Baltimore has a 6.2% chance of making the playoffs and Green Bay can put their slight hopes to rest. Will they though?
To The Game!
Ravens/Packers:
-At the QB spot, Willis is spelling Love because the latter is having trouble spelling because of the head ouchie.
-On the other side of the field, one-time Pro Bowler Tyler Huntley should get the start (I hope he does because back injuries shouldn’t be chanced by Lamar)
-Games featuring backups are always interesting to me because the probability of some sort of bananacakes scenario is more likely to arise.
-Both these teams are lousy vs the spread and given the above, you bettors out there should steer clear.
-Also, both teams are coming off one-score losses.
-The talk of King Henry being done is overwrought. In three of his last four outings he’s averaged 6, 9.1 and 7.1 ypc but you know sports yakkers-they always want to claim that they called it. (pay no attention to my insisting that Los Panteros would make the playoffs way back when. That was totally different)
-The Packers haven’t had a single sack since Parsons went down. That dude was doing more heavy lifting than Vasily Alekseyev during the Munich Olympics.
Do yer jerb.
Montreal Olympics too. Motherfucker was the embodiment of the Patton Oswalt bit.
https://youtu.be/Rh9Y1CXmBbg?si=miJ6SjYG7pDmvP4J
Touchdown, Houston. Cougs on the verge of winning ten games this season. This will be their first bowl win since 2022, first double-digit win season since 2021.
As I type this, LSU completes a 50-yard pass, to set up inside Houston’s 20 at the two-minute warning.
UPDATE: LSU scores touchdown, 38-35. Onside kick pending…
UPDATER: Houston recovers said onside, runs out clock.
38-35 Houston final in the Kinder’s Texas Bowl.
Unfortunately, I believe that’s the end of foobawl for the day, though. Sad face.
The reference to Dok’s FF makes me seriously wonder how much of the Ravens’ decisions about Henry, and in general, has to do with gambling fuckery.
I think it’s more that John Harbaugh is
retarnot a very good coach.He’s “special.”
Differently abled.
Couldn’t it be both?
Next week is going to be a real slop fest.
Buddy, we’re in it right now.
Next week is going to be ideal for catching up on reading.
Wakes up.
Checks the final score.
Yep… That Henry thing…
Appreciates the sound decision to sleep in.
It’s still early, but it will challenging to beat this one:
25-year-old male either jumped, or fell, off the roof a single-story building. Guess what? He hurt his chest/ribs.
Perfect call to go on break after. Cripes.
I did both of those in the woods today while on skis, and my elbows, and the left side of my ass.
You don’t see me calling you up to cry about it.
Related, (or not; I’m not RFK Jr.), my tinnitus is still present but very much reduced.
So apparently the cure is hurling yourself onto rocks, fallen trees, roots, and just generally frozen solid ground until you are as bruised and battered as Jake Paul after fighting an actual boxer and cannot walk upstairs without pain.
Honestly? Worth it. I’ll do it again tomorrow if I have to.
That guy (artist’s conception):
Texas Bowl is ongoing, Houston and LSU tied, 21-up. Cougs ball inside LSU’s 15, 6:30 left in third.
I’m well aware. You think I made this hot chocolate for nothing?
28-21 Houston, end of third.
Enjoy that Swiss Miss, lawyer boy.
Listen, I am fairly limited in the kitchen, but if you think I make hot chocolate with Swiss Miss you are out of your mind.
Whole milk in a mug. Heat to 2 minutes. Skim the milk skin off the top. Add sugar and Hershey’s cocoa powder to taste. Stir. Reheat 30-40 seconds.
Add whipped cream as desired. Shoot a few shots of whipped cream directly down your throat because what the hell, we’re only here once.
Hershey’s cocoa powder? Good sir, in Connecticut even the hobos use Ghirardelli’s at an absolute minimum. I’m worried about you.
Hershey’s isn’t even legally chocolate in Europe. They may not know much, but they still know chocolate and cheese.
We’ve used Ghiradelli’s. And Nestle. And Lake Champlain. And several others.
