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Saturday Night Off-season Open Thread 6

ballsofsteelandfury

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In these Off-season Open Threads, I’ll sum up the week that was, provide you with TMI-style information, and throw some random spaghetti at the wall and see if it sticks.

This week, I am devoting tonight’s post to the NCAA Basketball Tourney Semi Finals.

I hope you know where to watch. If you don’t, it’s CBS TNT.

***

First up, is the Zombie TWBSes versus the Boilermakers of Purdue.

If the Wolfpack win tonight, pour out a bit of freezer vodka on the ground for Ole TWBS.

***

Second up are The Fighting Lowratios versus Alabama.

If the Huskies win tonight, pour out a bit of Irish Cream on the ground tonight. I know Lowratio will.

***

That’s all I’ve got. Enjoy the games.

***

Your weekly Psych gif:

***

Your weekly hot girl pic:

***

Your weekly music video:

***

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Horatio Cornblower

Alabama’s ability to make insanely difficult shots is really pissing me off.

1
Mr. Ayo

I haven’t seen someone from Alabama fucked this hard since the last visit to my cousin!

2
Brick Meathook

Here’s Bill Haley and his Comets doing “Rock Around the Clock”

Possibly the first Rock & Roll, although many critics says Chuck Berry was first

Watch this short video. It’s got all going on

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZgdufzXvjqw

2
Doktor Zymm

https://youtu.be/Y9a49oFalZE
Heard this posited as first rnr as well

2
Horatio Cornblower

She’s hot shit. Would have loved to see her.

2
SonOfSpam

I’ll send you a deepfake porn with her and Oscar Wilde.

3
Mr. Ayo

I enjoyed the Olivia Wilde search way more.

2
Doktor Zymm

comment image

3
scotchnaut

There’s no end to “First Rock and Roll Tune”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=260hXID0Yo0&ab_channel=The78Prof

3
Doktor Zymm

They’re all good, but I think really there’s no dividing line between rhythm and blues and electric instruments. So good

1
scotchnaut

Bill Hailey: [says “Rock” 27 times]

Dumb People: “He sure was the first guy to rock and roll, I’ll tell you what! He ain’t never said Roll? That ain’t matter one bit!”

1
scotchnaut

Heard a Dan Patrick interview of Danny Hurley recently. He tried to obfuscate but it was obvious that he hates his dad so much.

3
BrettFavresColonoscopy

WOOOOOOO LIVE FOOTY!

GO GWS!

1
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Also I’m almost certainly going to bed at quarter time. I’m exhausted.

1
ballsofsteelandfury

How did the game go?

1
BrettFavresColonoscopy

We lost but other than one bad kick, I played pretty well, had fun, and am uninjured.

3
BrettFavresColonoscopy

But I have a guernsey tan….

1
ballsofsteelandfury

Sweet!

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

THESE AD BREAKS I CALL THEM MY INCOME TAX PAYMENT AND MY HOMEOWNER’S INSURANCE PAYMENT BECAUSE THEY ARE BACK TO BACK AND I HATE THEM.

2
Brocky

So wrestlemania is in Philadelphia, and Lincoln field…

And a fan has a sign “santa deserved it”

7
fleshwound_NPG

if it were in chicago the sign would look different

wwe-pork.png
1
Gumbygirl

West coasties- Falcon 9 rocket launch in 2 or 3 minutes

1
Mr. Ayo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qVDef-iaLhg

1
Doktor Zymm

Oh I am nice and toasty, thank you empty stomach!

In early first grad school I had a breathalyzer I bought off ThinkGeek and it was a total hit at parties. Also just generally useful. Kinda wish I still had it, no idea what happened to it.

2
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Yeah, where on earth did that thing go? So weird that it just disappeared, right?” – your liver

3
Doktor Zymm

I’m pretty sure my liver likes having personal data just as much as the rest of me. That BAC data would be priceless in contract negotiations with the central nervous system

1
Horatio Cornblower

I do not understand the thinking behind the Buffalo Wild Wings commercial.

