16 Nov 2024 – JV NFL Thread (Part 2)

Huzzah, we are back for another helping:

Arizona State (+8.5) at Unded Bill Snyders (7:00, ESPN)

Poor little Sparky, 7-2 and absolutely nobody is buying it.

Oregon (-14) at Wisconsin (7:30, NBC)

Another week, another super-extensive, prime-time turd for NBC.  On top of Notre Dame playing a schedule that would make a decent high school program blush..

Tennessee (+10) at Georgia (7:30, ABC)

Game of the Day by a far sight, and even this is a double digit line.  UGA is a dangerous, cornered animal – but they might just not be any damned good.

Kansas (+2.5) at Original Recipe Big Love (10:15, ESPN)

Damned shame there isn’t a flipping companion, otherwise I could make a case for staying up to watch this’un.

 

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King Hippo
Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan. Also a proud fookin' Evertonian. Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child. [Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
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Brick Meathook

Hey DFOers you don’t know how much I love you.

So there.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

This song brings me back to a girl I was in love with when I was a young twenty-something stationed in Charleston SC. Sweet!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SiLUTWcLCgU

TheRevanchist

No team from Utah will ever be respected. Eat the loss and hopefully we will watch you lose again next week.

Brick Meathook

I’m going to make the cocktail of the century, using these ingredients combined in that mason jar with those opiates crushed up as the fancy-like centerpiece.

See ya’ on the moon!

https://ibb.co/m8Vn5CY

Brick Meathook
blaxabbath

Magic show was a hit. Real pro working the local ballroom. Better than that, still no fires in Hawaii. God bless. Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers.

WCS

Real pro working the local ballroom.

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Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo
ballsofsteelandfury

Is there such a thing as a Grand Matron Saint?

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litre_cola

Yes
And yes again

Redshirt

In regrettable defiance of DFO Policy, I have to abstain from this vote, on account that she is a dead ringer to my grandmother.

I already have enough issues to give a psychiatrist a car, I don’t need to start working on giving them a boat as well.

Brick Meathook

Maybe she is your grandmother betcha’ never thought of that.

Redshirt

That’s a no. Let’s just say genetics gives to female members of the Shirt Clan that which she paid money to get. Please see the aforementioned issues.

Brick Meathook

No to “you never thought of that,” meaning you did think of that?

Redshirt

No, as in she’s not my grandmother. Any thoughts involving Nina Hartley was done in innocent, non-relational, hypothetical situations. The way God intended.

Brick Meathook

It’s nothing to be ashamed of.

Mr. Ayo

Give me her number and I’ll have her featured in next week’s Sexy Friday.

Redshirt

After doing research on the state of a decomposed body after 15 years, an Internet search was unsuccessful in determining if a skeleton fetish would be necrophilia or something else.

Now if you excuse me, I’m going to wait for the FBI to show up. They’re going to love this one!

litre_cola

Cologne
Utrecht
Regina (h/t Larry)
Verona
Ypres

Brick Meathook

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Redshirt

Damn it, Cincinnati. Take the damn loss!

Redshirt

Me: “That was a depressing end to a shitty Saturday. I can’t imagine it getting any worse.”

Commentator: “And now Iowa State is going to enjoy its new tradition of celebrating wins by signing ‘Sweet Caroline’.”

Me: “I was wrong! Where’s the remote? Where’s the remote?!”

WCS

DO BETTER BIG 12 (16)

Mr. Ayo

BUM BUM BUM!

Redshirt

“Please don’t make us lose to Harbaugh.”
“They will! They will! They will!”

Horatio Cornblower

A few years ago there was a major drought in the Southeast, so bad that Georgia ran a desperation play in which they tried to claim that the state borders were drawn incorrectly way back in the good old days* and that Georgia was entitled to most of the water in the Tennessee River.

While dubious, this claim never amounted to anything because it started raining again and, I believe, the claim was dropped.

What I’m saying is that Tennessee needs another deluge of Biblical proportions to again defeat Georgia.

*By “good old days” they probably mean “back when slaves were still a thing” but that’s another story.

Horatio Cornblower

Narrator: It did not, in fact, rain.

yeah right

Yesterday I wake up.
Need a piss.

Take a piss and the toilet keeps running.
Shut it off at the valve.
Valve starts pouring water.