This is a Hershey’s household, and that’s a hill, (of cocoa powder produced by child labor in West Africa butthat’sbesidesthepoint) we are prepared to die on.
Probably from diabetes.
I’ve never seen “Texas Bowl” used as a euphemism for toilet, but I like it.
Welp.
I yelled FUCK very, very loud tonight. and my mother in law heard it.
and I got corrected by her, in front of everyone.
“it starts with you,” which hints at the fact that my sons use that word frequently.
get the FUCK out of here. you sanctimonius, racist, judgemental hypocrite.
my wife was there.
i might get laid by this coming labor day.
fuck it.
A Bourblemas miracle…?
I’m really pissed right now. I get it, I screwed up. i’m 57 years old, you take me aside and correct me. you don’t do it in front of my kids and everyone else. fuck you.
I have literally never seen anyone ever complain about cursing in front of kids from someone other than a white female baby boomer.
If i can get away with getting my grandmother to flat out say curse words during euchre, then your mil can tolerate a little sailor talk
Is it your house?
Oh we’re going 5th level shit tonight!
It’s your house. Your mother-in-law can get fucked.
What the Captain said. That’s your dominion. Anyone who doesn’t like it can get the fuck out.
I mean, does it REALLY start with you when your environment is Charm City?
GOOD BETTER BEST!
NEVER LET IT REST!
TILL YOUR GOOD GETS BETTER!
AND YOUR BETTER GETS BEST!
BEARS ON 3!
1…2…3!
Brocky tears off IU candy striped pants to reveal a Bears speedo, runs outside and breaks the window on his neighbor’s suv with his head
cops get called
brocky gets tasered
WORTH IT!!!
Strange times are here again…
Glad for you.
WCS: “Yes. Uh-huh. No, I know him. Sort of. He’s not a menace, just a Bears fan. Yes ma’am, it’s like they’ve been taken out of hibernation early and they don’t know how to act. I’ve found if you toss some doughnuts towards them they’ll generally get distracted and lose interest. Yes. Ok then, thank you for calling Allegheny 911. You have a good night.”
The hell? How’d you get the transcript?
Funny thing about that chant: the nuns taught us that in third grade. Then hit us with molten lead.
It’s just unbelievable man!
That was really fun.
Pasta making class was a complete success.
Everyone learned. Everyone participated.
I did give demerits to the entire class for not participating in clean up detail.
“So you just assume. There’s someone from a third world country gonna gladly step right in?
And wash your motherfucking dishes?”
“Who said we were done?”
Apart from that, good crew.
They learned.
They’ll never forget that feel of pasta after kneading that shit for ten minutes straight.
We did some good here today.
Ah fuck.
This just reminded me there are dishes to be done.
Goddammit.
They ain’t gonna get cleaner?
Dishes are done.
If Mrs. Horatio is gonna make waffles and sausage for dinner then she is by God gonna wake up to a clean kitchen.
Atta boy.
I’m gonna have a smoke, you want one?
I don’t indulge myself but, God willing and the creek don’t rise, if we’re in SoCal before you’re in Portugal Mrs. Horatio will join you while I drink beer nearby.
That sounds like a good day.
Here’s how you make pasta.
Flour in a mound
Poke holes in mound
Put in eggs
Yell at kids to come in and fucking make it into dough. Tell kids they are morons and “How in FUCK did you ever grow old enough to even find the door to get out of the house?”
Punch all kids.
Take dough, run it through a pasta cutter that was new when Custer was alive.
Drink a bottle of wine. Yell at kids. Dust pasta with flour.
Cook and eat pasta. Yell at kids.
It was really fun.
Eldest granddaughter is part of a…
I’m gonna need a moment here again,
The three thing. With the 2 girls and 1 guy and they make a groovy thing, Man.
Like on Laugh In!
But the pasta crew was kickass today.
The bread was perfect.
I had some first press extra virgin olive oil.
In that can?
Turns out that can freaks everybody out and nobody buys some of the best olive oil that we have access to because it comes.
In a can!
Throuple? It can be any three
“If this cutter was good enough for George Armstrong Custer than it is goddamn good enough for you!”
