Wumbo Wednesday With Weaselo: We Made It!

Didn’t think you’d be getting a VGCats reference, didja?

Congratulations, everyone. We survived with limbs intact. A little after this time tomorrow there’ll be football. Not with reserves, not with maybe-gonnas or never-will-bes, or UFL fodder. Actual football. Good quarterbacks! Good teams! In a stadium where the color green is technically allowed even if nobody would wear it because why would you do that at Arrowhead or whatever it’s called now? There’ll be pomp, circumstance, timing to see how long it takes before we instinctively put the TV on mute because someone won’t shut the fuck up! Unnecessarily long national anthems! Probably other crap as they try to make it the second iteration of the Owl (though obviously not the same level of pomp and circumstance as the Owl).

Meanwhile, in the last gasp of the offseason, people got paid. Such as:

Pat Surtain II (4-96)
-Michael Carter II (3-30.75)
-Cam Heyward (3-45)
-Trent Williams (3-82.66)

And General Davis Mills signed with the 500s to be Stroud’s backup.

What’s on tonight?

Baseball:
AL Central (Inflationary) Battle! Not the Spiders vs. Royalball 2.0 (CLE vs. KC, 7:40, FS1)
Clay Holmes’s Blown Save Counter (currently at 11): (NYY vs. TEX, 8:00, Prime)
White Sox Badness counter: 109 losses, 12 straight. (Would need to go 12-11 to avoid losing 120 games and debating who was worse between them and the expansion Mets who did go 40-120 so they’d have 2 more wins in that case. 10-13 would make them definitively worse than the ’62 Mets, while 8-15 would give them 38 wins and a worse percentage than the 1916 Philadelphia A’s, which was because Connie Mack was broke and had to go fire sale on the A’s.)

Women’s Lesser Footy: U20 Women’s World Cup
Kaiserins vs. Princesses (Germany vs. Nigeria, in progress, FS2)
Morocco vs. United States (9:00, FS2)

Senor not at the draft (because I’ll be playing whatever wedding I’m playing until 10:15). Can I draft from the bandstand? WE’LL FIND OUT!

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Senor Weaselo
Senor Weaselo plays the violin. He tucks it right under his chin. When he isn't doing that, he enjoys watching his teams (Yankees, Jets, Knicks, and Rangers), trying to ingest enough capsaicin to make himself breathe fire (it hasn't happened yet), and scheming to acquire the Bryant Park zamboni.
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DJ TAJ

T-minus 5 days until I with forethought throw myself into a giant cigar tube filled with weirdos, just like me for 11 hours. Now I’ve flown to Atlanta and Philly roughly 5 (Let’s be fair by the time you load and beg to please be released? Shit feels like forever) hours, but never for 11, non-stop hours.

What happens if you have to poo in space?

I can only do my dailies in a safe and protected manor but this abomination?
Bust a stinky on a dirigible?

Dok, I seek your guidance more than the rest.

Gumbygirl

If shitting isn’t allowed, why do they even have bathrooms on planes? Drop that deuce if you have to, and then strut back to your seat with toilet paper crown on your head like the fucking hero you are!

Gumbygirl

.

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Doktor Zymm

It’s worth it to get an aisle seat so you don’t have to talk to people before getting up to go poo or walk around or whatever. Wear shoes to the lav, that’s probably not water on the floor.

WCS

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dnWwbqP6dV4

Considering just roughly how much I literally ended up pissing away, at least I am not a gambling addict.

Love using The Stooges.

Last edited 1 month ago by WCS
Gumbygirl

I joined the Eliminator thing., because I’m defenceless against peer pressure. I’m just a girl who can’t say no!

2Pack
SonOfSpam

BeerGentBobby is projected to go winless, which is funny, but it won’t be funny when he beats me Week 1.

scotchnaut

/eagerly awaits Yahoo’s AI draft grade

“You remember Hiroshima? It’s worse than that.”

Doktor Zymm

“Hiroshima may have been a war crime, but at least it was able to defeat thousands of unarmed civilians which is more than we can say for your fantasy football team”

Sharkbait

Since when did Curtis LeMay start grading fantasy teams?

Doktor Zymm

lol browns
last division win

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Last edited 1 month ago by Doktor Zymm
blaxabbath

Wow. The giants have been in hell.

Doktor Zymm

Although at least the last time they won the division they also won it all

scotchnaut

“Hey, look, ‘Mr. Late To The Party’ just arrived!”

Dunstan

“At least we’re not the Jets!” — Official slogan of the Miami Dolphins

litre_cola

Balls got an A plus and I play him week 1. Great. Grand. Wonderful.

SonOfSpam

They said his draft was ass and he took it as a compliment.

ballsofsteelandfury

I’m so fucked

litre_cola

B- I will take it!.

