Hello, friends, Larry King here. I know it has been some time since we were on the air; I was otherwise occupied with my new spouse. That’s right; Cupid struck me with his arrow once again, even through the heavy-gauge aluminum sidewalls of my cryogenic storage pod. So I am pleased to introduce lucky Number 8: Lucy Liubot!
Yes, I know, it’s a bit of a turn for me, going Robot after being with human women my whole life. But look how those turned out! It was time for a change. You know the old saying: fool me once, shame on you; fool me eight times and I’m probably a lower-middle class Republican voter.
My thoughts:
-Jacoby Brissett has been annointed the Patriots’ starting quarterback headed into training camp, as he is (in head coach Jerod Mayo’s words) the most “pro ready” quarterback on the roster. I agree, in that he’s started 48 NFL games. You can’t get more “pro ready” than starting the equivalent of three full seasons.
-If that’s the standard, is Bailey Zappe more pro ready than Drake Maye or sixth-rounder Joe Milton III? Maye and Milton haven’t shown they are pro ready, while Zappe has affirmatively demonstrated that he is not.
-Brandon Aiyuk is expected to attend training camp with the 49ers, in spite of his request to be traded. It’s a bold move, like banging your wife after she files for divorce: sure, it’s great to be out there, but the risk of getting your schlong snapped off is severe.
-Can you be negatively pro ready? Pro unready?
-Jets edge rusher Haason Reddick will hold out of training camp until New York gives him a better contract. One caller has asked “Didn’t he just sign with the Jets?” No, he was traded by the Eagles in the final year of his contract with roughly $15.5 million left on it. Is it ridiculous to trade for a guy without knowing he’s likely to hold out, even for a sixth rounder? Yes it is, caller. Yes it is.
-There are lots of things you can eat that aren’t food.
-Tyson Campbell, cornerback for the Jacksonville Jaguars, signed a $76.5 million contract for four years. Roughly $53 million is guaranteed. It’s a lot, but frankly, it’s a good deal- I had to pay seven women millions of dollars to stop playing with me.
-Dick Cavett has the softest lips in Hollywood. Past or present. Sorry, Angelina.
-The Browns have come to terms with disgruntled receiver Amari Cooper, converting adding $5 million to the final year of his contract and making it all guaranteed, for a total of $20 million. Pretty good money in Cleveland, where you can get a 35 ton Free Stamp.
-Bailey Zappe shall henceforth be known as Zæppe the Unready.
-Have you ever watched the first season of this “Westworld” series? Liubot keeps insisting we watch it. Does she want me to get a cowboy hat?
I AM FUCKING INSANE.
I hope you jerks are happy because man am I going to be paying for this tomorrow.
My lullaby.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=du4JbfK5okA
Off to bed after this one. Love to all.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QrXrUAN99CI
I don’t want to oversell you but it changes you forever.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_USHKQ4Ntc8
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qedNDZFVylc
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qtNV3pOqcjI
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CETTzv3fTG0
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gxtkgmdqnU4
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P7y-4UuUQtc
Now moving to the other side of the water…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CeQhjDoy3l0
LET’S GET SCOTTISH!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=73Onygnmltg
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hCg8DsJv-t4
Would have been fitting for the “Good Riddance” edition of Request Line.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kh8-r6O43Rw
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=93hDQMeyDp4
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U6XhVj5GF0I
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0K9xzPJoB-U
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IUTkWIx6xu0
For me this song has a close association with Jack Daniels (long story) which is what I’m drinkin’ tonight.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GDtNUUh8WBo
GOD MAKE ME FAMOUS IF YOU CAN’T JUST MAKE IT PAINLESS
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xzwicesJQ7E
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1UZ4d4C4umA
These guys have a song called “The Commander Thinks Aloud” that is about the Columbia shuttle disaster – probably the second-biggest tearjerker for me only to “Virtute the Cat Explains Her Departure”. But I won’t be requesting either of those because it’s not that kinda night.
There are many songs about wrecking balls, and this is one of my favorite ones.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p7TRCfu-mI8
This one is good too. I had no idea this band was so big – they just played the LA Coliseum.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dao5P8Mqkzw
WHEN I USED TO GO OUT, I WOULD KNOW EVERYONE THAT I SAW
NOW I GO OUT ALONE IF I GO OUT AT ALL
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aWR1h-5EzUo
Might tie one on tonight.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tzwP0d5YcP8
Do it!
I’ve got nowhere to go.
This has been your latest TAWWMY update.
….from 2019
Well, they haven’t grown back
(apologies for bogarting Mr. Ayo’s joke)
The Bengals expectations for this season just got even more Super Bowl or Bustier.