“Dad, didn’t Custer get kil..
“I don’t recall asking for a history lesson!!”
Seven or eight calls deep, and all but one was some sort of assault, or assault-adjacent.
’tis the season…
I see a lot of shit in public education, and working out of a community centre / homeless shelter, but I can’t imagine what you observe & respond to on a daily basis.
Last night was rough.
For the first time in a while, I walked into tonight not looking forward to the shift. I really do enjoy this work, but apparently, even I have a limit.
It’s good to know that. People don’t think we have to have a limit. Knowing where it is helps.
Hmm, I thought the domestic violence calls would be limited to Wisconsin, but they do like to brag about how well traveled their fan base is
Our only defense from Aaron Rodgers being four wins from winning the Super Bowl is the Cleveland Browns.
2025 is going out exactly as it went in.
.
What a stupid world.
Go Murdertown!
Hey, hey, hey. Murder is down. But regarding shootings, muggings, car jackings, robbery, burglary, general mayhem, well . . . we’re working on that.
Irony of ironies that Dok had Derrick Henry and she got relegated.
Anybody that had him and was in the Championship game just won.
John Harbaugh’s strategy of underplaying Derrick Henry for 15 games, thus deflating his carries and stats and throwing the opposing teams’ scouting reports into underreported bias all in an effort to defeat the Green Bay Packers in Week 17 is working exactly as planned.
Wtf I love John Harbaugh now
Light Yagami shit right there
He is execrement.
NAME THAT TUNE!
On second thought… don’t.
*Not his fault, but still*
Totally not his fault
We were there for the Tune Era.
That was a momentous four minutes. It nearly felt like a quarter hour.
“Welcome to the game kid, now go fuck yourself”
Bo Melton
The Baltimore Fight Song?
Ravens Fight Song | Baltimore Ravens – baltimoreravens.com
Joe Biden’s fault.
Willis is down. Whose QB3 for the Packers?
Mizzou desperately trying to score a late touchdown to steal the TaxSlayer (totes SLAY THOSE TAXES BRO) Gator Bowl over UVa.
13-7 UVa, 26 seconds left, Mizzou’s ball at UVa’s 28
UVa wins it, 13-7. Naturally, I got a call, so missed the final plays.
Baltimore Ravens’ Playoff Prospects Still Reasonable: Who the Hell is Derrick Henry?
Baltimore Ravens’ Playoff Prospects Near Zero: We Must Play Derrick Henry At All Costs!
My fiddle error down below reminded me of this band. Fuck yeah, electrified violin!*
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_hkEjh47ul8
*Waits patiently for Señor to tell me why it isn’t a real violin
Henry…Henry…hmm. No, he’s not on my list to look out for.
J Hafley
If I was Love, I’d be nervous.
*except for the bajillion dollar contract*
That does tend to ease one’s mind a bit.
How anyone looks at Lane Kiffin and thinks “Yeah, this is the guy who will put us over the top” is a mystery akin to the Bermuda Triangle. Yeah, something’s horribly wrong there and a lot of people are probably gonna have to die, but fuck if I know what it is.
Seemingly, ADs know the same: like the Bermuda Triangle, hiring Lane Kiffin is a major risk, and usually ends badly. Doesn’t stop them from trying! Again, and again, and again, and again…
Dick jokes aside, it’s fucking amazing how often he fails up.
https://youtu.be/PGmb1rsFsK0?si=vTE2WQetE7n_cn0M
That actresses beyond hot.
“A gruesome lower body injury”
That just makes me want to see it more.
Christmas is done at the Decision house!
3 days of food prep gone in an hour
Not to mention the cleaning before and after
Mom bailed as she’s not feeling well.
Can start to relax now and enjoy the time off
Disembodied voice of Ron Howard: “It wasn’t time to relax of have off.”
The kids are here for another week or so, this is true
There’s nothing like going over to another couple’s house to fiddle they’re already lit and well into the bickering.
On the plus side, back home early and into some very comfy PJs!
HOW THE FUCK YOU DOIN’ BOYS!?!?
