Well, I’d rather have it be noisy. The schedulers disagree. though.
Ballsy: Oh, the Colorado Derby will be quite noisy! The Colorado State coach started talking shit about Deion and then he clapped back and, well, I expect there to be a lot of extracurricular activities in this game. Hi! I’m back despite my anal sex joke from last week!
Tennessee (-6) at Florida (7:00, ESPN)
Orange abortion uniforms, everywhere. Florida Men have looked like warmed-over ass so far, but they’ll be up for a rivalry game in The Swamp.
Ballsy: I did not know that drinking mustard was a Tennessee thing. Apparently it is. T for Titties?
Original Recipe Big Love (+8) at Arkansas (7:30, ESPN2)
Here’s the second Moneyline itch of the day – Pig Sooey haven’t impressed, and not sure they will pass this first real test of the season.
Ballsy: My best friend’s wife went to Arkansas and suffers with them every football season. I would make fun of her, but she’s suffered enough.
Pitt (+2.5) at West By God Virginia (7:30, ABC)
I mean, at least these two sides/fanbases hate one another. Viva Hate!
Ballsy: If I’m correct, this is the Gumbygirl/WCS Derby. I could be wrong, though. I do know that WCS really cares about this game, though.
TCU (-7.5) at Houston (8:00, Fox)
This wet noodle is the first daily mention of “Big” Fox. Yeesh, what a slate. Should be some scoring here, at least. See how angry Sonny Dykes is about sparking the “SKO BUFFS” phenomenon.
Ballsy: I like Texas ladies. That accent slays me…
Colorado State (+24) at Colorado (10:00, ESPN)
Hippo is very, very tired of these Pro ‘Rasslin-style “feuds” each week’s coach stages (and yes, I do believe it is 100% staged/scripted) with Coach Prime. They’ll sleepwalk through this one, but if you’re awake…I guess it’s better than staring at the wall.
Ballsy: If you can do a parlay on the OVER and there being a bench-clearing brawl in this game, RUN DON’T WALK to the bookie and bet the kids’ college funds on it.
Are you telling me that a Sanders is upset by too much physical contact in a game of tackle football!?!?
“This will turn into a football game.”
This is very clearly a football game. There’s 11 guys on a side, tackling, and even a football.
Hippo’s moneyline (each would pay well over 2-to-1) recs went 1-for-2. But did y’all listen or even READ my jibberish??
I live for your gibberish. Never change, large aquatic, jungle animal.
Of course! It’s double obscure when you don’t know JV from XFL.
Is this CSU’s Fiesta Bowl?
Flags for everyone in the state of Colorado!
About time for some red flags, IMO
Arizona State QB is down! I can smell that Fresno State win.
to be FARE, Fresno always kinda smells like that
Like raisins?
The upside of WCS’ sobriety – he’ll remember this Backyard Beatdown!
/also mental and physical health yada yada
Colorado State just straight up head-hunting, I guess.
If you can’t beat them, beat them.
Force the Primes to make some ‘business decisions’.
I had to run to the pet store because the dog was out of food tonight. I was standing in line behind a mother with two kids and I’m here to tell you that more people need to straight up beat the hell out of their kids. Yell about him going to his room when you get home all you want Mom, but everyone in this store, including that brat, knows you’re going to forget by then. I am by no means advocating child abuse here, but little Aidan there straight up needs to hit a wall while airborne, and it needs to happen now.
/or just feed HIM to the dog, save some time and moneys
The mom must have told him to stop doing the same thing 6 times while we were in line, and he would just laugh and keep doing that.
My kids got one warning and then a 3 count. And that was from Mrs. Horatio.
Colorado – Colorado St. might be on pace to set the record for excessive celebration penalties
JV Rams vs JV Bills is living up to the billing.
I would like to acknowledge that, just as it has been every year since the Big Bang, and will be every year until the heat death of the Universe, UConn football appears to be irrelevant.
but hoopsball flags fly forever!
Yeah, but we really need to abandon the Big East and go to the Big XII or whatever so we can save this farce of a football program at the expense of our combined 16-time national champion basketball programs.
It makes total sense if you don’t think about it at all.
Looks like we got a game here in Colorado.
This isn’t going to last, but by god and by damn I am going to enjoy it while it does.
