TGIF! And it’s Labor Day weekend! Also, JV NFL is back! There’s currently a war going on to claim the title of Miami. Good luck, Ohio!
Survival – Personal Edition
Well, hurricane season has washed ashore. This can be a dangerous time for those in a hurricane’s path. It’s also dangerous if you’re still sailing at sea. Let’s go over the way to sail yourself safely through such a situation.
- Slow the fuck down. You aren’t going to outrace the hurricane anyways.
- Double check your location relative to the storm. Check the wind direction, your speed, and the estimated time to your destination. If needed, adjust your course to the nearest shoreline.
- Radio into the Coast Guard and nearby boats with your location and float plan.
- Make sure yourself and all your passengers are wearing their life jackets.
- Assign duties to your passengers. Storm waters are quite hectic. Make sure to have them look out for debris, other boats, and any danger area. Have one dedicated to turning on all the bilge pumps aboard.
- Batten down the hatches! And the ports. And the windows.
- Move all loose items below deck. Anything that can’t be moved should be securely tied down.
- Change to storm sails immediately. You can also lower your sails so the wind doesn’t destroy them.
- Have the life boat prepared with emergency food, water, and first aid kit.
- Turn off all electrical equipment and circuit breakers. Disconnect all antennas as well. Advise all passengers to avoid metal objects.
- Direct the bow of the ship into the wind. Also approach all waves at a 45º angle.
- Keep all passengers near the center of the boat and below deck. Rig jack lines, life lines, and safety harnesses for anyone on the deck.
And that’s all there is to it. Get on shore and head to safety as quickly as possible.
Click here to get to commenting
Survival – Species Edition
Time to put the sexy in Friday!
Enjoy the weekend, folks! Alright, now let’s get to the comments!
Gumby’s emergency birthday cake. It was good! We watched The Russians Are Coming, The Russians Are Coming! KCET for the win
Happy Birthday Gumby!
Go Go Gumby!
That movie is totally about a submarine! And they get stuck! Ha ha they’re so fucking stupid! Ha ha ha ha . . . wait a sec, that happened to my boat. This shit’s not funny.
DR. MRS. DEADLY: What’s our plan for tomorrow?
RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY: Being hungover.
Honesty is essential.
Vacuuming while being hung over
That’s Dr. Mrs. Deadly.
Not funny you two.
It was kind of funny.
This is your brain on meth.
Any questions?
Ecstacy, actually.
One vote for meth.
No, I’ve seen the scene, he’s a rave guy.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sfSndZPynQk
Correct
Happy Friday people.
That was a long ass week.
There’s a Tommy Tune AND a Tommy Tutone?
Also a Tommy Four Seven, so like eleven or twenty eight. Either way, he sucks.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GheRQu38N-c
Ok my new rankings are:
sorry not sorry
I have no idea, I don’t wear hats.
A Stetson?
A Stitson
What’s a hat?
On second thought, this ginger ale and bourbon isn’t so bad…
To be continued.
Next year, on Sunday Gravy!
Looks like Joker is back on his bullshit by going down 2 sets.
I too must announce to the room that I am, in fact, in a state that could be best described as “drunk”.
I had leftover ginger ale from my rum drinks (the Coton de Tulear, a recipe which I perhaps have shared but perhaps not) and mixed it with some bourbon thinking it would approximate a ginger-and-jack. It doesn’t, really. But I’ll soldier on through it.
We don’t use the term Hero lightly around here…
Actually, we throw that term around like we were an NFL player and “hero” was our wife who just burned the toas…
THIS POST HAS BEEN CONDEMNED BY THE GINGER HAMMER!!! LET ALL EYES WHO HAVE SEEN IT BE PRIED FROM THEIR SKULLS!!!
Heavy is the head that wears the crown, etc.
Who told you that?
Turns out, I know people. I’m just as shocked as you.
It’s grand day here at DFO!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NfGrTesu3Qc&ab_channel=JAYKOOL
Lady number 3 sails with me Bucko. Great work Mr Ayo, your sound nautical emergency advice has me heading to the shower to sing pirate songs.
The pelvis at #2 is gonna make a great undrafted free agent.
It is with no sense of regret whatsoever that I inform you that I am drunk.
I may be intoxicated
Apparently there’s a lot of that going around.
I’ve been drinking rum drinks all night. I want to keep drinking, but don’t feel like mixing any more drinks. What do I do now?
Freezer Vodka
Straight rum has never led to any adverse results for anyone that I am aware of.
/the last time I drank straight rum I was so hungover the next morning that I was throwing up in a parking lot in Portland ME, while my friend walked rapidly away so that no one would think he knew me.
I had a couple double rums and coke. I’m done.