Call landlord.

This is why I rent by the way.

Dude comes over
Takes a look
I’ve got a brand new toilet, low flush.
New water line from the wall.

I’m shitting in tall grass!

Singularly weird day.

Horatio Cornblower

New toilet and you’re still shitting in the grass?

Man, I don’t know for sure but I doubt that’s going to play in Portugal.

litre_cola

Ahh the Ole Porto piss. Fronds tickle the scrot

yeah right

Tell me a better piss.

You can’t!

Brick Meathook

The Golden Age of TV:

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Horatio Cornblower

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litre_cola

Come on Vols. I root for chaos

Doktor Zymm

Now kaos v. chaos, that’s a fight I would watch

jjfozz

Just finished “The Water Knife” by Paolo ‘name too long to write’, wow. Awesome shit.

WCS

https://www.wpxi.com/news/local/driver-rescued-after-truck-crashes-over-hillside-brentwood/SJHLKCZTHNAN7DEE5WQR5GOWZY/

This was mine from earlier today; probably about the same time WVU was shitting the bed after Rape U.

Mr. Ayo

Did you tell him he can’t park there?

Gumbygirl

My mom grew up in Brentwood.

Horatio Cornblower

My dog is watching me eat a spicy jambalaya as though I was going to give him any, because I was curious to see what this spicy concoction from hell would do to his digestive system.

litre_cola

While watching JV football I learn about all sorts of new disease and the pharma that will help with only mild psychotic side effects.

Horatio Cornblower

Say what you will about RFK, Jr., (and believe me, I will too), he’s dead-on about Pharma not being allowed to advertise.

Gatoraids

Definitely doing his best to bring back Roosevelt

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Doktor Zymm

His first order of business is going to be removing floUride from the water

litre_cola

Been a disaster in Calgary aka Texas north

Horatio Cornblower

Eh, I’m on a private well.

litre_cola

How is the panning for gold working out???

Horatio Cornblower

My wife owns 4 metal detectors, and I’m not even joking.

If there’s gold in CT she will find it.

jjfozz

Personally, I like the pick. I think he’s got some good, solid ideas that need to be polished before he presents them to the public.

Horatio Cornblower

I just hope there’s a Sirhan Sirhan, Jr.

Redshirt

Even the naked, rambling wino pleasuring themselves with a possum has a right idea or two.

litre_cola

Let’s not belittle winos

Horatio Cornblower

Or possums.

Brick Meathook

Healthcare advice from a heroin addict is always a good idea.

Brick Meathook

I feel a cold coming on, starting with a sore throat and congestion.

So tonight I’m going with OTC night-time cough syrup, pineapple juice, vodka, prescription opiate painkillers, and maybe some peach yogurt.

This should be a wild ride. Stay tuned.

Gumbygirl

I’ve been fighting one off for about three days now. For me, it’s been Dayquil, white wine, and 20 mg gummies.

litre_cola

I appreciate that hustle

WCS

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jjfozz
jjfozz

there is a Raising Cain’s near our house, we have been there twice. I woudl rather eat raw muskrat after it’s been on the side of the road in August.

SonOfSpam

Yeah, when it opened up out here, there was much rejoicing, and I fail to understand it.

WCS

Went to a new one back in the summer; I didn’t get anything after my buddy spent $14 on three mediocre looking chicken fingers and a biscuit without a drink.

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Gumbygirl

It’s kind of meh, especially that sauce they’re always bragging about. I like Popeye’s way more.

jjfozz

THIS BOURBON, I CALL IT NINA HARTLEY CAUSE IT’S GOING DOWN REALLY EASY

WCS

BAH GAWD KING THAT’S BOURBLE’S MUSIC

jjfozz

Yes, I’m committed to Lady Bourbon tonight. She’ll lead the dance, and I’ll follow. And throw up around 4 in the morning. I can’t resist.

SonOfSpam

Nina Hartley, having a big week on this site.

jjfozz

The gods on Olympus got together when they gifted her that ass. Seriously.

litre_cola

She did once complain of soreness in her profession.

Horatio Cornblower

So it’s an aged bourbon?

jjfozz

Put up the walls in the shed today. The middle Fozz Spawn helped, although his bitching broke the meter before he engaged. He was making cuts that would take me hours to make. Luckily, he still hates me.

