Me, I’d love a little 0-2 action for the Pats and Miami is just the team to do it. Let’s look at a few particulars.
To The Game!
Fins/Pats:
-Watch out Miami, Jalen Reagor has been elevated from the practice squad for this one.
-Can the Fins be run on? Well, they gave up 5.8 ypc to the frickin’ Chargers last week so I’d say, ‘yeah’. Methinks Bill will stuff the ball down their throats until the single older mothers come home. This even though Mac Jones attempted 54 passes last week and acquitted himself quite well. Nope, rb Stevenson is where the action should be at so maybe jump on that 75 yards rushing prop.
-Tua has never lost to the Pats. Perhaps it’s because the latter play zone D against the Fins almost 80% of the time. How does Tua react to zones? He averages 9 yards per attempt and had the third-most TDs (11) vs that coverage. Bill sees something no one else does.
-Helping Tua along is Tyreek and his 9 targets and 92 yard average against this division opponent. Oh right, remember he mouthed off about a 2,000 yard season this year? He did get 215 last week so that means he needs 111 yards per game the rest of the way. If he’s been on your fantasy team you know he’s going to have some clunkers along the way.
-Hey, what’s with blocking tight end Durham Smythe (of the Cape Cod Smythe’s of course) getting 7 targets last week? They had a perfectly cromulent pass-catching tight end on the roster by the name of Gesicki and let him flounder on the bench. Maybe it’s revenge game time? He had three targets last week and caught them all.
-It would seem that Old Bill focuses on taking Waddle out of the game given that the talented wideout has never had more than 5 catches and 69 receiving yards vs the Pats.
Let’s Watch.
Unless Tua puts up another 40-50 points I have no shot at fantasy this week, so I’m gonna skip out on the rest of this tilt and catch some zzzzzz
His LEFT groin? How many groins does this guy have?!?!
Based on the description, at least two.
I’m guessing four. Left, Right, Middle, and Center.
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Who does Eli Apple have compromising photos on that allows him to stay in the league?
it was bound to happen but now gop politicians are literally burning books nazi style
of course, he’s a stl cardinals fan
Best Fascists In Baseball!
It’s funny because his teenage son actually does have a valid reason to fucking hate his father.
My word, I haven’t seen a fellow named Ahmed run rampant on a bunch of Patriots since the Arab Revolt in 1916! It’s a pity that he’s just as uncivilized as his enemy!
P*triots going into the half losing?
i feel like terry mcauley doenst need a camera on him
lol at the end racism on the patriots endzones
It’s meant to divide the field – where there is no racism – from the stands, where there is, uh, a lot.
Another high school memory.
Someone drew a picture of a woman with her legs spread akimbo, it was amazing accurate.
Then someone else got a packet of mayonnaise and applied it liberally all over the drawing.
Every single person in the cafeteria at that time got detention.
It was fucking awesome.
Spoiler alert: Fozz’s NEXT high school story will end with the football team blowing each other after the game, and it was awesome.
It was the swim team. Jesus those guys were fucking lunatics
Shaving each others’ backs is foreplay
FTR
In our high school it was the water polo team
In high school – all male, catholic – we used the acronym DSB
It stands for Deadly Sperm Buildup
I shared this memory with Mrs. Fozz yesterday and she said, “Now I know why you’re an animal, and why our sons are so fucking out of control.”
I always heard MSB where the M was for Massive
Po-tay-to, po-tah-to
That one’s popular amongst the seafaring folk too.
Something something blax’s sock.
Cris doing his “Glitch McConnel” routine and I can only hope it becomes permanent.
Both owing their careers to Boomer
I want his head to explode on national television.
I’m going to write a children’s book. Publish it through Amazon. It’s gonna fucking be epic.
Life Is Shit, You Get Cancer, Death Is Inevitable
a picture book by Fozz
Fozz’s Great Big Book of Swear Words?
Fozz’s Fucking Shitastic Big Motherfucking Goddamned Book of Fucking Shitty Swear Bitching Words
This is a better title.
