The last time I played golf, it was the 4 club tournament in July. To refresh your memories, here are the four clubs I chose:
- 5 Wood
- 7 Iron
- Pitching Wedge
- Putter
I ended up shooting an even 100, which I was very happy with.
Unfortunately, due to work commitments and some work around the house I needed to do, I haven’t played or practiced since then. I showed up at 8:20 AM for an 8:30 tee time on Saturday morning.
Not the best preparation, I will readily admit.
I was paired up with the guy I had played with and lost to in the Match Play Tournament. He’s a good dude and a great partner to play with. The rest of the foursome was a guy I had not met before and an older lady that, when I won my first tournament, joked I was a sandbagger.
I decided to hit a 5 iron off the first tee because I was concerned any other club would go off in God Knows what direction. I promptly hit the first ball to the right into the next fairway.
However, it was playable and the next stroke got me back in the fairway within a fairway wood of the green.
In what would become a preview of things to come, I mis-hit it and it took two pitching wedges to get me on the green. A two-putt got me out of there with a 7.
Not great, but it was only the first hole and it wasn’t a complete disaster. Considering the lack of practice and playing, it wasn’t that bad.
I got a 6 on the second (one over my target) and followed that up with a 5 on a Par 3 and an Abominable Snowman on the fourth. Things were not looking good.
The reason I was struggling was that I had bad mis-hits. One stroke on the fourth went two feet in front of me. That is not a joke. That is literally what happened.
My putting was saving me. Once I got the ball on the green, I got in the hole with two putts. For the entire round, my putting average was 1.83. I’m pretty proud of that.
I got another 5 on the Par 3 fifth but things started turning around on the Par 5 sixth. I got a Bogey there. In the meantime, the older lady (who is in my flight) was getting pars and bogeys. My cart partner tried to give me some encouragement as I tied her on the sixth. He thought I could still catch her but I told him I knew I wasn’t going to beat her, even with my handicap advantage. She was on fire.
She ended up shooting a net 59 and taking low net for the entire tournament.
Once I got my bogey, I settled down and the mis-hits stopped. I got a par on the seventh, which is usually my worst hole and a Bogey on 8. I was feeling pretty good about my turnaround when I got a 9 on the Par 5 ninth.
A 54 on the Front Nine was not what I wanted, but it was what I got.
As you all know by now, HOWEVAH, I do better on the Back.
Over the next five holes, I averaged 5 per hole. If I kept that up, I’d finish with a 45 and I’d break 100.
Alas, I got double bogeys on the Par 5 holes and my par on a Par 4 and bogey on a Par 3 could not offset the damage done.
I shot 48 on the Back for a total of 102 for the round. Not too shabby considering how horribly I started.
Some highlights:
- I hit the flagstick TWICE on shots that would have ended up miles away from the hole.
- I also got the flagstick TWICE on putts that went out after hitting it. The lesson: The stick both giveth and taketh away.
- A funky bird was following us on one of the holes. We tried to shoo it away so it wouldn’t get hit.
PROS
I greatly improved over the course of the round. My playing partner even remarked that my game on the Back was completely different than the Front.
My “not great, Bob!” rounds are getting lower. That’s a good sign of overall improvement.
I managed to get a skin for one of my pars which put $7.17 in my pocket!
CONS
I had a bad start and was not hitting correctly. That means I need to practice more.
I missed out on the free burger giveaway in the clubhouse after the round. They were all gone by the time we finished.
OVERALL RATING:
I am improving, feeling more comfortable shooting lower scores, and I’m recognizing and minimizing my mistakes as they occur. Meaning, if I hit a bad shot, I regroup and focus not making the problem worse. No hero shots and no stupid decisions.
This is the second round in a row that I didn’t use Driver. I’m finding that I don’t really need it to score well.
There will come a time and place for Driver, but right now is not it.
I am also understanding the importance of the lie in the game. As the word implies, the “lie” is basically the condition in which the ball lies on the ground. Is it on good grass? Is it on flat grass? Are you on a hillside? How thick and wet is the grass? Are you on dirt?
I’m learning that adjusting to the lie is extremely important to hitting the ball where I want it to go.
