It might be nice elseplaces but it’s Hot Chocolate Day here, you sexy thing. That’s just the thing to warm the cockles of my ham hocks. There are six teams (Bills, Giants, Ravens, Vikes, Bears and Raiders) on bye this week so check your turgid fantasy teams!
To The Games!
Colts/Titans:
Indy’s unlikely march to the playoffs might encounter a speed bump in the form of a certain King Henry. The Colts run D has allowed opposing rb’s the 7th-most fantasy points this season and things have gotten worse since run-stopping nose tackle Stewart was nabbed for taking PED’s. Fill-in Zack Moss is no slouch on the other side, leading the league in rush yards over expectation.
Chargers/Pats:
Keenan Allen looked dicey all week but is expected to go and that’s good because he seems to be all of the Chargers offense. Can you think of any other rb or wr that has had a career year at the age of 31? Meanwhile, the world’s saddest whirlygig continues to rotate at the Pats qb position.
Falcons/Jets:
Tim Boyle has a job. His QBR in college was 15.8. His pro career number is 27.7. Last week he posted a 4.6. If any team were to get Flacco on board it should have been the what the hell are you guys thinking Jets. Speaking of crap, Ridder is on board and expect Sauce to get his very first INT of the year.
Lions/Saints:
Some wr on New Orleans is going to have a great day today vs Detroit’s flailing D. Over the last three weeks they’ve not been able to generate any pressure and starting cb Jacobs has been torched for 205 yards and three TDs. But who will that wr be?-Olave is banged up, rook A.T. Perry is an unknown quantity and there are the has-beens Bowden and Kirkwood.
Cards/Steelers:
Watt The Younger will have trouble extending his sack streak to five games against the wily coyote, er, Kyler. Pitt will likely pile up the yards against Arizona’s flimsy D but will it translate into points this time around?
Fins/Commies:
The only wr to reach 100 yards vs the Cowboys is, Curtis Samuel? Maybe that’s the streamer you’re looking for with so many teams on bye. Achane is back but it doesn’t sound like he’s 100%. He and other skill guys should have a field day because, as everyone suspected, the Commies D has become suspect since the fire sale of Young and Sweat. They’ve given up 29, 31, (to the Giants!) and 45 points since that genius maneuver.
Broncos/Texans:
At 6-5 and occupying the 8th and 9th playoff spots in the race, there’s a fair amount riding on this tilt. Denver has been forcing qb’s into rushed decisions during their win streak but rook Stroud is a different kind of cat. He had some INT woes two weeks ago but got immediately back on track. He’s had a QB rating of 80+ in all games except for his very first. I’ll be watching Houston’s left guard Juice Scruggs. Why? Because his name is Juice Scruggs, damnit!
Enjoy.
Spanktackular INT by Houston!
edit: By Stingley Jr! Wheelchairs Up!
Detroit just wrecked Carr as a tribute to Cronenberg’s Crash
Get comfortable in Yinzburgh. This is going to be a minute.
Yinz can probably run to the dispensary if a refill is needed, @Gumbygirl. Not that this has been worth waiting around for, anyway. Tomlin Voodoo will inevitably happen after this prolonged delay.
I have plenty of weed, but I don’t have that game. Probably a good thing, it would harsh my buzz.
Update for senor: I’m good on both accounts, so do you need any more invites?
I managed to solo, so all good!
Surtain RESURRECTED Praise Black Jesus!!!!
Ok. Tennessee without a punter. Go for it on 4th every time? Check your Hungarian streams.
I really wanna see Malik Willis punt
/rubs midfke of forhead
No
No, NO! NOT BACK TO THE BRONCOS! ANYTHING BUT THAT!!!
and I was feeling so good this week when people in my league that were losing lost interest and a shiny Zach Moss fell to me in the middle of the pack, why would anyone throw away something like this
Love watching these games on local stations. There’s this Alberta ad featuring a father/son team that owns a car dealership. They’re wearing all the shitkicker cowboy regalia and have not a clue how god damn silly they look.
oof, Tits punter gonna need a new plant leg. Poor fucker.
Diving in the endzone in celebration loses its luster if you make a one-point landing on your head.
This clip lives rent free in my head when I hear about CTE
I don’t think I’ve ever seen it. Is that guy dead?
Jahvid Best is alive. How much of his brain? YOU DECIDE.
Getting drafted by Jim Schwartz couldn’t have helped.
Fun fact, he ran in track and field for the 2016 Olympics due to having Trinidadian citizenship. First nfl player to perform in the Olympics AFTER their playing career
I stayed sober for this? Pray for The Weapon! 🙏🏼
HIGH END TALENT
This Patriots-Chargers game is setting football back decades.
