Your Week 2 Early Slate Open Thread

Have you set your lineups? Be sure to make that panic-y last minute adjustment, it’s going to pay off!

To The Games!

Giants/Cowboys:

Much like Jerrah’s breath this contest reeks…of a “Get Well” game for Dallas. Dak has won thirteen straight games against NY which is second only to Bob Griese’s run of 17 in a row vs the Bills from 1968-79. The timetable for a Dart Start is a meticulous process according to Daboll but my guess is that when All Pro tackle Andrew Thomas is fit to play is when the countdown starts in earnest.

Rams/Titans:

For those that keep track of such things, Nacua needs 12 grabs to match OBJ’s record of 206 catches in the first 30 games starting a career. Rook wr Elic Ayomanor looks to be the #2 man in the Titans receiving corps although he was only able to convert two of his seven targets. The good news for Ward? On the surface his 12-for-28 passing number doesn’t look as bad as it seems after coaches reviewed the games. And after all, it did come vs that nasty Denver D.

Jags/Bengals:

Travis Hunter’s split last week was 42 plays on offense and 6 on defense and Liam Coen says the latter will increase. Starting Etienne Jr. this week is a no-brainer because the Jags o-line can run block and Cincy gave up 25.1 fantasy points to the Browns motely crew of a backfield last week.

Browns/Ravens:

The sharp fellas in Vegas must think Cleveland is cooked given that 11.5 spread that I saw. Baltimore is 12-2 after a loss since 2022, second only to the Chiefs. Tight end Andrews should bounce back because as good as the Browns D is, they are exploitable at that spot.

Bills/Jets:

NY hasn’t scored more than 23 points against Buffalo in 12 straight tries. They are committed to running the ball and should have some success this time around given that DT Ed Oliver is sitting this one out. With Sauce on the other side expect Allen to pick on cb Brandon Stephens.

Pats/Fins:

It’s The Battle of the Two Not Very Good Teams! Although one seems to be ascending and the other is in dissension. Coach McDaniel noted last week that players abandoned their assignments and tried to make a play. That seems code for a lack of discipline to me.

Niners/Saints:

Pearsall should get all kinds of targets given the state of the receiving corps though they’ll come courtesy of one Mac Jones. Expect the game to be tight because Shanny Jr. is 16-25 when someone other than Purdy or Jimmy G is under center.

Bears/Lions:

Ben Johnson Revenge Narrative Even Though He Left On Good Terms shall be engaged? Johnson also mentioned that he wants to get rook rb Kyle Monangai more involved so get your waiver wire finger ready. Lions fans were grumbling about the offense just one week in. Lions fans? Expectations? It’s a topsy-turvy world out there.

Seahawks/Steelers:

Pitt hasn’t started 2-0 in back-to-back seasons since 2016-17. Despite the smallish 3.5 spread no one can see the Steelers losing to Darnold and a moribund Seattle squadoo. OC Art Smith was quite impressed with Kenny Gainwell in camp and was rewarded with a 7 rush 19 yard performance.

For those so inclined there’s a wee bit of footy as an appetizer-Burnley/Liverpool at 9am and Man Derby at 11:30. Enjoy your day.

5 4 votes
Article Rating
Subscribe
Notify of
395 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
King Hippo

yay, I left Odunze in my lineup, for lack of viable alternatives!

Spur

TD for the Bears
comment image

fleshwound_NPG

giants have two speeds:

-openly tanking
-surprise super bowl run

Spur

he just jammed a DBs head in the tuff for a flag.

King Hippo

Amorim has put in his walk-ons.

ThePirateSloth

comment image

King Hippo

I think that’s just “the mother sucking the son” calibre Bearisticrats. It will get worse.

fleshwound_NPG

bears wasting no time making me switch to the wnba playoffs

Spur

comment image

King Hippo

How many of the ads are for Subaru?

The Maestro

As someone who also likes the company of women, I can vouch that they are good automobiles.

Mr. Ayo

Well yeah, all their buyers like women.

Spur

And now let’s please have a moment of Jubilation for the death of a hate monger Charlie Kirk.