“Come to our restaurant, where you can eat mediocre food while trying not to be trampled and/or gored by an enormous talking bison that might be able to fly!!”

2
Brick Meathook

What don’t you get? It makes completes sense. Dollars in the cash register.

1
Doktor Zymm

That’s actually been my answer to “where do you see youself in five years?” in interviews. Maybe that’s why I’m still unemployed

1
Brick Meathook

If there’s a Hall of Fame of “evil girlfriend” songs, this one’s in it. She even has a skull & crossbones in her logo: do you need more of a hint?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J7AvWo2_850

1
Horatio Cornblower

The reason Alabama is keeping it close is insane shooting from 3, UConn being sort of cold from 3, and most importantly Nate Oats being a good enough coach that as soon as UConn showed the merest hint of a run he called a TO and put a stop to that nonsense.

Take notes, Underwood.

2
Horatio Cornblower

Also I would very much like Oats to coach more like Underwood.

1
Horatio Cornblower

This is what I was looking for when I found the hooker down below.

https://twitter.com/mcs212/status/1776622947752440085

8
Doktor Zymm

Elon Musk and his antics have kept me entertained no matter how dire the newscycle. While it’s alarming that this man has power, I’m glad he’s using it to make the rest of us feel better about our lives

1
scotchnaut

Somebody’s got an interview with SpaceX coming up real soon.

2
Doktor Zymm

Tesla is about 5 minutes away and I actually did apply there but gotta say I was nawt crushed when they didn’t even want to interview me

1
scotchnaut

Ex’s tune that she loved. Caveat: she didn’t know what they were about-

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J16lInLZRms&ab_channel=CreedVEVO

1
Doktor Zymm

It’s like the adult version of loving the Narnia books! I had no idea Aslan was Jesus and I’m nawt going to ruin it by rereading as an adult

2
Brick Meathook

Helpful Life-Hack:

If you turn your underpants inside-out you can wear them for another two weeks

2
Doktor Zymm

Supplemental life hack: underpants come in multipacks and are also washable so you only really have to wear them for a long time if you’re a hostage or on an Asian game show

2
Brick Meathook

You are good for six months, soldier!

1
scotchnaut

Interviewer: “Danny, why is your team so good?”

Hurley: “We drink the blood of the innocent practice really hard every day.”

2
Horatio Cornblower

Hmmm, Mansfield is dealing with a reduced population of elementary school-aged children these days…

1
Horatio Cornblower

Alabama’s something like 80% from 3 and pulling some shots out of their ass and UConn went cold from 3.

UConn still up 4. It’s been quite the season.

1
scotchnaut

Another ex’s fave tune-Brand New Friend. She was the most smartest person I’ve ever.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v9NY7RJVxpk&ab_channel=LloydCole-Topic

1
Doktor Zymm

Oh well done, friend of mine’s AirBNB host!

FB_IMG_1712453236685.jpg
2
Brick Meathook

I have a lovely friend who rents out her house in Old Town Alexandria (Virginia) on AirBNB and she goes to live in Nice France in another AirBNB. She loves it, and good for her. I tell her that I could never do that. My home is my castle; no other dickhead is coming in here.

2
Mr. Ayo

You were in the Navy. Someone certainly came in your castle, sir.

5
Brick Meathook

You were obviously not in the Navy, you young ruffian. Google “stealing the XO’s door.” I’m not going to do it for you. Even in the internet age they never give away the secret . . .

1
Doktor Zymm

I wouldn’t mind as long as anything personal is removed first. I was a couchsurfing host for a while and that was great, but I was there. If it’s randos they are getting Ikea crap

1
WCS

comment image

4
Doktor Zymm

In Maryland we called em’ whoopie pies

1
Gumbygirl

In western PA they are called gobs.

2
Doktor Zymm

That’s kinda gross!

2
Gumbygirl

Garden salsa flavor are the best Sun chips. It is known.