“Give Up Right Now. Life is a Bowl of Shit.”
Bourbling for Beginners.
I’m serious. Really gonna do it. It’s going to be as politically incorrect as possible and entertaining as shit.
Lesbian Horse Stories
by jjfozz
Everyone is Different. No two people are not on fire.
Wait, no, that’s Strong Bad.
The Taste Of My Back Hand.
Why you need to shut your fucking yapper
Oh, The Places Priests Will Touch You
Belichick’s gone soft in his old age. Miami’s not afraid to let their weapons do the talking. He needs to get over it and start dressing an AR-15 if he’s gonna win this division anytime soon.
I also want to be on the record as totally supportive of the idea to selectively landmine Gillette Stadium field.
he’ll reenact the Buford T Justice theres no way you came from my loins quote with steve and brian before end of season
found something good on the intranets
https://qb1.pro/#Young-vs-Stroud
Bullshit. There’s nothing good on the internet.
Porn and DFO would like a word
My mother: “I’m tired of following your father to the bathroom 10 times a day, and he only pees a few times.”
Me: “That’s why people hire nurses.”
My mother: “I’ll talk to you later, I’m tired of your negativity.”
“You realize Dad’s just trying to get away from you for a few moments of blessed peace and quiet, right?”
Then run.
Our conversations lately have lasted, at max, two minutes.
I suspect that this game might now be as interesting as last night’s Battle of Colorado. Could be an early one. Better start drinking now.
Pats can’t keep up with the Fins team speed.
Grumble, grumble, grumble, let’s get this game over with, meeting that Zach Wilson kid and going out to bag some MILFs.
I like the Lowe’s commercial with the football players, I would like it even more if that drill slipped and dug a two inch hole right into Kelce’s fucking head.
Cris seems amazed that an NFL QB knows how to lead his receivers.
To be fair, he played for the Bengals his entire career.
Cris is amazed that the big, hot, yellow thing appears to move across the sky every day.
NAWT FAYAH NAWT FAYAH THIS SHIT IS FACKIN’ RIGGED FACK YOU
– Aaron Rodgers’ surgeon, after every conversation with the quarterback
Enjoy that doghouse, Douglas. We’ll see you next week. Maybe.
How I spent this morning in Newhall, California:
First day of school? (See you in hell)
That’s a hell of a garage sale!
The Jets only lost by a score of 30-10? Well that’s not so bad.
For the Jets, I mean.
It could have been worse. McCarthy took every red zone opportunity to play for a FG that he could.
https://twitter.com/ByCraigMeyer/status/1703566828969116067
If you say climax three times what happens?
beetle juices
Usually I wind up paying someone $50
That “someone” is Lowratio, and he’s aware your cash isn’t worth a piss in his chamber pot.
Does Zeke prefer New England paint chip chowdah over Texas BBQ paint chips?
DIVISION LEADERS FOR THE SECOND CONSECUTIVE WEEK! WOOOOOO!!!!!
I do enjoy the Pats throwback unis.
I do too comfortable memories as a child of watching Marino paste Steve Grogan as new england deserves
I adore my dog but I am not spending more time making him his dinner than Mrs. Horatio spends making ours. Piss off, Farmer’s Choice.
Is canned chili really anything other than “dog food for people”?
pedigree > hormel
Total millenial audience. Hey dog, you’re a dog, you do nothing around here but bark, destroy stuff, and shit. Here’s a bowl of dry dog food. Be happy I’m feeding you. Fuck off.
“…”
-Lowratio, nodding while struggling against his ball gag
Cris is gonna have a sore throat from sucking off the P*triots for four quarters.
It’s really awful.
now belichick using land mines
Belichick studying film of the Phantasm series to find new ways to give Tua a concussion
that New Jersey game today musta inspired that F-35 to commit seppuku in shame for sharing a name with them
Have they found it yet?
https://twitter.com/TeamCharleston/status/1703523385475534968
Where was LemonJello during this incident?
