Hello, there.
Can I bother you for a moment of your time?
No? Too damn bad.
I just wanted to take up some of your work day and update everyone on the beautiful disaster that is tWBS Memorial Fantasy Football Leagues. There are two (2) leagues, the elder Freezer Vodka (FVL) League and the upstart Lowratio League (LL). Top four (4) teams from Lowratio get promoted to Freezer Vodka, and the bottom four (4) from FVL get relegated to LL.
Here are the FVL standings:
At the top of the standings sits Lowratio’s Couch Fetish, Sofa Loren and JD’s Chesterfield Dreams all with perfect 4-0 records. Wow!
In the Relegation Zone currently: Couch Fuckers FC, Dead Hobos, Unnatural Gas, Big Bag of Suck, and The Schlitzstains with an 0-4 record each. Ooof.
Here are the LL standings:
Duke’s Chicago Waffles sits majestically atop the rankings as the only 4-0 team in the league. Dick’s Sweet Candy Asses, War and Peace, Casa do vinho FC and Gumbygirl’s Felonious Monks are close behind at 3-1 and battling for the three remaining coveted promotion spots.
And just look at the basement dwellers here: A&H’s Used Vape Cartridge and the Bearsenschiesse Barons can’t stop tripping on their dicks with cleats on and are winless so far. Can they turn their fortunes around? Will it really matter? Do you like movies about gladiators?
There’s still plenty of fantasy fitbaw to be “played” and who knows when SHAN’KHLOR, BLEERGH, DOINK or Roger Goodell, Galactic Disgrace will place their hand on the scales, tipping fortunes and futures in accordance with the all encompassing narrative!
Until next time!
Editor’s Note: Due to unforseen circumstances, this will serve as tonight’s open thread. Enjoy!
No Wednesday morning post? This is madness!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gBrH-59Z-ho
In my head I immediately thought “This is Sparta” because I recently watched the trailer again. But those guys were assholes and idiots.
This is more like the guys who know better than to ever come down from the goddamn hills.
https://youtu.be/ZNomhZFaWWI?si=mSm-Tac5OQ3aVhe_
1985 WCS, meet 1996/7 WCS, this is 2024 WCS, and we’re all a little in shock.
Couch?
https://ibb.co/h9pBRKK
“2/10”
— JD V, OH
https://ibb.co/d7dpFzV
Well done Padres. That was indeed….
ROCKINGGGG!
Barves @ Dads Wildcard Game 1 Recap: Enter the Nando
It’s ROCKING!
Oh, no. First, King Jaffe. Now, it’s Cleo McDowell.
Arsenio Hall better watch out.
Wait holy shit this was actually a back & forth??
Yikes!
.
I’m gonna try to find that Pete rose joke….
The best way we can all honor the memory of Pete Rose is by banning sports betting again
It’s raining so a gym morning. But before that. It’s what I do. What you have come to expect.
Ciao tutti.
misspelled titti imo
What was the fair-weather plan?
On fair days it’s a run. Rainy days it’s the gym. I get a pretty good balance that way, say well as the whole, not getting drenched thing.
You get em in bunches, eh?
I do.
Ozempic couldn’t defeat those kitties.
True Dat!
Ohtani put on a highlight reel performance in honor of his idol. Pete Rose.
Ew, the candidates are being nice and personable to each other!
Well, that’s what happens when a bitch isn’t involved.
(the bitch I referred to is the big-titted makeup-wearing one)
(trump)
The press is going to eat it up. Which, paradoxically, won’t be good for Trump – it’ll make the prospect of leaving his bullshit behind all the more appealing.
I wonder if the weather in San Diego for October baseball is…..nice?
It’s ROCKING!!!
I just threw a rock at my TV because I thought a raccoon got into it.
Nah, raccoons are amusing sometimes.
That’s….is that, rock-ing?
Higashoka HOME RUN!!!!
Petco is ROCKING!!!! ⚾️
Padres lead 4-0!!!!
The gaslighting around January 6th is fucking infuriating and is reason enough for the Republican party to be burned to the ground.
Walz is doing better as this goes along, and he needs more “I can’t believe we might lose to these clowns” energy.
Got some fancy Spicy Queso flavored Funyuns snacks
Kinda Rocking!
