Hello there fellow DFO’er. Hope you’re well today. And thanks for coming back to see last weeks comments of the week as decided by my brain. There’s no reason as to why some comments make it and others don’t. Seriously. There isn’t.
This weeks cheesy motivational quote is:
Love is giving someone the ability to destroy you, but trusting them not to [in bed].
Unknown
This is about being pegged, right? Think we need balls to weight in here.
As a reminder, Sunday comments stand alone and Monday comments will go on the next week’s post.
Note that during the offseason, I’ll probably look at the Sunday posts.
Without further ado, here are the comments of the week.
So do we have a name for the Brick sub? I nominate the S.S. Kolber to honor the matron saint
Sharkbait
S.S. Big Black Tube
ballsofsteelandfury
only if Big Black Richard comes back!!
King Hippo
Up to the minute…
2Pack
Just finished my final interview for job I actually want….and now the waiting. I never feel like I did well in interviews, lucky for me I’m pretty good at making myself not think about things that already happened.
Doktor Zymm
I just had an intro call with a recruiter. Not that I’m looking, but if someone wants to give me more money for what I do, I’m all ears.
Sharkbait
Found a funny;
It probably feels so good to flip up your headset mic to yell at someone on the field and then flip it back down to talk to the boys in the booth
rockingdog
My sleep schedule is entirely fucked. Staying up late playing Civ should fix that, right?
Doktor Zymm
Apparently the Kelces already have three kids.
The idea of this man running amok on various Little League fields over the next several years chasing after four kids seems like a scenario for boundless hilarity.
Horatio Cornblower
“Hey ump…that dad up there is screaming with no shirt on and pounding a beer!”
“Uh, yeah, he’s allowed to do that.”
SonOfSpam
(15 years later)
“Why is there a shirtless guy doing a keg stand at midfield?”
“That’s one of the kid’s father just showing their pride.”
“But its a Marching Band Halftime Show.”
“Yeah, but in his defense she really nailed that flute solo.”
Redshirt
Redshirt
January 22, 2024 7:24 pm
Titans got Bengals OC Callahan. My condolences.
https://www.cbssports.com/nfl/news/titans-plan-to-hire-brian-callahan-as-head-coach-former-bengals-oc-to-replace-mike-vrabel-in-tennessee/
Redshirt
The same Brian Callahan the Raiders fired???
ballsofsteelandfury
Doesn’t really matter. Hiring the Callahan boy seems like a recipe for disaster.
Horatio Cornblower
One of my New Year’s resolutions is to stop paying so much attention to political bullshit, and use the time more productively by watching more pornography.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Noun[edit]
procrasturbation (uncountable)
(slang, humorous) The act of putting off something important or wasting time by engaging in a leisure activity, particularly masturbation.
https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/procrasturbation
WCS
A poem for brick
Happy Birthday to you…
I’m missing a shoe …
I’m terrible at rhyming…..
WIDE RIGHT!
Brocky
Some people consider Citizen Kane the greatest movie ever made, but in reality it’s Mad Max: Fury Road.
BugEyedBoo
Quiet you, it’s Blazing Saddles
BrettFavresColonoscopy
You misspelled “Young Frankenstein”
The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem
Three words: Prin Cess Bride.
Gumbygirl
I wish I was young enough and located well enough to go out somewhere and make really poor decisions
Doktor Zymm
Oh wait I can make poor decisions at home with people I already know, I’m gonna keep doing that
Doktor Zymm
We aim to please.
Or is it “we shoot to wound”?
Either way, should be exciting!
The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem
Can’t believe that professional tennis has not adopted my suggestion that players from Russia and Belarus be announced as from “parts unknown” like an old-school pro wrestler.
Dunstan
At least I’m not whatever Boeing middle management sap is gonna be the fall guy for the MAX fuckups. Cause you know it’s not gonna be the upper management folk who are actually responsible, and even if it was they’re probably good on assets and could just retire.
