There’s really not much I can say about this blowout that everyone has already said. The stench coming off this tilt is even worse than my dog’s farts and that’s saying something. I’ll be keeping this short and sweet, methinks.
To The Game!
Giants/Bills:
-If Saquon is able to play, and as of this typing he is trending that way, he might actually have a good game given that his explosive run rate and yards after contact numbers are pretty good. As well, Buffalo’s linebacker core is on the thin side so if he’s able to get to the second level good things may happen.
-As for everything else? It’s shit. All of it.
-The Giants o-line has got to be the worst in the league. It wasn’t good in the first place and has now been decimated by injuries.
-Wink’s ‘Pressure Breaks Pipes’ defense couldn’t bend a pool noodle right now.
-Allen is going to inflate all of his numbers-I can see him sitting out the 4th quarter.
-The Bills have averaged a gaudy 35.75 points in their last four games and that includes a loss last week.
-In their losses New York has averaged 7.75 points per game. Gah!
-This game should have been flexed to Outer Mongolia.
-There’s nothing else to say.
Guh!
That’s defensive holding at a minimum, which Cris of course dismisses with his usual chucklefuck demeanor.
Congrats to Buffalo on being the second derpiest team tonight
OH THE FLAGGY SUSPENSE
Daboll going to kick the field goal here to make up for the first half
“That’s what I’d do. It’s the smart play.” – Josh McDaniels
Oh man, that’s not gonna help the rumors that gambling is influencing officiating.
Ok on replay that was a legit flag
Sadly it would also have been legitimate on the last play, when it was not called.
I mean the spread was 15 points, it’s not really relevant.
BLEERGH!
Step on up and get your shine!
BLEERGH! rear his ugly head from the Chaos Realm!!!
Let’s be honest, it’s gonna be one shot and then a fuck up
Vice-versa.
Or a frantic run out of bounds, followed by a fuck up.
Brian Daboll’s cosplay as Veruca Salt is on fucking point.
More like Violet Beauregard, before the juicing room.
Is 15 14 scorigami?
No
(1945 and 2017)
What about 16 14?
64 times
God damn it
Five more and it gets retired.
They’re gonna mount Bass on the wall and make him sing stupid fishing songs
Nailed It!
— S. Norwood
Is it just me or have most of the games been dumb today?
Nah it’s been a weird day
All this leading to the inevitable Trademark Tyrod Turnover.
Wide right again. I mean, the Giants have to win this now, right?
This might be an overreaction, but the Giants might not be very good this year.
Mrs. Horatio came down to the basement while I was dozing and watching the late afternoon games. Starts doing her favorite thing, which is talking about whatever sport I’m watching like it’s a different sport. So I’m making fun of her ignorance and she says “you know I played flag football in high school, right?”
I did not, in fact, know this.
So I ask her what position she played and she says “I don’t know, somewhere in the back. I was defense.” Me: “Secondary?” Her: /blinks twice. Me: “Do the words cornerback, or safety mean anything?” Her: “Safety! I’m pretty sure I played safety. Once I caught a ball and some girl ripped my flag off so I punched her and took hers.”
Me:
So she’s in for the Olympics?
We’re in our 50’s. Paralympics is our best shot, and that’s a stretch.
Now listen, I ain’t no flag football referee or rules expert or nothing but….
She may not understand the rules, but she definitely understands the intent of the game.
Pretty cool your wife played with Janay Rice.
Maybe THIS is the Bowling Green massacre
THAT’S where Ben Gazzi has been hiding!
Grand Poobah in da house!
.
Huge of the Bills to take a two-score lead there.
Oh Giants. Thou hast Giantsed.
I do very much enjoy watching the Astros lose.
I originally misspelled that as ‘Astors,’ and frankly I wouldn’t mind also seeing that family take a few hits.
You misspelled it both times, the proper spelling is “Asterisks”.
Fuck! First the new math, now this!
