From the game thread on Sunday between the 49’ers and the Lions, many, many jokes and/or comments were made about how long it’s been since the Lions had won a road playoff game, mainly lead by our esteemed Dok. So instead of putting them into a massive comments post, I’ve put them below, cause like I can. I’ve tried to keep them in chronological order, but more than likely a few are out of place. If y’all are going to put into the time to do the research, y’all should get rewarded for it.
That was just like in “Throne of Blood” the Akira Kurosawa film that came out the last time the Lions won a road playoff game!
Doktor Zymm
Damn, the Lions really let that one through, similar to how the Guddu Barrage (which was built the same time the Lions last won a road playoff game) let through flood waters into Pakistan in 2010
Doktor Zymm
Hopefully that Lions player is okay, unlike Raoul Wallenberg who died in a Soviet prison around the last time the Lions won a road playoff game
Doktor Zymm
The last time the Lions won a road playoff game, the song “Net Als Toen” won the Eurovision song contest. “Net Als Toen” translates to “Just like then”…will today be JUST LIKE THEN??
Doktor Zymm
Gibbs sailing through the defense much like ships sailed through the Suez Canal once it was reopened after the Suez Crisis and Israel’s occupation of the Suez when the Lions last won a road playoff game!
Doktor Zymm
The Niners defense getting burned much like the 72 people who died in a fire at an old folks home the last time the Lions won a road playoff game!
(Wow, that got dark)
Doktor Zymm
That was McCaffery’s 60,000th nautical mile! Impressive, just like the when the Lions won their last road playoff game and the REAL USS Nautilus, the first nuclear powered submarine logged ITS 60,000th nautical mile, matching the total of the fictional Nautilus
Doktor Zymm
SF fans celebrating just like former residents of the Gold Coast and British Togoland when they gained independence and became Ghana, when the Lions last won a road playoff game!
Doktor Zymm
Bosa took down Goff like the British Colonial government took down Dedan Kimathi, the Kenyan rebel leader, the last time the Lions won a road playoff game
Doktor Zymm
Both teams running like the French army is burning the soles of their feet like they did to torture Algerian prisoners during interrogations when the Lions last won a road playoff game
(embracing the darkness)
Doktor Zymm
The Lions picking off the Niners, UNLIKE in the Partito Autentico’s failed attempt to pick off Batista in the Havana Presidential Palace Attack the last time the Lions won a road playoff game!
Doktor Zymm
Explosive plays killing the Niners, much like an explosion at the Bishop Coal Mine killed 37 men the last time the Lions won a road playoff game!
(The past was kinda horrible, I got way more deadly stuff lined up)
Doktor Zymm
So close! Just like the Democracy movement in Indonesia that forced Sukarno to declare martial law the last time the Lions won a road playoff game!
(Not really, they never stood a chance against Sukarno)
Doktor Zymm
This is where Campbell shines – controlling the clock to end the half, making sure they have the last (significant) possession.
King Hippo
Perhaps he is using an electric watch, which was first introduced by the Hamilton Watch Company when the Lions last won a road playoff game!
Doktor Zymm
THIS SF DEFENSE I CALL IT BRITAIN’S FIRST HYDROGEN BOMB TEST BECAUSE IT’S FAILING (and it failed when the Lions last won a road playoff game)
Doktor Zymm
Goff went down just like the C-47 that crashed in Cebu the last time the Lions won a road playoff game, killing the President of the Philippines and 24 others!
Doktor Zymm
The Communist Party of India might feel optimistic about their chances in Kerala this year, since they were successful the last time the Lions won a road playoff game and the Lions are looking a-ok so far today
Doktor Zymm
That pass completion just kills morale.
Just like the British blowing up part of the Burma railway killed the morale of the Japanese troops, as depicted in the film the bridge on the river Kwai, the highest grossing film of 1957, which was the last time the lions won a championship
Brocky
Great. Now we have arms race in the thread for facts about 1957, just like the USA and Soviet Union in 1957, the last time the Lions won a road playoff game.
