Everton have been playing dreadful footy since the calendar flipped to 2024, but hey – at least I caught wind of another beautiful woman (Giulia Bould, of BBC Merseyside) who shares my Toffees life sentence. At least we’ve built ample character these last few years!
And thank Mother of Fuck, we have actual fixtures to look forward to again. DST is still askew, so early morning is not-so-early, when the Bonesaws meet the Hammers (8:30, USA). The Toolshed Derby?
Your 11:00 window is jam-packed with mediocrity, USA maybe picking the worst of the lot to show (Robins Hood v. Palace). Everyone should stream the yeah right, Hippo! Derby (Cherries welcome Everton to the South Coast, presumably for another dry bumming session).
As if to make up for that dross, you get an Afternoon Delight doubleheader. Sadly, it’s just Villa/Wolves (1:30, NBC) and Men Untied pilgriming off to Praise Beesus (4:00, Peacock). Still, it beats watching paint dry.
Big NBC is back for Easter Sunday glory, with the King’s Afrikan Water Pistols invading City of Men (11:30, NBC). Nothing much at stake, just the Title. No pressure, lads.
I read somewhere that this year the Women’s Final 4 might get a higher rating/be more exciting than the Men’s Final 4! 🏀
That would be Rocking!
If Ioway gets there, it’s a done deal.
Good Lord!
Prescription opiates have two side effects. The first is a wonderful feeling of ecstasy, of being one with all of our joyful and merciful God’s creation. The second is a constipation unlike any other, leading to bowel movements that make you question how there could possibly be a just and merciful God when He in all his (supposed) “righteousness” would allow me to suffer so much while there are still little children in Africa and Asia upon whom He could have inflicted this suffering instead of me.
/satire
You just need bowels old and cranky enough. Truly, I shit just fine. My problem has always been digestion, with or without the sweet, silken haze of opium.
Insomnia is also a motherfucker, with or without.
/basically, don’t get old
I learned this from Trainspotting, but it’s good to have it confirmed
It’s easy to get lost watching Caitlin Clark shoot the first few times you watch her play but DAMN that girl can pass the ball.
The team has been tailored to her strengths and she likes to play up tempo. Teammates know that they need to cut to the basket or break long after a defensive rebound and Clark will find them.
Her timing and touch and knowing when to try a bounce pass or a chest pass is astounding.
Chris Simon, dead by suicide at 52. Played for 8 NHL teams, some years in the KHL. Will undoubtedly be found to have CTE, equally undoubtedly related to all his fights. He was pretty much bankrupt at the end.
Maybe hockey should ban fighting.
There’s got to be a genetics component in my opinion. I’d note that Gordie Howe and Ted Lindsay, who were extremely physical, rough guys that played without helmets lived to the ages of 88 and 93 years respectively.
Brain injuries are pretty damn mysterious as far as susceptibility. Seems to be kinda like alcohol tolerances, enough is bad for anyone but some are gone after 1
Reds Fans Game 1: “You know this was kind of fun! I don’t know why I was dreading the Reds coming back?”
Reds Fans Game 2: “Oh, yeah. Now I remember.”
Damn, going from Curt Menefee to Generic Commentator #47 is giving me the bends.
jogo bonito
https://twitter.com/ottawascot/status/1774091605516947463
Smug laughter coming from the Polish National Team’s locker room.
…as they kill a little time by playing a game of around-the-world on their inflatable dart board.
AJ McCarron has to drag himself back to the UFL but Russell Wilson and Zach Wilson keep getting seventh and eighth chances in the NFL?
One relies on nanobubbles and the other keeps banging owners’ wives, what’s to not understand?
Also, AJ McCarron is really bad.
Granted. He’s Andy Dalton’s talent with Joe Burrow’s swagger. Its an enigma, really.
Owners’ wives? That’s a new one, I thought it was just teammates’ moms.
Youngest boy is 20 and in that in-between age-
Him: [talking to his mom] “I don’t need your help on this, I’m an adult!”
Also Him: [sees the gift baskets of Easter treats for his much younger cousins] “What? I don’t get one?”
This deserves plus ones. This is SO TRUE.
I’m 54 and I’d be asking some hard questions as well.
Just go on Tuesday and get half price Easter candy for your own damn self
GTD, always playing the long game. smh…
UCLA and LSU slugging it out like a couple of
heavyweights, umm,featherweights. You know what, never mind, you’re not supposed to talk about their weight at all.…something something lifecoach…something something beautiful and powerful…something something check your privilege?
Curt Menefee is the ultimate company man, doing this UFL game. Did no one tell him he’s above this?
People will do anything for a football fix.
Two views of “The Wilderness of Spotsylvania” at Chancellorsville Battlefield in Virginia.
The Wilderness was an old growth forest in Colonial times, but had been completely cut down to fuel the iron furnaces of the region. The furnaces were abandoned after the fuel ran out, and a new growth forest emerged by 1863, a thick mass of brambles and thickets. This dense foliage played a crucial role in both The Battle of Chancellorsville (1863) and The Battle of The Wilderness (1864), with large military units marching and fighting through this.
