Achieving Transcendent Grace Through Mindless Violence: A Larry King Not Live Tuesday Open Thread

Hello, friends, Larry King here. I know it has been some time since we were on the air; I was otherwise occupied with my new spouse. That’s right; Cupid struck me with his arrow once again, even through the heavy-gauge aluminum sidewalls of my cryogenic storage pod. So I am pleased to introduce lucky Number 8: Lucy Liubot!

Yes, I know, it’s a bit of a turn for me, going Robot after being with human women my whole life. But look how those turned out! It was time for a change. You know the old saying: fool me once, shame on you; fool me eight times and I’m probably a lower-middle class Republican voter.

My thoughts:

-Jacoby Brissett has been annointed the Patriots’ starting quarterback headed into training camp, as he is (in head coach Jerod Mayo’s words) the most “pro ready” quarterback on the roster. I agree, in that he’s started 48 NFL games. You can’t get more “pro ready” than starting the equivalent of three full seasons.

-If that’s the standard, is Bailey Zappe more pro ready than Drake Maye or sixth-rounder Joe Milton III? Maye and Milton haven’t shown they are pro ready, while Zappe has affirmatively demonstrated that he is not.

-Brandon Aiyuk is expected to attend training camp with the 49ers, in spite of his request to be traded. It’s a bold move, like banging your wife after she files for divorce: sure, it’s great to be out there, but the risk of getting your schlong snapped off is severe.

-Can you be negatively pro ready? Pro unready?

-Jets edge rusher Haason Reddick will hold out of training camp until New York gives him a better contract. One caller has asked “Didn’t he just sign with the Jets?” No, he was traded by the Eagles in the final year of his contract with roughly $15.5 million left on it. Is it ridiculous to trade for a guy without knowing he’s likely to hold out, even for a sixth rounder? Yes it is, caller. Yes it is.

-There are lots of things you can eat that aren’t food.

-Tyson Campbell, cornerback for the Jacksonville Jaguars, signed a $76.5 million contract for four years. Roughly $53 million is guaranteed. It’s a lot, but frankly, it’s a good deal- I had to pay seven women millions of dollars to stop playing with me.

-Dick Cavett has the softest lips in Hollywood. Past or present. Sorry, Angelina.

-The Browns have come to terms with disgruntled receiver Amari Cooper, converting adding $5 million to the final year of his contract and making it all guaranteed, for a total of $20 million. Pretty good money in Cleveland, where you can get a 35 ton Free Stamp.

-Bailey Zappe shall henceforth be known as Zæppe the Unready.

-Have you ever watched the first season of this “Westworld” series? Liubot keeps insisting we watch it. Does she want me to get a cowboy hat?

I AM FUCKING INSANE.

 

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The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem
Feared conqueror; scholar; poet; revered holy man; professional raconteur; soldier of fortune; aloof yet thorough lover; bandit; blazing gypsy speedboat. I have been called some of these things.
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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I hope you jerks are happy because man am I going to be paying for this tomorrow.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Off to bed after this one. Love to all.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QrXrUAN99CI

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I don’t want to oversell you but it changes you forever.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_USHKQ4Ntc8

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Now moving to the other side of the water…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CeQhjDoy3l0

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
WCS

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Would have been fitting for the “Good Riddance” edition of Request Line.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

For me this song has a close association with Jack Daniels (long story) which is what I’m drinkin’ tonight.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GDtNUUh8WBo

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

GOD MAKE ME FAMOUS IF YOU CAN’T JUST MAKE IT PAINLESS

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xzwicesJQ7E

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

These guys have a song called “The Commander Thinks Aloud” that is about the Columbia shuttle disaster – probably the second-biggest tearjerker for me only to “Virtute the Cat Explains Her Departure”. But I won’t be requesting either of those because it’s not that kinda night.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

There are many songs about wrecking balls, and this is one of my favorite ones.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p7TRCfu-mI8

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

This one is good too. I had no idea this band was so big – they just played the LA Coliseum.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dao5P8Mqkzw

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

WHEN I USED TO GO OUT, I WOULD KNOW EVERYONE THAT I SAW

NOW I GO OUT ALONE IF I GO OUT AT ALL

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aWR1h-5EzUo

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Mr. Ayo

Do it!

WCS

I’ve got nowhere to go.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

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This has been your latest TAWWMY update.

WCS

….from 2019

Mr. Ayo

Well, they haven’t grown back

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

(apologies for bogarting Mr. Ayo’s joke)

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Redshirt

The Bengals expectations for this season just got even more Super Bowl or Bustier.

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ballsofsteelandfury

I’m sorry, Redshirt. They’re so fucked…

Wakezilla

Adrenaline, in my veins,
Every play, he aims for gains,
Do it all to get the crowd on their feet,
Fans are here, drinking beer,
Waitin’ for Burrow to throw some more,
Whoa!

2Pack

Plus its windowless

van.jpg
WCS

Marc Trestman’s grand-pappy’s first ride.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Oh. Well this is happy news. We booked a trip to Spain and I was thinking we’d miss both Nada Surf (October 22) and now Mr. Gnome (October 23) but it turns out we’ll be back in time for both. Dare I hit up concerts two nights in a row?