WCS
The Niners aren’t QUITE as smothered as the people of Kyushu in the Isahaya mudslides the last time the Lions won a road playoff game. Those mudslides killed 992, and there aren’t that many people on a football team.
Doktor Zymm
a couple of these last few throws by purdy looked like a 5 year old throwing the ball, which is the same age as my dad the last time the lions last won a road playoff game
fleshwound_NPG
Oof, much like natural gas after the Villa Rica explosion when the Lions last won a road playoff game and the need for gas to be detectable was highlighted, that throw stunk
Doktor Zymm
I’m enjoying this as much as Ingrid Bergman enjoyed winning Best Actress for Anastasia when the Lions last won a road playoff game!
Doktor Zymm
so far san francisco is getting kicked all the way to bel air, which was an upscale model of the famous 1957 chevy automobile, which is the last time the lions last won a road playoff game
fleshwound_NPG
This game has been pretty exciting.
Unlike the Second inauguration of Dwight D. Eisenhower, which was a dull affair, which occured in 1957, the last time the lions won a road playoff game
Brocky
The Niners seem all shook up. Like the song sung by Elvis Presley, the best selling song of 1957, the last time the Lions won a road playoff game.
Senor Weaselo
Can the Niners come back like U Nu came back as Prime Minister of Burma when the Lions last won a road playoff game?
Doktor Zymm
I’m as disappointed in the result of that very fun play as Jerry Jones was in the success of the Civil Rights Movement back when the Lions last won a road playoff game
https://media.nbcdfw.com/2022/11/jerry-jones-north-little-rock-high-school-ap-photo-cropped.jpg
Doktor Zymm
The Lions are doing well because their O-line is quickly setting up blocks just like the emergency personnel after the Monsanto explosion when the Lions last won a road playoff game
Doktor Zymm
Lions fans feeling like cubs fans during game the later part of game seven of the 2016 world series.
Which was celebrating the 59th anniversary of the 1957 nfl season, which was the last time the lions won a road playoff game
Brocky
Well, Que Sera, Sera.
Which won the Academy Award for Best Song in 1957!
Senor Weaselo
Even when the Lions last won a road playoff game, Ohio couldn’t have nice things
Doktor Zymm
One last 1957 fact, that was when Sputnik was launched and it was rather endearingly referred to by a lot of news sources as a Moon
Doktor Zymm
Well done everyone.
Anyone curious to know why Chase Young was traded? Perna shows us why 11:50 minutes in.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L7aGmjmdozE&ab_channel=ThatsGoodSports
/Gives thumbs up in Haynesworth
I can’t stop laughing at this story.
https://www.inquirer.com/education/clarice-schillinger-doylestown-charges-trial-20240129.html
tl;dr – local Republican politician lets kids drink at her daughter’s 17th birthday party. Grownups join in and cause trouble. Hilarity ensues.
The best part is when she beat the kids up for trying to leave.
She wanted to bang someone underage and they were having none of it.
Darn kids these days. Back when I was 17 I’d fuck it if it moved and shake it if it didn’t.
Rampant assholery and idiocy aside, I sort of get it. Getting kids shitfaced in your house is bad and illegal. Turning kids loose that you let get shitfaced in your house, to do whatever drunk kids can do, is pretty terrifying.
Not playing beer pong with vodka?
My favorite part was where teenage Billy Badass asks the lady of the house, “Do you want this guy to leave?” and the guy, lady of the house’s boyfriend, grabs the kid by the neck. Later on the kid turns up crying down in the basement.
Hannibal: “After you had a lot to drink, what did you hear?”
Clarice S: “Sounds.”
Hannibal: “Sounds of what, Clarice?”
Clarice: “The sounds of the quarterback of the football team screaming that he wanted to leave.”
Hannibal: What did you see, Clarice? What did you see?”
Clarice: [close to tears] “His arm around the Prom Queen!”
Hannibal: “Did you run away?”
Clarice: “No. First I tried to free him. He stood there confused. He didn’t come with me.”
Hannibal: “What did you do then Clarice?”
Clarice: “I punched him, I punched him really hard.”
Hannibal: [looks at watch] “Ok, time’s up, see you next Tuesday.”
