Your Post-London Town NFL Football Open Thread

Not gonna lie, I’m going to wing these games. Facts and stats can vamoose!

To The Games!

Fins/Bills:

Contrarians (ya gotta love contrarians. Or do you?) are saying that this is going to be a low-scoring tilt. I say Fie! Aw crap, I remembered a stat. Of the last 9 teams to score 60+ points in a game, all but one lost their next game. Or something like that.

Broncs/Bears:

Oh dear. Two teams in complete disarray and the questions just keep piling up. I’ve the notion that Denver gets right this game but have nothing upon which to base it.

Ravens/Browns:

I’d like for this game to be played in a muddy back alley during a thunderstorm. Why won’t the NFL answer my emails? The Browns D is playing on another level and Baltimore always shows up for division games. First to 3 scores wins?

Steelers/Houston:

I picked Houston to lose because Mike Tomlin. He’s avoided a losing season every single year because he always wins the games he’s supposed to win.

Vikes/Panthers:

So little to chose between here but I’ll take the firepower of Cousins/Jefferson to overcome Minny’s porous defense.

Rams/Colts:

Is Indy the sneakiest good team in the league right now? That’s what Irsay’s bottomless pill bottle is telling anyone willing to listen. They ambushed the Ravens at home in the opener, have a good defense and received more than competent play from their backup QB. Still, I need Kyren to score me some points in fantasy.

Bucs/Saints:

Hey, it’s the New Orleans secondary, also called “The Mike Evans Cematary”. Jameis gets the call for the Saints and he better not get any big ideas in his head because when he does the interceptions flow like spice on Dune.

Commies/Eagles:

Philly should make short work of Washington given how Howell played last week. Four interceptions vs the Bills is the kind of performance that might crack a young qb’s confidence.

Bengals/Titans:

I call the Tennessee D “The Dichotomy” because you can’t run against them but can pass to your heart’s delight. What say you spend your first 4/5 picks next year on cb’s and safeties?

Keep it moving, keep it moving.

 

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Wakezilla

Buffalo has the dreaded 21 points lead. Miami has the Bills right where we want them

Wakezilla

*28 points

ThePirateSloth

Go Fat Humps?

King Hippo

but seriously – what a fucking stupid, panicky play. You just can’t do that, as a professional footballer.

hippofant

Reminds me of Eli and Peyton just “taking the L” – way too few QBs just take the L.

Mr. Ayo

No worries, RedZone is showing everything there.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Aaaaaand the Bears are back in the woods.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Oh, Bears.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

comment image

Gatoraids

Made me think of Wade Philips and found out hes stuck in the XL now, oh bother

King Hippo

D-O-N-K-S!!!!

King Hippo

THAT is what we want from Strawberry Fields!!!

fleshwound_NPG

(yinzers laughing at the bears and the chase claypool situation)

bears: *plays uno reverse card* welcome to titty kissin szn, bitches

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Just wrapped a thing, I see the Bears jumped out to a lead and are working on shitting it away?

fleshwound_NPG

nah, donks still got that shitty d

King Hippo

OR!!!!!!

fleshwound_NPG

ah, fields remembered the tank!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Remember remember the tank of September
The woods shitting season and plot
I see no reason the Arlington Heights treason
In September or October be forgot

hippofant

You spoke too soon.

litre_cola

Not so fast!

ThePirateSloth

since the Seahawks are MNF, today is like a freebee day drinking day!

/drinks all the drinks
//passes out after two drinks day and misses all the football

ThePirateSloth

let’s go to the tape!

homer - sleeping.jpg
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Pretty sure that Joe Burrow is going to be needing some of that tape after today.

King Hippo

The 500s are used to having their tittttaaaayyyyys kissed, at least

Doktor Zymm

This is the Buffalo fan bitch who stole my seat when I went to get another beer.

IMG_20231001_201514_7.jpg
litre_cola

Karen vibes from that visor.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Not cool.

Gatoraids

Time to loudly reminisce about Scott Norwood and wide right

Gumbygirl

Drag her off and beat her ass.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

South Africa having their hands full with Tonga.

Redshirt

Joe Burrow just got flattened like Judge Doom was in Who Framed Roger Rabbit.

Gatoraids

Time to just start streaming QBs against the Broncos

Redshirt

Bengals Injury Update:

T. Higgins (OUT)
C. Taylor-Britt (QUESTIONABLE)
J. Burrow (PENDING)

Redshirt

So, the Broncos-Bears game. What…?

fleshwound_NPG

nathaniel hackett redemption game prologue

King Hippo

Back within TWO SCORES of the worst team in the League!!!

