Your Monday Night NFL Football Open Thread

First things first: I don’t think TayTay will be at the game but the parents will be! Hurrah!

T’was a fairly entertaining Sunday if I say so myself-let’s dig in.

Fallout:

-Nice Bench You Got There: Mind if I have a seat? This is Milf Lover’s third sitting down in just over a calendar year. Is this another, “He just needs to figure things out and he’ll be back” scenario? Nope. Finally Saleh has seen the light so Siemien is holding the tablet when Tim Boyle starts sucking. I’m guessing you’ll see Trevor soon enough because the 29 yr old Boyle puts the ‘barely adequate’ into journeyman. He’s not a pocket escape artist and his yards per attempt in three starts and 16 appearances sits at 5.1.

-The 4-6 Falcons (2nd in the NFC South!) are determined to get middling results the rest of the way by putting middling qb Ridder back under center. There just aren’t nearly enough good qb’s to support this league.

-Whiff of Joe Judge: “I have full confidence…in myself as the playcaller. So you can stop asking that question.” Telling reporters to shut up is certainly the sign of a man completely in charge/on top of a situation. (I don’t want to be fair to the bum but the Chargers wr’s dropped 4 passes that I saw)

-We’ve used this space to talk about Tomlin’s weird mofo but what about Stefanski’s? How did the Browns get to 7-3? They seem more like 4-6 to me. Watson wasn’t setting the world on fire before his injury, he was actually kinda lousy. And then yesterday Down To Run ugly-ed up the place something fierce and yet got the W. I guess something always has to stink in Cleveland.

To The Game!

Eagles/Chiefs:

-If you don’t have a fantasy guy in this game you’re likely straddling last place in your league. (I very nearly resemble that remark)

-Good Old Stat Updated: With his team resting for a week (regular and post-season) Andy’s record now stands at 31-6.

-Of course look for the “Brotherly Shove”. It gets quite a bit of attention but any play in any sport that is 90% successful should be highlighted.

-Trench Warfare: The Eagles o-line is 2nd (PFF tells us) in pass-blocking efficiency but Chiefs DC Spags mirrors that-his unit is 2nd in pressure rate at 28.2%. It’s defending the run which is K.C.’s problem.

-Top Heavy (but not like Marika): No Chiefs ball-grabber aside from Kelce and Rice have over 280 yards receiving. That means that the 3rd leading receiver averages 31.1 yards a game. Oof!

Go get ’em!

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hippofant

Toney and MVS can’t catch shit but somehow this drive is working off of DPIs and illegal contact penalties.

Horatio Cornblower

Yes, “somehow”

Horatio Cornblower

Taylor Swift about to write a new hit song called ‘Why Hassan Reddick Sucks”

Doktor Zymm

Improvement!

hippofant

Hurts has looked really slow on some of these read options. Not sure what’s up.

King Hippo

Whispers about that knee owie getting louder.

Horatio Cornblower

Me, a Dallas fan:

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Redshirt

Good. If my QB dies, all other QBs must die!

Redshirt

Is ESPN showing live shots of Taylor Swift?

Horatio Cornblower

Isn’t she killing her fans in South America?

Redshirt

I know. The question still stands.

Redshirt

When did Swift start drinking the MAGA-aide?

Horatio Cornblower

T. Swift is pretty hard-core Blue. Kind of surprised the MAGA-cult hasn’t started demanding that she be investigated for Satan worship. Or, as normal people call it, “urging her fans to vote.”

fleshwound_NPG

one of the very few things theyve got right is keeping their mouths shut about her…for now

King Hippo

As is Travis. My joke was they were the only Demmycrats on Farmers Only.

WCS

John Mellencamp lives in a small town.