I’m sorry, Redshirt. They’re so fucked…
Adrenaline, in my veins,
Every play, he aims for gains,
Do it all to get the crowd on their feet,
Fans are here, drinking beer,
Waitin’ for Burrow to throw some more,
Whoa!
Plus its windowless
Marc Trestman’s grand-pappy’s first ride.
Oh. Well this is happy news. We booked a trip to Spain and I was thinking we’d miss both Nada Surf (October 22) and now Mr. Gnome (October 23) but it turns out we’ll be back in time for both. Dare I hit up concerts two nights in a row?
This is Mr. Gnome.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eFuqGTp1_rQ
https://youtu.be/c4szhV_IBS8?si=N1e2VT6iQyiO1fSP
Are we relegating four teams each year? I think that seems fair if both leagues are at 14…
That would make things interesting. Lemonjello needs a co commissioner in case
he dieshe gets promoted so someone else can run the ligue 2. As there is no way GTD and I both will be relegated…/will cross that bridge next year
I would volunteer but I’m in league Un.
Can you be commissioner and not be in the league?
No, or else GTD and I would rule with an iron fist over all.
The scamps running the gag accounts are going to have some real fun in the next few months…
All I know is, even after 47 years of pro experience… I am not feeling real pro ready for today folks.
BAILEY ZAPPE: [makes finger guns motion at COACH BELICHICK] Zzzzzzz-ap! Zzzzzzzz-ap!
“Cause when the sign says ‘Do Not Feed the Whales’…man, you’d better not feed the whales…”
https://www.reddit.com/r/WTF/comments/1eac8hq/whale_lands_on_boat/
/wife is weirdly jealous
Wifey: “There’s a charge on your Visa for a ‘Lesley Diamond’. I’m going to call into the fraud line.”
Me: “Hold on-Lesley..Lesley…I think her name was Lindsay though.”
Wifey: “Fucking asshole!”
Litre, if you are around, post that linkylink to the Lowratio league again, please. I will join, I think we could all use a good laugh!
Yes, it will indeed be very amusing when half your team is on its bye week and your scrubs put up 140 points against my full strength Gimli’s Groin Grabbers.
Gumbygirl’s Felonious Monks are certain cellar dwellers. I can’t even figure out how to upload a picture. The draft should be a hilarious shitshow!
It’s in the previous post and is the last comment from last week
We are at 12 in ligue 2! I hope none of you are in both leagues.
Looking at you Maestro, Gametimedecision, Don T, Weaselo, Dok Zymm, Scotchy, Sharky, Balls, Ayo,Hippo, BeerguyRob, Reverend, Spam.
I’ll be there soon enough, no reason to jump the gun.
You got to taste the sweetness that is Alberta Springs vodka, in a plastic bottle.
Will there be relegation prizes?
Big Turks all around.
Those come WITH the shitty vodka when you win. I think I even threw Canadian Kraft dinner in there for someone.
Yeah, but you actually have to film yourself eating the whole thing.
I am only on one league.
I know I’m not!
Larry King Unalive and Not Live. Now that’s value.
“Living disabled.”
LOOK WHAT THE WOKE MOB IS CALLING LARRY KING
Non-binary existence wise.
Yes. Give yourself through the first season of Westworld.
Then it dovetail off into different storyline in season 2 so do whatever you want from there.
But I’m someone who unabashedly stops watching anything anytime. If I might want to make a joke on DFO, I’ll wiki the rest of the story.
But watch the first episode of Season 5, because then you get to see my house!
Dammit I’m gonna have to watch that one
It’s where Aaron Paul’s character lives. The house where he lives is actually filmed in my neighbors place (it’s almost identical to my own) but you can see my garage in the background of some of the driveway fight scenes.
“Is it in the middle of the street?”
-Madness
Not exactly, but Thandie Newton does run a guy through with a katana in the middle of my driveway.
I’ve seen that in person, why would I need to watch it on tv?
It’s not TV. It’s HBO.
tl;dr From the Last Post.
Offseason needs to end. Burrow is either very confident or the CTE is kicking in early.
When you start a post on the latest thread only to find they started a newer one.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a5iX2GvlMN0
I’m willing to bet that he believes that love is a stranger in an open car.
He ain’t from good mental health stock.
Ppl forget this.
Oh dear.
Watch season one and maybe 2 of Westworld. Skip the rest
This is like everything is editable once
Or Oedipal?
–Porn producers, probably
This was the first episode of It’s Always Sunny that Hippo EVAR watched.
Similarly amizing-like, my first episode of Community was “Remedial Chaos Theory.”
These count as the only two good decisions of my time on this earth.