TGIF! Be alert! Conor Stalions is probably stealing your signs right this moment.
Survival – Personal Edition
One of the worst aspects of a job is when they want you to fly somewhere. Even worse, they control the arrangements which means your sorry ass is flying coach somewhere. Of course, most of use fly First or Business class, as most did to DFOCon this weekend in Vegas. So let’s refresh our memories of how to best survive flying coach.
- Bring your own supplies onboard. The cattle class gets nothing without paying, and at a markup too. Bring yourself some snacks, water, neck pillow, and lip balm. Having adapted to the humidity in the PNW, I always forget about lip balm when flying.
- Try to get a seat with extra legroom. Ideally a bulkhead (guaranteed overhead storage), exit aisle, or that weird window seat behind the exit aisle that has 2 rows of leg room. Even the middle seat in the exit row is more comfortable that a regular row somewhere else.
- Failing that, look for a seat in the rear of the plane with open seats. Not as much of an issue as in the past, but it still is the safest place on the plane. Additionally, you’ll be allowed to board earlier depending on the airline. (SW and UA are the exceptions now)
- Get that carryon into the overhead bin ideally. If not, instead of storing it all the way under the seat in front, pull it out a bit and use it as a foot rest. At least, after takeoff to avoid being scolded by the flight attendant.
- Get comfortable. And no, this does not mean taking off your shoes. Buy better shoes next time. And don’t recline your seat. The exception is if you have a bad back and need to. But advise the person behind you first. If you are capable of and plan to sleep, put on that neck pillow. Slap on a sleep mask too, they’re really great. Also, if you are planning on napping, prioritize a window seat so you can both close the shade and lean against the wall of the plane.
- Whenever the seat belt sign is off, get up! As yeah right informed us, this should be done about once per hour during flight. (Well actually, during anytime. Sitting still for long periods is bad for you)
- Use noise cancelling headphones. Over the ear types are preferable as they’re more effective and more comfortable. This will not only protect your ears from the droning of the plane engines, it will also signal to your asshole seat mates that you don’t want to hear their shit.
After surviving the hellscape of travel, work harder to get a promotion so they fly you in a respectable class.
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Survival – Species Edition
Time to put the sexy in Friday!
Enjoy the weekend, folks! Alright, now let’s get to the comments!
Nice, the football team at the high school across the street just won their first home playoff game ever. They scored a td with less than a minute left, and were down by 1. They went for the 2 pointer and got it. Ballsy move! Yay Golden Eagles!
I was on a short connection flight, one of those small commuters with two seats on each side. In this particular hellscape there were two old ladies who didn’t know each other sitting behind me. Catching most of their LOUD old lady conversation about weather, grandchildren, and other bullshit I went into a self induced coma to drown them out.
Bla Bla Bla….
Until during a moment of clarity one is saying , “and she was standing over me in the kitchen with that big knife… mad as all hell”
I turned around and stared at that gangsta momma…
I’m not quite channeling Hunter S Thompson before my Vegas trip but…
You need to get there for us Buddy. We are counting on you.
Pre-TSA, priority boarding, business class.
I’ll be there.
Someone has to document.
Somebody has to be the grownup. Don’t let it be you.
Lady number 5 is my new crush. An old crush is attached. They could make any plane ride in coach enjoyable.
I must apologize. I will make the intro much more boring going forward. Way too many of you are actually reading these posts.
True story: when I was a wee lil Balls, we were staying at the Holiday Inn in Pasadena, which was adjacent to the Pasadena Civic Center, which was where the Emmy Awards were being held.
My family shared an elevator with Lynda Carter. This was in the late 70’s, at the height of her powers. The woman was stunning. A true goddess.
Wee lil Balls became a man that day…
I would be staring my azz off. She is stunning.
Oh, I’m sure I was drooling.
Just sent an anonymous tip to the Vegas PD to be on the lookout for a couplea stewed prunes.
Have fun at the Con, kids. The wife and daughter are in Irvine this weekend. So, all weekend playing games, eating good food, and napping. Not as good as Downtown Vegas. At all. Maybe I’ll go to Home Depot and buy a tool to cheer me up.
Get an angle grinder!
Mrs. Horatio is ditching me for a girl’s afternoon. I’m either going on a tour of various breweries or turning over the compost pile before it freezes over.
Like Nigeria, the possibilities for my Saturday are a land of contrasts.
Landed and taxiing to the gate. I got a bunch of loose jelly beans in my purse for y’all!
I’m going to inherit a bunch of hard scrabble day 1 Vegas motherfuckers when I land tomorrow ain’t I?
