Round Six: Your Vikes/Rams Open Thread

Welcome to Glendale, Arizona-home of the Arrowhead Town Center shopping mall! (seriously, that’s the third sentence in their wiki bio) Guh…

Fallout:

-They’re expected to fall to Detroit next week (as almost all have) but there’s more good news for Washington-the amount of cap space they’re expected to have this offseason? A mere 100 mil. The GM is Adam Peters and he has this team poised to be far above average for the foreseeable future-with the ability to sign free agents of high caliber he can even whiff in the draft and still be okay.

-Eagles starting linebacker Nakobe Dean is done for the playoffs with a torn patellar tendon. The dude knows how to fill out a stat sheet sheet what with 128 tackles, 3 sacks, 9 TFL, 6 QB hits and an INT. That’s tangible difference-making that is going to be hard to replace.

-Yeah, sure, Herbert had a bad game but the reason is that the Texans game plan from the defensive line was near-perfect. Herbert was pressured on 50% of his dropbacks and had less than 2.5 seconds to release the ball 11(!) times. Five of those times defenders were completely unblocked.

To The Game!

-Minny has the most wins ever for a non-#1 seed.

-Stafford averages 308 yards throwing in the playoffs, that’s #1 for all QB’s that have started a minimum of 5 games. Kurt Warner and Dan Fouts come in at second and third with 304.

-That said, the Rams are the lowest-scoring team (21.6) to make the postseason this year.

-With those scoring problems they’ve learned how to win ugly-their last three wins have come by scores of 12-6, 19-9 and 13-9. No one talks about their D.

-The last time they played the Vikes blitzed 12 times and didn’t record a single hit or pressure. How is that possible?

-The Rams have to get out of the gate much faster-they average only 6.8 points scored in the first half.

-I love the sports media’s take on Sam Darnold through the weeks. When he threw for 5 TD’s vs Atlanta it was all SAM THE MAN! When he threw for 0 TD’s vs Detroit (and no INT’s either) it was “Darnold Can’t Rise To The Occasion”. JFC…

DO YOUR BEST.

 

5 7 votes
Article Rating
Subscribe
Notify of
419 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
SonOfSpam

You should get that kind of call in your home stadium.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Look, I hate Bill Belichick, but that was fucking hilarious. “It’s an offensive league, what are you guys doing? Of course that was going to be called a pass”

Doktor Zymm

He’s surprisingly personable on the Manningcast. And he was 100% right here

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Bill is very easy to like on Peyton & Eli.

Gatoraids

yeah actual person in there somewhere unlike Tombot

litre_cola

Me thinks that was grounding.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

#17 was standing two feet away from where it landed.

Horatio Cornblower

So were 8 linemen from both teams, and Stafford may just as well have been throwing to them.

Jimbo

What is a pass or a catch? it’s fucken mystery

Doktor Zymm

HRMMMMMMMMMMM
Weird-ass forward pass gambit is a success I guess
wow

Horatio Cornblower

You cannot allow that to be called a forward pass unless you follow that up by putting flags on the QB and not allowing him to be tackled.

Pure garbage.

Jimbo

Woooo!

SonOfSpam

I mean, he did try to throw it, but it wasn’t very convincing.

Gatoraids

Fattfew finger

King Hippo

all that fried chicken grease on his hands

LemonJello

SUDDEN LONGBOAT CHANGE!

LemonJello

The script: “I SAY THEE NAY!”

comment image

Mr. Ayo

NOT SO FAST!

ballsofsteelandfury

So, I’ve thought about this. Not that it’s going to happen, but buying Greenland actually makes sense.

We already have at least one military base there and would likely build more.
The Arctic is going to become a major shipping traffic area.
Strategically, it makes sense to increase our presence in the Arctic.

Because it’s Trump, it’s dismissed as a dumb thing, but it actually makes sense.

Which is why Denmark will never go for it.

Jimbo

Maybe in president Vance’s first term. Kill me now

SonOfSpam

Well, sure, it would be nice to HAVE it, but it ain’t ours, and no one’s just gonna give it to us, so yes, it’s a dumb thing.

