And fuck KD because that’s how the song goes. Who else can rhyme “Dirk Nowitski” with “Dirk Nowitski” but the Based God? Anyway, we have some football news. Okay, one football news. Which is:

David Andrews has officially retired.

There will be a press conference on Monday. A shoulder injury ultimately did his career in, as he played in 4 games last season for the only pro team he has known.

That’s the only real meaty news we got, and my phone is not playing nice, like at all. Formatting’s basically out the window, as you can see. Otherwise I would’ve (once again) embedded “Fuck KD” in the post.

Listen, it’s not Stairway, and a solid quarter of those lyrics you can’t post without context (namely anything involving the WNBA), but it is also hysterical considering it’s Lil B basically challenging a guy who at his prime was top 2 in the league and an all-time great to a game of 21. I’m assuming taps are good in this game, otherwise takebacks.

Schoolyard ball lesson time!

So, as per a high school for the gifted on the Upper East Side of Manhattan, the rules for 21:

-Everyone for themselves, game is to 21. You can get guarded, doubled, by whoever.

-Similarly, nowhere is out. Ball rolled to the handball courts? Hopefully they’ll pass it to you and not the other guy, because ball’s still in play.

-First shot from the top of the key is worth 3, then everything else is worth 2. (Can occasionally play with 3s being worth 3.)

-Make the shot, you get to take up to 3 free throws, a point apiece. If you make all 3, you get ball checked to you at either the top of the key or the line.

-Consensus fouls, but again, streetball rules. Not quite no blood no foul because this is a school game and we’re not trying to fuck each other up, usually, but it has to be pretty obvious.

-If you get to 21 you have to hit from top of the key to win, otherwise you go down to 15.

-Taps are good. If you grab the rebound, then while still in the air you can try and shoot it. If it’s good, you steal that person’s points. (If you’re not in the air then you have to take it back to the 3 point line, or first person to call false takebacks gets ball, check up.)

In a 45 minute or so lunch period… maybe we’d get a winner? Otherwise whoever has the most points that day claims victory, but nobody really cares.

I suppose there’s sports on.

Hockey: Eastern Conference Finals (Game 5)

Florida Man Injures Everyone vs. RRRRRRRALEIGH! WE WON A CONFERENCE FINAL GAME! (But only one, that’s all you get.) (FLA vs. CAR, Panthers lead 3-1) (8:00, TNT)

Basketball: Weastern Conference Finals (Game 5)

Not the Washington Liberation Front vs. Vichy Sonics (MIN vs. OKC, Thunder lead 3-1) (8:30, ESPN)

Anything else?

Probably footy, but I’m on my phone and not Googling the Fox Sports schedule log. That’s actually all I do for this and curate the national stations. No, CBS Sports is not a national station. MLB Network? No. ESPNEWS? Maybe. The Ocho? Fuck yes.

Next week (probably): Season F’s final Nocturnes Magazine! Did we go on a run and make the playoffs? (No.) Did someone have one of the greatest pitching performances in league history? (Yes, but it doesn’t count.)