One for the road? Let’s do it!
To The Game!
Chiefs/Falcons:
-As predicted by many, Xavier Worthy came crashing down last week and had a very limited impact. He still got his measly three touches and amassed all of 22 yards.
-Mahomes is doing his usual thing and taking what the D is giving him but it’s resulted in the lowest air yards average of his career to date at 5.1. Surprisingly, the player that has benefitted the most is Rashee, not Kelce.
-Speaking of, Travis is off to a slow start and has a seven game regular season streak of being under 50 yards receiving. He hasn’t really been needed so far and I’m sure he’ll be a force in the bigger games. Otherwise he might just bump into Reid again.
-With Pacheco in a cast what cast of characters are now featured in the running game? Kareem Hunt is on the practice squad as he gets up to speed, retread Samaje Perine is doing whatever, future superhero Carson Steele was a major fantasy pickup and something called Keontay Ingram is taking up space on the roster.
-Cousins bounced back from a lousy week one display with a gutcheck last minute drive to steal a sure win from the Eagles. It looks like he’s rounding back into form.
-Bijan is doing the anticipated Bijan things, accruing 5.7 yards on average every time he touches the ball.
Let’s wind things up in style.
Wow, I’m impressed with Amazon’s “Discovery Mix”. Motley Crue, George Thorogood, ZZ Top…really digging up some obscure acts for me to enjoy.
Wait till it plays this obscure group called “The Beatles.”
That train sound Atlanta uses is called the General Sherman, because it goes all the way to the sea.
Do people not check their credit card statements?
No
I don’t.
I do. Though, when I see the 21% interest rate fee, I always fight the urge to throw my electronic device
I found the Dean Spanos exhibit at the Zoo today.
End of half KC drive? That sound you hear is the safety coming off all the officials flags.
Now THAT looks more like the Cousins we all know
Did NFL officials baby Tom Brady as much as they baby Patrick Mahomes? You can see that defenders are afraid to do *anything* to him because they know they’ll get flagged.
Brady definitely got his share of soft calls, but I feel like Mahomes and KC took it to the next level
The reason why there weren’t as many flags because the O-Line was also allowed to hold to protect Timmy Brady
Yes. The corollary being that they let defenders beat the dog shit out of Cam Newton.
That’s a good point, there was balance in the force.
Can we nominate Watson to get all the non calls?
I’d rather see all QBs mashed into paste, but he’s a good place to start.
The NFL wants a three-peat more than Andy Reid wants to find an unguarded ribs buffet
Mmmmmm. Ribs.
God this feels like the Shaq/Rapist years of the Lakers.
I apologize, it’s disrespectful to refer to Kobe Bryant as a rapist in his current state (i.e. a coffee can full of ashes and gravel from the side of a mountain)
Why would that be a pass? That’s a lateral, so it’d be a run
Silly Bijan, you can’t use your feet in football!
Butker pointing to the sky because Jesus gifted him a leg that can kick a 53 yard field goal. Fuck. Right. Off. Shithead.
He’s actually pointing to the rafters where he’s like to see the queers hanged.
THIS ATLANTA O LINE, I CALL THESE GUYS OVERPROTECTIVE ALABAMA UNCLES BECAUSE THEY ARE TRYING THEIR BEST NOT TO LET THE PASS RUSH FUCK COUSINS.
I love how Andy Reid pulls the fat guy move of leaving the polo untucked like it’s going to conceal that massive gut if it’s not overhanging the belt.
/does this all the time
I haven’t tucked in a shirt in many many
poundsyears.What kind of asshole schedules a wedding on Sunday in fall?
A dickhead or a college football fan?
Same thing.
How are your guests expected to get drunk off their asses on a Sunday night?
Kirk Cousins means business!*
*said business is selling bibles door-to-door in the offseason
I’ve lived in mountain standard time for 6 years and I still haven’t gotten used to when SNF starts here, man. I’m still stuck on best coast time
I’m sure Experian has nothing to do with that hike in insurance rates. Fucking company should have been dismantled and its executives should have been publicly hanged in 2009.
PSA to freeze your credit and lock your SIMs. Easily doable and undoable online nowadays.
Sirianni “This is not sustainable.”
No fucking kidding asshat, you should have been fired last year. You are a fucking cheerleader and a shity one at that!
go birds
Kickoff should be from the kicking team’s own 10 yard line, but, whoever fields the ball for the receiving team has to start the next series at center.
missing an extra point should be negative one point, only way to force these risk-averse hippos you call head coaches to finally go for two
In the DFO fantasy leagues it is!
Ah I see someone breathed too hard on Mahomes after that throw.
Are they doing the summary execution right on the field or are they saving it for the next halftime show at Arrowhead?
Would think they’d do an autumnal execution considering the equinox.
Friends, I really don’t want to work tomorrow.
Sorry to hear you’re feeling sick. Hope work understands.
Or ever again
I really need to hit Powerball
I’ll take 2nd place. I’m not greedy.
I’ll write you a note.
If you push the Armed button in a Hummer, cannons should pop up
These poor guys are still stuck with the same bullshit cutaways like that Justin Simmons thing. Sad.
Does Justin Simmons need to shatter Mahomes’ knee to unlock BERNARD POLLARD ACHIEVEMENT?