Dropped passes, ridiculous. And the LioUns are trying to blow it, so that game isn’t worth watching anymore either. I may go take a bath.
Just checked my Freezer Vodka team and congrats to Hippo on the victory
Moss just LOVES getting stuffed inside the 5, GUH
Oof! Wilson had the charm knocked right out of him.
Watching YouTubeTV Split-Screen and Trubisky and Carr fumbled at the same time. Derp in Stereo.
KHunt v. Mingo, I am sure whichever I choose will be wrong and cost Hippo the fantssy ballgame. Leaning Mingo (0.8 PPR).
We have achieved MAXIMUM SURLY DUFF nawt a drill ppl
Inorite!
/pops nic-gum
CARD-PITT will almost assuredly have another delay. There’s some stuff on the horizon.
Stroud with the falling sideways hopeball for the 1st down.
Lotta Elway in this kid (PHRASING)
Neigh.
Charmception and I’m pretty sure it’s not a dream.
You all probably dont have my feed but the BIGEYESvsKyler game is on weather delay at the half so i get Broncos action.
So this should make for a pretty fucking poor ARI bye week report…
“Four inches makes all the difference.”
-Deanna Favre
-Dr David Chao
Afternoon, all. Finally got back from a funeral (my old HS principal) to get the shit off and into the cozies… only to find that the Pats are reaching new levels of deceased that physics previously suggested were impossible to attain.
Enjoy the suck.
Equal/Opposite et al.
Weird, normally that’s something you’d expect at the funeral.
Get rid of those hard pants!
Ooh, 36!
/Reads “Slim Fit”
//sets store on fire
SUTTON GET IN!!!!!
Poor Arizona, they probably have no idea that despite being up 10-3, they’re going to lose in heart-breaking fashion.
Can something inanely chaotic count?
THESE WASHINGTON COMMANDERS, I CALL THESE GUYS GREENPEACE BECAUSE THEY’RE ALL ABOUT HELPING THE DOLPHINS SUCCEED!
biggest effort to help cetaceans since the search for Spock
Greetings from the Meadowlands… Hilton, across the highway.
(PoGos of DFO, attempting to send invites.)
Send one to my alt, if you can
What did Denver to Samaje Perine? He used to be good-ish.
Now CJ Stroud has a limpy ouchie.
“As long as Tyreek Hill is burning crosses…”
Uh…
Richie Incognito inquiring about rejoining Miami
“He’s playing like a bull on parade out there!”
-Tom Morello, sports announcer
A Weather Delay? Even Mother Nature doesn’t want to see Mitch Trubisky play.
Donks OL? Deffo nae WOO-worthy this week.
This is the first minutes of football I’m getting to enjoy alone this season and I am being treated to Mitch Trubisky.
This is awesome. The world is a joke.
The AFC North QBs is now: LAMAR!, Flacco, Trubisky and Browning.
You can either fight the chaos or enjoy it.
I’d say score one for Black Jesus, eh?
A bunch of good athletes all in the same line of work get hurt, and suddenly, everyone loses their minds!
A.T. Perry has 3.8 for me at the half, which is 3.8 MOAR than I expected to get.
Brevin Jordan, the Texans blocking tight end with 6 catches on the year has gifted me with 6.1 points so far. Allah be praised.
I am against a guy starting THREE inactives and Joshua Kelley. Barely on track to win.
Kylen Granson of the Colts has 71 yards receiving so far. He was on my
Deep SleeperNarcolepsy list for today.Usual splash page:
Splash page tailored for JJFozz:
Desmond Ridder and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad and Frankly, Grossly Incompetent Quarterbacking Day.
Say what you will, that was one sweet Murder Ball!
God. DAMNIT.
UPDATE – WOO!!!!!
-Issac, Genesis 22
This week’s IS IT A CATCH/TOUCHDOWN brought to you by pedantics and ennui.
Tits are getting back into the Surly Duff mix, ain’t they?
REALLY NEED that McBrideDOWN to stick
the fuck you Ertz game plan
Probably a bad choice of words of “runaway train” when one of the chaingang looks like their got their leg ran over by one.
Uncle Jack DOUBTFUL
Truth Biscuit to play!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oBdpssq4hEA&ab_channel=MrAndyCretin
I CALL WILSON A SHORT ORDER COOK AFTER CHURCH LETS OUT BECAUSE HE’S SCRAMBLING LIKE MAD.
Yinzers show know Picketts charge was doomed to fail
Pickett’s brain is located in his ankle?
gotta rub sum dirt on it LUNCH PALE
Red zone just going fuck it mode and showing random Titan incompletions
Don T calls it “edging.”
or some kind of comedown medication to keep Hanson in control
Falcons 7 Jets 5
/almost time for the 7th inning stretch