1
scotchnaut

Ex-girlfriend’s fave songs? Brick started it. Here we go.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IA-1PbsAZnU&ab_channel=CrowdedHouseVEVO

3
Mr. Ayo

This was one.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rTVjnBo96Ug

2
SonOfSpam

Yeah, good times

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u58IHiS6Yg4&pp=ygUPY2FubmliYWwgY29ycHNl

5
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

What was her favorite song again? Oh, right the one she had a tattoo of.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dpmAY059TTY

2
Horatio Cornblower

Christ, just pick anything from the Rod Stewart catalog.

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

grumble grumble when you described her as a fan of rods i though you were talking about your mom grumble grumble

2
scotchnaut

Best Rod Stewart Song?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=95zxtaKQBBc&ab_channel=RodStewart

1
Horatio Cornblower

The great thing about Final Four games is the way all the commercials really allow the game to flow.

3
Mr. Ayo

What’s in your wallet?

2
King Hippo

A condom from 1996?

/oh wait, rhetorical query

4
Brick Meathook

I still have a Blockbuster card!

4
Doktor Zymm

Me too! I found it in an old wallet along with a Spencer’s loyalty card

3
Gumbygirl

I have one too!

1
Mr. Ayo

Might just be me, but using a condom for an own goal is glorious.

1
Doktor Zymm

Very tidy!

1
Mr. Ayo

This lady gets it! And I still have clean socks for tomorrow!

2
Brick Meathook

Happy Saturday!

This was a favorite song of a girl I loved in my youth, therefore I also loved it. It was from my record collection even though I didn’t know it.

Please enjoy responsibly.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pdmLfI1RzHA

2
Doktor Zymm

Good taste in gals!
Both a good song and the Powerpuff Girls are awesome. That’s gotta be a rewatch for me soon.

5
Brick Meathook

Yeah but I lost the girl. I think she was trying to kill me anyway.

2
Doktor Zymm

She sounds intriguing

2
Brick Meathook

Good Zymm, I hope you’ll put roses on my grave, ma’am.

2
Doktor Zymm

Do you have a color preference?

1
Brick Meathook

Just brush the dirt off my headstone, Zymm. That’s all I ask.

2
Horatio Cornblower

That’s what the rain is for.

1
Doktor Zymm

You have no idea how dirty outdoor shit gets in California. The dry season just means everything gets coated with grime and it’s too ground in for the rainy season to wash it off. People here just think it’s normal, but this state is filthy

1
Gumbygirl

She will, when she’s sitting back, in her rose pink Cadillac. Making bets on Kentucky Derby day.

3
scotchnaut

Danny Hurley is the pic on the “He seemed completely normal” Wiki page.

2
Horatio Cornblower

I don’t think anyone’s ever said that about Hurley.

1
scotchnaut

That’s why I admire him so much. He’s the GOAT of hooker killers.

2
SonOfSpam

/glares angrily

-Craig James

2
Doktor Zymm

I’ve seen a couple of cybertrucks in the wild now and they are basically just a big hunk of metal. Yes they’re different than anything else on the highway, so they do draw the eye, but they honestly look better in photos.

2
fleshwound_NPG

hunk of metal means no crumble zones, all the energy in a crash goes to the passengers, even more so if (when) the airbags do not deploy (already seen one crash where that happened). heaven help you too if you get hit by one

tesla might as well make a trim model that has a big ole number 3 on the side and call it the dale earnhardt sr. edition

3
Doktor Zymm

Yeah, no idea if it did NTSB crash testing (is that a requirement?) but have also seen at least one report of break failure combined with no airbags. Just gotta hope that most people who bought one crash into a tree or something when they ‘offroad’ on a perfectly passable dirt road

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

They do?

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5
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Oh wait wrong photo.

comment image

3
fleshwound_NPG

really is money for nothin

3
Doktor Zymm

Note: I didn’t say it looked GOOD in photos, I said it looked BETTER

1
Gumbygirl

Looks like the earliest prototype of a Delorean.