It would be nice to HAVE lots of strategic places with rare earth metals.

Redshirt

Greenland would want to have autonomy; Trump is already drawing a 51st star on the US Flag.

Game Time Decision

That’s just Rhode Island

Senor Weaselo

I thought it was more the naked imperialism of it that we were laughing at.

Doktor Zymm

I think he just wants to restore the golf course. It’s mostly flooded since the US closed the base at Kangerlussauq

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Of course it would be great to have Greenland. But why would we think he wants it (or the panama canal) for any reason other than because it’s really fucking important strategically for Putin?

Doktor Zymm

I thought he wanted Greenland because of the Mercator projection. I can’t wait till someone points out how big Siberia is and he offers to ignore the whole Ukraine thing in exchange for all of Russia east of Lake Baikal

BugEyedBoo

Trump wants to do away with the US in NATO. He just wants Greenland because he saw it on a Mercator projection map.

He also wants to make Canada the 51st state, and thought a black light stuck up your ass cured covid.

jjfozz

I tried that black light cure every day for three months. Nothing. Well, something but let’s not get into that here.

BugEyedBoo

The opposite of ‘bleached’, no doubt.

Senor Weaselo

The other reason is for the chalk, but he has to get by this guy:
comment image

Unsurprised

Every Trump comment here is dumber than him, which is some kind of feat.

Horatio Cornblower

Of course it makes sense, except for the part where one of our NATO allies already controls it.

SonOfSpam

Well, there goes the shutout

/rips up first $1.5 million ticket

Jimbo

Get some puntos here pendojos!

Jimbo

I said puntos not these.

Jimbo

tasty

Putos
Doktor Zymm

Is Viking playoff clownfraudery one of the pillars of the modern NFL?

Jimbo

Sadly yes.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Usually deeper and more heartbreaky.

Redshirt

Okay, who reminded Hey Darnold! that he was a Jet?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

comment image

Last edited 12 hours ago by Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

comment image

jjfozz

Fell down a rabbit hole concerning the use of Tiger tanks by the Germans in WW2. I must be a middle aged white dude in America

Bogdanski

Shouldn’t you be all about the Roman empire? Or is this just in addition?

BugEyedBoo

American Civil War or or GTFO.

jjfozz

I went through that period before. The biography of Gen. Lee was amazing read.

Horatio Cornblower

Eh, I knew how it ended.

jjfozz

I never got into the history of Rome. I guess that makes me AN OUTLIER

Gatoraids
jjfozz

One of the finest movies ever made. Patton’s aids and close friends said that it was virtually a spot on representation of the man. Although Patton was said to have a high pitched, squeaky voice. Also, he was a major racist and pretty much half insane.

SonOfSpam

Anyone take the over on Higbee catches? Probably already a winner.

Mr. Ayo

RAMMMMMMMIT by 50!

LemonJello

comment image

jjfozz

People who walk and talk loudly on their phones with their headphones on deserve a piece of rebar inserted into their brainstem

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

comment image

Doktor Zymm

Accounts say Gage turned into an asshole after that, so maybe try the other side of the head

Game Time Decision

What are your thoughts on on people using speaker phone for calls on full volume?

litre_cola

I am going to guess that he would stick pencils in their nose and smash their head into a table.

Doktor Zymm

I take notes and then sell the info to corporate espionage clients

jjfozz

I hear it every day walking into work, one time it got so obnoxious I started signing. And I sing poorly. Fucking assholes walk the earth.

ThePirateSloth

The Rams are gonna end up scoring 42 points, aren’t they?

SonOfSpam

Oh hey cool another superhero movie (aggravates carpal tunnel from dismissively wanking)

BugEyedBoo

I think MCU up to Endgame baked all the enthusiasm for superhero movies out of me.

Jimbo

Juan Cena does not have cena at McD’s

SonOfSpam

Gonna shut off the TV and assume this is the way it ends.

King Hippo

Why didn’t I think of that yesterday early??