More to come, but now Rikki will present the next exciting chapter in the golf cart girl story!
See you next time.
So I’m sure many of you heard about the cops and judge that used the Bill of Rights to wipe their smelly asses last week (and stressed out a 98 year-old woman to the point that she died). Turns out the judge is basically Britt Reid in a robe:
https://www.kansascity.com/news/politics-government/article278237263.html
Paywalled, can you summarize it? Use small words, because I am high as fuck.
Judge has her own history of 2 DUIs that were either ignored or missed by incompetence. The newspaper warrant was issued by her at the behest of a local businessman who the newspaper was investigating for a DUI.
Oh fuck, that’s disgusting. She needs to be recalled. I saw something about this, but I didn’t get the sordid details.
From what I read she didn’t have grounds to issue the warrant. No affidavit or cause. Her history of DUIs was just icing on the cake.
Here’s the full text for the morning
https://archive.md/ZRme6
Thanks.
It’s a shame we already did a draft for entrance music because I would have loved to pick this song on Gumby’s behalf:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4p3cEBd3k58
In Sicilian, Piritone means Big Fart
Thank you and goodnight
Sorry there’s no Wumbo thread tonight, but I was at Nonna Weaselo’s funeral, where for the first time in my life I was a pallbearer. I can confirm the following.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EroOICwfD3g
I’m sure you gave Nonna a good sendoff! She had a nice run, didn’t she? Both my maternal Grandmother and Gumby’s lived to be 96. That is the only thing they had in common, it was like City Mouse and Country Mouse. My Grandma was a flapper, his was a farmgirl. They were both awesome, I miss them!
The Wall Street Journal is the best newspaper in America.
Today, the lead article in its sports section is about chess. The second article is about Michael Oher suing his adoptive(?) parents.
Balls, I’m still back east taking care of family business (my ten day trip turned into two months) but that doesn’t mean I’m not thinking up more material for our writing projects. I am on the job, Balls.
So here’s my new idea for the screenplay we’re gonna write and produce. It’s based on “The Blind Side” except I’ve filtered it through the comments section of the WSJ. In our version, Colin Kaepernick gets adopted by millionaire white supremacists, and they get him to be a star quarterback in college at Alabama and then wins the NFL championship for the [*Redacted] s. Except, our hook is that it all takes place in the Jim Crow early 1960s. That way we can change all the names and claim it’s all fiction. I’m torn about the ending, whether Kaep becomes a Senator or gets killed in Nam. Both work. I’m talkin’ Oscars here, Balls. I have full control over VFX, though, but that’s only fair.
Gold, Brick, gold!!
Also, the bond yield has hit its highest since 2008. I have no idea what that means .
Nothing weird happened to the economy that year, so I’m sure it’s fine.
No, I meant that I don’t even know what a bond yield is. But I read it in the WSJ so I mention it and people think I’m smart. Makes it worth the four dollars a month.
Was the chess coverage World Cup coverage and that four of the last 8 players in it are Indian? (And a mention that Carlsen has never won it?)
I get my chess news from GothamChess. (Oh wait, round of 16 update.)
Stuff I’ve heard is that the news section is top-notch. The opinions section a little less so.
The opinions are wacky and the comments even more. But the news section is very straightforward, and they hate Trump and their sister News Corp division, Fox News.
My brother went in for cataract surgery today so I asked, “How goes it” and he said something that has disturbed me all day. He said and I quote “Have you ever had your eye cleaned?”
Your eyed cleaned? With what?
I don’t want to know
They did that right before my lasik surgery. Your eye is numb, but open. Then here comes the swab and cleans your eye lens while you watch.
The lasik portion is even better. You stare at a red dot and hear a bunch of crackling noise, then you smell your cornea being burnt. The dot turns off, then the doctor reaches in and flips your cornea over and everything goes blurry. Fun times!
You’re a sadomasochist. Now it makes sense.
My brother had LASIK before me. I was with him in the operating room and fainted from the smell. I still went through with it, for some dumb reason.
Fun part: It worked for a few years and then all of a sudden, my eyesight got worse and I’ve needed glasses ever since.