If I had spare cash I would probably buy Boeing stock right about now, no matter how toxic they are on the commercial airliner market the US will always bail them out because we need them for national defense
The Venn diagram of competent people and people who have jobs is NAWT a circle
Doktor Zymm
So i was talking with my mother yesterday, you know since we picked a date to have dad admitted to this really great care facility. And she agreed to it two weeks ago.
And now she’s hedging. To say I’m furious is like saying the Balrog can be grumpy.
I relayed this to my sisters via email and got nothing back.
If this gets delayed or cancelled, I’m writing my family a very nice email that says I’ll be talking to them later in the year, as this has caused so much anger, fury, and stress in my life and that of my immediate family’s.
jjfozz
I’ll admit it. Today I was cut off by a Tesla. I sped up to him and yelled “YOU’RE A FUCKING CUNT!” I’m pretty sure he got the message.
I’m off to see how much it costs to have two side by side .50 caliber machine guns mounted on the hood of a Toyota Camry.
I’ve had enough.
jjfozz
And so you see kids, that’s what a little Baltimore will do to a guy. Straight to .50 cals. For only $3 a day, you can sponsor a deranged Bay Area Lunatic of your own, and get him the help, he needs. My name is Sally Struthers, thank you and goodnight.
herodotus450
Update on the downfall of the American Experiment:
Redshirt
Can New England go back to old England?
Sharkbait
“Called it…”
Dunstan
Our office is switching support programs today, so we can’t bill anything or add documents to the files, or do much of anything that involves documentation.
Suffice it to say I’ll be leveling up in Fortnite and catching up significantly on the Immaculate Grid for baseball.
Horatio Cornblower
It would be great if there was a job interview that just involved listening.
Side note: if this was real I would totally buy one
Doktor Zymm
Don T
So we’ve reached a transition at work.
My number one is retiring on Friday after 23 years of working together.
We’ve gone through every life event imaginable together.
I’m happy as hell for him, especially since his wife is still working and makes huge bank.
I’m promoting number three into a lead position.
He’s earned it.
He’s a Worker.
I’m grooming him to take over my spot when I retire. He’s a captain now.
He’s going to be so good at this.
yeah right
As a supervisor I had to take annual refresher training yesterday on Time and Attendance validation procedures on the website. They call it “T&A” training and I giggle and have inappropriate thoughts whenever they do.
2Pack
My wife is on an elementary school zoom call. I am near suicidal listening to this.
litre_cola
I think your router just had an update. You better re-boot it to be sure.
Sharkbait
“HONEY I CAN’T FIND THE BAKING POWDER, AND THIS FENTANYL ISN’T GONNA CUT ITSE…oh shit is the school call tonight?”
Horatio Cornblower
Mrs. Horatio (returning from another session of metal detecting with nothing but nails and oxen shoes): Someday I’d really like to find a treasure.
Me (adding maple bitters to my hot chocolate): I thought I was your treasure.
Mrs. Horatio: Shut up.
Horatio Cornblower
I really hope the Falcons call Belichick to let him know he had the lead for the head coaching spot and blew it.
BrettFavresColonoscopy
$18.3 million for compensatory damages.
It’s pretty hilarious watching MSNBC trying to live broadcast the reading of a verdict, which takes fucking forever.
$65 million punitive.
$83.3 million in total.
Horatio Cornblower
I’ll be lurking on Truth Social for a reaction.
It’s okay, I’m a Daywalker.
Redshirt
At some point these constant losses at trial are going to make Trump stroke out, and that is going to be a great day for America, and indeed the world.
Or so I tell myself.
Horatio Cornblower
Found a funny:
Whats the difference between a small child and a bag of cocaine?
Eric Clapton would NEVER let a bag of cocaine fall out of a window.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
My second in the shop retired today.
23 years working with this man.
In retirement a man has a name.
His name is Andre.
We’ve got a surprise party for him tomorrow night. I get to meet his family and friends and he has no idea this is going to happen.
And for some reason it’s at a Black Angus steakhouse.