Fronkenshteen

My dumbass lottery-ticket parlay involves above-average performances by the following:

Cam Ward (30+ yards rushing)
Josh Palmer (70+ yards receiving)
Theo Johnson (50+ yards receiving)
TreVeyon Henderson (80+ yards rushing)

My most sincere apologies to everyone negatively affected by my choices.

The Maestro

Good afternoon.

I am ready to get hurt again.

King Hippo

Wakey gon’ be enraged, good thing he has…Fuck You LOLfin to look forward to?

rockingdog

Found a funny:

Do you think unbending Clippy until he was a long piece of metal would be painful for him. Or do you think it would cause him to feel a great sense of relief?

BeefReeferLives

/Burger King commercial

HEY FATTY!! STICK THIS NEEDLE IN YOUR GUT SO YOU WON’T BE SO DISGUSTINGLY FAT YOU PATHETIC FAT FUCK!!!!

/McDonald’s commercial

King Hippo

Murrika is a Land of Contrasts

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It’s a country where a lot of people thought it was funny when a politician’s husband got attacked with a hammer, but then when a pundit took a bullet to the throat from one of his ideological compatriots they’re all “stop making jokes, this isn’t funny you guys, you people are sick.”

BeefReeferLives

“ITS VERY UNCIVIL AND DISRESPECTFUL OF CHARLIE KIRK’S MEMORY TO DIRECTLY QUOTE WHAT HE ACTUALLY SAID. MIND YOUR MANNERS, YOU FILTHY LIBTARDS!!!1!”

Redshirt

The radio is out! This is not a drill!

Mr. Ayo

Correct, it’s a radio.

King Hippo

We being nuked or sommet?

Spur

comment image

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

[is also a judge in the ham sculpting competition and lives by the matra “bigger is better”] – Coach Reid

fleshwound_NPG

STILLERS GONNA SUPER BOWL, UP THE IRONS

https://www.instagram.com/p/DOblZAAjKOM/

rockingdog

Random stupid idea:

Ummmm…are any of the NFL teams gonna do a pre-game moment of silence for Charlie Kirk?

Redshirt

Probably chicken out and have moment of silence for “victims of gun violence”.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

charlie kirk was the first one to stop talking ppl forget that

Redshirt

Gators don’t stick around for UF Alma Mater following loss to LSU

If I’m coach, the entire team is running laps around the band playing the alma mater until someone pukes. And then the team is going to run some more.

King Hippo

they were afraig Legwey would go stand in front of the wrong band

Spur

what’s the point of learning a song when you’re just going to transfer in 3 months

ThePirateSloth

So the very first week that we were officially moved into our house a few months back, this older man walked over from across the street to introduce himself to us, explain that he had been long time close friends with the previous owners, had been doing yard maintenance for them, etc. Nice old guy chatting type talk.

He also mentioned some incredibly way too specific things not only about the yard and exterior of the house, but about the interior that left both me and MrsTPS thinking afterwards “that was super weird of him to say, and a little fucking creepy”. He presented himself like a neighbor, and we assumed he lived in one of the nearby houses he had been around when we first saw him and his truck.

Turns out he doesn’t live on this street OR nearby. This old ass man was just parked in his truck across the street, waiting to find out who had moved into his old best friend’s house.

I’m so glad I changed the locks within the first week or so, because fuck that creepy old man.

Horatio Cornblower

Well that’s terrifying.

ThePirateSloth

I think him and the husband who lived here were at the least best friends and possibly work partners or handymen together type guys – fix your car, do some wood working, paint your house, build your fence type handymen.

Buuuuuut he also mentioned the wife in ways the we both thought “yea, he was totally in love with his friends wife”.

ThePirateSloth

Lol

Yes, but we also haven’t seen him since.

King Hippo

HULK SMASH

/appreciated, want to be able to divert attention to nonagon

fleshwound_NPG

week 2 and im already pissed at nfl’s blackout rules two weeks in a row. only get one early game (the ben johnson bowl)

…despite my local team (fat humps) are at home for the LATE game, where i will actually get the 2 games on cbs and fox…?!

wimmins basketball playoffs going to have to carry weight if bears remain terrible

Redshirt

Same here, I get Jax@Cin and Sea@Pit, but then I only get the SB Rematch. I guess Bull Riding Highlights is more important than anything else happening in the Late Afternoon games.