RAMMIT?
The JV likes to RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT??
Yeah!
Congrats to your kin
Folks
Jr Prime Time representing.
Fresno State on the board with a tuddy. Back to the Colorado game!
Are any Canaddiennes coming to dfo con? I’d like to arrange for boxes of Oh Henry bars please.
Pretty sure Litre is in
In my head, I always pronounce it lee-TRAY like French Canadian.
That is the pronunciation.
Pitt is a great proving ground for former 5-star QB recruits to prove to the NFL that they are really, truly busts.
This headline pisses me off so much. It’s like referring to Jim Kelly or Fran Tarkenton as “Super Bowl Stars”.
https://www.sltrib.com/news/politics/2023/09/16/conservative-star-kari-lake/
It’s a Missourah rag. Like what Missourians use in the outhouse.
Salt Lake City moved to Missouri? Big, if true!
My bad, just looked at URL and saw StL Trib and I am truly Lea Michele.
the paper of #BFIB record is the St. Louis Post-Dispatch smgdh (two many libtards tho)
I associate Tribbing with St Louis
\
(only half a beer in, better step it up)
C-Tates encourages you to step it up…2 THA STREETZ, DAWG!
Word
I prefer the term “frottage”. Much fancier.
I think it’s a Salt Lake City rag, actually. You know, the kind they poke a hole in and have sex through when they are overcome by sinful urges and can’t find their full-size sheet.
Shit, buddy is here. I just had longganisa and it was the best sausage I have had in a long while.
If not for Peyton Manning, would Tennessee be the laughingest laughinstock of a football program in the whole SEC? ppl are asking
Without Peyton I wouldn’t think of tea bagging every time Tennessee is said.
Well it’s certainly not the spellingest spellingstock, that’s for sure.
“I understood that!”
-Lea Michele
Tee Martin > Pey Pey @ Tennessee
These people on the MADD walk all look drunk.
Citizens’ arrest those Karens!
It’s Mothers Against Drunk Driving. They’re not against drinking.
How are they getting home?
it’s not DUI if you can cry when you get pulled over ppl forget that
Vanna White is indeed white, former Mountaineer Pat White is not and Buddy wishes he was thyroid deep in some China white
Wonder how these kids in the Ferris State vs University of Montana game feel about getting CTE for the Honor of the Big Sky Conference.
When did we admit Ferris to the Union? I must have missed that vote.
I’ll have you know the Big Sky Conference is essential. The Griz and the Bobcats are our last line of defense from the dual Dakotas.
Fuck yeah!
I dunno, a [checks age*] Dakota Fanning/Dakota Johnson sandwich would be so righteous.
*Jesus, she’s already 29, where the hell did all the years go?
Feel like we’re overdue for a DFO Producers one.
I really want to do one with Michael Oher’s stepmom but I haven’t figured out an angle I’m happy with yet.
That legacy wheel money finally put to usw
However I did try touch typing on my phone on the subway and someone asked if I was disturbed and switched cars
I then followed and asked if she could give me fingering tips and then bear spray came out
Little did she know that bear spray is one of your many kinks!
Look you really have to make sure it’s asleep deeply before you can get a worthwhile load
I think this is pretty neat.
https://x.com/IowaOnBTN/status/1703169644951949786?s=20
It’ll be better when we replace it with halftime events that pander to 16 year year old football recruits who’ll be balls-deep in university-supplied ass by halftime of his official visit anyways.
Or just make it an Ode to Progressive.
What a coincidence that the half time score of the Backyard Fight is the average IQ of each team’s fans.
WVU looks to have a pretty well-funded college football program despite being in the process of eliminating all college assets.
Who needs math and foreign languages?
GODAMFORNRSTHATSHOO!
Rid of all the effeminate majors like the Ass Waxing and Proctology dual track
Certainly don’t want them to learn science or history. What’s that leave, oh yeah, communications for everybody! We’ll even tell you what to say.
I will say my pinky is damn good at finding the backspace key
It’s great you finally learned to use both hands. Makes it a lot more fun for the rest of us.
If only because you can see me live blog my self loathing
I’m glad you’re back. We get by with a little help from our friends.
