Enter December JV NFL Championship Saturday Thread

Yes, all good things must come to an end.  But first, we have Lesser Footy – which thankfully is fairly infinite its benevolence.

No Early Bird fixture, nice of the Prem to be considerate of how late we had to stay up to watch the last PAC-tion title game.  Arsenal hosting Wolves is your TV fixture in the 10:00 window (USA), what’s with all this Wolvery of late?  Everyone just really wants to marvel at Handsome Mikel and his Gooner band.  True championship contender this season, methinks.  Remember that Hippo is usually wrong.

Streaming options are Boo-urnely/Knifey and Bees/Luton.  Woof.

In a strange Spotlight Dance, the Robins Hood welcome Very Naughty-Boxed Everton (12:30, NBC).  The first iteration of “Angry Toffees” was a shittastrophe, hopefully they’ll focus better on the road this week.  I will deffo be fat shaming the Robins Hood owner, and you can’t stop me.

Bonesaws host Men Untied in a late matchup (3:00, Peacock).  Who’s more pissed off and/or angry about their midweek Shempions performance?  Both are drawing to an inside straight just to stay alive, and likely underdogs even to parachute into Zooropa.  I guess they can “focus on the League” starting…NOW!

For some reason, we get FOUR matches at 9:00 Sunday, with Chelski/Trashbirds being the TV choice (USA).  Cherries hosting Villa seems more interesting to me (Peacock), but YMMV.  We can also hope for Mighty Whitey to spill some Redshite blood at least (but we shan’t be watching).

City of Men take on reeling Spurs to end the weekend (11:30, Peacock), and man – this is some real overkill in trying to make folks sign up for Peacock.  Don’t kill the golden goose, NBC.  We like what you’ve done with your coverage, but everyone’s got their limits.  I wonder if we will soon see Gonzo Pep, where he shrugs off their defensive shortcomings and tries for 5-2 wins every matchday.  Be good TV, this.

Fansville Can Eat Shit Big Twaaaallllve Title Match – BDSM State (+15.5) v. Texas @ JerralWorld (Noon, ABC)

I don’t get this, Vegas.  We all KNOW Steerfuckers South will panic at the enormity of the moment, just a matter of whether they recover in time to pull off the win.  Humanity sure hopes not, but maybe the Orange Paddle aficianados prefer the world of pain.

MACtion Why Is This Not on Wednesday Title Match – Miami-OH (+8) v. Toledo @ House That Fuck LioUns Built (Noon, ESPN)

This is the only viewing option to Texans likely being happy.  Be grateful you learned to love the Premier League.  I guess this is the Battle FOAR the Even Shittier Parts of Ohio?  Winning coach might get a promotion, too.  Certainly at least a raise.

Mountain West Title Match – Boise State (-2.5) at UNLV (3:00, Fox)

There was a 3-way tie atop the MW, thanks to San Jose State’s upset win at UNLV last weekend.  SJSU and Boise had not played, so the conference said “let the computers decide!” and SJSU is the one left out.  Fucking strange shit.  Not that anyone cares who wins this conference, until they merge into the 2-PAC.  Barry Odom has done a nice rebuild job in Vegas, though.

SEC Paaawwwwlllll Means MOAR Title Match – Alabama (+5) v. Georgia @ Megatron’s Butthole (4:00, CBS)

Good heavens, we’ve made it to the meat course.  Don’t worry if you miss the wafer thin mints on offer later.  Just watch this, should be groovy.  UGA still hasn’t truly been tested, which I think might come back to haunt them.  Or really, I’m just looking for sommet to nitpick – these guys are really, really good.  Roll Damn Tide lucked Damn out on the Plains last weekend, and if you want a narrative for them – playing with house moneys.  Nick Saban would love to crash the party, too.

Murrika FUCK YEAH Title Match – SMU (+3.5) at Tulane (4:00, ABC)

What genius decided to put the lower-middle class games up against the SEC?  Without staggering start times even a little bit?  Dumb, dumb, dumb.  But yeah, flip around to this one, winner likely gets the NY6 bid to the adults’ table.  I’m pulling for Tulane, not because my high school mascot was also Green Wave – but because I read that SMU is no longer formally “Southern Methodist University.”  As a Methodist who hasn’t been to church for like 12 years, I take that personally.

Sun Belt – WHY Would You Belt teh Sun?? Title Match – Happy Appy (+5.5) at Troy (4:00, ESPN)

No, this ain’t the Troi Boiz of Southern Californnia, but rather Troy, AL.  Nobody would know that place exists if not for the football program.  Anyway, Happy Appy is known as such because everybody in Boone is high af all the time.  Hopefully, they remember to put their bowls away in the locker room, Alabama Jeebus ain’t no galdurn hippie YEEHAW!!