Your Sunday Night AFC East Showdown Open Thread

Me, I’d love a little 0-2 action for the Pats and Miami is just the team to do it. Let’s look at a few particulars.

To The Game!

Fins/Pats:

-Watch out Miami, Jalen Reagor has been elevated from the practice squad for this one.

-Can the Fins be run on? Well, they gave up 5.8 ypc to the frickin’ Chargers last week so I’d say, ‘yeah’. Methinks Bill will stuff the ball down their throats until the single older mothers come home. This even though Mac Jones attempted 54 passes last week and acquitted himself quite well. Nope, rb Stevenson is where the action should be at so maybe jump on that 75 yards rushing prop.

-Tua has never lost to the Pats. Perhaps it’s because the latter play zone D against the Fins almost 80% of the time. How does Tua react to zones? He averages 9 yards per attempt and had the third-most TDs (11) vs that coverage. Bill sees something no one else does.

-Helping Tua along is Tyreek and his 9 targets and 92 yard average against this division opponent. Oh right, remember he mouthed off about a 2,000 yard season this year? He did get 215 last week so that means he needs 111 yards per game the rest of the way. If he’s been on your fantasy team you know he’s going to have some clunkers along the way.

-Hey, what’s with blocking tight end Durham Smythe (of the Cape Cod Smythe’s of course) getting 7 targets last week? They had a perfectly cromulent pass-catching tight end on the roster by the name of Gesicki and let him flounder on the bench. Maybe it’s revenge game time? He had three targets last week and caught them all.

-It would seem that Old Bill focuses on taking Waddle out of the game given that the talented wideout has never had more than 5 catches and 69 receiving yards vs the Pats.

Let’s Watch.

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Unless Tua puts up another 40-50 points I have no shot at fantasy this week, so I’m gonna skip out on the rest of this tilt and catch some zzzzzz

ThePirateSloth

His LEFT groin? How many groins does this guy have?!?!

Redshirt

Based on the description, at least two.

Mr. Ayo

I’m guessing four. Left, Right, Middle, and Center.

WCS

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

LemonJello

Who does Eli Apple have compromising photos on that allows him to stay in the league?

fleshwound_NPG

it was bound to happen but now gop politicians are literally burning books nazi style

of course, he’s a stl cardinals fan

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Best Fascists In Baseball!

blaxabbath

It’s funny because his teenage son actually does have a valid reason to fucking hate his father.

Cecil Rhodes

My word, I haven’t seen a fellow named Ahmed run rampant on a bunch of Patriots since the Arab Revolt in 1916! It’s a pity that he’s just as uncivilized as his enemy!

LemonJello

P*triots going into the half losing?

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fleshwound_NPG

i feel like terry mcauley doenst need a camera on him

fleshwound_NPG

lol at the end racism on the patriots endzones

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It’s meant to divide the field – where there is no racism – from the stands, where there is, uh, a lot.

jjfozz

Another high school memory.

Someone drew a picture of a woman with her legs spread akimbo, it was amazing accurate.

Then someone else got a packet of mayonnaise and applied it liberally all over the drawing.

Every single person in the cafeteria at that time got detention.

It was fucking awesome.

SonOfSpam

Spoiler alert: Fozz’s NEXT high school story will end with the football team blowing each other after the game, and it was awesome.

jjfozz

It was the swim team. Jesus those guys were fucking lunatics

SonOfSpam

Shaving each others’ backs is foreplay

Gatoraids

FTR

ballsofsteelandfury

In our high school it was the water polo team

jjfozz

In high school – all male, catholic – we used the acronym DSB

It stands for Deadly Sperm Buildup

I shared this memory with Mrs. Fozz yesterday and she said, “Now I know why you’re an animal, and why our sons are so fucking out of control.”

SonOfSpam

I always heard MSB where the M was for Massive

Po-tay-to, po-tah-to

Gumbygirl

That one’s popular amongst the seafaring folk too.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Something something blax’s sock.

LemonJello

Cris doing his “Glitch McConnel” routine and I can only hope it becomes permanent.

Gatoraids

Both owing their careers to Boomer

Gumbygirl

I want his head to explode on national television.

jjfozz

I’m going to write a children’s book. Publish it through Amazon. It’s gonna fucking be epic.

WCS

Life Is Shit, You Get Cancer, Death Is Inevitable

a picture book by Fozz

LemonJello

Fozz’s Great Big Book of Swear Words?