King Hippo

He’ll officiate their wedding.

fleshwound_NPG

lol @ one of the d lineman of the iggles trying to intercept the spike

fleshwound_NPG

chiefs with a legit D has some late 90s niners vibes

fleshwound_NPG

*80s

damn, so old im getting decades messed up

fleshwound_NPG

that was barely even a pick

SonOfSpam

(me, looking at my index finger suddenly covered in blood)

fleshwound_NPG

as somebody that works at a cement plant, this happens WAY too often

SonOfSpam

Why? All the dust and whatnot?

fleshwound_NPG

yep, that shit hardens a bit in your nose after an hour or so. even a snot rocket feels like shooting a bb

Redshirt

-Redshirt’s Date

SonOfSpam

TayTay’s Dong with the TD

jjfozz

No guys, this game has not been fun. It’s been shit.

fleshwound_NPG

so basically the int just moved the ball back 20ish yards for kc and have em try again

jjfozz

DEFENSIVE STRUGGLE

King Hippo

but enough about Andy Reid’s girdle!

jjfozz

Why would fans be watching the game at their hotel? Wouldn’t they have traveled to the hotel to see the game in person?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Alright I’m in Chicago, no way I can make it through this much family time without a serious amount of hooch.

Doktor Zymm

Good thing there are more bars than grocery stores!

Brocky

Sometimes both!

King Hippo

Great watch for the neutral this. Accidentally bolded but leaving it.

WCS

huh

litre_cola

Hey now!!!!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Are you an all star?

jjfozz

Well, get your game on

Gumbygirl

Go play

Doktor Zymm

Suddener change!

Horatio Cornblower

Gotta love college ball. UConn up 10 on Texas with 21 seconds left and Texas is calling timeouts.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Did the venue in Río sacrifice enough Taylor Swift fans to guarantee a Chiefs win, or will they have to hand out salt tablets and tell people it’s MDMA?

Cecil Rhodes

Not enough sacrifice. My people can take care of the rest.

Cecil Rhodes

Great game. Time for a smoke.

King Hippo

AJ Brown has some grip strength, yo.

SonOfSpam

Like Jerry Sandusky in a Penn St shower.

WCS

What the flying piss was all that?

Mr. Ayo

MNF version of Release The Kraken. No sign of Tay Tay here, either.

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King Hippo

I will give you TWENTY AMERICAN DOLLARS if you go out and poop on that ice.

jjfozz

People who shop at Whole Foods are the same fuckfaces that give Mercedes for Christmas gifts

Doktor Zymm

Although in Chicago they have cheaper better booze than the 7-11

Brocky

Reminds me of a joke my friend posted on Facebook during the super bowl last year:

As someone who doesn’t care about football, I thought I was being clever by getting my grocery shopping done during the big game.

Then I realized I went to whole foods by accident and realized my mistake”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’m more of a Lazy Acres guy these days.

hippofant

How rich does a couple have to be for you not to be like, “What the fuck do you mean you bought a Mercedes without telling me?”

Brocky

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Doktor Zymm

This Hurts kid is decent

Gumbygirl

Yeah, I like him. They just got lucky there, that was almost a Deadly Doink.

Doktor Zymm

Basketball seems to be pretty popular in Belize. Their season starts in January though

litre_cola

Rage rising.

Doktor Zymm

You can bond with Rikki over the Chiefs being bullshit!

jjfozz

The beast dog did this to me yesterday by slamming her concrete skull against my face.

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Doktor Zymm

Oof

jjfozz

I dunna get it

Brocky

My dad legit thought one time out Rottweiler had given him a concussion

He rolled over to the side of the bed at the same moment the dog jumped up on that side.

In his words “I fucking saw stars”

Gumbygirl

My lotta Lab used to regularly try to murder me. He just got excited, not a malcious bone in his body. I went to the ER once, for a badly sprained wrist. I should have gone when he tripped me up and I landed on my hip. I still feel that, it’s been years.

Doktor Zymm

Horse skulls are also hard but a lot bigger, one of my barn friends had to go to urgent care and got 12 stitches

WCS

My thesis adviser owned a farm, and a horse stepped on his foot in the early ’90s. I imagine that hurt.

Doktor Zymm

That’s why you wear closed toe boots around horses. Not steel toe though, those’ll cut your toes off. It’s not really too bad as long as they don’t break your big toe

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I too have taken a dog skull to the dome and it never stops hurting.

Okay, okay, I’m exaggerating. It stops, but it takes quite a while.

