It would be exhausting to go through all of them and they’ve already been covered by some fine folks earlier in the week so I’ll try to keep that stuff to a minimum.
To The Games!
Bucs/Panthers:
The game plan should be simple-put in-over-his-head Bryce Young under pressure and watch the turnovers follow. The last time ’round Tampa did that he ended up with a nasty 7.7 QBR. Carolina of course has nothing to do with the playoffs but they do possess an owner who is a wild card in that he lacks impulse control. Gotta feel sorry for a white billionaire that feels like things aren’t going his way.
Browns/Bengals:
Hard to believe that Cincy doesn’t have a division win this year but then you take a gander at the other teams and it becomes clear. But now that they’re on their 5th starting qb things should be just fine. Oof! Cleveland is locked into the 5th seed so these squadoos should just go through the motions.
Vikes/Lions:
Minny’s chances of post-season glory hinge on a W and help from three other teams so their longboat is dead in the water. Detroit looks like a one-and-done team to me because, well, Nick Mullens of all qb’s hung 411 yards on them-imagine what a starter would amass.
Jets/Pats:
Just don’t look!
Falcons/Saints:
Hopefully this is the final stop on the Art Smith Hate Train. The guy couldn’t game-manage his way out of a paper bag. So how does he win? He doesn’t-the D is fantastic at shutting down the run. Should you wish to see egregious player utilization, have a gander at this fixture.
Jags/Titans:
Will Tennessee play the role of playoff enabler for the second week in a row? They did a huge solid (which also the phrase used around these parts for the aftermath of a fried pickle/Hot Chicken feast) for the Texans last week. The bumper music will likely be “Lay Down Sally”.
Have at it.
Welp. Looks like I’ll be putting the bandana away until next season.
Lucky. I never even got the opportunity to expose my
junkbandana.You could always go for a swim at your nearest Bass Pro Shop.
Go ahead and get it professionally cleaned and pressed, ready for next year
Sorry, buddy.
Hmm, it seems that ever expanding list of “qbs that the bears passed on who are supposedly better than Justin fields” is gonna be awfully short after today
Prison Girlfriend carries the ball like a loaf of bread he “earned” from the chow hall.
All this talk about the playoffs. I don’t need the playoffs…
The Jerk – This is all I need (youtube.com)
Hopkins offering Tannehill 100k of AK ammunition for one more catch
tampa wins the lowly nfc south scoring a lowly 9 points and gets a lowly 9 wins
perfect
Browns avoid the shutout
Damn. I’m trying find the airline I flew from Sudbury to the Buttonville airport outside Toronto around 1978. It was a prop plane, maybe a Dash 7?
Prison Girlfriend hoped for a few MOAR inches…
(D.Favre nods in agreement)
I’m making my family Meatloaf recipe, which is disputed by MrsSloth as not Meatloaf, so it’s Italian Meatloaf.
Pictured: Italian Meatloaf. He woulda do anytinga for-a love, but he woulda not ado that, bellisomo.
If you thought the Bengals starting OL was bad, just imagine how bad their backups are?
I flew Midway Airlines from Midway Airport in Chicago to a blizzard in Idaho Falls ID.
The plane was clearly used and with some mileage. The carpet down the central was worn down to threads, and when I sat in my aisle seat (in the “smoking section”) the ashtray that was built-in the the armrest broke off and fell on the floor. The landing in the blizzard was the only time I was ever scared of flying.
Forgot about the smoking section. I was on Olympic Airways from London to Athens. The whole damn plane was firing up darts the whole flight.
I remember flying on planes full of cigarette smoke.
Oh shit. I remember flying with my dad and uncle and we were on the tarmac for (what seemed like) at least two hours waiting. I was a severe asthmatic when I was a kid and you couldn’t see 5 rows ahead for all the smoke haze.
Me: [wheezing]
Dad: “Everything ok?”
Me: “I’m. Having. Trouble. Breathing. Do you have my inhaler?”
Dad: “It’s in our luggage. You’ll have to wait. Here’s some peanuts.”
Me: “Thanks Dad.”
/he was also allergic to peanuts
And the Toradol “What Pain?” Man of the Match is Baker Mayfield!
Live from Carolina
(not pictured – all the lost human blood)
Tits droopin. Hangin even.
That tends to happen when you don’t get the proper support. Amirite?
What is K.Hunt still doing in the game?
Nina Hartley is offended by that question.
I flew on Oceanic Airlines once, and ended up crashed on this weird island
I’ve never been on an airplane, so here’s the airport scene from Rain Man.
Rain Man Airport Scene (youtube.com)
What??? We gotta get you on a plane. If you’ve never flown before you have no frame of reference to be scared of it, except for news reports of entire fuselage panels falling off in-flight or pilots going nuts and deliberately flying into mountains. Other than that it’s perfectly safe.
That’s a very persuasive way to talk someone on to a plane. We should also talk about Ryanair trying to charge for using the toilet
Or when that engine disintegrated and the debris broke a window and it sucked a passenger right out through the tiny window aperture like the person’s body was made of toothpaste. But events like that are, of course, fairly uncommon.
You cannot sleep overnight behind the check in desk. A lady will get very cross with you at 5 am.
Also avoid Japanese Coast Guard pilots (or any Japanese pilot with a white bandana wrapped around his head).
I once flew Aero California and it was the scariest flight I’ve ever had.
Air Lao was a fucking adventure I tell you that.