This is Mr. Gnome.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eFuqGTp1_rQ

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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ballsofsteelandfury

Are we relegating four teams each year? I think that seems fair if both leagues are at 14…

litre_cola

That would make things interesting. Lemonjello needs a co commissioner in case he dies he gets promoted so someone else can run the ligue 2. As there is no way GTD and I both will be relegated…

/will cross that bridge next year

ballsofsteelandfury

I would volunteer but I’m in league Un.

Can you be commissioner and not be in the league?

litre_cola

No, or else GTD and I would rule with an iron fist over all.

BeefReeferLives

The scamps running the gag accounts are going to have some real fun in the next few months…

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2Pack

All I know is, even after 47 years of pro experience… I am not feeling real pro ready for today folks.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

-If that’s the standard, is Bailey Zappe more pro ready than Drake Maye or sixth-rounder Joe Milton III?

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BAILEY ZAPPE: [makes finger guns motion at COACH BELICHICK] Zzzzzzz-ap! Zzzzzzzz-ap!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Cause when the sign says ‘Do Not Feed the Whales’…man, you’d better not feed the whales…”

https://www.reddit.com/r/WTF/comments/1eac8hq/whale_lands_on_boat/

scotchnaut

/wife is weirdly jealous

Wifey: “There’s a charge on your Visa for a ‘Lesley Diamond’. I’m going to call into the fraud line.”

Me: “Hold on-Lesley..Lesley…I think her name was Lindsay though.”

Wifey: “Fucking asshole!”

Gumbygirl

Litre, if you are around, post that linkylink to the Lowratio league again, please. I will join, I think we could all use a good laugh!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Yes, it will indeed be very amusing when half your team is on its bye week and your scrubs put up 140 points against my full strength Gimli’s Groin Grabbers.

Last edited 3 months ago by Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Gumbygirl

Gumbygirl’s Felonious Monks are certain cellar dwellers. I can’t even figure out how to upload a picture. The draft should be a hilarious shitshow!

Game Time Decision

It’s in the previous post and is the last comment from last week

litre_cola

We are at 12 in ligue 2! I hope none of you are in both leagues.

Looking at you Maestro, Gametimedecision, Don T, Weaselo, Dok Zymm, Scotchy, Sharky, Balls, Ayo,Hippo, BeerguyRob, Reverend, Spam. 

Mr. Ayo

I’ll be there soon enough, no reason to jump the gun.

litre_cola

You got to taste the sweetness that is Alberta Springs vodka, in a plastic bottle.

ballsofsteelandfury

Will there be relegation prizes?

ArmedandHammered

Big Turks all around.

litre_cola

Those come WITH the shitty vodka when you win. I think I even threw Canadian Kraft dinner in there for someone.

ArmedandHammered

Yeah, but you actually have to film yourself eating the whole thing.

ballsofsteelandfury

I am only on one league.

Senor Weaselo

I know I’m not!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Larry King Unalive and Not Live. Now that’s value.

WCS

“Living disabled.”

BrettFavresColonoscopy

LOOK WHAT THE WOKE MOB IS CALLING LARRY KING

Last edited 3 months ago by BrettFavresColonoscopy
ArmedandHammered

Non-binary existence wise.

blaxabbath

Yes. Give yourself through the first season of Westworld.

Then it dovetail off into different storyline in season 2 so do whatever you want from there.

But I’m someone who unabashedly stops watching anything anytime. If I might want to make a joke on DFO, I’ll wiki the rest of the story.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

But watch the first episode of Season 5, because then you get to see my house!

Game Time Decision

Dammit I’m gonna have to watch that one

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It’s where Aaron Paul’s character lives. The house where he lives is actually filmed in my neighbors place (it’s almost identical to my own) but you can see my garage in the background of some of the driveway fight scenes.

scotchnaut

“Is it in the middle of the street?”

-Madness

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Not exactly, but Thandie Newton does run a guy through with a katana in the middle of my driveway.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I’ve seen that in person, why would I need to watch it on tv?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It’s not TV. It’s HBO.

Redshirt

tl;dr From the Last Post.

Offseason needs to end. Burrow is either very confident or the CTE is kicking in early.

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Redshirt

When you start a post on the latest thread only to find they started a newer one.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a5iX2GvlMN0

scotchnaut

I’m willing to bet that he believes that love is a stranger in an open car.

blaxabbath

He ain’t from good mental health stock.

Ppl forget this.

Gumbygirl

Oh dear.

Game Time Decision

Watch season one and maybe 2 of Westworld. Skip the rest

Last edited 3 months ago by Game Time Decision
WCS

-There are lots of things you can eat that aren’t food.

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Game Time Decision

This is like everything is editable once

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Or Oedipal?

–Porn producers, probably

WCS

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King Hippo

This was the first episode of It’s Always Sunny that Hippo EVAR watched.

Similarly amizing-like, my first episode of Community was “Remedial Chaos Theory.”

These count as the only two good decisions of my time on this earth.