WCS

Fozz’s Fucking Shitastic Big Motherfucking Goddamned Book of Fucking Shitty Swear Bitching Words

LemonJello

This is a better title.

jjfozz

“Give Up Right Now. Life is a Bowl of Shit.”

Gumbygirl

Bourbling for Beginners.

jjfozz

I’m serious. Really gonna do it. It’s going to be as politically incorrect as possible and entertaining as shit.

Brick Meathook

Lesbian Horse Stories
by jjfozz

Senor Weaselo

Everyone is Different. No two people are not on fire.

Wait, no, that’s Strong Bad.

Mr. Ayo

The Taste Of My Back Hand.
Why you need to shut your fucking yapper

SonOfSpam

Oh, The Places Priests Will Touch You

The Maestro

Belichick’s gone soft in his old age. Miami’s not afraid to let their weapons do the talking. He needs to get over it and start dressing an AR-15 if he’s gonna win this division anytime soon.

The Maestro

I also want to be on the record as totally supportive of the idea to selectively landmine Gillette Stadium field.

Gatoraids

he’ll reenact the Buford T Justice theres no way you came from my loins quote with steve and brian before end of season

jjfozz

found something good on the intranets

https://qb1.pro/#Young-vs-Stroud

Horatio Cornblower

Bullshit. There’s nothing good on the internet.

ballsofsteelandfury

Porn and DFO would like a word

jjfozz

My mother: “I’m tired of following your father to the bathroom 10 times a day, and he only pees a few times.”

Me: “That’s why people hire nurses.”

My mother: “I’ll talk to you later, I’m tired of your negativity.”

Horatio Cornblower

“You realize Dad’s just trying to get away from you for a few moments of blessed peace and quiet, right?”

Then run.

jjfozz

Our conversations lately have lasted, at max, two minutes.

Horatio Cornblower

I suspect that this game might now be as interesting as last night’s Battle of Colorado. Could be an early one. Better start drinking now.

litre_cola

Pats can’t keep up with the Fins team speed.

jjfozz

Grumble, grumble, grumble, let’s get this game over with, meeting that Zach Wilson kid and going out to bag some MILFs.

jjfozz

I like the Lowe’s commercial with the football players, I would like it even more if that drill slipped and dug a two inch hole right into Kelce’s fucking head.

Horatio Cornblower

Cris seems amazed that an NFL QB knows how to lead his receivers.

ballsofsteelandfury

To be fair, he played for the Bengals his entire career.

WCS

Cris is amazed that the big, hot, yellow thing appears to move across the sky every day.

The Maestro

NAWT FAYAH NAWT FAYAH THIS SHIT IS FACKIN’ RIGGED FACK YOU

WCS

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

– Aaron Rodgers’ surgeon, after every conversation with the quarterback

WCS

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Mr. Ayo

Enjoy that doghouse, Douglas. We’ll see you next week. Maybe.

ThePirateSloth

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Brick Meathook

How I spent this morning in Newhall, California:

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jjfozz

First day of school? (See you in hell)

LemonJello

That’s a hell of a garage sale!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The Jets only lost by a score of 30-10? Well that’s not so bad.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

For the Jets, I mean.

Horatio Cornblower

It could have been worse. McCarthy took every red zone opportunity to play for a FG that he could.

Senor Weaselo

If you say climax three times what happens?

fleshwound_NPG

beetle juices

Horatio Cornblower

Usually I wind up paying someone $50

WCS

That “someone” is Lowratio, and he’s aware your cash isn’t worth a piss in his chamber pot.

LemonJello

Does Zeke prefer New England paint chip chowdah over Texas BBQ paint chips?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

DIVISION LEADERS FOR THE SECOND CONSECUTIVE WEEK! WOOOOOO!!!!!

Screenshot_20230917_174354_Chrome.jpg
Horatio Cornblower

I do enjoy the Pats throwback unis.

Gatoraids

I do too comfortable memories as a child of watching Marino paste Steve Grogan as new england deserves

Horatio Cornblower

I adore my dog but I am not spending more time making him his dinner than Mrs. Horatio spends making ours. Piss off, Farmer’s Choice.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Is canned chili really anything other than “dog food for people”?

Gatoraids

pedigree > hormel

jjfozz

Total millenial audience. Hey dog, you’re a dog, you do nothing around here but bark, destroy stuff, and shit. Here’s a bowl of dry dog food. Be happy I’m feeding you. Fuck off.