Oooh an aristocrat.
Probably wearing pantaloons too.
Fun + Onions = Gateway to heroin
This liar is very consistent at lying
Needs the eyeliner smacked off his fat face
Is the yellow circle on the Padres jerseys with “PD” supposed to stand for PaDres? Because I think that’s dumb.
Peter Siedler. He was the owner that went all in last season with Soto but died before the season was over. 63 years old
That’s better than PaDres, I guess.
Stands for “Poor Diamondbacks” because the desert team failed.
I honestly thought they really missed Pat Sajak hosting Wheel of Fortune.
Dude!!!
Michael King is DEALING!
He’s struck out 12 Braves batters thru 7 innings!!!
That’s ROCKING!!!
They gotta stop chopping at it!
That’s our boy, go deal, Kinger!
Ok, JD Vance claiming multiple women have talked to him about their abortions is the least credible thing he has ever said.
And yes, that includes the pet eating stuff.
Have they asked him about the pet eating nonsense? I dont want to subject my eyes to discount John Wayne Gacy.
Yeah it went about as you would have expected
I’m not even sure that multiple women have talked to him about the weather, much less their abortions
“Get away from me before I call the police.” Is technically “talking to” him
About to run out of chips…
Guess I gotta go get some other snacks/treats…
I think my corner store had some fancy FunOnions….
Seems Rocking!
Am not watching the debate, but did Vance really just complain that the rules said there would be no fact-checking?
Not exactly. He said a version of “if you’re going to fact check, let me say the facts”
And then spouted more bullshit.
To his credit, that’s a pretty deft reaction.
Couch jokes or shut the fuck up!
This is why debate participants need shock collars…THEY DID IT, THEY CUT THE MICS!!!
You know how much Vance would get off being fried by a shock collar in front of a camera?
He’d be Vice President Golden God
If seeing Vance on your screen makes any of you want to stroke a check to Harris and hear from Ken Burns and Tom Hanks, here’s a link to a virtual fundraiser tomorrow night:
https://secure.kamalaharris.com/a/qewlirfhihabsndkifmnfdgh?attr=114140991
There are also in person events still, too….
Madame Vice President? You’re BFC?!
Sure, it’s me, send your (wealthy) friends, relatives, and neighbors to meet the coach this weekend:
https://secure.kamalaharris.com/a/hoqwrkxcnvaofjgo?attr=112964881
I’m a moderate Republican. How do you think I know rich people?
Because the entire nation is fucking republican, blindy!
Land doesn’t vote.
See that dark blue shape on the coast of Southern California? That’s Los Angeles County, which has a population greater than 41 of the 50 U.S. states, and has more people than all that red from the Mississippi to Nevada (less Texas) combined.
Which is why the electoral college will never go away sadly.
Can we vote for the Coach or the Coach Lover as President? I’ve only listened for three minutes and I prefer the understudies over the headliners
*Couch Lover
Well half of your comment makes sense:
https://www.economist.com/united-states/2024/10/01/tim-walz-is-the-most-popular-candidate-on-either-ticket
A turd on a stick is better than Trump, so Vance barely qualified.
Gotta give it to Vance, he is as smooth as a leather sofa.
Petco Park crowd is ROCKINGGGG!!!! 💯
Runners on the corners…. 🙏
And a sack fly to score Jake Croneworth!!!
Padres lead 3-0 now!!!!
That’s ROCKINGGGG!!!!
Goooooo PADRES!!!!
If Walz has any guts, he’ll find a way to say the word “couch” as many times as he can.
“…and for the Americans watching at home on their dry, semen-free sofas-”
(arches eyebrow at Vance)
Vance: (sweats and adjusts collar and inseam)
Or
And the rookie Jackson Merrill gets a base contract hit!
Kinda Rocking!!!
Yoooooo!
Tatis hits a HomerRUN in the first pitch he sees!!! 💪
Padres lead 2-0!!!
That’s ROCKINGGGG!!!!
Knowing the city’s luck, the Bearcats lost to that yacht club.
In the Brigham Young game of ’48, Pacific Fleet opened with a shore bombardment by battleships that killed the entire BYU team, all the spectators, and destroyed most of the stadium. The airstrikes that followed finished off the stadium while napalm drops incinerated the corpses. Coordinated fighter sweeps strafed any stray Mormons and other targets of opportunity in the vicinity. Pacific Fleet won the game 6-0 via forfeit.