The Ragged They Come And The Ragged They Kill!
You Pray So Hard On Bloody Knees
The Ragged They Come And The Ragged They Kill!
Down In The Cool Air I Can See
I think one of my favorite TPB quotes is Bubbles’ “I’m not giving anyone a fucking R.” Regarding why he doesn’t like Helix concerts relative to Rush.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q4tHuPvJKHw&ab_channel=CideEffex
The locals are giving me gifts and recommendations for where to go tomorrow:
Ah, Vernor’s. Try, or maybe don’t, a Squirt, too.
Oh, and go to Meijer at least once. It’s the Meatchicken Wal-Mart, and it’s incredible.
Vernors is the good stuff. Be sure to savor the bouquet while it’s fizzing.
We had to cancel our reservations for dinner in Palm Springs, we got hit with monsoonal weather that these dipshit weather “forecasters” did not, you know fucking forecast. It poured all afternoon, roads that are just barely open from the hurricane are flooding again. But, good news! I had a box of cake mix and frosting for just such an emergency. Birfday is saved!
Did you sprinkle the cake mix dust into the frosting, or just spoonfuls of each?
There was baking involved. I’m baked.
That’s a given, and the second part is also a given.
I’m more concerned about the raw cake ingredients than your other activities earlier.
That’s why his heart is all bad!
This evening I went downtown and took a wrong turn into a tunnel and exited in Canada. There were surly border guards with lots of tattoos on both sides and I was full-bore Hollywood indifferent to both of them.
“How long will you be in Canada?”
“Long enough to figure out how to get the hell back out”
“How long were you in Canada?”
“About 15 minutes.”
“What did you do there?”
“I went to Tim Hortons”
“Do you have anything ho declare?”
“I bought a cup of coffee. It’s right there in the cup holder.”
Our own Kenneth Chesebro.
I’m going to need to crack open some whiskey tonight. While I was away, awful boss poached my Peer tutors for the Library department, meaning I have to recruit, hire and train some; all this a week before they’re supposed to begin.
So how are you all doing today?
Good!
I pushed a bunch of hot librarians earlier…..
Who’s approving stuff around here? Get on the stick.
Already done, fucker!
No. He wants you to get on his stick. The curvature is where the “hook” in the name cums from.
Sadly, the comment still works.
May Christ our savior’s love be upon you dude
I’m drinking a $2 Bud at the Legion Hall in Dearborn. There is a polka band playing that has seven accordion players. They’re not bad. I might be hallucinating this.
Polka fucking rocks!
They were actually really good.
Judging by the picture, this was not an hallucination. Looks fun actually.
I spent all day at the Henry Ford Museum, including a tour of The Rouge. The afternoon was devoted to exploring the 90 acres of Greenfield Village in a personal golf cart I rented. I figured I’d be there a while so I took two days worth of Tramadols in one shot and just drove around all over. I don’t remember much but I took a lot of pictures.
How well did your 5 Wood work?
I don’t know from 5 Wood, but in addition to old-timey buildings they also have old-timey cars. They also have horse drawn carriages to show what a hellscape the world was before the automobile.
Other Hippo applauds your decisions.
Other Hippo is crying tears of pride and joy.
So Alice cooper has a very attractive guitarist…
She’s definitely Poison.
Dude, he played poison and it was awesome!
Feed my Frankenstein?
Yep, all the greatest hits
TRUE STORY – I hate myself enough to have set an alarm for Everton/Knifey. 7:30 on a fucking Saturday.
I was tempted. But that would be 4:30 Mayo Time. I’ll just make the #DoucheStrong jokes later in the day.
a prince amongst Bastard Men
That’s just a good excuse to go to bed early
TROOF
Currently reading The Snakehead by Patrick Radden Keefe. Nonfiction about the people smuggling into NYC’s Chinatown in the 80s and early 90s culminating in the beaching of the Golden Venture in Queens. That boat would absolutely not have survived a hurricane
Why can’t they make a whimsical musical about human trafficking? Be less of a bummer smh
My take on the book? Sister Ping had a good run.
Absolutely, she should have retired after the first arrest though
Why she even got into that human trafficking business flummoxes me. Her brother Pong cornered the very early video market and made a gotdamn fortune! She should have asked for a small loan of a million bucks and invested in real estate.
I heard they went back and forth on it
4 months and around Cape Horn. Very impressive actually.
Good seamanship doesn’t make it less of a rusty tub though
They only needed to make it once
Damn when did mothafuckin brocolli become like the most expensive food in the world?
Swing by my warehouse, I give you fine price. Only $2.00! (that’s two Canadian loonies!) a bunch this week until Wednesday and then price adjusts again. You’d be a fool to not drive across the border to take advantage!