1
Doktor Zymm

I like this one though, his nickname could be cybertruck and that would be really cool in 1989ish

1
Mr. Ayo

Whoopsie doodle!

https://jalopnik.com/tesla-cybertruck-owners-forum-is-already-full-of-tales-1851388334

Last edited 2 years ago by Mr. Ayo
3
yeah right

I saw one on the 405 last week. It looks like a drunken wrecked stealth bomber.

3
Brick Meathook

I’ve officially stolen this photo:

Image.jpeg
4
Doktor Zymm

Seems like a rip off, although I will admit I have nawt checked prices on handles of shitty vodka recently.

1
Brick Meathook

When I’m back east I use these jugs to refuel my Tesla rental car.

2
SonOfSpam

Have a headache just from the pic.

2
Brocky

Lightweight

2
SonOfSpam

I can assure you I am a legit fatty.

1
Mr. Ayo

Rookie

2
Doktor Zymm

Some of my friends in college tried putting shitty vodka through a water filter to make it less awful and discovered a great way to ruin a water filter

2
Brocky

For those of you who were discussing it earlier, taco bell was named after it’s founder, Glen Bell.

He originally had bell’s drive in that sold hot dogs, then started serving tacos

3
SonOfSpam

“Hey, don’t forget about me!”

-co-founder Billy Taco

2
Brocky

Billy taco sounds like a porn name.

Bur not a good porn.

Like the kind where everyone gets tested for STD’s twice…. before and after shooting

….including the camera man

2
SonOfSpam

I wanna see a spec script on my desk by Thursday.

2
Doktor Zymm

“Gone with the Rrhea”

3
Doktor Zymm

“Star Warts”

3
Gumbygirl

Oozy Floozies.

2
Horatio Cornblower

“Syd n’ Phyllis”

2
fleshwound_NPG

why have they not done a hot dog taco, in his honor

3
Doktor Zymm

This is an important question, although some people would argue that a hot dog is already a taco because the bun is connected on the bottom but we all know it is just an infinite series of nested sandwiches

2
fleshwound_NPG

replace bun with big taco shell. a coney dog but taco-fied. you can even do a doritos locos tacos version (doritos locos perros)

i just made taco bell 2 trillion dollars with this post, should they follow it.

2
Brocky

Interesting idea.

Part of the brilliance of tacos is their versatility

1
Doktor Zymm

Thank you! So it’s like Wendy’s but just with a name that is also a noun and they used the noun in the logo

0
Mr. Ayo

I would eat at least 10 taco bell hot dogs with nacho cheese sauce.

2
Mr. Ayo

You know what? I’m making these for myself tomorrow.

1
Brick Meathook

I believe they were also kinda involved with “Der Wienerschnitzel” fast-food franchises in explosively-growing Southern California. They didn’t know the “Wiener” meant the city of Vienna Austria, not a hot dog.

4
scotchnaut

Dogs: [track mud all over the place after being let in the door]

Me: [walks six feet past the door to take shoes off]

Wife: “WHY ARE YOU LEAVING MUD ALL OVER THE HOUSE???”

Also Wife: [makes huge mess after going for a hike] “Welp, what are you going to do? It’s that time of the year.” [shrugs shoulders]

Me: [accesses hobo tracking app on Apple watch, starts to feel better]

11
Doktor Zymm

I have heard that some people have a thing called a ‘mud room’ for exactly this situation.

1
Brick Meathook

I was part of the Apple team on that hobo tracking app. If you could give a “like” on the Apple page that could me out a lot. God bless.

3
Doktor Zymm

Fun story from the early smartphone era: I had the G1, the original Android phone (and it was awesome with a physical keyboard btw) and was exploring the whole idea of ‘apps’. There was a recommended app that alerted you if there was a registered sex offender nearby, so I tried it out. Turns out this is not a good idea in any high density population area, such as, for example, Chicago. I basically just turned my phone into a device that constantly and loudly said ‘Warning! Warning! Sex Offender nearby!’