Update on that fucking 3D printer: apparently the one we bought only uses special files, the kind that are impossible to find anywhere on the internet.

Those fucks better be ready to be on the receiving end of my wrath. Cause someone is going to lose a lot of blood.

Doktor Zymm

It would be poetic if you stabbed them with a knife you 3d printed on their machine, or maybe just a jagged piece of plastic from the housing

jjfozz

It’s fucking crazy. Why would you build a printer that didn’t accept the goddamn files that every other printer uses? Vengeance must be served, like a piping hot plate of homemade pasta.

blaxabbath

I got a 3d printer but never got as far as the leveling/set up part.

jjfozz

“If that guy wasn’t a QB, he’d never get any action.” My middle son with an astute observation.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I’m sleepy

Mr. Ayo

Hi sleepy, I’m Mr. Ayo.

litre_cola

Better than being hungry.

Mr. Ayo

I’m that too, sadly. *fires up delivery apps*

ballsofsteelandfury

I love

Tennessee
Illinois
Temple
Syracuse

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Methinks you really love acrostic poems.

litre_cola

Cologne
Utrecht
Regina
Verona
Ypres

Are all sorts of good

Doktor Zymm

Bats
Are
The
Shit

WCS

Bama
Ohio State
Oregon
Boise State
Stanforf

Mr. Ayo

Purdue
UConn
Syracuse
Stanford
Yale

SonOfSpam

Hawaii
Army
Iowa
Rice
Youngstown St

Belmont
Arkansas
LSU
Louisiana Tech
South Carolina

Southern Miss
Michigan
Arizona
California
Kansas St
Indiana
New Mexico
Georgia Tech

Yankton
Ohio St
UCLA
Rutgers

Michigan St
Oklahoma
Mississippi
South Florida

Florida
Arizona St
Connecticut
Eastern Illinois

Horatio Cornblower

Shout out to the Salukis!

Gumbygirl

Yankton? I never touched ’em!

ballsofsteelandfury

Um, UGA is not a dangerous, cornered animal. They’re getting thrashed by Tennessee.

litre_cola

Are they?

ballsofsteelandfury

Well now they made me look bad

blaxabbath

Do you guys in CA get a ton of alerts when there is a storm possibly hitting and the electric company gives you regular updates on “red fla g warning in effect for leeward communities” about possible power shut offs?

I’m not complaining. But, having never witnessed a weather event before, can I get attention for this the way people do when like, there’s flooding “back home”? Can I keep checking my phone at dinner and be like, “I’m so sorry. I never do this. There’s just….there’s a red flag warning in Hawaii and I’m really keeping up on the alerts.” And then everyone needs to be like, “ooooh. oh. sad for you. can we help? oh wow.”

ballsofsteelandfury

Yes, we do.

Doktor Zymm

I don’t, but my particular town doesn’t seem to get red flag warnings. We are directly on top of the Hayward fault though, so if disaster does strike it’ll probably be completely warningless and in that case I don’t mind if you garner sympathy by talking about how worried you are for your imaginary internet friend who may have fallen into a fault

Horatio Cornblower

We’re getting them in Connecticut.

None of you are special.

Brick Meathook

I’m on the Golden State Platinum Plan where I receive a warning on my phone 12 hours before an earthquake.

blaxabbath

I’m taking the Mrs to a magic show at a ballroom in some hotel.

I’m bringing a gently used fleshlight for trade.

Gatoraids

magic word is Fidelio

Horatio Cornblower

Don’t take a cab there; they’ll know.

Senor Weaselo

If I say Lenore does that count?

Horatio Cornblower

NEVERMORE!!

litre_cola

Has she taken edibles?

ballsofsteelandfury
WCS

(dontclickatworkdontclickatworkdontclickatwork)

WCS

Baylor deserves to be reabsorbed back into the Earth’s crust, and it also can take Neal Brown with it.

Gatoraids

Embracing the feeling of being a loser and spoiler. GO GATORS

Redshirt

I can attest, its a good feeling dragging a team and its fanbase out of the playoffs and into the gutter with you.

Gatoraids

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Horatio Cornblower

Wow, this is like word-for-word how I proposed to Mrs. Horatio.

Last edited 1 month ago by Horatio Cornblower