The Philadelphia Enquirer says I’ve reached my limit on free articles. I’ve never read one of their articles.
Researchers for the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority found over 200 dead crows near greater Boston recently, and there was concern that they may have died from avian flu.
An avian pathologist examined the remains of the crows and to everyone’s relief confirmed the problem was definitely NOT avian flu. The cause of death appeared to be vehicular impacts.
However, during a detailed analysis it was noted varying colors of paints appeared on the bird’s beaks and claws. By analyzing the paint residue it was determined that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with trucks while only 2% were killed by an impact with a car.
MTA then hired an ornithological behaviorist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills versus car kills, and he quickly identified
the cause:
When crows eat road kill they always have a look-out crow in a nearby tree to warn of impending danger, and while all the lookout crows could say “cah,” none could say “truck.”
Reading that was like jogging to the beer store and then finding out it closed 5 minutes ago.
Isn’t it ironic? Doncha think? A little too ironic? Yeah, I really do think!
That was very well crafted. Well done.
I stoleded it.
Whelp, them Panthers shore can pick ’em!!
https://www.charlotteobserver.com/sports/nfl/carolina-panthers/article284784276.html
“Canales also called himself a “recovering narcissist” in the book”
Quitters never win, Dave.
& to be an NFL coach, you need to be a FULL BLOWN, 24/7 narcissist.
These Jesus take the wheel types never get that they’re just trading in one addiction for another. That’s not
overcoming your demons, my man. Far from it.
“Hey Jesus, just wanted to give you big ups for helping me stay in my marriage to this alcoholic philanderer who’s exposed me to multiple STDs while absolutely humiliating me over and over and over and over again. Good job, You. Oh, and getting that goblin-faced ghoul Tony Dungy to write the forward? *chef’s kiss*”
Fuck all the way out of here.
Neal Maupay might want to re-think his “be an absolute tit after you score on a tap-in” strategem.
All I need to hear is “Neal Maupay” and I figure he did something only an asshole would do.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IVygCDetiJI
The fact my old man had me watching this when I was like six explains a few things.
One of my first intros to new ‘new-fangled’ technology-I was hanging out after school with a very engaging history teacher and somehow the topic turned to Second City and he said, “I have all the shows recorded on a VCR”. “What’s a VCR?”, I asked, he explained and then offered to bring tapes in so I could watch them. Long story short, that Friday evening I woke up in the dumpster behind the automotive department with my pants around my ankles and a huge gash in my head. I learned an important lesson that day-FINISH THE JOB!
“Stay away from those VCR things, they’ll make your butthole hurt.”
That Monsanto explosion happened in Nitro, West Virginia. Seems appropriate.
And even though he was -4 years old at the time, local residents no doubt went THANKS Obama!!!!!11111
There was a plant in Nitro that produced methyl mercaptan as a byproduct of whatever nasty shit they made in the chemical plant. That’s the chemical that makes asparagus pee stink. Only at Nitro the smell wasn’t, “Gosh, my pee sure does stink,” so much as, “Jesus Christ, how do people live here!”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H0nGXoXCvb8&t=441s
https://www.espn.com/nfl/story/_/id/39429973/sources-seahawks-hire-ravens-dc-mike-macdonald-coach
Your new Northwest overlord smells of Old Bay.
*led
Sweet Freedom!!!
(meant for WCS’ post above, new ‘Truther HC)
I did not know the star ranking system above actually did anything until this time last week.
Interesting read of Arthur Smith, if you haven’t seen it already…
https://steelersdepot.com/2024/01/the-big-book-of-arthur-smith-everything-you-need-to-know/
Not going to “coddle the stars,” were his words.
And there’s the issue.
No need to adapt or alter things when the situation dictates. That’s an interesting mentality for someone in a profession where fluidity and chaos are sort of unavoidable, but what do I know.
EDIT EDIT: To be clear, I WANT this to work. Even if it means a one-year rental and it gets the Stillers to an AFC Championship Game. That’d be a success for me. I just don’t expect it to work.