Gatoraids

I also hate their blackout rules
–Britt Reid

Senor Weaselo

So…
Fields (vs. BUF) or Stroud (vs. TB)?

King Hippo

oof. Fields, but that’s the risky move. Just hate that 500s OL

Horatio Cornblower

Is forfeiting an option?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Hmm. Passion fruit or pineapple? Hard to decide.

Wait. Is this what life is like for blaxabbath when he’s at his estate in Hawaii?

ThePirateSloth

No, because Lychee is in abundance there

Beerguyrob

There’s a player for England whose last name is Cokayne, and my brain keeps telling me to look for a bad white rapper from the 90s.

King Hippo

yeah, I wouldn’t trust Engram at all. Sutton is the only reliable receiving piece

litre_cola

me thinks to hammer the under in that tilt.

King Hippo

YARP

Spur

Anyone watching Alien Earth? its not bad, I wish the show was about how they captured the the specimens. Am rooting for that Eyeball to escape and start a podcast.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Prometheus and what followed turned me off to that whole universe, but I might check out Alien Earth given that jjfozz says it has done a decent job of filling the void that Emily In Paris’ absence has left in his heart.

Gatoraids

we are liking alot just mentally fast forward the “klds” acting dumb knowing it a setup to eventually get them killed. Enjoying the new aliens and the cyborg vs synth game going on. Also Hawley said has his plan for season 2 set and can see season 3 or 4, would be interesting if he did it anthology style like Fargo and jumped around time and place in the universe

King Hippo

9 early games, Hanson will be on his toes

King Hippo

He’d be great to do beak with, too. Hanson’d make sure everybody partook to their satisfaction, but also that nobody felt pressured.

Gatoraids

thanks to Dr Shoals for sponsoring the Nonagon today

Spur

My picks today

Dallas -4.5
Rammit -5.5
Cards -6.5

litre_cola

Wish I was at the German bar in Koreatown right now.

ThePirateSloth

Instead of sauerkraut on sammiches, it’s kimchee.

litre_cola

The food was absolutely superb. As were the beer steins t size of Dok’s head.

blaxabbath

NOW THIS GUY INJURED NEW ORLEANS SAFETY JULIAN BLACKMON I CALL THIS GUY CHARLIE KIRK BECAUSE HE’S NOT GOING TO BE STANDING AMONGST SAINTS TODAY

Horatio Cornblower

Holy shit

Spur

Morning Folks

ThePirateSloth

It’s rainy, cloudy, overcasty… seems like a great day to introduce the nearby bar to Seahawks Poncho TPS.

“Local bar pillaged and taken over by a ridiculously handsome man in a Seahawks poncho”

ThePirateSloth

It’ll read like one of those ‘a bear got into these campers tents, drank all their Rainers, ate all their food, passed out in a nearby tree’ stories for the neighborhood.

Gumbygirl

A ridiculously handsome bear in a poncho!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

♫ I’d like to meet his tailor! ♫

litre_cola

Well, I nae trust McCarthy yet, Texans D is real good, and the Bears suck. So Goff.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I sat Goff in favor of who I’m hoping will show up as Stat Padford today.

King Hippo

Just not Baker? Other 2 a coinflip

Gatoraids

was debating getting a backup qb in advance with Daniels MRI yesterday, most seem equally toss up so will keep some bench speculation and deal with it next week if I have to

Gatoraids

Goff just thinking Lions are due a bounce back after last week and dr bears a fine prescription

Horatio Cornblower

Just checked my Lowratio League matchup and the estimable Don T had Jordan Love going for him.

comment image

Wakezilla

The entire right side of the Dolphins’ O-line is out. That’s probably not good

Horatio Cornblower

Based on last week I’m not sure anyone will notice.

Wakezilla

I still think the Fins win. But I also wouldn’t be surprised if Tua is lower than last week’s QBR.

There’s a fire Grier and McDaniel banner flying over Hard Rock right now

Gatoraids

and certainly Tua wont remember even if he does

blaxabbath

“Gives Tua more space to cook….methylamine.”

-Mike M, Miami Fl

Spur

Getting a new line in Miami is super easy

Gatoraids

hopefully last Sunday seeing McDaniels , Is running it up too much to ask Greatriots?!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Yes, it is.