King Hippo

B- huzzah

Sharkbait

Yahoo clearly doesnt like the “draft the handcuff” and “take the TE on IR and stash” draft strategy. D+ my ass…

Doktor Zymm

Slightly ahead of my D!

Gumbygirl

Unless I’m very much mistaken, you don’t have a D. Neither do I, and that’s what I got in my draft too. Notice none of the actual dudes did. Hmmmm…

Doktor Zymm

“I got a D-”
-Deanna Farve

litre_cola

I cackled when you took A-Aron, I had thought about it the pick prior.

Doktor Zymm

It psychically hurt

Game Time Decision

“I” got an A
/autodrafted
//love how even when it reached for a player its my fault

litre_cola

Pulled that out of your ass.

Game Time Decision

Yep, surprised that I don’t totally hate my team

Redshirt

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WCS

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QJnaoA2clVs
It’s my birthday, and leave it to a Marine to know I love that movie.

Redshirt

That and Die Hard are the two movies where I openly root for the villain.

WCS
Sharkbait

Die Hard With A Vengeance is the best one in the series though

King Hippo

I don’t recall ever getting a C or worse Yahoo grade, but I think I will break that streak tonight.

Sharkbait

Draft over, time to rosterbate

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WCS

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Sharkbait

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nqEa-mR3Ah0

Not me on the Acela tomorrow

Doktor Zymm

I have RG4 and a stale, innoculated fart as my QBs. I’m sure this will go well.

ballsofsteelandfury

Cannot wait to get my grade!

SonOfSpam

I waited so long on QB I got Stafford and the guy they traded for him.

jjfozz

I had first pick in my fantasy draft. I took McCaffrey. So expect him to get hit by a runaway dinosaur as he comes out of the tunnel for the first game of the season.

Sharkbait

Lets see if my zero kicker strategy pays off

scotchnaut

I see your zero kicker and raise you…Zero Defense!

edit/ I ran out of rounds-it happens

Last edited 1 month ago by scotchnaut
litre_cola

Got me some Taysom Hill I did…

LemonJello

Double threat to disappoint!

scotchnaut

Under Where?

jjfozz

This guy’s channel is all about die cast racing cars on tracks he printed out. it’s amazing.

https://www.youtube.com/@3Dbotmaker

WCS

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Ybz6q34xA0&list=PLMmd10177iHsNgILFlhqXmqoNP3QTZO8s&index=10

Rumor is I’m starting another lap around a burning ball of gases at point today.
I definitely feel more optimistic than the previous three. For instance, I’m harnessing my vast resources of self-loathing for (mostly) good now!

LemonJello

Happy (unconfirmed) Birthday!

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ballsofsteelandfury

That’s a Balls Birthday right there!

Gumbygirl

Ha, I knew it was yesterday or today, because it’s the same day as one of my siblings. Yesterday was my sister’s, today is my brother’s. Happiest Birthday to you!

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Gumbygirl

If you press on Cousin Itt, he will dance for you. My Giffer seems to be broken

SonOfSpam

Happy Birthday, Your Lordship

Doktor Zymm

Congrats on your continued spirograph through space!

Game Time Decision

Happy birthday WCS

2Pack

Happy Birthday Bro

jjfozz

This whole “i’m not giving a fucking fuck about what my mothers and sisters do, or not do” attitude is very liberating

Dunstan

Try extending that to all of humanity. It works for me!

jjfozz

They were the last few remaining people in humanity that I actually gave a fuck about. Now it’s down to my three boys, my wife, my dog, my best friend, bourbon, and assorted pills. And the entire cast of Shoresy.

Gumbygirl

Not us?

Dunstan

To be fair, we’re all imaginary

LemonJello

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jjfozz

Damn! Forgot to include you miscreants in that list. My apologies.

Doktor Zymm

Good on you!

King Hippo

Wait, Zed Zed Topp are still performing? How goddamned old must they be?

SonOfSpam

The bass player/sometimes singer is dead years old, so the other two are doing better than him at least.

King Hippo

Sharp Dressed Corpse?

ballsofsteelandfury

Relegation, here we come!

Doktor Zymm

10th pick, on my way!

Doktor Zymm

Commies employee suspended for generally trash-talking the NFL including the following glorious quote which proves none of us could ever hold down a job for a team:
‘Enteen also said in the video that Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones “really runs the NFL. I think he hates gay people, black people.” He called Goodell “a $50 million puppet” and said the NFL’s social justice efforts were performative.’

Doktor Zymm

The whole Pearsall shooting thing is super crazy. Looks like he might still start in game 5 when he comes off the non-football injury list

Gatoraids

Just the shot in the chest…err arm that SF’s passing game needs.