The Fog!
Watch out for dead pirates.
Or Adrienne Barbeau
No, you’ll want to run into her.
Watching some kids Halloween movie with Girlzilla. One of the characters is a troll and is disguised as a regular teen who is also pretty. She has a human love interest, who finds out she’s a troll, which just means she’s wearing pink makeup.
Anyway, instead of being ok with her being a troll and getting some Troll poon, this stupid idiot (who totally seems like an incel) starts to freak out and fumbles a sure thing on the 1 yard line. What a dumb dumb.
“When you say ‘teen’, how teen are we talking?”
-Matt Gaetz
Don T and Zymms baggage caroUsels are next to each other. #blessed
I hope they find me.
Oh, that’s awesome!!
Fantastic!
That is outstanding.
source
Nice spread!
Where’s the catsup?
That’ll be great once they cook that meat.
“BOIL THAT SHIT!”
-Ireland, united by the one thing we ALL love: ruining food.
Syracuse sent out a kid with a bad hamstring and 3 INTs on the day, down 7 with 2:23 to play. 1st play he threw his 4th INT.
So at least I learned who UConn’s next head coach will be.
Watching BC play Syracuse. This is painfully bad “football,” yet both of these teams would beat UConn, albeit BC apparently only by 7.
I’ve only taken two (2) naps during this “game”
Not sure who any of these girls are, but I’ve ruled out Lea Michele as #8.
Dunno…I’m sure if you threw books at her, she’d just get frustrated and fart like that.
There’s a reason that’s my favourite picture this week.
Would have pegged, (heh), you for #9.
Oh, she’s a close #2
Agreed
What’s all this Vegas talk? What’s going on?
DFOcon in Vegas this weekend. I think you were traveling the East Coast when it was announced on the blog.
You can still drive there and join the fun!
Where is it?
Downtown Vegas. Text me or slack me for more info.
Baltimore.
Kalamazoo
Check in Vegas types, has the wild rumpus started?
Still en route to rumpusing!
Several are there or en route; the rest tomorrow morning.
Grab Gumby and your bong and hit the road!
Second this, hop on a plane, train, or automocar!
No, can’t. Medical stuff. But you kids have big fun!
En route
Just landed. Need a dart then Don t and Zymm
We’re supposed to get in 10 minutes early, see you slightly sooner!
I’m flying economy to Hawaii next week. 11 hours straight. I’ll be taking the “get up” advice to heart.
Also booze. I’ll be (in)taking lots of booze.
Piña Coladas are required!
I’d take a high ABV IPA at the airport and then a Lunesta an hour into the flight.
I’ll see everyone somewhere over the Pacific, likely on the descent. Absolutely the only way I survived the flight home from South Africa.
That sounds like a good call. Though Mrs. Sharkbait might kill me if I’m useless for the majority of the flight and she has to deal with the kids
You’re making that flight with little kids?
Vaya con Dios, my friend.
Yuuuup
Which island(s)?
Just
HonoluluOahu. The Mrs has a friend who lives out there and we decided to visit while we’re both on leave.Just Oahu*
Still can’t edit.
I can.
If you’re on United DM me and I’ll use some of my plus points to get you on the upgrade list. You probably won’t clear, but it can be fun watching how close you get! Or sometimes like tonight there can be shenanigans and you can give people side eye!
We’re doing Hawaiian for the long haul out there, but doing United from LAX to BOS on the last return leg of the trip
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SsMH-sdznh8&ab_channel=HedonisticThrillSeeker
If I had the funds and opportunity, I’d love to visit the Amundsen-Scott South Pole Station. Or the Quebecois/Newfoundland interior.
Going by your stance on flying, I’m thinking the second one is more likely.
I never said the opportunity would present itself.
Fuck it, it’s sushi time.
Okay, time check, posting this at 7:01 PM central time.
It was 7:01 best coast time when it posted.
The stupid moderation bot held it up. I only just now logged back in and noticed it was sitting in limbo.
I’ve gotten modded before too, for the dunbest shit. It seems pretty random, I don’t take it personally!
Odd. I usually get an email alert for these.
Sensational hustle Sir
Am I to understand that Jim Harbaugh is in trouble for sign-stealing opponents plays?
What the fuck is wrong with that? Maybe the opponents shouldn’t be so stupid.
How do you think we won the Battle of Midway?
Kamikaze-proof ships?
No such thing.
I don’t believe the Imperial Navy had had to resort to kamikazes at that point.
Rum, sodomy, and the lash?
This is also incorrect.