Horatio Cornblower

Thanks to The Ocho, I now know that competitive pinball is a thing.

Gatoraids

new you can use, just added to the recording library, cant wait to see what degenerate site allows gamblin on it

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Pinball is super fun once you get to know a machine well enough to know what you’re trying to accomplish other than just “smash the ball with the flippers”.

Last edited 5 months ago by Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
ThePirateSloth

comment image

Gatoraids

now air hockey lot of dudes that belong in a Tim and Eric sketch on the loose

Beerguyrob

Welp – it’s now 19-3 England.

Redshirt

I really hope that’s Rugby, because if that a soccer score than things have really gone slightly out of hand.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It’s the male-female ratio at a particularly lively Turning Point USA box social.

Redshirt

Starting Etienne Jr. this week is a no-brainer because the Jags o-line can run block and Cincy gave up 25.1 fantasy points to the Browns motely crew of a backfield last week.”

That’s explains that feeling of impending dread I have in the pit of my stomach.

BeefReeferLives

Superintendent Manhattan:

comment image

Redshirt

Captain Seymour Lafayette Skinner:

IMG_0340
BaldingSpiritually

Those of you who support good teams, or Cowboys fans – what do you do in the three hours between a bad team should be playing and when they actually are?

Spur

Dog walks and DOTA kill the time. Looking forward to some BF6 to add to the time killing

Gatoraids

also watching TI even tho only a million dollar prize now

Horatio Cornblower

So far I’ve cleaned the upstairs bathroom and taken the AC out of Mrs. Horatio’s room. Now I’m going to the gym, then I’ve got a dog to walk and a lawn to mow, the latter probably for the last time of the season.

I might get to see some of the Dallas game at lunch.

It’s just too nice a day here in CT to sit inside and watch Jerry Jones’s creation stumblefuck their way through a game against an organization that is somehow even more detached from reality, at least when it comes to the QB position.

Horatio Cornblower

Oh, the Manchester Derby is exclusively on Peacock? ColoUr me surprised NBC, and also go fuck yourself.

Doktor Zymm

Thanks Scotchy, can’t be easy writing the Giants preview every week, but at least this time the majority of the clubhouse will be pulling for the Vertically Enhanced!

Horatio Cornblower

/scowls in Lowratio

Horatio Cornblower

Went to my local gas station for the Sunday NY Times, (they always have it, because no one in that area of town can read), and they had no power due to an SUV vs. utility pole incident earlier this morning. The guy knows me so he lets me in to get the paper and then invites me to take as many doughnuts from the shuttered Dunkin’ Donuts section as I want.

Years ago, when DD made their stuff on-site, I’d have backed my car up to the door and gone full Andy Reid but today I just hooked a chocolate frosted and went about my business.

Doktor Zymm

I have a ton of DD credit because I get $7 free from Amex for them and it’s just gone to load a gift card so far.

Beerguyrob

3-0 Scotland. It’s over; call it.

(Knows it’s going to go downhill from here.)

Last edited 5 months ago by Beerguyrob
Beerguyrob

Also watching rugby. Let the English fan stereotypes begin!

King Hippo

Playing “count the teeth” on crowd shots?

Beerguyrob

At least five guys dressed like medieval knights and/or “Holy Grail” characters.

Horatio Cornblower

Trying to play 6 Degrees of Genetic Separation at a wedding and failing miserably.

Doktor Zymm

Pasty holding a pasty!

blaxabbath

Haha! I’m playing Charlie Kirk in fantasy football this week and his roster is frozen with injured Brock Purdy at quarterback.

This dude is dead.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Oh, I think I got an invitation to play in that league! It’s the one called “200 Yards and a Cloud of Smoke”, right?

Horatio Cornblower

Not With A Bang But Rather A Whimper

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Early Season Collapse

Redshirt

(P/A) “May I have your attention please; would Miracle Max and Nariyoshi Miyagi please report to the San Francisco Locker Room. Thank you.”

Redshirt

Ah, misread. -1 accepted and approved.

May his family find peace while he burns in Hell.

blaxabbath

Oh yeah.OBJ was a thing for a minute in the NFL there…

1 2 3 5