How much stalk is in that bunch? I’ve been burned too many times in the past.
I’ve been burned too many times in the past
Your Emo past has no effect on today’s pricing! Echo and the Bunnymen weren’t that profound and your parents do love you.
I almost lost my hearing after an Echo and the Bunnymen concert at The Roxy.
True story.
I get this sense of Deja Vue every time I look at the TV and a qb named Plummer in Cardinals uniform is playing really badly.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ezvSMrBpdNM&ab_channel=explod2A03
Like most of the Yankees, Giancarlo Stanton has been disappointing this season.
That said, my God can he hit a baseball.
https://twitter.com/Yankees/status/1697776635171283323
So I’m literally at the credit 1 amphitheater in tinley park seeing Alice cooper and Rob zombie together
Horrifying thought of the night – what if Mel Tucker and Bob Huggins had a baby?
So, who wants to guess where I’m at?
Prison?
French Lick?
Ranting about trans-people?
https://thehill.com/homenews/lgbtq/4180088-alice-cooper-loses-cosmetics-deal-after-remarks-about-trans-people/
Context for Alice Cooper.
…that’s… disappointing
I read his comments. He’s actually supportive of trans people just at an older age. I didn’t see anything there worthy of getting cancelled.
Elizabeth Hurley’s house?
Hugh Grant is a fucking idiot.
Yep.
Bruh if I was there I wouldn’t need sexy Friday.
Fun fact: me, her, Kate upton all have the same birthday!
…which we have to share with Peter King and Dan fouts
Don’t play coy, you gots MUCH BETTER tits, bruh
Wow, an interview with Deion Sanders followed by a monologue from Urban Meyer?
What is this “get Horatio as mad as WCS Day”?
Let’s hear Colin Cowherd’s taek…
Now there’s a political ticket- Trump and Cowherd 2024. Incompetent criminal and criminally incompetent.
God I hope Deion Sanders falls flat on his dick at Colorado. Just abject and total failure.
A couple more toe amputations and that’ll be his daily routine.
Gentlemen, not many comment dfrom me tonight, here’s my contribution
She does look like a hellcat. Oh my!
I’m irrationally in love with Sydney Sweeney
Took today off and wound up doing more work than I do for work.
But now it’s done and it’s Miller* time!
*Treehouse
Some neighborhood busybody gave me grief when he saw me pulling a lime off his *neighbor’s* tree. Which was hanging over the sidewalk, anyways. But I was thinking that a decent ethical trade would be that I can take one piece of fruit in exchange for each piece of trash I pick up in the neighborhood. And then two pieces for each piece of dog poop that’s not from my own dog. Does that sound fair to you folks?
I’d get the actual neighbors permission first, regardless of other civic efforts. Then tell the other neighbor to go fuck himself with your bag of dog poop.
OR…maybe just set the busybody’s house on fire?
The house is nowhere close to mine, though, and has a fence. I’d have to…I don’t know, send them a letter? Something like this one, I suppose, except modified to fit the situation more appropriately.
Extremely. In fact, I would award yourself with three pieces of fruit for every piece of dog poop you pick up, whatever the source, and do not hurl at Mr. Busybody.
If I was going to go down that road, I would actually mess with the tree’s owner – write him a note that his neighbor gave me shit for taking some fruit, so now NOBODY gets any fruit…roll damn tide.
Fruit hanging outside property lines is a freebie. In all civilized countries, I mean.
So not here.
It’s good I don’t drink anymore. I’m too livid tonight.
Could you maybe swing by and breathe into my steering wheel lock? – Bob H., Morganhole, WV
Sorry, Roberto. You ruined our chances of an Elite Eight or better already.
Hopefully this makes you chuckle instead of getting angrier.
If anything, that makes it worse.
Appreciate the effort, though.
VENT! VENT! VENT! VENT!
I’d rather not.
Those Euro bastards in Brussels shoot down the return of a monarchical system of continent-wide government again?
I’d probably commit felonies for blonde with heart thong.
#4 for me.
I’m really not enjoying the amount of math these posts are creating. Although I am enjoying reviewing the list to find each reference.
Fine, I’ll take #9 if no one else is.
/#9 screams in horror and runs through a brick wall like Britt Reid through a car stopped on a highway with a small child trapped inside.
I’m taking #8 while I still have the chance. Stupid Sexy Friday Auction.
Monday’s draft is going to be “Girls Of Sexy Friday”
I see no ethical problems with this. Please do not refer me to HR.
I would like to point out that #8 is now gone thanks to some upstanding lawyer types.
She’s still frozen in my brain
I’m proud to select the lovely lady in pic #5.
You could outrace it with carboat, though! – Chad O., parts unknown
SEE!!! – Chad O., parts still unknown