I’mma blog this shit.[ editor, we’re waiting]
yeah right
January 26, 2024 11:06 pm
Guys, I am having a bad time. Brother in law is dying, my sister is obviously distraught, and now my older brother called me a while ago to tell me my younger brother is in intensive care, intubated. They don’t know if he had a seizure, or what it is. They said the cat scan or mri or whatever they did doesn’t show brain damage, so it’s probably not a stroke. What the actual fuck? I talked to him two days ago, he was fine. He’s only 61. Older brother is not in good health either. He had to put up with younger brothers wife all day, and to put it in kind terms, she’s cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs. Completely nuts, my brother was waiting until their daughter graduated from college this spring to leave. Jesus Christ, it’s like we’re being punished.
Gumbygirl
We’re here for you,Gumbygirl. You’re our favorite. You can tell whoever you want.
Horatio Cornblower
And Horatio’s a law-talkin’ guy, so you can tell people that upon advice of counsel you have accepted the title of “favorite”.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Redshirt
I wouldn’t mind being a nudist, but I’m a grower not a shower and I’d need to grow a huge bush just to fuck with people and I really don’t like pubic hair
ballsofsteelandfury
In tonight’s edition of “Gee, I didn’t really need to know all that”
SonOfSpam
Mrs. Horatio and I go to our local for dinner. We just get settled at the bar when the guy next to me stands up to head to the bathroom, staggers, then falls over backwards onto the floor despite the best efforts of a couple of other patrons to catch him.
I look at his seat and he’s had at least one mixed drink and a martini, as has his wife/SO. They also have a martini to go, which apparently is a thing and really shouldn’t be.
Anyway, guy assures everyone that he’s fine, which is a lie, then proceeds to bicker with his the wife /SO. Bar staff has gathered in front of them as they get ready to leave, I’m getting ready to tackle him if he tries to drive, and the couple next to them gets up and insists that they drive them home. Talk about unsung heroes.
Anyway, they do, and when they get back I buy their drinks. They finish those and the people next to me buy them another round. And at this point I suspect that we might be in one of those horror stories where no one ever leaves the bar, they just keep buying each other drinks and then someone brings them home and then all of a sudden they’re back in the bar and having to drive someone else home.
And that’s when we bailed out, because I’ve read those stories and, unlike all those dipshit teenagers, when the going gets tough I get going.
The other way, as fast as my feet can carry me.
Horatio Cornblower
Connecticut is a land of contrasts.
Here’s my alcohol story.
Been a Dry January. Nothing for me since 2023. Wife just left for the store and said “Fuck it…it’s close enough.” I believe my Dry January will end shortly. But I am down about 15 pounds! That’s good! (cut out the potassium benzoate)
SonOfSpam
Ey ho! Yo! what goin ogon. on?
jjfozz
Not a lot! The Dr. Mrs. is watching figure skating and I’m drinkin’ a cocktail with rum, passion fruit, lime, and ginger ale. It’s a nice cozy night in LA and my baby is gonna be skating soon.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Your euphemisms for vacuuming are pretty elaborate.
WCS
Tried out my new mud boots today, and I am happy to announce I did NAWT get stuck in the ankle deep+ mud!
Doktor Zymm
Everything’s comin’ up Doktor Zymm!
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Blaxx’s pool reminded me of the time when I had just started at the warehouse-there was a office clerk that liked to play little jokes on folks and make fun of them. So I decided to play one on her.
Me: [on Monday] “Did you hear Becky’s having a pool party on Friday?”
Some Guy: “Oh, that’s great. Weather is supposed to be nice.”
Other Guy: “I never get invited to anything!”
Me: [on Tuesday] “Are you bringing any snacks to Becky’s pool party? I’m bringing chips but I can bring something else.”
Some Other Guy: “Nah, just bringing beer.”
/Wednesday
Becky: [over the PA] “I’m not having a pool party on Friday!”
/Thursday
Me: “I heard the pool party is back on-Becky changed her mind. What time are you going?”
Other Guy: “Probably around 4, just have to go home and get my bathing suit.
/Friday
Becky: [over the PA] “I’M NOT HAVING A POOL PARTY!”
Me: [to Becky, later] “It’s too bad you had to cancel your pool party, a lot of people are disappointed.”