LemonJello

“…”

-Lowratio, nodding while struggling against his ball gag

LemonJello

Cris is gonna have a sore throat from sucking off the P*triots for four quarters.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It’s really awful.

fleshwound_NPG

now belichick using land mines

Gatoraids

Belichick studying film of the Phantasm series to find new ways to give Tua a concussion

Gatoraids

that New Jersey game today musta inspired that F-35 to commit seppuku in shame for sharing a name with them

Mr. Ayo

Have they found it yet?

WCS

Where was LemonJello during this incident?

Mr. Ayo

He was here with us the whole time, obviously

litre_cola

Pats fans from Southie are NOT going to like that Ahmed fellow.

jjfozz

Do New England fans have an entirely different set of racial slurs for players who aren’t black?

LemonJello

“THEY-AH ALL QUEE-AHS!”

-Tawwmmy

Gatoraids

sure they are the fawkin Inuit of rascism

Horatio Cornblower

This was called defensive PI today.

https://twitter.com/davebiddle/status/1703475214938509584

If you gamble on the NFL you either know something or you’re insane.

LemonJello

He’s just sticking to the script he was given to ensure The Narrative moves forward.

fleshwound_NPG

IS TAWMMY DOIN THE FACKIN NARRATISHN?!

ballsofsteelandfury

Speaking of the MilfHunter, I think I’ve figured out the Lauren Boobert attraction factor.

She’s the chick you’d pick out of the lineup at a Nevada brothel because she seems like she’s down for whatever and would be good times.

fleshwound_NPG

because…thats kinda where the gop found her?

gop-exploretalent-lauren.png
ballsofsteelandfury

Pretty much

LemonJello

She seems like the girl in high school that is down to do you and your buddy after the football game.

Horatio Cornblower

Every high school class has that one girl who all the sex stories revolve around, and Boebert was definitely that girl in her class.

Gatoraids

definitely a portable out there that has the word “Boejobs” scrawled on it

LemonJello

Do we really need a TB12 fluff piece tonight? I say thee, NAY!

The Maestro

WE AHH GOING TAH SQUISH THAH FACKIN’ FISH TAHNIGHT OAH I AM GONNA FACKIN’ SELF-IMMOLATE IN FRONTA THAH PACKY ON ROUTE FIVE AGAIN

Gatoraids

cranks up Downeaster Alexa and drives car into neighbors house

LemonJello

Is it wrong to wish for Rodney Harrison to be struck mute and incontinent live on air?

ballsofsteelandfury

I’d actually like to hear that incontinence

Last edited 1 year ago by ballsofsteelandfury
Horatio Cornblower

Parrots are colorful. Simms is so bland he actually absorbs color from the spectrum of light, rendering everything grey.

ArmedandHammered

Parrots are more coherent and every sound they make is for a specific reason and with deep thought behind it (at least in comparison to Chris)

ThePirateSloth

I get migraines too! I’m JUST like Lady Gaga!

Horatio Cornblower

Solid afternoon nap, almost as solid as the one Mike McCarthy took in the second half, taking any excuse to call running plays inside the 10 and then kicking a FG.

That’ll work against MILF-Hunter Z and the Jests, Mike, but not against many others.

King Hippo

Yes, I left the TV on. I had half an inkling we’d hit the Hail Mary and miss the two. WHY NOT, UNIVERSE??

litre_cola

The 2 pter looked a bit pass interfer-ey to me friendo.

King Hippo

would not have mattered

Horatio Cornblower

The league office would have you know that you are wrong, Litre, and have prepared a presentation as to why what you thought was PI was actually a solid defensive play.

Of course, they’re holding a different presentation behind their back, just in case the officials called it PI and they had to show you why it was blatant interference and totally against the rules.

WCS
ballsofsteelandfury

Can I just say again how delighted I am that videos embed on mobile now?

fleshwound_NPG

[russ wilson is good moving with the ball and/or throwing while on the run]

football coaches: “russ, stand still in the pocket. i dont care if its on the goal line and theres only 1-2 yards to go! stand there and throw a bad pass!”

clint greasewood
LemonJello

Well, do we pass the hat to get bail money for Redshirt?

WCS

He’ll be fine.

Redshirt

Nah, I spent the game helping my mom get a wheelchair ramp equipped car for Dad.

I only thought about head butting someone. Either ALS or Zac Taylor.

WCS

What about wheelchair car full of ALS-afflicted Zac Taylors?

Redshirt

Also, great job by security. Not creating a parameter. No hand on the suspect. No awareness for bystanders.

Horatio Cornblower

When keeping it real goes wrong.

Gumbygirl

Ay, oh, way to go Ohio.

ThePirateSloth

Round on the ends, high in the middle!