“Ha ha, my pinky is also damn good at finding the back…oh. Yeah, I guess I’m pretty decent with the backspace key, too.” – Balls
Not commenting a lot, but I’m following along with what yinz are typing.
TD COUSINFUCKERS!
no not those ones, the other ones
In with the Rudy Giuliani jokes
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Regina_Peruggi
This Backyard Fight is so terrible that it caught the attention of Buddy.
Honestly just using this to practice and see how many times I can type Rick Mirer before my brain starts to bleed
Loser of Pitt/WVU should have to quit pretending to have a football team
Or learn to read
WHOA, let’s not say sommet we can’t take back!
“Why are you afraid of leaning the bread?”
L. Michele
Touch Typing is fantastic had no idea it was done with two hands and without someone from the anything goes section on craigslist
Also learning to do this at 33 is hard. I bought a special keyboard for this and thank God it is wireless because the cord would tempt me
I learned to do it at 49 (ie, last fall), and still hate it intensely
Thank you for your reply that I assume took a lot of backspaces brother
pffffttt, I am 100% using the laptop (otherwise would have been 3 words and 4+ typos)
“I too have felt the temptation of an electrical appliance cord, but you really should stick with natural materials like a tree switch. They’re compostible!” – Adrian Peterson
WCS why do Mountaineer players named after video games do horrible things? I’m talking about serial pedophile Sonic Smith and noted buggerer Final Fantasy Anderson
I’m out, see you tomorrow.
Gumbygirl did you ever go to the Cathedral of Learning and if so what were your Thetan levels
I’m here from The Fuuuuuuuture! Yes, I have been to the CoL, they have these really spectacular international rooms in there. Gorgeous, not kidding.
Graham Mertz used to do his version of Dick Hertz at Wisconsin where he jerked off on crackers until failure
Coach Prime sounds like a USDA worker who worked at The Second Mile
I dont get it, but it’s phrased like a joke so I’m laughing
You best believe it was a Sandusky joke
Imagine Aaron Rodgers tearing his achilles tendon again, but this time it’s four plays into his first playoff game with the Jets.
https://www.nfl.com/news/jets-qb-aaron-rodgers-aims-for-potential-playoff-return-after-innovative-surgery
I mean, come on. Dr. The Attache?
He better reaggravate it on Tim McVeigh Day
Man you guys really hate Aaron Rodgers.
Bunch of homophobes.
I still remember when Pitt fucked up WVU national title hopes in NCAA Couch Burning in ’07. Sad days
That tshirt gives me a great idea for a cherry-based bowel health company: Eat Pits, Shit.
Backyard Brawl is my personal favorite game. I always take Ornery Secret Hentai Uncle and the points
/goofing around in the yard earlier today
Wifey: [asks me to do some heavy lifting tasks]
Me: “Sure thing!” [struggles badly, can barely breathe]
Wifey: [doesn’t say a thing, just let’s me wallow in all the times she’s asked me to follow up and make an appointment with the heart and lung specialist that was assigned to me a year ago]
“Oh sir, I’m afraid it’s ‘Grinch Syndrome.’ Yes, your heart is 3 sizes too big, you have 3 months to live.”
pffft, scotchy has a yuuuuuuggggge barrel of “spare parts” in his toolshed
Ha, I just saw an Eat Shit Pitt tshirt on one of the inbreeders.
Surprised it’s still legible after their afternoon in the coal mines.
-Devo
The pomegranate campaign didnt go so well
Florida has a DL who apparently weighs 400+ pounds, and he doesn’t even appear to be nicknamed “Bubba.”
Sheesh, UCLA up 59-0 over NCCU? I haven’t seen that big of a difference since a 76 year-old Virginia McCaskey banged a busboy at a Tony Roma’s.
SICKENING that half of all college punters are from Australia. I thought we fixed the H1-B Visa program! Make America Punt Again!
MASA!
Make America Special Again!
*googles MASA* Ok, that probably won’t work.
Retard Punter, next on ABC!
I’d suggest Retard President, but I’m pretty sure NBC already owns the rights to that concept.
“The suffering in Arkansas is why we spell it J-E-T-S and Governor Hog puts us out of our misery.”
-Ballsy’s Wife’s Friend
We shall see…
Pretty harsh callout from the region that is America’s Largest Consumer of Government Cheese.