally nude, non alcohol bar called Les Girls?
Sexy right?
Dudes get in my cab and ask to go to Les’s Girls.
A’ight, I know the way.
Anyway.
I do this shit 5-6 times and I realize…
I’m gonna give them my business card and asked them to tell the people inside that I brought them here.
Long story short: eventually it turned out when I brought a fare here, I would park my cab, walk into the club with my fare and I would have a smoking hot, completely naked girl hand me a 20 dollar bill and give me a hug.
Plus I never paid the cover on my days off.
That’s a good damn taxi story.
That is a GREAT goddamn story!
Battle of Inglewood! I live near there!
I gas up there every Friday.
Best gas prices.
Stick got stuck, so Dicker kicked’r.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kZx_TokIHdI&list=PLFi9V6EFsFImuaVHJA2g3mChHkS6g51Yj&index=31&ab_channel=WarrenZevononMV
Somebody recommended Reservation Dogs.
Whoever did that has my complete and whole hearted thanks.
This show is incredible.
Likely starting the last season later tonight.
This is a really good article:
https://rogerpielkejr.substack.com/p/what-football-conference-realignment
https://vimeo.com/725076200
“This Star Child journey through the universe sucks! Do it again!”
-Stanley Kubrick, demanding a 47th take
Calgary is godawful.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tKnG06-oYcg
I swear to Xenu I I didn’t see this before posting the same damn thing in response to Yeah Right up above.
mood
BC up 10!
Well only someone so well endowed would name self a Dick. Congrats BC Dick!
17 now! Look out, Jamaican bowler!
The REAL football schedule is the GWS-Port Adelaide match this afternoon (wee hours for you all). Gotta stay inside the 8….
Dude, I’m so JEALOUS of your trip. Great job!
Looking forward to next week when one of our sides collapses spectacularly and sees their playoff dreams go up in flames.
Hey, I’ll be there live to witness!
DFOCON2023 will be my first Vegas trip since 2019 or was it 2018?
Anyway Seamus was there so we’ll have to drink copious amounts in his honor.
I decided at the last minute to go there and booked a flight at 4pm to fly out at 8pm and the fucking cab was so late picking me up just to get from Playa del Rey to LAX that I got to the gate just as they locked the door and they wouldn’t reopen it so I didn’t go and that was the last cab ride I ever took and I downloaded the Uber app right there and went home.
Too bad. That was a fun trip and you would have liked the company.
So how about November?
I heard Seamus and Doktor Zymm got married in an Elvis chapel. That’s what I heard.
That may or may not be entirely untrue.
Or is it?
TOUCHDOWN BC!
I didn’t realize Dick was a pilot. Good job BC Dick!
Roof is open at BC Place!