SonOfSpam

Hey half the country lives in an alternate reality, maybe we join em.

jjfozz

This time next year we’ll be vacationing in GreeNland FOR FREE

Redshirt

That’s my plan for just before Trump takes the Oath of Office,

SonOfSpam

Yes definitely

Senor Weaselo

I’m here hoping for either the Commendatore scene from Don Giovanni or the Phantom Thieves to send a calling card.

Gatoraids

LA coming out shooting against looters

SonOfSpam

RAMMMMMMMMMING

litre_cola

I thought that you said rimming – B. Cole

Doktor Zymm

When they played during the season it was during the Crippled Period for Rams wasn’t it?

Jimbo

I think it was first game back for Kupp and Puka.

SonOfSpam

MY NAME IS PUKA I LIVE IN THE SECOND ARY

Last edited 13 hours ago by SonOfSpam
ThePirateSloth

Is that like a Plane arium?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Do you have a rare bone marrow disorder?

jjfozz

If you lived around me in the 80s and didn’t have a cool ass puka shell necklace to go with your tan, then you were nobody.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

So we’re all watching Manningcast, right?

SonOfSpam

lol a Bears fan trying to tell us how to watch a playoff game

BrettFavresColonoscopy

/trudges back to the woods

Horatio Cornblower

Hey, don’t shit there!

Doktor Zymm

Of course! I don’t think any of us are THAT kind of masochist

ThePirateSloth

Troy Aikman gets me so pumped!

comment image

SonOfSpam

Today we are all Arizonans.

/huffs spray paint
//shoots at lizard, missing badly and striking a retiree’s Rascal
///complains about Mexicans who’ve been here 1000 years longer than I have

Jimbo

////Dies of heatstroke.

litre_cola

SAXOMOPHONNNNNNEEEE

Doktor Zymm

Easily best anthem of the year

Horatio Cornblower

Rachel went a little nuts with the Bedazzler, eh?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Tipping my hand (but it will be more fun if folks have time to prepare a bit and jot down ideas), but one of the gimmicks to help fill out another season of request line is going to be “divisions”. As in, NFC West, AFC South, etc. We’ll do a division each week and the requested songs are supposed to have something to do with one of the teams therein. This topic was inspired by the following song, which of course represents one of the teams in the AFC North. Try to guess which one!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xz3-AvEoSPw

SonOfSpam

does it rhyme with Sleevehand Clowns?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

EVERYTHING IS FINE EVERYTHING IS FINE EVERYTHING IS FINE

SonOfSpam

That’s great, Andrew Whitworth, but it would be helpful if you’d fix my roof instead of flapping your gums.

Horatio Cornblower

Game’s going to end about as well for the Rams as Fredericksburg did for Burnside.

Horatio Cornblower

Well, this aged well.

BugEyedBoo

No no no no no. That’s antimatter Burnside.

668hpr_d3200319c6a456f-scaled
litre_cola

Chop game strong.

LemonJello

You know who really really needs to flush it, Joe and Troy?

Andy Reid. He absolutely destroyed that Golden Corral restroom. The Hague almost investigated it as a war crime.

King Hippo

(with large Diet Coke obvs)

Jimbo

*Glendalestong” also the Persian dude cutting me off in his BMW.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Armenian. The Persians are mostly in Beverly Hills.

LemonJello

comment image

blaxabbath

This is what’s awesome about Hawaii. During the course of whatever (that arm thing everyone is always typing at me about something over there) — working with people from afar — we dumb-ass set off the alarm (to where the police get notified) 2x at the hale and so I finally get my letter from the county to be like, “Hi. 1. We waived your first one because we don’t even second-guess one alarm going off around here; everybody gets one strike, new guy. 2. Here’s your first billable alarm violation (and subsequent delinquent notices because you didn’t register so we did not know where to send this and it took forever to get to you to pay us now). 3. Here’s your fine for not registering. Now click here to pay.”

Separately now, I live in AZ. We have a stupid motorist law that, basically says, if we have to rescue you because you tried to drive through a running wash; you’re paying for the whole operation.

So now in Hawaii, instead of being like, “Fucking Haole Gon’ Haole Tax”, they call this thing the False Alarm Reduction Program. I mean — come the fuck on, man. How’d you people tame a volcano into submission generally?