In The Battle of the Wilderness, soldiers found uniformed skeletons in the dense brush; these were MIA soldiers who had been killed in the battle a year before and never found at the time. They believe there are still skeletons in there.
This has to be one of the spookiest places I’ve ever been to. I took the top two photos and I walked into the brush; after about six feet I couldn’t see the outside anymore.
https://ibb.co/BLfVRFL
Worst Policy Decision Ever Made By A President: Deciding not to try (and eventually hang) Davis, Lee and company for treason.
Lee had been paroled by Grant at Appomattox (along with the rest of his army). As long as Lee went home and obeyed the terms of his parole (which he did), he was legally untouchable.This parole was fully within Grant’s authority for dealing with enemy military forces; Grant could not negotiate civilian diplomatic affairs in any way. Davis, on the other hand, had no such parole; he was captured and imprisoned for two years but eventually they decided to forget about him.
And nothing bad in the South ever happened again
The important thing about Chancellorsville is that it was a confusing battlefield and that got Jackson killed by his own men. Which is a) hilarious, because fuck Jackson, and b) a damn good thing for the Union, because say what you will about Jackson, if he’s still been alive at Gettysburg he would have gotten to the field first and immediately seized the high ground.
Stonewall Jackson is actually a very interesting cat, full of contradictions. And he was far from infallible. When he was hot (Shenandoah Valley, Chancellorsville) he was hot, but when he was cold (Seven Days) he was awful.
Very good book about him.
Whelp, time for the annual posting of Patton’s Paas bit.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U0LzsThR2eI
Somebody get me a whore! One that can sing!
UCLA women are making Kim Mulkey’s ancient cleavage angry.
She’s like the love child of Liberace and Skeletor.
With none of the charm.
Alright, work is done and now it’s time to crack a beer/scotch.
The drone angle coverage is pretty cool. Vegas should open betting on the first QB to bring down a drone.
Any recognizable names playing?
A couple. Actually it’s been entertaining. Much tighter play then I expected.
The Birmingham quarterback just barked out Omaha! The UFL will bar nothing to gain legitimately.
“Brick says: Relax, just do it . . . “
This is a new song I’m writing, although this is as far as I’ve gotten. I thought I I’d present it as a work in progress. You know, throw it against the wall and see what sticks. Run it up the flagpole and see if anyone salutes. Stuff like that. I’m also writing a play about a jury.
These are things that interest me. Thank you.
/brick returns to his four-day booze/pill/coke orgy
Will your play have any strenuous objections?
The strenuest objections
Sigh. 4.5 more hours until UConn-Illinois.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-KJPP7GkuPU
Sigh. 9.5 more hours until I can Release the Kraken!!!
Have you tried playing Hungry, Hungry Hippos?
With oxygen pills instead of marbles? And you get to keep what you catch? Damn, that sounds like a great game shoe with the contestants being addicts jonesing for their next fix.
I am, in fact, addicted to oxygen. Can’t live without it!
I meant oxy, fucking autocorrect.
Aldi is selling espresso martini flavored whatever (actually agave wine) in a bottle, which makes a pretty good mudslide. Two of those at 11 pm and you get to stay up until 4 am playing CP2077. Bad news – they nerfed Widow Maker pretty hard!
UFL it is!
That’s a cry for help
https://youtu.be/jNvXoohLEMQ?si=eRwuv9oCwoZMftr8&t=9
Actually not too bad so far. First game so plenty of time to derp things up. Looks like Army is sponsoring both teams… way to pad those bets!
I haven’t seen a Korean dude right one of the universe’s wrongs so emphatically since Oldboy.
#DoucheStrong
Fortunately, Hippo had his TV off for that OG
Do they not have goal-line technology to look at that?
Speaking of “over the line”…
https://www.reddit.com/r/lebowski/comments/1briz8u/jesus/
Has the whole world gone crazy? Am I the only one around here who gives a shit about the rules? Mark it zero!
And Jesus spoke unto his disciple,
“Verily, this is not Vietnam, this is bowling,
My Father has declared rules!”
Giulia Bould showing some shoulder. It’s like I don’t even know Hippo anymore.
Gio Reyna in for Nottingham Forest.
I look forward to his parents bitching out the coach for his lack of playing time.
(although they were probably right about the USMNT coach)
The thing about Luton Town is that they always try to walk it in(to their own goal).
Just realized I will be on the plane for the Water Pistols City of Men match tomorrow. No wifi on discount airlines either…
Just have them fly low and you should be able to stream it
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bM7hr0MwFOE
Not exactly sure what happened today with Newcastle, but…
UConn Twitter is in full-on panic mode about Illinois tonight.
Vegas has UConn -8.5.
Win or lose, we are a miserable people.
Giulia seems nice.
Good job, good effort Rum Ham.
I can now close the LiveScore window. These Saturday rants are about to include even less futbol content the rest of the way.
That was Operation: “Saudi Want European Football, Saudi Get European Football”.
Just saw that penno. Fucking bullshit.