He was here with us the whole time, obviously
Pats fans from Southie are NOT going to like that Ahmed fellow.
Do New England fans have an entirely different set of racial slurs for players who aren’t black?
“THEY-AH ALL QUEE-AHS!”
-Tawwmmy
sure they are the fawkin Inuit of rascism
This was called defensive PI today.
https://twitter.com/davebiddle/status/1703475214938509584
If you gamble on the NFL you either know something or you’re insane.
He’s just sticking to the script he was given to ensure The Narrative moves forward.
IS TAWMMY DOIN THE FACKIN NARRATISHN?!
Speaking of the MilfHunter, I think I’ve figured out the Lauren Boobert attraction factor.
She’s the chick you’d pick out of the lineup at a Nevada brothel because she seems like she’s down for whatever and would be good times.
because…thats kinda where the gop found her?
Pretty much
She seems like the girl in high school that is down to do you and your buddy after the football game.
Every high school class has that one girl who all the sex stories revolve around, and Boebert was definitely that girl in her class.
definitely a portable out there that has the word “Boejobs” scrawled on it
Do we really need a TB12 fluff piece tonight? I say thee, NAY!
WE AHH GOING TAH SQUISH THAH FACKIN’ FISH TAHNIGHT OAH I AM GONNA FACKIN’ SELF-IMMOLATE IN FRONTA THAH PACKY ON ROUTE FIVE AGAIN
cranks up Downeaster Alexa and drives car into neighbors house
Is it wrong to wish for Rodney Harrison to be struck mute and incontinent live on air?
I’d actually like to hear that incontinence
Chris Simms is a parrot. Prove me wrong.
Parrots are colorful. Simms is so bland he actually absorbs color from the spectrum of light, rendering everything grey.
Counterpoint:
M. Florio: “Aaron Rodgers is a bit weird.”
Simms: “BAWK! Aaron Rodgers is really weird!”
M. Florio: “Lamar Jackson should have hired an agent.”
Simms: “BAWK! Lamar Jackson lost millions because he didn’t hire an agent.”
M. Florio: “The NFL needs to change that rule so that there can be a 3rd QB available during playoff games.”
Simms: “BAWK! The NFL needs a 3rd qb exemption during playoff games!”
Parrots are more coherent and every sound they make is for a specific reason and with deep thought behind it (at least in comparison to Chris)
I get migraines too! I’m JUST like Lady Gaga!
Solid afternoon nap, almost as solid as the one Mike McCarthy took in the second half, taking any excuse to call running plays inside the 10 and then kicking a FG.
That’ll work against MILF-Hunter Z and the Jests, Mike, but not against many others.
Yes, I left the TV on. I had half an inkling we’d hit the Hail Mary and miss the two. WHY NOT, UNIVERSE??
The 2 pter looked a bit pass interfer-ey to me friendo.
would not have mattered
The league office would have you know that you are wrong, Litre, and have prepared a presentation as to why what you thought was PI was actually a solid defensive play.
Of course, they’re holding a different presentation behind their back, just in case the officials called it PI and they had to show you why it was blatant interference and totally against the rules.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A70_sRBsQqE&ab_channel=ThePolice-Topic
Hippo’s new sobriquet.
Can I just say again how delighted I am that videos embed on mobile now?
[russ wilson is good moving with the ball and/or throwing while on the run]
football coaches: “russ, stand still in the pocket. i dont care if its on the goal line and theres only 1-2 yards to go! stand there and throw a bad pass!”
https://twitter.com/_BoxingNow_/status/1703535390496281067
Well, do we pass the hat to get bail money for Redshirt?
He’ll be fine.
Nah, I spent the game helping my mom get a wheelchair ramp equipped car for Dad.
I only thought about head butting someone. Either ALS or Zac Taylor.
What about wheelchair car full of ALS-afflicted Zac Taylors?
Also, great job by security. Not creating a parameter. No hand on the suspect. No awareness for bystanders.
When keeping it real goes wrong.
Ay, oh, way to go Ohio.
Round on the ends, high in the middle!