Gatoraids

they are figuring if you are watching it you have a very abstract appreciation of football

Doktor Zymm

It’s abstract performance art like the murder junkies

Redshirt

Commentator: “I don’t understand this penalty on the Bengals. Let’s go to the rules expert for detailed explanation.”
Rules Expert: “I have no [bleeping] clue what they called.”

hippofant

Vance Joseph can’t possibly survive the week, can he?

King Hippo

One hopes not. But Fatty McGoo doesn’t admit error readily.

hippofant
  1. Get Redzone, you poors.
  2. Are you trying to find them fresh? Chinese markets should almost all have dried ones. You just need to rehydrate them the night before.
hippofant

I can’t imagine any place 5 hours from Toronto without a Chinese market that’s closer. Sudbury? Kingston? London?

Anyways, if you’re buying dried, you might be able to find a place that ships too. Not sure how that’d work out price-wise though.

hippofant

I got you, fam: $3.99 a bag at whatever-the-fuck-this-place-is-in-Sudbury: https://youtu.be/emTJH6oBkpc?t=221

hippofant

Looks like they got sliced and whole.

shitake.png
litre_cola
hippofant

We’re everywhere. Raising your kids and cooking your beef and broccoli.

King Hippo

plus all the feed for your sled dog team

King Hippo

Quite the “HOLD MY BEER” weekend for HippoTEEMZ:

Friday – NC State
Saturday – Very Disppointing Everton
Sunday – Donks New Nadir

Assuming Monday will be heat death of the universe, and frankly I would welcome it

King Hippo

also, sharing is caring

King Hippo

Judge Jeudy, quiet quitting

Redshirt

I’m going to go for a walk. In traffic.

fleshwound_NPG

sad that the bears are nuking their tank (and the vikes are hurting their other one)

but lol sean is eating all the shit

Don T

Henry’s a better jumpasser than the hoodie murderer!

King Hippo

DonT is going to have one of them “call yer doctor” erections

2Pack

If it lasts more than 4 hours after the game, he better.

hippofant

Between Diggs, Thielen, Jefferson, and Addison, who the fuck is Minnesota’s WR scout and why hasn’t Bellichik paid him millions of dollars yet?

King Hippo

For the 2nd time, White stopped inside the goddamned 1.

Senor Weaselo

Happy Hot Sauce Expo Day! Even if we had a late start to it because I didn’t want to drive and the south Brooklyn buses are apparently all types of fucked right now. More updates forthcoming, and in Wumbo Wednesday’s House of Pain update because I should do that at some point.

Wakezilla

Overall, how is New York doing? Is there any action plan to get rid of all the water on the land, yet?

Wakezilla

THIS MIAMI DEFENSE, I CALL NICK CANNON BECAUSE THEY ABSOLUTELY REFUSE TO WRAP IT UP FOR PROTECTION

Don T

I’m watching CIN @ TEN plus Redzone gimmeabreakimcivilzed. But methinks MIA @ BUF is gangbusters. Yeah?

Wakezilla

Terron Armstead is more fragile than a Republican at a pro-Trans rally. Dude is always getting hurt.

fleshwound_NPG

or a republican in a library

litre_cola

I see shitty Kirk Cousins showed up today.

Doktor Zymm

The Immodium is only good for so many games per season

hippofant

Cousins and Mayfield throwing back-to-back end-of-half interceptions on Redzone reassures me that the universe is still on track.

Redshirt

Nice Kip up by Uno.

Redshirt

I’m starting to think the Titans are better than the Rams.

Don T

There was a pregame item about TEN having a shade tent, not CIN. Instead, the Bengals got Embrace Helios Your God by Dehydratin’ brochures.
I’d take the Over, is all.

King Hippo

I mean, Mike Brown could have paid for his own if….merde, can’t even finish the sentence without hysterical laughter

2Pack

Josh has really takin ta floppin. He should play footy.

Don T

🎶El Tractor ci ito. Oo oo🎶

King Hippo

My waiver wire machinations for the MRSA defense is working in Vodka League (though was predicated on Crab Legs playing). Too bad fuckall else is/did.

Doktor Zymm

For a Capitalist, Thurston Howell is doing quite well for the Commies this week

King Hippo

Jake From State Farm is banging Kelce’s mom???

litre_cola

Last day in paradise but the hotel has Redzone!!

King Hippo

(at least you can watch some non-Iggles)

The Maestro

That’s why it’s paradise, folks!

2Pack

A now manageable 3rd and 18