Fees and Fines weren’t even enough either.

comment image

Last edited 13 hours ago by blaxabbath
ballsofsteelandfury

But the turtles are pretty!

King Hippo

teevee is muted, because I DESPISE mawkish sentiment, but is this rando piano lady singing the original, 1970s RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!! song?

Mr. Ayo

No, this is her fight song.

Jimbo

Thoughts and prayers are going to put out them fires just like they stop school shootings.

SonOfSpam
blaxabbath

Hell yeah! This year gonna be 9th Anniversary of March of the Ram Man.

comment image

SonOfSpam

Amazing, I missed this the first time or perhaps lost those specific brain cells.

King Hippo

it’s almost time to…..

RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!!!!

litre_cola

I honestly don’t know who I want to win this to help the Iggles NFC future Dok and I have going.

King Hippo

You DEFFO want a Rams win, now that the Commies have prevailed over the capitalist wreckers

Redshirt

Do I have to? Still haven’t gotten over SB56.

King Hippo

oh, absolutely not. This is only for the Iggles supporter perspective.

I have nothing against either team here, but I do kinda want DET/MIN 3.0 in a few weeks.

Redshirt

Thanks, Imaginary Pal. Skull? (checks internet) Oh, uh, Skol.

Also, Skoliosexual? That’s a new one.

Doktor Zymm

Rhymes with polio? Is this a RFK thing?

Redshirt

Attracted to transgender persons. Not sure if that’s offensive or not. It is singling them out and saying they are different than the gender they identify with.

Don’t look at me like that. I’m making an effort at being a better person, dammit!

Doktor Zymm

As opposed to being attracted to people in iron lungs and FDR lookalikes?

Redshirt

(checks Internet)

Paraphil-Devotism

Also, I’m clearing my history now. I don’t want this search to see the light of day.

Doktor Zymm

Seems like a wise move

Gatoraids

Sam Darnold spotted on sidelines rereading D.B. Cooper case study

Don T

He did author the children’s book Downs with Crowns about… SPECIAL kings.

Redshirt
Game Time Decision

They both had never run in snow before and were trying to show off. Need to shorten your stride when running on snow.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Some stupid [British word] changed lanes into me on the way back from Sacramento on Friday. I thought she had just bumped the mirror off its spot (you know where you can just bump it back into place with no issues) but it turns out she bent the housing itself. Now I have to decide whether to report it to insurance or just replace the damned thing myself. And this year was off to such a great start, too!

Gumbygirl

CUNT!!!!!

yeah right

Technology shut down.

See y’all on the other side after getting home and watching the game.

SKOL!

Gumbygirl

Skol to you, Rammit to Spam!

litre_cola

YR are you on the way to Spam’s gently used cuck chair? Now reupholstered!

Gatoraids

One last Manningcast for the year, and last one with the grumblefucker as well.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Oh that’s right, he won’t be back next year.

Gatoraids

thought hed already be gone recruiting and what not, guess the national game coverage is more effective and seems there a dead spot of 3 days in January one of which is today coaches arent allowed to recruit.

Doktor Zymm

In the NFC West there’s a team from LA
In SoFi arena the Rams ran most of their plays
Blitzing and blocking then hitting the pool
And kicking some field goals when the weather’s real cool
When a couple of sparks who were up to no good
Started settin’ fire to their neighborhood
There were four little fires and the League got scared
Said you’re moving to Arizona cause there’s flames in Bel-Air

Gumbygirl

I could smell the smoke for the first time out here today

blaxabbath

comment image

Jimbo

Excellent!

blaxabbath

When you look at it on the map, I see no reason the Rams can’t host their own games.

comment image

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It’s very calm right now but we’ll see what the evening holds. Winds are supposed to pick up soon.

Doktor Zymm

Air quality would be a concern

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

[shrugs] – anybody who ever breathed the air in Los Angeles from 1980-1989.

Gatoraids

diverting emergency services from standby and curfew probably hard to justify for game traffic and security unless had a fanless COVID game.

1 2 3