As promised, I’m completely hungover and this intro will be trash. The teams on bye are Browns, Jets, (excellent combo!) Eagles and Bucs.
To The Games!
Bears/Bengals:
Maybe stream rook tight end Loveland in this spot? Cincy’s D is a known trashterpiece that gives up more yards to that position than any other team. As well, the Bears other receivers are banged up.
Vikes/Lions:
J.J has been around the league for a season and a half and still nobody knows just what he is. Will Aidan Hutchison’s balance be affected by the huge billfold in his back pocket? Detroit should roll here.
Panthers/Packers:
My sneaky pick for a wild card is coming back to earth. Hard. But if the defense plays up to their potential this could be a low-scoring tussle.
Chargers/Titans:
Los Angeles gets a get well game in Tennessee but the former’s play has been quite uneven though injuries have played a part.
Niners/Giants:
Perna feels that another New York player is going down with an injury-gotta be Dart, right? I mean he just visited a kid’s hospital so he’s got positive karma out the ying yang right now.
Falcons/Pats:
Which Atlanta team will show up? The one that beat the Bills handily or the one that rolled over against the Fins? Give the frickin’ ball to your backfield! Unfortunately New England has been firing on all cylinders, winning five straight.
Colts/Steelers:
Indy is favored by 3.5 and scoring at a 32.9 clip on average. Pitt’s D is still a work in progress and they just seem to lack team speed. Looks like a walk in the park for the Colts unless they run into some voodoo.
Broncos/Texans:
At a glance these offenses look like they’re overmatched so perhaps take the under of 39.5?
One post down-two more to go [sighs]
It was a fun 3 minutes, Tits being out front.
Skinemax’s motto.
TRICKY BEARS!
Is that the name of Buddy Cole’s new club?
TRICKERATION! RAZZLE DAZZLE!
Checking in from my walk, are the Bears losing yet?
Caleb got a receiving TD!
Whoa!
They were. Now its tied.
DJM just threw a TD for ya!
Dimebag rushing score is HUZZAH for Grimace Touched My Butthole
I think I prefer these to the usual unis
agreed, pretty snazzy
A Bengals sack negated by a Defensive Penalty?! At least they touched the QB.
D-O-N-K-S WOO (DL’s version)
OH MY GAAAAAAAA TEN PICK 6
Let’s see the other game is “An Aetna Medicare Advantage plan might be right for you”. Damn you, NFL!
I thought that was “An Enema Medical Plan might be right for you….”
I come here not to bury Mike McCoy, but to fucking howl at the universe to PLEASE make him show some guts, dignity, and resentment to make his mooks and rooks stick it to the Spanoi.
I heard the prescription pill buffet in the Colts’ owners’ box is amazing
That was always the first suite cleaned post game…for reasons.
Continuing Mr. Irsay’s proud tradition
Dwindling pretty fast tho.
Dart just showed exasperation with tight end Theo Johnson, Daboll’s favorite that can’t run routes, block and has a 57%(!) catch rate.
/nvm, he just scored a TD. Woo!
You’re usual TE flea flicker pass.
It’s the crazy Packers throwbacks!
And totally dig the VEP throwbacks, also appreciate that both teams on the field have stripey pants
Adds to the Vertically Enhanced effect, no?
Ah, I was hoping for dueling Kickoff Return TDs for the entire game.
We’re here! We’re queer! Becuase who the fuck roots for TEN.
add “T-S” to the very long parade of letters that used to be “LGBT”
(Tits-Supporters)
I had a buddy back in the day and every time he and his girlfriend showed up at a function he would yell that at the top of his lungs. “WE’RE HERE, WE’RE QUEER AND WE’RE NOT GOING AWAY” was hilarious when we were at restaurants.
LOLBEARSENSCHEiSSE
HonkyDOWN for WKRP!!
Don’t say Gesicki, don’t say Gesicki.
nah, rando honky kick returner
Opening Kickoff TD!
Following in game thread on Steelers subreddit. Should be interesting.
Are you outing yourself as a Ravens fan or if it a False Flag Operation?
I’ve been permanently banned from Reddit for misgendering someone. i appealed but no luck. fuck reddit.
IP banned? Get a VPN. Otherwise, you just need to make a new account with a burner email.
OTOH, you’re right. Fuck reddit.
Even I don’t tread there, and I listen to car crashes and shootings for a living.
We lost Bob Trumpy? Damn it, 2025!
Getin closer!
Imagine the millions of folks that had a sharp intake of breath when reading (and re-reading) that.
Sigh, let’s do this, I guess.
Considering sports betting is no longer run by the mob, you would think they would at least TRY to make it feel less sleazy. Yes, talking to you Draft Kings RedZone ads
“Considering sports betting is no longer run by the mob,”
Different guys, but organized crime is still organized crime.
I was actually reading about this last night on right wing twitter after Rudy Giuliani interviewed a former Philly mobster about how illegal gambling has gotten even bigger because there are more people gambling overall, so the people who need to go to loan sharks is increasing to loan money for bets since the app companies don’t have that capacity yet and don’t have quite the same enforcement mechanisms available (yet) that the mob has.
“AIN’T NO WAY WE LOSE TO THE PANTHERS!”
aren’t you the same idiots who said that about the Pauls?
“YES BUT WE’RE LOUDER ABOUT THIS ONE!”
… uh-huh…well the helmets are sweet this week
C’mon Kyle Monangai!
/I have a 10% chance of winning in MATH HARD! league
From what I gather about MATH HARD! don’t the pregame percentages mean even less than they normally do?
On my roster he’s projected to get 20+ points. I throw him onto my starting team and he’s sitting at 8.92 despite Swift being out. It’s a weird mess as far as projections go.