Becky: “GODDAMNIT! I WAS NEVER GOING TO HAVE A POOL PARTY!”
Me: “Then why was everyone saying that you were going to have one?”
Etc., etc.
scotchnaut
Someone call Peter King at The Wednesdayer because POOL’S FUCKED and blaxxy just got a spring project!
blaxabbath
The kommentist party in six months (artist’s conception):
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
200 second half yards and nothing to show for it is pretty impressive. It’s like dating 12 people in college and still being a virgin.
BrettFavresColonoscopy
I hope Travis Kelce goes to the Grammys and they cut to him in the balcony every time Taylor wins something.
Horatio Cornblower
Wow that was the unprotected sex in Haiti of decisions by Lamar there.
BrettFavresColonoscopy
Maestro needs to explain HOW THE FUCK a Caesar salad is a sandwich…
ballsofsteelandfury
There’s lettuce between croutons, too easy
Doktor Zymm
See, Gisele, LAMAR! can throw the ball and catch the ball!
BrettFavresColonoscopy
Damn, I should have worn some flannel for Lamar! today. Problem is, I don’t own any.
King Hippo
I have literally a dozen flannel shirts in my closet. It’s 95% of my wardrobe. I should’ve sent you one.
The Maestro
You gots too in the wilds of The Canadia!
King Hippo
When Zymm met Don T and I at the airport, having never met either of us.
Don T was in a beauty suit and I was in a flannel with a toque.
WE ARE WHO YOU THINK WE ARE
litre_cola
[note: your Canadian editor does not own any flannel shirts]
Biggest blown lead by lions since Scar in the Lion King
Gatoraids
The good news is that this dude was eaten by a bunch of lions related to the dead lion in this photo soon afterward. The bad news is the lion was killed before it could get to the Super Bowl.
Doktor Zymm
That guy is a solid 6’3″, 215 pounds
BrettFavresColonoscopy
THIS SECOND HALF I CALL THE REFRACTORY PERIOD BECAUSE THE LIONS FUCKED TOO HARD AND CLIMAXED TOO SOON.
Senor Weaselo
THESE DETROIT LIONS I CALL THEM A MORMON HOUSEWIFE BECAUSE THEY WERE A LITTLE AWKWARD FLICKING THAT FLEA AND PROBABLY FEEL BAD NOW
BrettFavresColonoscopy
I am trying to control my laughter so my daughter doesn’t ask what’s so funny
King Hippo
“Daddy’s invisible friends made a funny!”
“OK, Dad, that’s great.”
/starts frantically searching “rest homes near me”
Horatio Cornblower
THESE COMMENTATORS I CALL THEM ALANIS MORISSETTE BECAUSE THEY APPEAR TO NOT UNDERSTAND WHAT IS AND IS NOT IRONY
BrettFavresColonoscopy
This is going to be the biggest choke job since the 500!
– Houston
ballsofsteelandfury
THIS THIRD QUARTER I CALL IT THE EDSEL, BECAUSE IT’S DESTROYING DETROIT!!
Horatio Cornblower
Me: “Were I a betting man we’d be swimming in cash right now.”
Wifey: “Cool. We could always use some extra money.”
Me: “Ok, I’ll open up an account when I go back upstairs.”
Wifey: “Wait! No! Don’t you dare!”
Me: “But you said…”
Wifey: “I DIDN’T SAY ANYTHING!”
scotchnaut
Those ancient Romans had the right idea about betting on Lions to defeat a Christian.
The Maestro
Well, they do have Amon-Ra on their side as well.
Petronel
Found a funny;
bro you haven’t lived until you’ve experienced ego death in a costco
rockingdog
Sumer Sports has a 2000-word story of why Gilgamesh is a FRAUD, ppl forget that.
Senor Weaselo
If you have having trouble “loggin in”, once logged in it may say that you are not logged in, at that point, refresh the page. If that does not work, then clear your cache and “loggin in” again.
Thanks for all the comments and funny and everything else.
Stay busy and safe out there.
NOTE banner image from here
I have it on good authority that Taylor Swift pegs Travis Kelce every night with a steel dildo shaped like the Lombardi Trophy.