Mine worked. But now I’m close to needing readers. So annoying.
The best/worst part is the Clockwork Orange eye grippers that hold your eyes open.
I thought the best part was the Valium.
WHAT?!? I didn’t get shit except some cheap sunglasses for the drive home.
I wear glasses all the time, but I have to take them off to read small print. I will not get bifocals. When the time comes, I will buy readers, and just have a zillion pairs in the house, the car, and my purse.
Me too. Presbyopia, it’s a thing.
.
Wifey: “It’s my mother’s birthday-do you want to stop by and have a piece of cake?”
Me: [recalls the last birthday of hers I attended. She repeated over and over again that she was going to sell her house and move in with us. At one point I felt the need to say to her in front of all of her siblings and nieces and nephews that, “I’d rather see you sleeping in a tent on the side of the road than living in my house”.*
Also Me: “I’ll pass.”
*caught a wee bit of shit for that but MIL looks for any cracks in folk’s resolve. She’s a living DDOS attack.
It was my mom’s birthday today as well.
This was on my radio when I left the store earlier
For the store. Ugh.
That’s awesome!
Show of hands – who of you knew that booby trapping your office’s toilet (namely, putting some rock wool dust and capsicum powder on the toilet paper) is against HR and H&S regs?
Bunch of pantywaists! How’d they guess it was you, ah smell a DISCRIMINATION lawsuit!
You mean outside of the fact that this is my office’s personal toilet? Or the fact that I warned that there would be painful consequences if I find out someone’s used my washroom* again? Dunno? Though perhaps it was the laminated warning sign 😀
*most offices have those, but most have been abandoned by God and the facilities support staff, since it’d appear that IT folks have worse toilet habits (and aim) than construction workers 😀
I’d still stomp around and say SURE, blame the IMMIGRANT!!! just to make some fuckers nervous.
Nah, I did something better as I still have 2 weeks of mandatory (because H&S had a conniption when they saw how many hours I’ve logged the past year) leave – I warned that this is but the least painful surprise I’ve left in my office 😉
They’ve got professionals to deal with that.
The professionals:
https://steamuserimages-a.akamaihd.net/ugc/537393237382167485/A58CCCB005C62E8398725F5D165FCBC6FFFC18C5/?imw=5000&imh=5000&ima=fit&impolicy=Letterbox&imcolor=%23000000&letterbox=false
That’s a waste of good capsicum powder. Give it here!
It was a blow touch hawt day here today.
Goin with the Spanish ladies to take it.
Well played Balls. I’ve never hit the flag, twice in one round is wild.
Hanging with my USAF chicks tomorrow. Gotta dress nice.
Into the wild blue yonder indeed.
Fun fact: the roommate/girlfriend way back in Part 1 of TNIWTSB was a USAF veteran!
You’re going to a seance? Cool! Sounds fun!
Can you send your priest over to exorcise the daemons in my HVAC system? I think the Eye-Tie touch will impress an american evil spirit. At least the voices in my head think so.
Or you can fix it yourself. You just need some basic tools, a can do attitude and a professional on standby when things go tits up 😀
One of my garage springs broke last night. Who (still) has two thumbs and isn’t even going to *dream* about trying to do this myself? THIS GUY!
My garage won’t shut either, I spent like 45 seconds trying to figure out why, then gave up.
I am barely allowed to use a screwdriver.
Some people were put on this Earth to figure out what the problem is and fix it quickly and efficiently.
I was put here to make sure those people could make a good living.
Amen. The only way to fix broken things at my house is to write a check.
I’ll take a stab at lots of home repairs, but replacing a busted garage door spring is a job for a professional.
An *expensive* professional, as it turned out.
You know what’s expensive? Broken thumb surgery. Not to mention the pain and suffering of a 8 week recovery after where your thumb is immobilized.
Only six more weeks with this splint and pin!
For WCS only
Owwie. Are you right handed?
Sigh, of course.
“No hero shots and no stupid decisions.”
This was at a time when John Holmes had a crippling sandwich fetish.