Vikes/Lions is has actually been a pretty decent hard-fought game (“tilt” in DFO-speak)
those ankle bites really add up ppl forget that
Cincinnat’s Point Differential for the season was -35 going into this game. They’re up 31-0.
Why are there Stiller fans waving Terrible Towels at Jags-Titans? Are they ret–I mean very special people?
Titans win and the Steelers get in the playoffs.
BECAUSE THEY LOVE THE TITS!
THESE CINCINNATI BENGALS I CALL THEM LAW ENFORCEMENT, BECAUSE THEYRE BEATING UP ON THE BROWNS JUST FOR THE HELL OF IT
Mrs. Katherine McCarron is warming up in the bullpen.
“That’s so hot.”
-B. Musberger
Speaking of which, Bengals Radio Color Guy went full Musberger talking about Browning’s girlfriend in her bodysuit. The awkward silence was palpable.
The only defunct airline I remember flying was Ansett going from Sydney to Gold Coast
Extraordinarily obscure reference. I like it!
I remember Ansett was an Australian billionaire that decided to buy his own airline and name it after himself. A little Trumpy, IIRC.
Footage from the Jets-Pats game looks like archival footage from a Siberian gulag. Are we sure that the fans aren’t political prisoners?
I’m not sure those fans are smart enough to be considered “political.”
“+1”
-A. Solzhenitsyn
I wonder if Skipper spoke very loudly and slowly while reporting this time
The Browns Defensive Front has gone offsides about five times this game.
I am personally sorry for all the points being scored in Jets-P*ts and, if score holds, the next QB being good for the next 20 years and fucking us all some more.
I’m torn I kinda want the jets to win to solidify the draft pick, but on the other hand keeping the streak alive is always hilarious.
Lions up 20-6. Any injuries to starters is on Campbell.
Did anyone fly Eastern Airlines?
Many times. They were the biggest airline out of Washington DC
I think so, when I was a kid
Yes! Forgot about them.
This FCS championship game is threatening to go bananacakes
Ridder trying to throw the interception again and failing like he always does.
You’d think Oil of Olave would have bad hands.
That was a beeyoutiful catch.
I swear Desmond Ridder wasn’t this bad at JV Cincy. He wasn’t a superstar, but he was competent.
I think Atlanta broke him.
Once you enter Megatron’s Butthole, you never come out the same.
Henry with a 69 yard run. Hell yeah.
I wonder what it would be like to play rb and never get knocked backwards. Earl Campbell and Christian Okeye experienced it for the majority of their careers as well.
Who on the Jaguras pissed off El Tractorcito? Cause he is fucking trucking their D.
/Ridder looks downfield, pumps, then dumps it to Bijan who is immediately smothered by two defenders
You’re not fooling anybody, buddy.
/as I typed this he threw an INT
PICKAMERCEPTION!
Let’s see how Carr manages to squander this in the red zone.
The only team that can beat the Ravens this year is the Cowboys offense (at home) and the Pats D.
Key assumption being the Ratbirds actively paying attention.
/still bitter re my Survivor and Loser pool exits
You forgot someone.
I wasn’t talking about the Ravens second team.
Beat their first team too.
Same score
Okay, Ja’Marr Chase now has 100 catches for the year. Get him the fuck off the field, please.
Ridder is back in? I thought he was ran out of town?
He keeps coming back, like a herpetic lesion.
He escaped from Arkham Asylum again.
Reviewing my comments from last night. Boy, I was making as much sense as a soup sandwich.
“Which is definitely a sand…um, right. As you were.”
-Maestro
The Simpsons – Homer’s Love Postcard (youtube.com)
Montana QB just going for it
https://twitter.com/nocontextcfb/status/1744079069287752017
Defunct airlines I have flown/ known . Peoples Express, Continental, Pan Am, TWA, US Air. There’s a small one I can’t remember that puddle jumped around Western PA. I remember taking a very short flight from Latrobe to Pittsburgh. Maybe Allegheny?
AirTran used to have the best business-class fares between LAX and BWI, changing planes in either Atlanta or Milwaukee. Milwaukee is the coolest little airport ever. In the main terminal they have a museum, complimentary ping-pong and pool tables, plus an honest-to-goodness used bookstore that was good as I’ve ever seen. Alas, AirTran got bought by Southwest (I’m not sitting on a Southwest flight for more than 90 minutes) so that party ended.
Not to be confused with AirTrans, which was banned in every red state.
I never actually flew on it but pretty sure I still have a baseball cap from Bearskin Airlines
Ha! We put some of our stuff on that airline and also Air Creebec.
Friend of mine used to work for Bearskin which is how I got the hat. I used to joke that their slogan should be “Fly the Bear, if you dare!”
Should I be cheering for the Falcons to be 8-9 division winners just for the lols?
I know I sure am!
I’m on Team Fuck Art Smith.
/ordinarily I’d be on board
This. Fuck that nepo-baby.
Desmond Ridder, Playoff Quarterback is admittedly not something I wrote down in my Gregg Easterbrook notebook at the start of the season.
oh yea, nearly forgot. the tits are bad
What are “things never said in a sexy Friday thread”?
“I agree”
-A. Rodgers, East Rutherford, NJ
That Lions secondary-the bumper music should be “Into The Great Wide Open”.
I’m going to make some hot tea for when the snow game comes on
Just think, if we would’ve flown his damn airlines and given him the Buffalo Bills, we wouldn’t be in this shit.
If only they had let Hitler into art school . . .
I think he still would have gotten bored like he did with Atlantic City