I’m thinking back to the incident that spawned this catchphrase and how funny it was. And then I’m remembering what happened afterwards (LeBron going nuclear and putting up a 45/15 statline on 73% shooting in Game 6) makes it not seem so funny anymore.
https://youtu.be/9lOL2h8F3aA?si=wBCCCiOPxnM7tLBB
Wrapping up my age 50 season of the Game of Life, I was just noting this week the odd sensation of knowing one has crossed the line between “failing” and “am a failure.” It’s not even that bad, really. Maybe I am just relieved to have closure.
This has been your Hippo Brain Moment. YES, there is a pill for that.
Life begins at statehood* age, my froeund.
* 51. FOR DC K?!
You know you people* want it.
*Lawyers. I mean lawyers, OK?
Actually, thanks for that. I feel a little better about seeing my absolutely astronomical tax bill and thinking that I’m on a continuous treadmill with an increasingly heavier weight of expenses on my back until I completely collapse.
This song is good for that feeling:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xzkr2i6Szy8
If absolutely nothing else, you introduced me to this banger (it was you, wasn’t it?), and that is a pretty big win in my book.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gLbfm-gcoGs
It was, and that is an all-time banger indeed. I wish this song had existed when I was a teenage Hippo!
Nonsense Buddy. You are just hitting prime stride.
I went over 65 last week and had to get on the internet to apply for Medicare.
What.
An electronic.
Dick dance.
I will be starting my 50s next week. While I don’t heal as fast as I used to, in prob in better shape now than in my 30s
scotchy – if’n still around – You get the new Tana French booky-book yet? I am about 50 pages into “The Hunter” and the hook just got set for me.
Good timing since sportsball got me all piss and vinegar-filled
Ola Mr Hippo. What was the title of the book on the Donner Party? I’m reading one and I think it’s the same.
https://fletchers.com/twelve-campfire-recipes-youll-love/
/dying
“The Best Land Under Heaven” or sommet very close to that
I think the one I’m reading is called The Indifferent Stars Above but it’s very good.
Did you jot down “Verdigris” for book recommendations?
It’s pretty fucking special.
Looks like I should have scrolled down one more comment.
That’s the one.
While looking for that picture I found another book about the Donners called ‘The Indifferent Stars Above’
which is a great title but let’s face it, once you’re read one book about the Donners you’ve probably read them all.
I’ve not picked it up yet but will. I’m in the middle of a bad book but it’s not bad enough to put down. That’s two in a row, that hardly happens anymore, especially since this group of ours got together.
Did that penny come from the league offices or what? Gordon never touched the ball. Laughable.Let the super league happen. Let blood money roll around with blood money. The rest of us will compete.
I think Gordon might be the biggest cunt in the Prem, certainly will be once Klopp leaves.
/TV off now, fuck knows why I ever had it on
The funniest thing is the way the announcing crew tries to dress the whole travesty up with legitimacy. Talking up the atmosphere and the impact the substitutes are having and all this nonsense. Bullshit. West Ham kicked Newcastle’s ass so the ref’s gifted them a goal to get a dead crowd back into a lost cause. And now they have three fraudulent points. And sheiks are happy because that is what they think superiority in athletics means.
Just watched the replay and yeah.
How on earth is this even POSSIBLY a penno?
Is there a sniper on the roof of St. James Park? Did Newcastle hire Dr. David Chao? What the hell is going on with this team?
Not a huge fan of our away end doing these “olé!” chants with the clock still reading fifty-something minutes in.
Exactly how tumescent are you, Fronk? Can you wait until FT to wake the Mrs??
Let’s just say someone is getting his hair braided this EVENIN’!🤓
When you PULL AN OPPONENT DOWN, and his hand lightly brushes your FACE…that is in no way, shape, or form a “stop play” head injury.
My cat slaps my face harder than that.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA eat shit, you diving cunt.
Knowing NOTHING about the financials of the Premier League, how exactly DOES West Ham’s wealth measure up against the big seven (the Manchesters, Arsenal, Spurs, Bonesaws, Chelsea, Liverpool? Are we just another minor league club for them to pick players from?
Y’all is 18th in the Deloitte “money league” – Everton had previously just been holding on at 20, but no MOAR.
https://www2.deloitte.com/uk/en/pages/sports-business-group/articles/deloitte-football-money-league.html
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x936RddO7-8
No one else embraces metal like Latin Americans. It’s awesome.
Hippo’s wolven sort are the last line of defense against Dook (big difference from Duke WCS) in the Final Four.
NEVAR. EVAR count on us to do fuckshit. Just be glad U*NC lost, to eliminate that Final Four possibility..
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zw79RVnlCb0
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iYSXHlra5Vk
If I’m up, rise and shine, Princess and Duke WCS.
Don’t they just berate yinz for being a commoner?
Bringing the proletariat mindset is essential.
WORD. Gotta have that blue-collar, lunch-bucket mindset when dealing with them hi & my-T royals…
had to fall behind early to goddamn Newcastle…
Has your lake been acting up this spring? Mine has been burping, farting and groaning for 5/6 days now. Should I pour some Pepto on the ice or something?
The big volcano must be ready to kill us all, huzzah!
Inshallah, it will be done.
You have a lake?
I share it with a bunch of people but, yeah.
Well I’m sure lots of bodies and/or parts are also in there….