King Hippo

Florida Man gon’ Florida Man

King Hippo

I’mma have to pause Footy Manager almost a whole hour for this shit.

litre_cola

Dude, it was like 30 mins last year.

King Hippo

TROOF

LemonJello

Just leave Other Hippo in charge while you draft?

King Hippo

That asshole will hit the “RETIRE” button, just to see Hippo cry.

Horatio Cornblower

I just lifted weights for the first time in two weeks, thanks to the gym’s annual shut down for a deep clean week, (i.e. the bedbugs are getting out of hand), and then last week’s vacation and holy shit just extending my arms to type is making my shoulders spasm.

That’s good, right?

Doktor Zymm

Someone I know cleaned out an old hot yoga gym, apparently you don’t want to even think about what was under that carpet

Horatio Cornblower

Oh dear god…

WCS

That’s where you found Lowratio, so don’t front.

LemonJello

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blaxabbath

Keep loose.

Redshirt

In honor of Football Eve, the Reds are getting into the spirit by throwing a touchdown and field goal on the board. Not bad for a AAA squad!

ArmedandHammered

Do you think hunchbacks hang out at the Transylvanian version of Home Depot to look for work? – Cinematic Titanic from Frankenstein’s Castle of Freaks

litre_cola

How high are you right now?

LemonJello

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Gumbygirl

.

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ArmedandHammered

At that point I thought my rabbit was making some cogent points on capitalism and the road from from, but it was just some clown on the news, then I saw something shiny. My wife has told me it is now time for bed as she is afraid to leave me with matches, my torch, and the grinder.

Horatio Cornblower

I got a guy…

King Hippo

You SURE DO, tiger! – L. Ratio, Storrs, CT

ballsofsteelandfury

Freezer Vodka Draft in one hour!

Sharkbait

Time to defend my title!

King Hippo

and Hippo his Stoma Fucking BRONZE!

Gumbygirl

When I was going to UGA, I lived right by that high school where today’s senseless slaughter happened. Doesn’t surprise me at all. I never felt safe in the Winder Walmart or Publix. Scary zombie maga chuds with dead eyes there.

blaxabbath

Hey — ain’t nobody at risk at a Publix.

jjfozz

“What if I shoved my fucking foot so far up your fucking ass you would taste shoe leather for a month?”

I wanted to say that to my asshole, busybody, know it all coworker. But I didn’t.

However, I listened to everything she said and said, “Um, I guess.” And walked away.

God I hate that bitch.

ballsofsteelandfury

I would have replaced “ass” with “cunt” and “you” with “your SO”.

Doktor Zymm

But the ass connects to the mouth, which is where the tongue with the tastebuds that would taste the shoe leather are so it’s anatomically consistent. Insults are far better when they’re technically correct.

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Redshirt

I just trained myself to say “Thank you.” with the same tone and intonation as “Fuck you!”

It’s done wonders for my career and sanity.

jjfozz

This is the same woman who asked me “Are you on a call?” And I said, “Yes.” And she proceeded to tell me what I did wrong with some inane report.

I said, “Did you hear me when I said I was on a call? That’s why I’m not answering you.”

Redshirt

“Let me put you on hold. I got an uptight bitch who thinks she’s more important than you.”

-what I would said in my thoughts

“I’m sorry, I’m on a call, I will be with you shortly.”

-what i would’ve said

yeah right

For those last minute procrastination folks, join the eliminator league!
ESPN Eliminator challenge, group name DFO Crack Suicide Squad!

Try and survive to week 3! Be somebody!

jjfozz

I joined, for some dumb fuck reason my name is ESPNFAN5269617672’s Picks 1

litre_cola

Always had a inkling Fozz was a Russian bot.

Horatio Cornblower

Oh yeah? Well I’m ESPNFAN7337805426!!

Allegedly I can change it later.

jjfozz

Allegedly

jjfozz

Changed it to JJ Fozz God of Thunda

litre_cola

DFO Ligue Un draft tonight! I have seen autodraft destroy 2 teams in a snake draft, and demolish 3 teams in an auction. Do so at your peril

LemonJello

Draft Room sneak peek:

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litre_cola

Gametimedecision texted me that he is autodrafting. Zymm may have competition for kickers.

LemonJello

Look, there’s only four (4) relegation spots to Lowratio League, we can’t take errybody…

litre_cola

Past winners are Weaselo, Sharky, Spam, Ayo. I don’t seem them folk coming down. The rest of us is a crapshoot.

Gumbygirl

Spam wins everything. I’m pretty sure he cheats, and equally sure we’ll never figure out how.

Doktor Zymm

I may have to switch to long snappers

Doktor Zymm

I gonna draft all punters!