These feel like upstairs medical schools but in real life
Padres vs Braves just started!
Gooooo Padres! ⚾️
Petco Park is ROCKING!!!
TATIS JR IS ROCKING!
https://twitter.com/GiantsSBchamps/status/1841186651059454048
That’s (no longer one of) Rikki’s Raiders!!
https://twitter.com/BleacherReport/status/1841211107958276298
someday they will be a real football team again
HI I’M MARK DAVIS AND GHOST DADDY AND TONIGHTS GIRLFRIEND KEEP TELLING ME I HAVE A FOOT BALLED TEAM
“Informed? This is my time to likky likky boom boom down time to shine!”
-Snow
“Send me to the always-competitive battlefields of the NFC South!”
Lincoln & Manchester
https://ibb.co/MfqwHbD
(Fun fact: This liquor store is next to the bar that was the model for Moe’s Tavern on The Simpsons)
Bullshit.
The model for Moe’s Tavern was Joe’s.
Found a funny:
(VP debate)
MODERATOR: What is your favorite sports blooper?
TIM WALZ: July 5, 1989, Paul O’Neill on the Reds bobbling the ball and kicking it to the first baseman because he thought the game was over and accidentally preventing a run
JD VANCE: Women should be required to wear tracking collars
And the cheating Astros lost game 1, so it’s a good day.
However, the Orioles are in danger of losing their game, which may make Fozz angry for the first time.
I will never know them as anything other than the Asterisks.
Aw, John Amos passed.
I thought he died ten years ago.
I’ve been watching Die Hard 2 for years under that impression, which is now accurate…?
You were just ahead of your time.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EyPBtVAT558
Yeah same; I thought Amos had been dead for a while.
John Stamos is okay though, right?
My Duff Goldman cake showed up today. It’s purty!
Important Public Service Message:
https://youtu.be/8uzh-hY1ILY?si=VogWSd0FdS3ayfc6
What’s the punishment for last place in the lower league?
Pure shame is not enough for you?
You have to be the commissioner.
Who’s got two thumbs and is the “proud” owner of the Bearsenschiesse Barons? This guy.
and write a weekly post about the ff league during the season
Nope, I think Litre is the commish for LL. No, the shame is all mine as I am the owner of A&H’s Used Vape Cartridge, at your service.
Incorrect. I am the Lowratio Commish. Litre is Vodka Commish.
Until now I didn’t even know I was in the league yet I’m in a commanding twelfth place. Wish I knew how to log in; I have no idea who is on my team.
If you’re “the Brick Experience” you just kicked my ass starting an inactive Christian McCaffrey and an out-in-the-first-quarter Anthony Richardson. You’re doing fine as is
One night, two Big Turk bars, Lowratio, steel cage.
I’m telling you right now, you are on your own, and Lowratio does not recognize or respect tap outs.
Yet another reason I decline FF.
I assumed at first that was the stadium from Civil War, but then I realized it was just the Raiders practice field.
Unnatural Gas ownership hereby reiterates its full support to the current General Manager to continue this season and reach new heights after relegation.
That’s you? And Sharky is Couch Fuckers FC. Still don’t know who some of los otros are.
That solves one mystery!
Some teams (Dead Hobos, mine) are fairly easy to figure out who is who. With others, it’s kinda difficult…
Anyone care to reveal themselves?
Proud owner of Casa do Vinho FC in the Lowratio league.
Just suffered my first loss of the season but fully prepared to kick enough righteous ass to get promoted.
Heather’s Horrible Hikes, named after our favorite Blair Witch Hiker.
I’m off to a lucky start, I guess.
In the twbs leagUe, based on current standings:
1 – balls
2- Zymm
3- GTD
4- Senor Weasalo
5 – Maestro
6- Hippo
7- Mr Ayo
8- Rev ???
9- Spam
10- Sharky
11 – Scotchy
12- DonT
13 – litre
14- BGR
Thanks!
We fuck stomas, yes we do
We fuck stomas, how ’bout YOU?
Relegation looms…
I’m “Rod Rust never sleeps” in Lowratio league, not that I’ll be consequential in any way