3
scotchnaut

Had no idea that Brick lived near you back in the day.

2
yeah right

Holy shit Indy is cold as fuck.

A couple of hours in and this trip is already incredible.

2
ballsofsteelandfury

Get some gravy in those veins!

4
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Sunday Gravy more like Everyday Gravy amirite?

3
fleshwound_NPG

a day without gravy in indiana is…a day on the hospital bed recovering from heart attack number seven

3
yeah right

Done and DONE!

1
Brocky

The whole state is cold.

Where you headed?

2
yeah right

Already here. Indy for the eclipse.

1
blaxabbath

Is…is it….

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5
blaxabbath

I fly out on Saturday. It’s 66 today; mid 70s thereafter here. I can’t imagine any scenario where I correctly pack for this trip.

I also selected a hotel a few blocks from the convention space because I need that cold as a buffer to keep that stuff all over there — hopefully downwind.

2
yeah right

I’m staying about 30 yards from Lucas Oil stadium. Right across the street. Everything is within walking distance.

1
Doktor Zymm

Ooh, see if you can find the memorial gravesite of Peyton’s first forehead!

4
WCS

Regardless of the outcome, Lowratio’s chances of survival this weekend are about 65%.

PLACE YOUR GLAMBORS

3
Doktor Zymm

I’ll put $5 on medically induced coma

4
King Hippo

Always the right hedge, yo

0
Mr. Ayo

Free range Lowratio will outlive Horatio, so you know where my GLAMBORS(?) are being placed.

4
King Hippo

Without a master and mistress to serve, he’ll shrivel up pretty quick tho

4
WCS

Like Woodhouse if Archer died first.

4
Horatio Cornblower

I hate all of you equally.

Just know that.

6
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Okay, pinko.

4
Brocky

Jason kelce and lane johnson just crashed a wrestlemania match

0
Mr. Ayo

Ok, but where’s TayTay?!?

0
Brocky

Doing more important shit with her time

1
Mr. Ayo

I’m not a “shit”, but yes.

3
Doktor Zymm

Probably clubbing in Tokyo with or without the other Kelce?

1
Brocky

I assumed lane johnson was travis at first

0
SonOfSpam

“I enjoy clubbing people in Tokyo too”

-B. Parcells

2
scotchnaut

Caitlin Clark’s 4 turnovers on Friday night isn’t featured in her stat line because it doesn’t fit the narrative.

2
blaxabbath

She’s probably on the rag.

2
Mr. Ayo

What I like to call pre-lubed

3
Doktor Zymm

I’m unimpressed by hugely complex websites that gather information from across the globe and bounces it off satellites to show me cat pictures, yet every time I use my electric wine opener I’m like “oooh! MAGIC!!”

4
WCS

Kind of like real cats, too.

2
SonOfSpam

So NC State lost in the Final Four in both the men’s and women’s tourneys? What a pathetic showing.

4
scotchnaut

What a pack of losers was sitting right there. Just saying, Spam. smgdh…

4
SonOfSpam

I an shame

0
King Hippo

JOIN US UConn, boogity boogity!!!

0
Horatio Cornblower

UConn: “No”

1
Brocky

So final four is over, now I can focus on wrestlemania

1
Doktor Zymm

I wasn’t planning on drinking tonight, but I ended up hanging around the stables all day generally running around, doing chores, and of course riding while also not eating. I have the emptiest of empty stomachs right now and it seems a shame to waste such a cheap date with myself so I’m chilling a bottle of rosé and am gonna get super tipsy off a glass before dinner!

4
Mr. Ayo

a glass? Singular? You must be jesting!