Lesser Springboks take the lead!
I went to Canada this weekend.
NOOOICE
Which QMJHL teams did you see, can’t tell from the pic
https://www.espn.com/nfl/story/_/id/39422427/sources-ben-johnson-nixes-head-coach-jobs-stay-lions
Team Knifey and Martin Prince’s Lutes off to flying starts.
Whiskey Tango Foxtrot seagulls.
Again. What the fuck Seagulls?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iIpfWORQWhU
How hard is everyone prepping for the latest supply chain delays/increases?
Time to become a Terlet Paper MIllionaire again??
I live in an over 55 community. I’ll just beat up one of my elderly, frail neighbors and steal their tp.
[glances down]
half-chub, at best
Seeing the Toffee XI, I might just stream King’s Afrikan Water Pistols instead
They are sooooo scared of her!
Indeed. I will never get tired of posting this:
https://www.espn.com/nfl/story/_/id/39422245/sources-steelers-hire-ex-falcons-coach-arthur-smith-oc
Blame (Matt) Canada
Yeah, was hoping for your sake you wouldn’t check the news today.
Sourry man.
Ha 👉🏼 HA. Now you know how it feels!
Well shit.
What. The . Actual. Fuck? Yesterday, I read they were thinking about the qb coach for Houston, who is apparently a young qb guru. I wake up today, and they hire the posterboy for rich white failsons. Ugh, should have stayed in bed.
What in God’s name?
It was an experiment. It wasn’t bad.
I have had 4 meetings today. That means 4 safety pauses, and 4 land acknowledgements. Ugggh
I understand neither phrase, but presume both would enrage me.
were the land acknowledgements in both languages as well?
Nope, just in English.
At least you now know where the exits are and the tribe most justified in throwing you out of those windows.
Land acknowledgements are weird. It’s like a rapist saying “This sex is taking place in nonconsenual holes” mid-act.
Holy shit, GumbyGirl! Hope you & Gumby are doing OK and the family is recovering.
Thank you. BIL is hanging in there, unfortunately for him. My younger brother was supposed to be getting off the ventilator yesterday, no one has told me yet how that went. His wife is a whackjob, I’m not calling her. I’ll call my older brother later.
Oof. Nothing like dealing with insane in-laws.
ON TOP of medical emergencies… Sheesh. Well, that’s what the reefer is for.
Yes. Yes indeed.
Mali, Mali, they likes to party
I’d like to know our Colonel Rhodes’ assessment of the political and sociological situation in the Sahel.
I laughed way more than normal on this recap. Brilliant stuff.
GTD, buy a Dixxon flannel, they make em for tall folks. It will change your life. BC Dick had run o the mill ones, Mrs. Cola bought him one for xmas. Huge difference in quality. I have a couple and they actually fit my orangutan arms!
This was flannel talk brought to you by Draft Kings.
GAMBLE
It’s more than I’d pay, but I love that they sell this:
https://www.dixxon.com/products/suicidal-tendencies-40yr-flannel?nosto=417823099&nosto_source=cmp
The two I was wearing in Vegas were Pennywise ones. So comfy.
My GAMBOR problem is the further two-month delay in North Cakalaky setting up online sportsball GAMBLOR procedures. DO BETTER.
Thanks. Will check them out.
I’ve been getting Eddie Bauer stuff as their Tall stuff fits me well. And man do I love me a hoodie to keep my giraffe like neck warm at this time of year
Great recap GTD. One more week of meaningful football content before we gotta start lookin for other stuff to entertain ourselves with.
I had missed that Eric Clapton joke, holy fuck that got me good
It’s actually about her agreeing to anal, but you were close!
I’m assuming the conversation was tabled after she said “You first.”
https://twitter.com/ConfusingImages/status/1752017942055645343
That is exactly the convo my buddy had with his wife. He requested, she said ok, you first.
I do not understand the fascination of the younger (or even current) fascination with the Hershey Highway.
This has been a #WASPmoment with King Hippo
So how did he enjoy the pegging?