Do love a good fiddle…
https://youtu.be/sh7BZf7D5Bw?si=9dlXep0yDI4VmmYs
To “fiddle.”
Code or REALLY white people stuff?
How in God’s name did autocorrect get ‘fiddle’ from ‘find out’?
And why don’t I proofread these things before hitting ‘post comment’?
These are subconscious choices. Embrace them.
I mean the neighbors not your subconscious choices.
Isn’t proofreading, like, your whole profession?
That’s what legal assistants are for.
Lowratio has the night off?
Awww, look at you being a decent boss
I’m an awesome boss. As I near retirement, (HA!), my assistant is demanding to know when/if I’m going to leave because she’s quitting the next day.
Lamar! not active, so figure to see a fair amount of King Henry.
Someone let Matt LaFleur know that.
I’m pretty sure he’s banking on Harbaugh forgetting that Henry exists in the second half.
Ahh, 16th-dimensional chess.
We might as well try to get Henry in the off-season. He already knows where everything is.
And my stream died so I’m gonna take that as a cue to go read in bed. It’s been a really long day, like an extra 8 hours long and I’m sleepy.
Someone’s gonna go out to the Packers’ bike rack and slash some tires
Me. I know where and how to get to it
Is this the latest player intro segment ever? It’s almost halftime.
Am I too late? Is Fozz drunkenly complaining about this game only being on Peacock?
Yes. But it’s on behind Peacock’s paywalled blog.
Goddamnit lafleur! It’s called a punt fucker!
With all that 4th down success last week, you’d be crazy to not go for it on the other team’s 30
Your own
Anyones, really.
I’m more upset about doing another 4th & 1 run from the shotgun.
“We’re not underutilizing Henry; we’re saving all his carries for week 17.”
That’s just smrt.
Our head Bourblemeister isn’t here to witness his team? This bodes… interesting for later
TOP: Balwmer 15+ min, GB 1:05
And Final Ratbirds 21, GB 49
BOTTOM: Buddy 15+ min, Balwmer 1:05
So, no Lamar no problem?
Alright, so either going to be 13-10 final, or 43-38.
Going to be one of these run and gun games eh?
I was thinking that but watch this be the only action until Q4 now
*Obligatory Oh Henry joke*
Not a bad candy bar
Requested by Blax every time I come to Arizona.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GeObV-p7uAg
Henry, Clay Henry!
This one aged as well as one of Jared’s friends.
What does it say about BAWSTHAN CAWLEDGE that their head coach of four years (Jeff Hafley) left that jorb to be DC for the Packers?
That Boston College is an utter and complete sham and that everyone who goes there is an unbearable asshole?
Could just be a UConn thing, I guess.
Its a backup festival!
I saw Backup Festival at Coachella in 2018, ironically on the second stage.
I saw them before they were big
Not a fan of their stuff post-COVID. They got too Mainstage.
Got away from their sound, had to regroup and go back to the clipboard. Money screwed them up
https://youtu.be/FYqmQPklI_0
I really hope tonight is less domestic violence-y. Ugh.
How’s it going, yinz gals and guys?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y8E0YinhK-Q&pp=ygUgbG9uZXNvbWUgbG9zZXIgbGl0dGxlIHJpdmVyIGJhbmQ%3D
Janay Rice apologizes for yesterday
Who the hell are these chuckletwats in the booth?
Nawt Collinsworth, thank dog!
Noah Eagle (good) and Todd Blackledge (poor)
Vasily Alekseyev – Pepperidge Farms and I remember.IIRC, Warsaw Pact was state-of-the-art when it came to steroid usage back then.
NJ Transit was advertising their services for getting to the Patriots@Jets game. That seems optimistic
is there snow?
There is not. Just the dry, frozen tundra.
I shall just wait fr #4thPill to suggest beddy-bye, then.
Nope. That arrives tomorrow night 4-8 inch
I’m with The Morrigan for this tilt
Is this one of the Blood Gods? Because #SeemsNice
Gaelic triune goddess of death and battles, so pretty much
King Henry is not done. He is, for some reason, ignored.
It’s because he wasn’t as dominant in fantasy this year. I’m convinced that’s it