Only one way to be sure
Where’s the KC mascot?
Jail. Robbed a bank.
Thought he would cry
Oh ow, I did nawt need to see that angle of Pacheco’s leg breaking
Fun fact – I broke my fibula when I got rolled up on when I was 20 and was at a Rush concert with lawn seating. Drunks (not me) were horseplaying. I spent my 21st birthday in Vegas in a cast.
Rush?! Did they apologize profusely and abuse “ou” rules?
Did the ambulance look like one of these:
It was weird; I was EXACTLY drunk enough to walk the half-mile back to my car, and EXACTLY sober enough to drive home. The next morning, the lower leg was…not the right size or shape.
You know that scene in game of thrones where they poured gold down that dude’s throat?
can we do that to Cris?
I saw a tweet circulating that in medieval times they couldn’t spare oil, so they’d poor boiling shit on wall climbers.
Apropos of nothing, of course.
“Gold? You’re going to buy a bunch of gold, melt it down and pour it down some guy’s throat when we can barely afford a payment on our second vehicle? Where are your priorities?
-fozz’s wife
It’s for the greater good
Actually, they poured that melted gold over his head because he was begging for a crown.
But I like your idea even better.
Thank you for being that guy. It was bugging me.
Joffrey?
Nope, Viserys. Daenerys brother.
I don’t know how many times I have to tell you this: S.A.P.
You can take the team out of Arizona, but you can’t take the Arizona out of the team
https://www.instagram.com/p/DAPV0dGMs9T/?igsh=MTdhYmZtbzZoaTQ1MQ==
This Rashee Rice can really weave in and out of traffic*.
*on the field, not the highway
On the highway, he’s Wild Rice.
“That’s an A+ pass.” Brady said this at least 10 times during the game today.
tom brady games are always a pass for me
I feel deflated every time I hear him talk.
He’s always looking for the D
I hope they bench him soon
What is he, a Harvard professor?
Every day I slowly realize I have fewer and fewer football games to watch with my father. But even this game I bailed out on because of Brady.
“Bailing on Brady” is the tentative name of a board game that Gisele Bunchen is working on with Alex.
Oh wait. I understand Spanish.
See ya, collinsworth
¡Vuelve aquí, cobarde!
Now that Emo Carr has abdicated his MVP duties, we have no choice but to award it to its rightful owner, Dingleberry.
ALL HAIL OUR MIGHTY CAP’N
Samuel L. Jackson selling peanuts as a youngster at an Atlanta game.
“CHANGE MOTHERFUCKER! DO YOU HAVE CHANGE?”
NFL needs a brain health concussion protocol for fans for having a Brady game within an hour of a Collinsworth game
Asking the important questions
Duh. Yes!
“If we lose this game, I will throw the dog through the window. I’m not fucking lying.”
Yes, the Ravens game was frustrating.
“It sure was ruff!”
-dog
She told me I was barking up the wrong tree.
Did the dog live? John Wick would like to know
The dog has mastered tuck and roll
They should make Carrie sing this stupid song live, every week, in the stadium before the game.
BeerBrother sent me a funny about whatever the fuck is going on in North Carolina.
Companies that send birthday emails without including at least a crappy coupon can fuck right off
I have not had enough water today. What if I mixed some with some hops and barley, do we think that would work?
I would fucking encourage that.
Try it and report back with your findings.
IT’S SCIENCE!
Beer is supposed to be more hydrating than water if you have one or two after exercise, I think you should see if that applies in other situations too!
Luda!
Having emerged unscathed from the stadium, Beerguy is killing time at his favourite Seattle brewery while waiting for traffic to thin out.
Good idea to hydrate after a long day
Jason Garrett hoping Daulton’s performance today with inspire Jerrah to bet it all on red again
Turns out Andy Dalton’s Revenge Game wasn’t just next week.
What would Andy Dalton hold against Marvin Lewis?
Playoff losses. Play calling. Pac-Man and Vontaze. I can go on.
CHUH CHUH O AN U NOE PACMAN GON CAUSE DAT PTSD BULLLLEEEEEE DAT
Despite having Rashee, Bijan, and Buttface, I don’t think there’s any way for me to win in my money league, so I guess go Atlanta?
Bill O’Brien is the coach at Bawstahn Cawllege now.
I’ve never been awarded a game ball. Have I ever played organized football? I don’t think that’s a relevant question. Maybe the totally liberal corporate media should start doing some homework for once.
Is learn more from OJ’s corpse than any of these assholes.
This four pack of Delirium Tremens won’t make it to the second quarter
I remember that one well, despite the name
I have a jar of Tramadol at home that will take that bet next week.
Has anyone crushed the money v. mediocrity meter more than Cousins? In guaranteed money that is.
Handyman Watson perhaps?
Very generous to call him mediocre tho
Sam Bradford used to be the old reference, but I’m not sure if he even qualify as mediocre
Flacco got paid 8.7 mil this year
Damn near 200 million without proof of product says he wins
HOW THE FUCK YA DOIN BOYS?
RAMMMMMIT’S season is saved. Everything is ok now, Super Bowl is happening.
(Not with the Rams in it, but still)
I feel your state of mind Spam.
RAMMIT and Go Birds.