TGIF! Half the country is burning, the other freezing, and I’m stuck here with only clouds and rain. *pokes Mt. Rainer* Do something!
Survival – Personal Edition
Let’s talk about champagne. Specifically, opening a bottle of said champagne. First lesson, don’t do this:
That’s wasting champagne and removing the carbonation from what’s left. Here’s how to properly open a bottle.
- First, angle the bottle away from yourself and others. No one needs to lose an eye here.
- Use the thumb on your non-dominant hand to press down on the cage and cork. With some bottles, that cork will pop out as soon as the cage is loosened.
- Remove the wire cage. Fun fact, all cages open up after exactly 6 clockwise half turns. That’s 3 full turns for you math nerds. Remove the cage.
- Place an opened cloth napkin over the cork. Hold the neck of the bottle in your non-dominant hand and again apply pressure to the cork with your thumb.
- Use your dominant hand to turn the bottle clockwise while pressing on the cork. Do not try to turn the cork as you’re more likely to break it.
- As the cork begins to come out, keep pressure on the cork. This will prevent it from flying out.
- Hold the cork at the mouth of the bottle for a few seconds. Any champagne that bubbles up will react to the cork and recede, so there won’t be any spills.
- Now remove the cork and pour. When pouring, pour slow and fill to 2/3 full. Stop and let the mousse recede, the fill back up to 2/3 full.
Now drink and enjoy. Celebrate whatever you’re celebrating while sipping on still properly carbonated champagne.
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Survival – Species Edition
Time to put the sexy in Friday!
Enjoy the weekend, folks! Alright, now let’s get to the comments!
Okay, who replaced the dead batteries in Ryan Day’s headset?!
I’m scheduled to fly back in to LAX on Monday evening. I’m wondering if I should delay it.
How smoky is Playa del Rey? I need an actual eyewitness account, so if one of you guys can go over there and get a look for me I’d appreciate it. Do it soon because I’ll need to change my ticket ASAP, so let’s get on this.
On the other hand, the final approach should be pretty cool since I got a starboard window seat and the view should be spectacular.
I was at Sawtelle and also in Brentwood today. It was not smoky at all. However, the wind had shifted onshore and thus everything was headed north.
This is also why The Valley is now in danger.
The view, however, should be spectacular. The sunset tonight was stunning.
I am here to give lady number 8 a real ride.
Grazie Mr Ayo solid job as usual.
No, thank you!
I managed to get out of jury duty without having to sob and beg. The pre-trial festivities start Monday, and I have a confirmed doctor’s appointment, so neener! I was stuck in Indio all afternoon though before I was excused. I’m really glad to get out of it, the trial is expected to go to the end of the month, and it’s achild molestation charges Multiple. . No thank you very much, I don’t need that horror show right now, or ever, for that matter
Did you treat yourself to a date shake afterwards?
I don’t see how an evening with Micheal J. Fox is going to help her.
oh you motherfucker i spit beer out, honest-to-goodness actual beer
To be specific:
He would make a very popular Mormon fella, the soaking would be more fun for everybody!
I should have! I have to go drop off some shred tomorrow morning in Palm Springs, there’s a little market on Indian Canyon that has great ones. Maybe I’ll stop there after, it’s on the way home. Assuming the road is open, that’s always the first one to close when it’s windy. It’s also the fastest route to the hospital from DHS, which is unfortunate.
“Stuck In Indio” sounds like a Wim Wenders movie
Or Mexico’s nominee for Best International Feature at the AVNs
wellness check on redshirt please and thank you
Tfs- Vegeta’s Unyielding Rage
Alright, I’m back from giving my dad his PM pills and…
…I think its about time for my medicine now. (reaches for liquor bottle)
Don’t panic! All is well!!!
Also, don’t mix the two!
As a doctor (of Being a Drunk), my advice is to take much.
100 ccs of freezer vodka, STAT
Found a funny:
In our modern age of information overload it’s hard to know whether something is accurate. That’s why you should plug it into a chatbot developed by a billionaire or outsource your thinking to an online personality named like Doctor Truth
Thank goodness for Facebook links. How did people ever know what was going on in their lives before reading about it on the toilet?
ruining lives like they ruined the newspaper
To Simpler Times
I did subscribe to the print Onion after they bout Infowars, and did get a print newspaper for first time in decades and enjoyed the experience
#2 & #4 this week. Dayum!
