This summer is going to be a very special summer. We have not just one, not just two, not just three, but FOUR major tournaments happening!
In this post, I will break everything down for you and invite you to write team previews.
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The Schedule
The above graphic looks best if you click on it and expand it (/dick joke). Please keep in mind the times listed are Pacific.
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Euro 2024
Where: The tournament is being hosted by Germany with games in Hamburg, Gelsenkirchen, Dortmund, Düsseldorf, Cologne (Köln for those in the know), Frankfurt, Berlin, Leipzig, Stuttgart (home of Porsche and Mercedes Benz), and Munich (München and home of BMW).
When: The tourney starts on June 14 with Germany taking on the Scots in München. I don’t know if they will have enough beer but at least they’ve had time to prepare. The Final is on July 14 (Bastille Day!) in Berlin.
How to watch: Canadian coverage will be on TSN networks for English and TVA for French. US coverage will be on Fox networks for English and Univision networks for Spanish.
What you need to know: There are 6 groups of 4 teams each. Top 2 plus the best four third place teams make the Round of Sixteen. Don’t ask me how they pick the four best third place teams. It’s complicated and Ain’t Nobody Got Time For That. Your favourites are Germany, the host, France, Spain, and the Netherlands. No, I don’t respect English football enough to call them favourites.
Here are the Groups:
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Copa América 2024
Where: The Good Ole US of A! Host cities include Santa Clara, Inglewood, Las Vegas (actually Paradise), Glendale (Arizona, not Armenia), Kansas City, Austin, Arlington, Houston, East Rutherford, Charlotte, Atlanta, Orlando, and Miami Gardens.
When: The tournament kicks off on June 20 with Argentina taking on Canadia in Megatron’s Butthole in Atlanta. The Final will be at Hard Rock Stadium in Miami Gardens on July 14. Yes, that’s TWO FINALS on Bastille Day!
How to watch: Canadian coverage will be on TSN networks for English and RDS for French. US coverage will be on Fox networks for English and Univision networks for Spanish.
What you need to know: The traditional ten teams from CONMEBOL (the South American confederation) have invited six teams from CONCACAF (the North American confederation) to take part. They are split into 4 groups of 4 teams each. Top two in each group make the Quarterfinals.
Here are the groups:
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Paris Olympics Men’s Tournament
Where: Duh. Actually, not so fast, my friend! Due to the large number of games and venues needed, the games will be held throughout France. Host cities for the Men’s Tournament include Paris, Lyon, Saint-Étienne (great band, btw!), Marseille, Nice (69), Bordeaux, and Nantes
When: The Men’s Tournament will start on July 24 in various cities with the Final in Paris on August 9.
How to watch: Canadian coverage will be on CBC, TSN and Sportsnet networks for English and RDS for French. US coverage will be on NBC networks for English and Telemundo networks for Spanish.
What you need to know: There are 16 teams invited but only 12 have been determined. The Asian representatives will be determined in May while a playoff between Asian and African teams will determine the final team in mid-May.
Top two in each group go to the Quarterfinals. Here are the groups:
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Paris Olympics Women’s Tournament
Where: The Men and Women will share venues so it’s the same list of cities as the section above.
When: The Women’s Tournament begins a day after the men (July 25) and the Final will also be a day after the men (August 10).
How to watch: Canadian coverage will be on CBC, TSN and Sportsnet networks for English and RDS for French. US coverage will be on NBC networks for English and Telemundo networks for Spanish.
What you need to know: There are only 12 teams invited to the Olympics, so that will make it easier for someone to qualify for the Quarterfinals. Top two in each group plus the two best third place teams make it. Here are the groups:
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As I mentioned at the top, all of these teams need half-assed and not-at-all-researched previews! If you’re interested in writing one or more, please let me know in the comments!
As long as nobody lets the poopy Russians in, I’m down for some tourney action!
ESPN Announcer: Commissioner Bettman, your Southern strategy has taken perhaps its biggest loss, as the Arizona Coyotes have been forced to leave their
chiropractic college, I mean, Arizona State University rink for Utah. How do your respond?Bettman: (chewing through some moldy trash, as rats are prone to do) Eh, Utah’s still south of Canada, so it’s all good.
Providence would be a good place for a team.
Or Bar Harbor.
Playing in both seems like a challenge.
Yeah, playing for both the men’s and women’s Olympic teams is gonna be rough.
I gots the River Plate cousins: Argentina and Uruguay
🧐
Correction:
1. Argentina, and
2. Marcelo Bielsa presents: Uruguay 🥰
YES!
England is probably over the moon with that draw, but I could see Serbia & Denmark coming out of that group. Crazier shit has happened to them.
I’ll review Italy in the Euro.
/ makes a note to pay attention to that
// starts following Marika for tips
YES!!
My review will include our light banter about the national teams chances over a fabulous seafood dinner. She brightens up the end of the 6 hour train rides south.
I’m totally looking forward to it!
The best story I’ve read today is a BBC entertainment review of a new musical in London called 42 Balloons, based on the epic 1982 flight of Larry Walters in a lawnchair lifted by helium balloons. His 45 minute flight went from San Pedro to Long Beach, California. At one point he reached an altitude of 16,000 feet.
Here’s the BBC entertainment review:
https://www.bbc.com/news/entertainment-arts-68811305
Here’s the Wikipedia article about the actual flight:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lawnchair_Larry_flight
I saw a TV spot about that last year. I admire his audacity. Was he drunk at the time?
/ still admires his audacity
The more I read about his “flight” the more I admire him.
He also had a hell of a girlfriend, who assisted him.
Later in his life he had a tragic end, but his flight miraculously ended safely, even though he landed in power lines. It seems everyone found it hard to be mad at him.
His lawn chair is on display at the Smithsonian Air & Space Museum.
Walters was immediately arrested by waiting members of the Long Beach Police Department. Regional safety inspector Neal Savoy was reported to have said, “We know he broke some part of the Federal Aviation Act, and as soon as we decide which part it is, some type of charge will be filed. If he had a pilot’s license, we’d suspend that, but he doesn’t.”
I’ll be in Vegas at the end of June so if I want a very slow slot machine I could bet on a couple of these!