Sometimes, editors get the headline just exactly perfect…
https://wgntv.com/news/wgn-investigates/naked-neighbor-exposes-cracks-in-indecency-laws/
Hopefully, the facts in this case get laid bare and the authorities get to the bottom of it.
I hope the prosecution doesn’t waste time and effort cracking this case wide open, because for all we know they have to thrust deep and hard to get to the bottom of this situation!
If it weren’t for stupid decisions, I’d never make one!
Let’s see if the picture poster thing works for me today. This is only a test.
Yep. I don’t need to make decisions, the cats do all the thinking for me.
Just don’t let the dogs make your decisions, am I right, Son of Spam?
SAM! Son of Sam. Sorry about that.
Given SonOfSpam’s powers of discernment, having a dog make decisions for him would actually probably significantly improve his outcomes.
The dog certainly wouldn’t root for the Angels.
HEY
Oh how wrong you are…
Didn’t that dog chase a car and lose a leg?
Gumby feels a great disturbance in the farce
“The Night I Won the Super Bowl” OR “The Most Boastful Story Ever Told at DFO” (part 14):
A few days had passed. It was late at night, and I was in my room, laying on my back on my bed, staring at the ceiling, when the phone rang. I heard her voice, along with a considerable amount of background noise.
“Hey,” she said.
“Oh, hey.”
“I thought you’d call.”
“I had planned to. Tonight, actually. But, uh, my mom called earlier.”
“…”
“My step…well, he’s not my stepfather, but he was going to be…they were going to get married this summer, he, uh, he had a heart attack and died.”
“Today?”
“Yeah, just a few hours ago.”
“Oh my God.”
“So that’s why I didn’t call. I’ve just been…kind of dealing with that. I hadn’t actually met him yet. So I’m not sad, really, I’m just…I don’t know, feeling bad for my mom. It’s all so strange.”
“Would it help to come out? We’re at the Silver Fox.”
“I’m not really in any state for that.”
“Not safe to drive?”
“Huh?” After a second I realized the implication. “No, I haven’t been drinking. Just…kind of processing things. I’ll be all right. I’ll be fine.”
–
An hour later, she called again.
“Hey.”
“Hey.”
“You’re still up?”
“Yeah.”
“So, we’re calling it a night. I was wondering, um…do you want me to come over?”
“Do you remember how to get here?”
“Yeah.”
“I’ll wait for you out front.”
She turned up within fifteen minutes. Perhaps a half-hour later, I had claimed my place in the history books: Rikki-Tikki-Deadly, Super Bowl Champion, 2002.
EPILOGUE:
“Do you want me to stay?”
“Of course!”
“I have to warn you, I snore.”
“That’s fine.”
“A lot.”
“Really, it’s fine,” I smiled.
She wasn’t kidding. Within minutes, she had fallen asleep in my arms and commenced snoring. Loudly. She kept it up for hours. By about four in the morning, I felt like I was going to lose my mind.
So I did the thing that all the greatest champions do: I woke her up and added another chapter to my legacy.
No hero shots or stupid decisions.
And here RTD is, making both the hero shot and letting a self-confessed snore-monster sleep over.
“Really, it’s fine,” I smiled.”
“I am also understanding the importance of the lie in the game”
Anyone else sensing a common theme?
Honestly, I wasn’t lying when I said it. I had no idea how bad it would be.
That said, even if I’d known I’d have happily paid that price. I’ve never understood the whole desire to have your hookup leave after sex. Aren’t you going to want to have sex with them again later?
“HEY ERRYBODY! CHECK OUT MR MULTIPLE TIMES!”
Braggart
Looks like WordPress ate up about half your post. It’s the part right after, “She turned up within fifteen minutes”.
Seems like a wordy way to ask if she’s into anal.
What can I say, blackouts are occasionally a part of the Super Bowl.
No hero shots and no stupid decisions.
Well, now you’re just taking all the fun out of life.
Next he’ll tell us that he doesn’t like driving the golf carts around or somethin’
I thought the point was to lie about the game – namely that you and some mates have gone playing golf, when you’ve all actually fucked off to
talk shop and swap info on potential undervalued staff that can be poachedgo day drankin’ in the club house.