How about Drill to Kill?
Seriously, they fired a guy for going to opponent’s games, in a public space stadium, and he observed the signals that the team used and decoded them.
No, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. It is the fault of the opponent who used such stupid play signaling that it could be so easily decoded. Next time have the quarterback call plays in the huddle or else rotate players to bring in new plays securely. But if you hold up pictures of cartoon characters you deserve to have the idiot code broken.
I don’t give two shits about Michigan or Harbaugh or anything else for that matter, but I hate hypocrisy. Michigan should be rewarded for this, EXCEPT: they got caught. That’s the real crime here. In fact, that’s the only real crime in life. But nobody should be fired or punished, not from the ethical cesspool that is college football.
All valid points. But, fuck the B1G.
No, fuck them all. That’s what you really meant to say.
I’m currently reading a very weird book by the name of “Finch”. I’m certain that I’ve read it before but there are no obvious reference points in the narrative that I can point to. It’s probably the best kind of book to read if what I’ve just typed is true.
I simply do not comprehend the NBA, and the Manfred-ization of baseball is headed down the exact same path. YES, I am a middle-aged (at best) White Devil.
“White Devil, how come you taste so good?”*
*amended Rolling Stones lyrics, very near future
the overseer gon’ whip me trying to get me to say my name is Kunta Kinte. But I shall be proud and say “Toby” or “Skippy” or “White Mac”
Fox News: “The Wyld Stallions of San Dimas have resigned! Abe Lincoln has no comment-what is he hiding?”
Other News Sites: “Connor Stalions, a Michigan football staffer, has resigned with no explanation.”
Fox News: Jesus Christ: Savior or Anchor Baby Illegal Immigrant Invader Turned Convicted Felon?!
I can’t wait for Lesser Harbs to be fired into the sun/die on the way back to his home planet.
The plot thickens…
Source: Michigan Makes Employment Decision on Staffer Connor Stalions (msn.com)
SillyCuse getting destroyed by Boston Dunkin’ Dognuts College, 10-7.
Woah, easy there money bags. Such a seat is well beyond the purview of this blog.
Also, PUPPEH!
Lookit that dog with his emotional support human!
My inability to sleep is absolutely a direct result of my height. At 6’3″ with long legs I’m fucked for plane sleeping.
Naturally, at 6’3″, you also tip the scales at 215.
Great flying tips. The reclining permission request / announcement is the first time I’ve heard of it. I try to err on the side of courtesy with strangers (really!), BUT: considering the recline consists of anywhere between 1 and 3 degrees, eh. I’d rather not engage than risk a NO and the ensuing rock / hard place of wussing out or “Pft. Screw you!”
It’s mostly for those that use the tray table. Also, I just want to avoid this future.
Come try our luxurious face to ass seating.
-Steel and Fury Airlines
Let’s not overlook the possible benefits!
Can’t get past gas 🤢
Human Centipede on a Plane
I flew standby the other day and ended up in a middle seat in E- for SFO-ORD and it was actually fine. Of course, I did still get my status benefits so I had a salad and some wine for free, but those would only run about $20 for a non-status plebe. I usually wear a hoodie and pull it down over my eyes instead of an eye mask.
I’m lucky I’m short, so here are my tips:
Always choose a window seat so you can lean sideways against the body of the plane.
Curl your knees up to your body so that you become like a ball then prop yourself against the seat in front of you. Easier to get comfortable and it’s the closest to lie-flat you’ll get in coach.
Sleep as much as you can.
Drink water. You’ll get dehydrated and that tires you out and makes the trip more uncomfortable.
Or, use the WCS method, and just don’t fly.
I never knew how awesome train travel was until DFO East. The Acela from New Haven to Baltimore was an absolute pleasure.
Say what you will about Peter King, and lord knows I have, he wasn’t wrong about that.
You’ve got to love the Hand Bra!
Hello
You reminded me of April Wine’s take on Anne Sullivan’s demand of Helen Keller when she was completely fed up.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zw_DqUrK0EE&ab_channel=UnidiscMusic
Play that fucking Diane Sawyer song.
Hi! Welcome!
https://thespun.com/.amp/big-ten/ohio-state-buckeyes/fans-react-to-ohio-state-being-pivotal-in-michigan-investigation
This is becoming more a soap opera every passing day.
Absolutely loving it
I cannot wait for one of the Ohio State signal signs to be a camera.
These are less play calls and signals and more Charlie’s drambok.
I think you mean Trundle’s drambok.
My favorite part of that was all the ads for ” leaky ” bladder!