I’m okay with that. I don’t believe in panicking either. Obviously, if something is not working, you adjust, but panicking means you stop running altogether if they’ve been stopping you. You may mix in some more passes, but you’ve got to continue to try to run. You can’t be one dimensional.
He didn’t use Kyle Pitts or Bijan Robinson, the only two useful guys on that offense. I’m tepid, at best.
BOSS TODD actually kind of worked. THE BEN was being Greydick, but the schemes were solid. BOSS TODD at least used Antonio Brown and Le’Veon, and attempted to utilize blocking in space.
Just don’t be a dipshit and overthink everything by underthinking everything, Arthur. At least you’ve got experience with having a pretty gnarly quarterback room.
Mr. Swift aside, you can’t build a team’s offense around a Tight End.
That’s not exactly my point, but it brings up another thing:
Who do they build around? Harris and the o-line seem like the obvious, then what? Smith made Tannehill look fine in Tennessee with King Henry; can he do that with Pickett?
On the other hand, during Artie’s tenure in Hotlanta, his QBs were trash, and he made them worse. This was despite having everything needed for a strong running attack.
Maybe he can work the offense as long as that’s all he can focus on. Perhaps that’s what happened in Tennessee, and it didn’t translate to Atlanta. He’s a coordinator, not a head coach, and that’s fine.
My big question is did he happen to benefit from having a once-a-decade talent at running back, coupled with a great system already in place? Or, did he genuinely contribute and grow that offense in Tennessee. He just didn’t have the time to develop what he really wanted in Atlanta, because of all the other tasks required with the HC position.
I don’t know, and maybe it’s simply recency bias based on his Falcons’ tenure. I guess it can’t be much worse than Canada’s whatever bullshit.
Thank you for my TED Talk
(insert Butthead .gif here)
The building block of every offense is the O line. A good O line allows you to run the football and gives the QB time to pass.
If you have decent RBs, that allows you to expand the passing game and everything works in concert.
The problem with Tennessee many years was that it was Tractorcito and nothing else.
The Steelers have good running backs, good wide receivers, and good tight ends. The O line is better and should continue to improve. That gives you options, which is all you really want.
The mentality piece is the thing that has me most excited about this hire. For the Steelers to be good, the offense needs to have a similar attitude to the defense. They need to have a mindset that they will physically dominate the opponent.
Alright, we’re in agreement. A center or guard in the draft.
/makes mental note to assign the Steelers a TE in the mock draft
Yeah, looking back on it, I wish when greydick pulled the “I’m retiring unless you get rid of BOSS TODD”, Stiller brass would have been all like:
Here’s my thing: he’s a great coach for the run game. We’re already pretty successful at that. What we need is a guy who can bring the best out of a young quarterback, who has already been badly coached for two years. There is nothing in this guy’s resume that suggests he’s the man for that. I’m not at all impressed with this hire. Like you, I want it to work, but I just don’t see it right now. I will happily eat my hat if I’m wrong!
Here’s the thing: the young QB hasn’t developed because the running game was shit his rookie year and the O line was such a turnstile early this year that he got hurt.
It wasn’t until the O line got their shit together that the running game started working and that was probably past the halfway point of the season.
If you give a young QB a solid running game that gives him time to throw when he’s asked to, that’s the recipe for positive development. That’s the way you set him up for success.
Yeah. The thing in the article that gave me a little hope is that he has worked with and likes Mike Munchak. Hope he can bring him back to the burgh, as he was a great O line coach & Meyers has sucked, IMHO.
Other than that… ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Added a banner image, via:
https://www.mississippifreepress.org/3305/mystery-of-the-skies-the-downing-of-pan-american-flight-7
thanks RTD
My pleasure. Seemed appropriate, and I’m a little surprised the incident (a horrific plane crash) didn’t survive the joke selection process after the Lions collapsed.
DFO: Home of high brow and/or historical dick jokes.
Veni a Roma usque ad DFO visitandum!
DFO’s history symposium, hosted by our resident Doktor.
My mom was impressed with how much happened in 1957, the year she was born, and still the last time the Lions won a road playoff game.
That’s just fantastic work.
Nice time warp. And history lesson.