Game Time Decision

So, good boy!?!

jjfozz

She is the oddest, goofiest dog I’ve ever owned. A complete and total batshit crazy Lab.

litre_cola

That is an absolute horseshit spot.

King Hippo

Agreed

herodotus450

Everybody knows they’re brothers, but ppl forget that the Green Kelce got suspended for a whole year in college football, probably for getting a discount tattoo. What a loser!

Doktor Zymm

As long as it isn’t a russian prison tattoo made with cigarette ash and urine

Gumbygirl

I thought it was the Red Kelce, for weed. Makes me like him more!

Doktor Zymm

No, no. You shouldn’t run IN Philly
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=JuLH0Hiueho

jjfozz

I’ve never understood the “thin as tissue” rain covering. Jesus, spend $40 and get a fucking raincoat.

SonOfSpam

OMG TRAVIS IS PLAYING AGAINST SWIFT

Doktor Zymm

4ta y 15! My graphics are translated!

SonOfSpam

A sack by Reddick

(also a description of Geronimo’s scrotum)

jjfozz

Tres clever

jjfozz

Is the most common blood type in KC Chicken or Beef Gravy?

Brocky

BBQ sauce,

Gravy is Indianapolis

jjfozz

Flacco not going to the Browns, they put salt on his mashed potatoes.

King Hippo

Migraine nap was excelente. Still holding #4thPill for this fine fixture. YAY, FITBAW!!!!!

jjfozz

I’ve got heroin

King Hippo

I am listening…

jjfozz

Skyrizi sounds like an entry in the Urban Dictionary.

“I was going with molly, but then someone hooked me up with some dope skyrizzi.”

WCS

That’s exactly how it was discovered.

jjfozz

ARROWHEAD STADIUM IS LOUD! DID YOU KNOW THAT? HOLY FUCK ON A LOLLIPOP! IT’S LOUD!

jjfozz

Can someone do a hip drop on Kelce? If not, just shoot him with a musket?

SonOfSpam

Oh someone has Bad Blood towards him.

WCS

He’s never ever ever getting back on the bandwagon.

Brocky

He wears short skirts, while I wear t-shirts. He’s cheer captain and I’m in the bleachers

WCS

Since we’re going to all the repeat offenders of NFL Narrative, here’s fish being tossed around, in Philadelphia, and anti-vaxx/Kelse all in one:

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Someone else figure out how to get Jerome Bettis and Detroit in there.

King Hippo

6-5 Grimace Touched My Butthole has no piece of this!

SonOfSpam

Because you killed all my 8-3 Scrotal Recall players.

King Hippo

a man gots to have a code

jjfozz

DID YOU GUYS KNOW THAT THE KELCES ARE BROTHERS?????

litre_cola

Gone down a rabbit hole with the new Pres in Argie. He is something special.

SonOfSpam

Seems horrid, don’t wanna dig any deeper than that.

King Hippo

YARP. I have hit my human atrocity limit.

litre_cola

He has an alter ego….General Ancap, who sings…

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WCS

Steve Colbert loves to just pop into places.

SonOfSpam

oh dear god

Doktor Zymm

I can’t believe an ancap is in charge of something. Should be interesting

litre_cola

Did you know that there are 2 brothers playing against each other in this game? – R. Fitzpatrick, Harvard Alum

WCS

Fitzpatrick has two brothers playing?

Doktor Zymm

*briefly considers making a bros before hos joke about Tay Tay*
*is too lazy*

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

[glances up from practicing free throws]

“No kidding?”

– Jimmy Graham, former college basketball player

SonOfSpam

“No kidding?”

-J. Bettis, fondly remembering his Detroit upbringing

Doktor Zymm

Just had a lovely nap and all ready to see if they watch football in Belieze or if I’m going to have to location spoof on my laptop!

What’s that? Still an hour to go? Guess I’ll go take a walk by the sea wall or something. Might try to find one of these Beliken beers I’ve seen ads for

Doktor Zymm

Beer obtained, rice, beans, and chicken stew ordered

jjfozz

that’s not chicken . . .

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Aw, I just retired my Belikin Beer t-shirt earlier this year.

Gumbygirl

I like Beliken. And Belizean chicken stew. Jealous!