“And now a quick word from Evan Williams”
Drink up, rummy. You know you want it.
Me: Fuck, they got me.
Did Kyle Shanahan call that play?
Should I join everyone in watching this game, or will you need an untainted soul tomorrow to help you recover?
I’m watching Sex Education, actually. Otis and O are stuck in an elevator together!
I keep telling you, that’s the TARDIS!
I’m watching beisbol.
save yourself
HAHA, that cheating little fuck Altuve just fucked up and got doubled up on a fly ball. Fuck on off of the field, cheater.
Couldn’t happen to a nicer guy. Such a shame.
I’m not a fan.
Why does anyone think it’s a good idea to bring Aroldis Chapman into a play-off game with men on base?
There’s a reason why Joe Maddon is unemployed.
Well they couldn’t do it if there were women on base, per the court’s orders.
I can’t believe The Aroldis Chapman Playoff Experience didn’t happen this time.
In fairness, it almost happened.
He tried. First guy he faced hit the shit out of the ball.
#24 is ded
This shit shouldn’t offset. It was 3 fouls to 1! Move them 30 yards!
So… no power play here?
Giants get 3 PIs, Buffalo gets 1, and they offset?
I am never going to understand the new math.
Common Core, bitches!
https://youtu.be/bHv7qaCBRuU?si=8gJSUCwi1etfwjW6
Boolean algebra.
Even this fight is fucking boring.
If a player ever wanted to see a ref naked they would just have to figure out some way to commit so many simultaneous fouls that the refs have to throw all their clothing
Amy Trask once tried to get that to happen with Ed Hochuli.
FOX Exec: “Horatio, what can we get from your teams in terms of in-game interviews from the dugout during the ALCS?”
Me, for some reason a manager of a team on the cusp of the World Series: “The fuck out.”
Wow it’s like Richie Incognito’s playing for the Bills all over again.
This checks out as both teams have shit on the field trying to establish dominance.
FLAGKAKKE in Bufffalo! with a side of FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!
I’m such a boomer now, I wish companies would fucking name their products in sensible ways.
You know what came after the 727? The 737! And after that? The 747!
You know what was better than the Pentium? The Pentium 2! And better than that, the Pentium 3!
Now we got the fucking 717 which is a rebranded MD-95 from the fucking 90s and the 737 MAX, we’ve i3, i5, i7, and i9 processors all at the same time, like the i9-10900F and the i5-13450HX and the i7-1360P, what the fuck is all this shit? I’m up to my ass here in Instant Pot Ultimate Pro Duo Crisp Rios with one lid, two lids, ultimate lid, what the everlastingfuck is all this shit?
Yeah, but the Pentium came after the 486
But it was still the 586, which was followed by the 686 (Pentium II) before they totally abandoned that naming scheme.
I hear cast iron skillets work well.
How does your neighbor name his cows?
We haven’t really spoken since I threw their shit in his driveway and told him the next time his cows were on my lawn I’d have them shot.
I guess he took that personally.
Sure but don’t you want to know what he calls them before you shoot them?
Nope.
The cows are actually very sweet. I’d much rather shoot my neighbor, but after doing some legal research it turns out that’s illegal.
All of my football teams suck.
I’m gonna redirect my energies man.
Rugby World Cup! Semifinals are next weekend.
Your nephew’s team is good.
Actually they lost by 60.
For the 3rd time this season.
I see.
Sorry.
#embracethechaos
you can’t say that off a DIVISIONAL WIN!!
Yeah, I still think it’s warranted.
That game was an atrocity.
We’re still better than the Bears!
(you’re NOT WRONG)
I know it’s almost Halloween, but I’m surprised that the NFL pre-empted the football game that was supposed to be on tonight with this horror film
oh goddamnit, I need to buy candy for the neighboUrhood monsters this week. Must. Remember.
Ain’t nobody trick or treat in Pedro.
It’s a study in self preservation.