2
King Hippo

Could be one of them fishbowls, like

2
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

comment image

4
Doktor Zymm

I’ll probably have somewhere between a half to a whole bottle over the course of the evening, but I know from experience that one glass consumed at a moderate pace will absolutely get me skinny teenage girl tipsy when I haven’t eaten and have been exerting myself

3
Mr. Ayo

Tracy Moleson can give Edey a BJ while both are fully erect

1
scotchnaut

Tracy Moleson is almost a popular Canadian beer.

2
Senor Weaselo

All right, time to watch Senorita Weaselo play Mahler 1. The tickets weren’t free, but they are tax deductible for work purposes for next April.

3
fleshwound_NPG

yep, we’re done here

1
Brocky

jim irsay after the contents of his duffle bag are exhausted

3
Brocky

I hope you assholes are happy. All of your collective rooting for a chunky guy from NC state is sending one of my least favorite college programs to the finals

3
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

You should have joined a college fantasy league and started Eady.

1
Brocky

comment image

2
fleshwound_NPG

no way in HELL they beat uconn non-women

1
Brocky

You REALLY want me to tempt fate with this?

1
King Hippo

Horatio and RTD would probably rather yinz not

1
fleshwound_NPG

big man got that rec league stamina

2
fleshwound_NPG

im a good dad: the 3 year old likes watching old music videos with me on youtube, seems drawn to heart and queen (unleash the archers and sabaton if we’re talking newer stuff)

im a bad dad: asked the 3 year old what to get to eat tonight. she said two words: taco bell

4
Mr. Ayo

Can’t be that bad. That’s what I had for dinner!

1
Brocky

It’s bad when you develop IBS at age 35 🤬

0
ballsofsteelandfury

You’ve raised well

0
Doktor Zymm

I’ve always wondered where the name came from. Something like Burger King makes sense because Kings are better than mere commoners, so obviously any sort of burger associated with kingship should be good. But bells? Bells tend to be used in time keeping and medieval warning systems, so is it saying you have time to cram a taco in your face after class but before being slain by Vikings?

1
ballsofsteelandfury

It’s obviously Pavlov’s Dog.

2
ballsofsteelandfury

Who would have guessed that Charles Barkley would be the best-dressed guy on the broadcast?

0
scotchnaut

I’m not saying that the Boilermaker cheerleaders are truck stop rescues but I’m also not saying that their phone numbers are easily accessed on the walls of men’s bathrooms in Muncie.

5
Mr. Ayo

Ah, I knew I recognized some of them!

3
Brocky

comment image:large

2
scotchnaut

I’d like to add that Truck Stop Rescues is what the Cowboy Junkies should have named themselves if this world was 25% better.

2
Redshirt

Just your ordinary, stressfree win from the Reds.

giphy.gif
0
fleshwound_NPG

last night i tuned in right with the nc state wimmins hopes started to disappear into the shadow realm

good to see i got the opposite touch tonight

1
ballsofsteelandfury

Necessary ingredients for the Ultimate TWBS Séance :

Freezer Vodka
Golf Cap
Starbucks To-Go Cup
Alexa Bliss Poster
Mis-rolled Joint

5
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

You misspelled “Starbucks waitress”.

4
Mr. Ayo

Or weed dealer. Or really any mid 20’s lass at any retail store.

4
Senor Weaselo

Is human sacrifice allowed at a seance? I mean apart from being not not allowed.

(That should have been to Ayo, but it works regardless.)

Last edited 2 years ago by Senor Weaselo
2
Redshirt

I don’t know. A “barista” may throw off the spiritual vibe.

1
Mr. Ayo

Also this

comment image

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

That last play by N.C. State:

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1
ballsofsteelandfury

Yeah, that was embarrassing

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I hope you know where to watch. If you don’t, it’s CBS.

I think it’s actually on TBS. I’m watching via the March Madness app thingy.

1
ballsofsteelandfury

That shows you how old I am that I assumed it was CBS.

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’d have done the same. The only reason I went straight to cable is because I saw something earlier today mocking CBS for not having the rights.

1
fleshwound_NPG

its not a cop show. duh.

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