The fixtures just keep coming.
To The Games!
Pats/Raiders:
“Ugly” is a good word to describe New England’s outlook and their last two games. They’ve been taken behind the shed to the tune of 72-3 the last few times they’ve wandered onto the field. Things are bad when what had always been a strength-the o-line-can’t be counted on for even adequate play. Combine horrible pass-blocking stats with the receivers ranking 30th in separation rates (according to Next Gen Stats) and you’ve got a ton of issues that aren’t easily fixed. The Raiders meanwhile haven’t gotten to 20 points yet this year although I do like Jacobs receiving prop of 23.5.
Lions/Bucs:
One thing I like about a perennially bad team turning the corner is the number of watchable games on hand increases. Two years ago would you bother with this one? Probably not. Ok, how does Tampa have only the one loss? Smoke? Mirrors? Spiking the other team’s Gatorade? If Montgomery goes for 100 on the rushing front it’ll be the first time since ’98 that that has happened and I’m not going to bother telling you who did it. Jameson Williams likely breaks out this week because I played him last week. That’s how that goes.
Cards/Rams:
I don’t think either of these teams can stop the other so I’m going home team and the over. Who is Emeri Demercado? I think I saw him open for The Miami Sound Machine back in ’13. Hey Cooper and Puka, Arizonny’s secondary gives up the 7th-most fantasy points to wr’s. What say you bring that number to 5th-most?
Eagles/Jets:
My homework tells me that them Jets have never beaten Philly? Is that right? New York will have to put all their hopes on Breece for the W because Milf Hunter sure isn’t up to the task. I really can’t see a path to victory for the Jets. A.J. Brown is a solid bet to be the wr with the highest fantasy points this week given that Sauce is on the shelf. And good news for Hurts as well because the Jets D has problems with running qb’s.
Go for it.
THESE JETS, I CALL THEM F-22 RAPTORS BECAUSE THEY WERE STEALTHY AND BEAT SOME EAGLES
/Flips on Jets-Eagles
//stares at score
Honey!! We’re in an alternate universe again!!
J-E-S-T, take what’s given!!
Some lovely derp to pay off all the shitshow viewing today.
this was a shit slate until…it wasnt!
Breece Hall scoring ALMOST got me to check Grimace Touched My Butthole’s score.
i get the “dont score!” argument
but this is the jets, are you sure they wont fuck up the FG?
THESE NEW YORK JETS I CALL THEM MY DATING LIFE PRIOR TO SENORITA WEASELO BECAUSE THEY CAN’T GET TOUCHDOWNS.
…. you were saying
Boom… reverse jinx?
It’s better than nothing
I was going to make a joke involving this bar mitzvah I’m playing once they set up our lines, but I’ll save that for a tip drill.
break out the champagne, mercury morris?
Alright, its a tall order, but let see how the Jets screw this up.
WTH was the Hurts?
Oooh, that’s gotta Hurts
A lot of folks don’t know this but Wally Cox wasn’t the sixth member of the Rat Pack.
Do we have a goddess/god of injuries?
Asclepius is the Greco-Roman god of medicine. So…Suipelcsa?
SHANK’LHOR makes her presence felt once again
PRAISE SHANK’LOR
At a molecular level, AJ Brown incomplete
“Upon further review, the NFL Official Pantone Color Book shows the blade of grass the defender was on was closer to White than Green. Incomplete Pass.”
if ours was a truly civilized species grumblelord would be fired on the tarmac in just a few hours
The Legend of White Mac safety dances off into the sunset?
Quick, grab Lowratio. It’s time for a SAFETY DANCE!
SAFETY! DANCE!
we can dance if we wannu!
Been off in the words for most of this weekend. What have I missed, besides a shocking #ThePauls win??
You get to say a 2-minute drill for The Legend of White Mac!
/he’s probably praying they get an offside BLEERGH on the punt instead
In a twist, the Bengals defense bailed out the Bengals offense.
Good Call!
THIS COMMENT I CALL IT JJ FOZZ WATCHING AN EPISODE OF EMILY IN PARIS BECAUSE IT INVOLVES THE BREAKING OUT OF JAMESON.
free play not so free after all
“This is just like that time they fooled me with that ‘free lunch'”
-A. Reid
inspired by mobile games
me: these jets are good when the wilson/wilson combo is happening. just like the rock band heart
zach wilson: youre right *has a flashdrive full of nancy wilson pics*
Does Janeane have a back injury or a “back injury”?
I went to high school with Sauce Gardner’s brother, Consomme
https://youtu.be/qX7n-4cDClM
Did you hear about the wallet made of elephant foreskin?
If you rub it, it turns into a suitcase.
Neither of my sons found this funny.
I am a white suburban dad who has no life. Or hope.
nothing more hopeless than hope
Getting that tattooed on my chest in Old English font
“I feed, clothe and give you shelter. You will laugh at all my bad jokes.”
I’m gonna make chili! – YouTube
the other day, one of those fuckers told me, “I bought this beer. It’s mine.” I nearly decapitated him with a spoon.
Amon Ra St. Brown the patron saint of weird names
I guess if you have an Arabic guy as head coach, the best counterattack is to arm Zach Wilson and stick him on a motorcycle stolen from a kibbutz
and the blurst is yet to come (MANDATORY SNF)!
But I will have shrimp fajitas by then!
Well, that was arguably the best weekend of rugby in the history of the sport. If Internet Dad ever comes back with those cigarettes I’m gonna smoke one of ’em.
If he does come back, could you ask him to fix the constant log-in, log-in, log-in problem?
and the inability to edit comments for the hoi polloi?
Oh, and the backed up toilet behind the clubhouse armory.
this afternoon slate
choo-choo-choose Seppuku!
“Creamsickle, creamsickle. I want to ride my creamsickle. I want to ride my bike.”
-F. Abraham Mercury, trying to work out the lyrics of a certain song, stuck in a Godel universe.
This Eagles game is revenge for all those birds that got smashed against airplane windshields over the years
Well, the P*ts have tied the GRIT SAWX for points in the month of October. Only took them to the third Sunday!
/The Red Sox played one game this month.
An absolutely pathetic holding call on the Lions cb. Wow.
Sanchez wants to hit the clubs after the game with Zach because he knows there won’t be competition between them.
They can wingman for each other!
ah, to be a third wheel and have that 23-35 demographic all to oneself!
“Phew! That was close!”*
*Zach, every time the OC calls a running play
VAR Brotherly Shove!
Jets fans in the crowd looking like they were asked to solve advanced calculus problems.
no jets fan has ever gone to calculus class
Listen, just because I’ve forgotten integration by parts and which one to deem which…
But they are good with building blocks, except when they hurl them at the opposing team
[cups patient’s balls]
“Ok now, Goff.”*
-doctor that is a huge fan of the Lions, conducting a physical
/watching the Lions/Jets game because I’ve got the Detroit D in fantasy
No, It’s YOU that has the problem!*
*there, I said it
plus, the Creamsicle kit!
first time in my life, as a fan of a team from the old nfc central days, that i have said “gee, that lions/bucs game seems like a big deal!”
BLEERGH minion ded?
so injured officials dont get fox injury music
Good?
I’m not bothering with the afternoon slate but if Rachad White goes off I may pop in to scream into the void.
These are … some afternoon games alright.
eat some, kyle shanahan
https://bagofdicks.com/
HOLY BANANAS!!!!