Lived in our house since 1998. Next trick-or-treater who rings our doorbell will be the first.
I used to get 3 or 4 hundred in Birmingham. It was fun as hell. Now that I live in this 55+ hellhole, no chance of it unless one of the senile old fucks escapes his keeper. I will be well prepared with candy anyway, because you never know!
Has a single VEP teammate spoken to Dimebag tonight?
Mark Glowinski reminded Danny about that $100 he borrowed last week for the third time.
Shameless self-promotion aside (though with such a dud of a game, is there really any better time?), the interaction between Ashley Manning and Daniel Jones here is one of my favorite things I’ve ever written. Top 50, easily.
https://doorfliesopen.com/2019/06/07/request-line-elis-slumber-party-mixtape-volume-4-promises/
I’m sure someone told him to get out of their way on the sideline.
“Watch your ass, meat.”
I’m setting the over/under at 28-6. WUT SAY YEW??
I’m watching the Dog the Bounty Hunter 24/7 channel.
He’s getting married but he’s also on a hunt today.
“This Dog’s on the hunt…. for love.“
fookin’ caterers ain’t gonna pay fer themselves yo
God, I can’t wait for the episode where some drug-crazed fugitive just fucking domes that hairball.
Buffalo ain’t reaching 20 tonite.
The league is nawt doing a great job protecting QBs, they will probably outlaw sacks next
They could even position it as a pro trans movement
“Long time lurker, first time commenter. I really like this idea, fellow NFL fan.”
— Roger G., NY
Everything went right for the Gigantes that half and they’re only up six. Yikes!
I sure hope Prison Girlfriend’s knee heals up in time for the big Sadie Hawkins dance!
That galoot would have been perfect to do a guest spot on Riverdale.
We could do a big barn dance!
What a fucking shit show.
I’m spending my time researching whether to buy a Ninja or an InstantPot.
I mean, the ninja could also double as a bodyguard, so I think you gotta go with that.
“Ninjas are pretty cool, but not as cool as Transformers!”
-Eli Manning
If you had two guys named Bill Parcells and Uesugi Kenshin, which one do you think would hate ninjas more? I’d say Uesugi Kenshin, since he was assassinated by one, wouldn’t you? You’d be wrong, though. It’s Bill Parcells.
I have both. The ninja is nothing special and I miss my Magic Bullet. The Instant Pot is fantastic and you should definitely buy one. Use it to cook beans and pork shoulder. Separately, of course.
What makes the Instant Pot better than your Ninja?
Looking at these right now, for the air fryer feature. I know they’re not great air fryers, but I live in a small apartment and I’d like to make some fries every once in a while.
https://www.amazon.com/Instant-Pot-Ultimate-Pressure-Dehydrate/dp/B0B1G5M31V
https://www.amazon.com/Ninja-OL601-One-Pressure-Cooker/dp/B08QZY12N2/
Oh, my bad – my ninja is a blender. I didn’t realize they made pressure cookers too.
Yeah. Trying to navigate this is a shitshow. They got air fryers, pressure cookers, grills, pressure cooker / air fryers, grills / air fryers, I don’t know if they got a fucking grill / pressure cooker, but I wouldn’t be surprised.
My experience with air fryers is that it’s far more trouble than it’s worth. If you want deep-fried (or even deep-fried adjacent) food, go to a restaurant.
Ugh, going outside? D:
INstant pot camp here. Use that thing for everything!
Is alright. It’s basically a fast crock pot.
I’m a slow cook and braise person me.
You can use an Instant Pot as a slow cooker. They have a setting for it.
ok, even by VEP standards, that was pretty goddamned stupid
Tirico openly mocking the Giants clock management there is fantastic.
I haven’t seen Giant clock management that bad since Todd Marinovich got fired from his supermarket job for getting a fellow employee to repeatedly clock in for him when he showed up late.
How much does the o-line utterly and openly despise Danny Jones?