Random Thoughts with BFC, Volume 21

Remember that old SNL sketch “Fecal Matter with your host Doug Fecal”? No? Yeah I figured it was just me. It was a solid (heh) talk show format with a specialized host and topic. Well, we ain’t exactly doing Pod Flies Open around here, but what about in written form, maybe say like a mix between Doug Fecal, Jack Handey, Balls’ 25 questions, Rev’s take on Larry King, and I don’t know, my own fucked up mind? With that backdrop I present to you the twenty first edition of a potentially sporadically recurring irregularly scheduled Random Thoughts with BFC! Now also (occasionally) in open thread form! If you want to make this interactive, drop a note/question/bon mot in the comments ala my old Mouth Flies Open  attempt at an advice column.

• How’s everyone doing this fine day ? Nonce of my business? Alright then, let’s get right into it and actually have some NFL thoughts.
• If you needed more delicious schadenfreude surrounding Q-A-Ron’s season ending owie, not only does it mean we don’t have to deal with him every Sunday AND that Jets fans are unhappy/unhappier, but it also screws the Packers out of a first round draft pick.
• Randall Cobb is blaming the field for Rodgers’s busted Achilles, saying the owners put profit over players (duh) in sticking with turf over grass. Look, I think natural grass is better, too, but let’s also not rule out that Rodgers is old, probably taking bullshit remedies fucking up his joints/tendons, and had it coming.
• Somebody go bury that monkey paw, because if the good news keeps stacking up, we’re gonna get Aaron Rodgers as the GOP nominee for something soon or even worse, in the booth with Collinsworth.
• In sky blue, rain wet news, an NFL owner has been accused of making racist marks about black players. Bills owner Terry Pegula categorically denies what’s being attributed to him, so someone probably has an elevator camera recording we’ll be able to see/hear shortly.
• In the category of I had to read about it so you do too, the NFL and Disney+ have decided to make Trevor Lawrence look even more cartoonist by, well, making him a cartoon. And all his little friends. Apparently you’ll be able to watch the Jags play the Falcons in a fully animated Toy Story style live broadcast, with Woody, Buzz, and Bo Peep as commentators. What, couldn’t bring in the hooker now that Michael Irvin is back on the air?
• And apparently we might get a Taylor Swift song about Travis Kelce at some point, as the always reliable Parade magazine reports that the two are “hanging out” because they can’t write “they have to be exploring each other sexually because what in God’s name would those two have to talk about with each other aside from SNL appearances.”
• I’m flying again today, for work this time, and I remembered an….interesting anecdote from one of my vacation flights last month.  I think this was on a delayed flight, maybe back from Melbourne to Sydney, and this disheveled woman, maybe late 40s to early 50s, cuts in front of me to board, whatever i don’t really care. But then we’re just standing on the jetway waiting and waiting and waiting, and she takes out a little bottle of rosé from her purse and just starts chugging it. Now, it’s not like a split, it’s a mini bottle but still….not a great sign. I don’t recall anything happening on the flight, but I assume she blacked out and pissed herself.
• I think this goes on the other side of the spectrum, but this morning at the airport I walked past a woman dressed as a pirate.
• Whoa this just in but boarding this flight they just scanned our faces in. No need for a boarding pass when you’re flying internationally and they’ve got all our faces in a database already. Can you imagine how hard it would be to live completely off the grid if you wanted to? You’d basically have to never go anywhere.
• I was watching my GWS Giants women team take on the Melbourne Demons, and the Ds have a player named “Kate Hore” and let me tell you, she knows how to score. Not just a joke, Melbourne (the defending women’s champs) thumped the Lady Giants 99 to 22 last week.
• The previous game against Sydney was tighter but also not a good result for the good gals. I did take a screenshot of one moment though to remind you all of how fucking tough these women are:

• She got bandaged up and ran right back out there. No writhing/complaining/nothing. It was super impressive.
• Lady BFC and I were at a very nice cocktail bar recently, and a lady three tables over was blinding us with her iPhone flashlight trying to read the menu. I empathize with the plight of aging, but point that fucker straight down, ask for a candle, or it’s a grade A place, just tell them what kind of booze you like and have them guide you. In my fictitious cocktail bar I’ll never open, this kind of shit would get you sent to the corner with a dunce cap and a tiny ‘tini as punishment.
• Let’s wrap it up with a TayTay themed fill in the blank: “The NFL player I’d most like Taylor Swift to write a breakup song about is ______________ because _____________________.”