Joe Flacco is active. We may get to see two Bengals QBs die on the field this season. Three if Chase and/or Higgins snaps if Browning throws another pass into quadruple coverage.
Dear whoever is in charge of DST: fuck off and die
It just means that, for the next 6 months, the clocks in my car will be accurate.
When we spring forward I am fucked up for a week. Fall back the day goes by so fast I have to check and see if I’m drunk.
Thanks to your Fantasy Football Heathens, I read DST as Defense and Special Team.
ditto, it was only Hippo’s comment that clarified
I know what J.J. is –
An injury liability
The early slate really is lackluster to me, may go touch grass on this beautiful day.
My Bears are playing early.
So I’m about to go for a 10 mile walk.
My Bengals are playing early.
So I’m about to go into a half-pint pity ice cream.
At least one of you will be overly pessimistic in hindsight, maybe both if they tie!
Clips/Tits is the local game, getting ready for a bike ride.
Since the Ravens already played, I’m making up excuses to my wife as to why it’s imperative I watch football anyway. “If I don’t watch, I think it’s some kind of sin and I want to be in heaven with you, my love. So, yeah. Gotta watch.”
The pope’s team is playing!
There you go. “The Pope is watching. Are you telling me you know better than the Pope?!?!”
Did someone say sloppy?
https://youtu.be/FBUGgvAnFlM?si=-lYCik1xMaqfcEBy
Is it a venal or mortal sin to bet against your team’s defense?
I’m thinking venal, if you killed your team’s defense then it’s a mortal sin
What if its a mercy killing?
Theirs or ours?
Yes.
Depends on the team, I don’t think even the Pope would blame you for betting against the Bengals defense.
It’s for their own good, they have to hit rock bottom until they realize they need help
ESPN announcing that Cam Skattebo is inactive for the Giants today.
OH YA THINK!?!?!?!?
Skattebo right now (Artistic Interpretation)
I saw the Niners v. Gints is being called the hospital bowl, let’s see how many are carted off the field today.
Changed my sheets, that’s a productive thing that can serve as an excuse to slack the rest of the day!
I love my sheets, they’re 100% silk. I’m so glad I got them before inflation/tariffs/no de minimus exception. Don’t even want to look at how expensive they must be now. Plus having to wade through all the fakes, ugh
Did you know silk is the reason freight trains are prioritized over passenger trains. Raw silk (which spoils somehow) had to make it from the west coast to the east coast as quickly as possible, so freight trains were given priority.
I agree with that prioritization, silk is fantastic stuff
Found the footy on telemundo!
Mrs Cola and i still yell CASTIGO every time there is a flag.
Suddenly the World Series result makes sense.
Blue Jays twitter/bluesky/whathaveyou is all over Drake today.
It’s beautiful.
Zaxby’s lemon pepper dry rub is well above-average fast(ish) food quality. My ample fat approves, anyway.
Photo finish. Don’t see that too often in a marathon.
did either attempt a head-first slide?
No.
Probably only a matter of time before they adopt those stupid base-stealing oven mitts from MLB and try it, though.
Men’s race is a hell of a battle with less than a mile to go.
There are no Americans in sight.
Hard to run while being fat.
At the risk of cutting my own throat in the Lowratio league, you have 2 hours to fill two positions that are currently occupied by people on byes.
Doooon’t caaaaaare.
Actually, I haven’t been able to log in lately.
If I could give your more pluses for your honesty I would. I have done the same for friends.
NFL missed a golden opportunity to have a 9:30 AM on the morning after we turned the clocks back an hour.
The Blair Witch agrees.
(She’s a big fan of Mike Tomlin)
(grumbles and kicks rocks)
Update: With one mile to go in the women’s race, O’Keefe’s optimism appears to have been misplaced.
O’Keefe finished 4th in 2:23+.
As she was coming in I looked at her stride and said, from experience “she looks like she’s got some stomach trouble” and then the announcer said she had some “stomach distress” earlier in the race which knocked her off the insane pace, (top 3 women all broke the former course record) and good for her. There’s nothing like the feeling of finishing a hard run and getting to take an enormous dump.
Not only not hungover, all digestive activities are back to normal functionality!
We should order pizza!
Two Americans are in the top 4 of the men’s race in the NYC Marathon as we pass the 18 mile marker.
One of them, however, is named Simbasa, so he’ll probably get jacked by those ICE assholes around Mile 22.
“If he’s so innocent, why was he running away from us?”
Awake, not hungover. I will try to type softly.
Yeah, other than the dirtball game this would have been a great week for a mandatorium as I woke up an hour earlier than usual anyway!
Agreed. Every year the Sunday time change day should definitely have an early international feature.
Agreed. The only good thing is it will make it easier to get up M in the morning for awhile.
https://bsky.app/profile/artbutmakeitsports.bsky.social/post/3m4ns7t4hp22s
Sure, you say you’re an optimist, but are you “woman named O’Keefe running with four East African women at Mile 18 of the NYC Marathon” optimistic?
A little hungover and tired, pants will not be worn today.
Last minute fantasy advice–
Pick two of DJ Moore, JK Dobbins, Jacorey Croskey-Merritt
Dobbins for sure, then probably hold nose and go with DJM
That’s what my instinct was, so I’m sure that will be incorrect
DJ and JK, Seattle is stronger against the run than the pass, everyone does well against the Bengals D, and RJ Harvey won’t get the ball much this week because of the 3 tds last week and how the Donks run their backfield
/comes into clubhouse holding a bowl of cereal in one hand, glass of juice in the other
//no one is there
///place trashed, open thread hanging by a, well, a thread
Oh, right, Canada.
Well, only one thing to do.
/goes to the store for doughnuts, Big Turks, and a whole lotta booze.