Hey, I got my keychain on Tuesday,thank you! It matches my purple key for Big Bear. I’m calling it Barney Butt. You didn’t have to spring for Priority, small things can go first class and get there just as fast. Oh my God, that may be the most Boomer thing I’ve ever said, lol!
Awesome!! I’m glad you like it!
The duality of Elisha
No clean sheet, Hippo can go to sleepytown. TV wasn’t on, but I can quit checking score.
I have OSU wins Outright and Ohio State -6. No sleepy for Redshirty.
Are we going to have to declare the Championship game MANDATORY?
THEEEEEE will beat the Unspeakables by 10. Refs will keep them vaguely in the game.
Mandatory means nfl!
/throws loose aluminum foil in lieu of gauntlet
Yes! My Prop Bet is still alive!
Oh, and yay, Bucks.
Uncle eli does not approve
At the bar with Buckeye LadyFriend
Hope this game is ROCKING!!!!
It is now! Damn!
Halftime bar bathroom sex, DO IT!!!!
Hope this stall is ROCKING!!!!
I mean, let ’em know you been there smgdh
“Wanna go celebrate with my buckeyes?”
HARF HARF THE BEN APPROVES!
Uncle eli approves!
Herbstreit must have a cliche bonus in his contract.
And cliche anus in his butt. 😀 It’s even better in written form!
Will Quinn Ewers be a Cleveland Brown?
Needs a mustache.
#ThePauls
That would be Rocking!
THESE PASSES IN THIS COLLEGE FOOTBALL PLAYOFF I CALL THEM HOME INSURANCE CUSTOMERS IN PACIFIC PALISADES LAST FALL BECAUSE THEY KEEP GETTING DROPPED.
Did Herbstreit attend the Collinsworth Broadcasting School? This guy will not shut the fuck up.
He needs to switch to decaf.
I believe hemlock is decaf, so yes
Here, add some of this nightshade as garnish, it really kicks it up a notch.
THE Ohio State player injured! [clutches his Nike cleats for comfort]
So there’s a report that the Arizona cardinals are sending 777 planes to help transport rams personnel to Glendale.
Why a pro football teams needs over 700 planes is beyond me though
Mike Bidwill has two of them.
For hauling his family’s zero Lombardi Trophies.
I thought one was for his gay sex orgies.
The notion that one is specific for gay sex orgies implies that there’s one for non gay sex orgies.
The further implication being that that the non gay orgy crowd is worried about diseases from the gay orgy crowd
Jack Handey is what got Robert Kraft in trouble.
His sexuality aside
The only drama is whether THEEEEE can keep the clean sheet.
“Pfft. Imagine an Ohio State graduate with clean sheets.” – that OSU graduate’s mother, whom he lives with
Pfft. Imagine an Ohio State graduate.
Okay, done. What next?
The Vice President-elect in his younger days?
Before your time?
Think they have bigger problems now.
Clean Sheets?
I’m sure they have some laying around.
If only he’d been able to pick that back up and take it to the house, it would have been one of the greatest punt returns ever.
Well, I don’t know what you’re talking about but I can tell by context that it isn’t JJ Reddick.
I really feel for ya, LA folks. Hang tight, trust narcotics.
Texas can air their Radio Broadcast with a live shot because they are both ESPN networks, but Big Ten Network can’t do that with Ohio State’s Radio Broadcast because that wouldn’t be fair.
So now uncorking is a sport
I’m easy for chanpers talk! Bubbly cork rotater here, though. Has worked fine. Remove cage with teeth before #Obvio
It’s so bizarre to me how I went so long not realizing how great her ass is
It’s awesome how you know exactly who that is just by looking at her ass.
Skin tone helps. And she does seem to be the consensus “it” girl right now.
The hilarious part is I, of all people, don’t know who that is.
#2 and #3 for me
I’m gonna see if I can add some texts to #4, especially for balls
There’s a bulge in Redshirt’s PJ’s.
Don’t start what you can’t finish, Scotchnaut.
I saw Nick Kroll (guy on the right) at the park just a few weeks ago. We were all like “Wait, was that…?”
did you yell FOREVER UNCLEAN!!
Nah, he was doing dad stuff with his little kid. We all gawked a little but we didn’t accost him otherwise.
I didn’t say it was big.