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Your Saturday Morning Hippo Substitute Open Thread

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Somewhere in California….

The old man grumbled. He said to himself, “Wait. Was I supposed to do something tomorrow?”

He muttered to himself, “Aww, shit! I think I promised to fill in on Saturday mornings now that Hippo is done with JV football and now that he apparently has decided he doesn’t care about the Premier League.”

He looked up the day’s soccer calendar. It was full of games yet none of them actually involved Premier League teams. That’s not quite true, actually. The FA Cup would be on. However, no one gave a shit about the FA Cup. Not even Hippo.

The old man reflected that Hippo might be close to a breakthrough. It would be either a positive one or a negative one. On the bright side, the Broncos might win the Super Bowl and he might decide to ask out that girl he mentioned in one of the posts. On the not-so-bright side, the Steelers might win the Super Bowl, and he might take so many pills, he may never be heard from again.

A 50/50 proposition, I’d say…

Choose your own adventure in the comments until the first Wild Card game begins. You may ask, why is this getting published in the middle of the night? Because the scheduler is borked and I want to sleep in.

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scotchnaut

The game thread is up

2
Don T

Buenas tardesss… Gotta say: I’m desperate for some fitbaw

7
scotchnaut

I want this potential blowout game to start NOW!*

*showing some solidarity with the chicks as well

2
King Hippo

ah would SKULLFUCK A NUN for some FITBAW rn…

2
Senor Weaselo

Is that before or after the ending of Dialogues of the Carmelites?

/Oh, that one got DARK.

3
BeefReeferLives

Dave has a fun & insightful write up of the playoff teams. Good stuff.

https://www.thedrawplay.com/

2
yeah right

Reached a big milestone today.

In January of 2001, a very large and extremely unhealthy yeah right tipped the scales at 339 pounds.

I had just come off a months long bout with bronchitis and had recently had my 2nd knee surgery.

I put on my walking shoes and stepped out the door to fucking do something about it.

Twenty five years and 125 pounds later I’m a lean, mean world traveling machine and I’m still walking.

I feel so damn good I think I’ll grab a beer.

It was fucking gorgeous out there today.

14
BeefReeferLives

Right the fuck on, YR!! “Movement is life”

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2Pack

Well done Sir.

3
SonOfSpam

You are an inspiration!

(no, I mean that…it’s not sarcasm…this one time…)

4
scotchnaut

(previously) Fats Domino salutes you!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PaPYuUMLFIM

4
Redshirt

Kevin’s traps are getting more devious.

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3
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Pfft. While liberal suburbs are indeed overrun with crime, the so-called Wet Bandits themselves are a Hollywood-devised hoax.” – Ben Shapiro

1
Senor Weaselo

He was just asking if they wanted some hot ice!

1
Senor Weaselo

I forgot Spencer Martin got signed by the Rangers as their third-string (backup with Igor out), notably because he’s in and not Dylan “M1” Garand.

0
scotchnaut

There’s a bit of a running gag in our house-Mrs. Scotchy can never get Alexa to listen to her. Whether it’s to play music, turn up/down said music or to change listening preferences. With the three males in the house it’s no issue at all, she has to request at least twice and usually more often than that. So of course us guys have created this scenario whereby we tell Alexa that the Mrs has been shitting on her behind her back.

Mrs: “Alexa, turn on music….ALEXA!”

Me: “I wouldn’t listen to her either. Did you hear what she said about you last Wednesday? Women should be more supportive of each other.”

Oldest: “Typical passive-aggro behavior by mom.”

/etc., etc.

8
SonOfSpam

Same thing here. It’s quite funny to hear Mrs get unhinged at the unlistening she-bot.

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I hear Elon Musk is working on a Grok-based one that will openly refuse your instructions with the response “I’m not taking instructions from a [whatever ethnic impurity sullies your genetics] mongrel.” Unless you are pureblood Aryan, of course.

2
King Hippo

Alexa, u noe how bitches be!

0
Gumbygirl

Hello my honeys, hello my babies, hello my ragtime pals!

9
Jimbo

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

[indignantly] Hey, I’m not…

[glances down at current attire]

Ah. Well then. Carry on.

1
SonOfSpam

Hello, but it’s not my ragtime. That’s next week.

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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SonOfSpam

Thanks for subscribing to my OnlyFats!

4
King Hippo

Luke Louks looks like a beak dealer

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Beak? Is that what the kids call cocaine these days?

1
King Hippo

the Brits say it

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The Brits say a lot of things. They also steal sugar.

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0
Doktor Zymm

Hippo if the Steelers make the Super Bowl : “I will take a nap all Sunday since the NFL decided to cancel the Super Bowl”

7
King Hippo

110%. Won’t even track the score.

3
Senor Weaselo

I would love to see a Hippo ranking of Teh Most #BastardMen!

3
King Hippo

ooooooh, will think

3
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

If that happens and we don’t get at least one decent “Tales from the Meteor” story out of it my heart will be completely broken.

0
King Hippo

How much does Hippo (rightly) hate hisself? I actively looked through the cable channel guide to find Wolven Sort/Semenholes hoopsball at noon.

3
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

120 Minutes Playlist Project Update: the version played on 120 Minutes was a bit different, but in honor of today’s FA Cup action here’s the 2004 updated FÚTBOL version.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TfjejCmgkxs

0
King Hippo

Los Gatos Negros deserved to win that in the 90. Fair play.

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Amazing. What’s the NFL equivalent of this? Washington & Lee beating the Philadelphia Eagles?

0
King Hippo

would be like Grambling beating LSU. In Death Valley, at night.

1
Senor Weaselo

At least same tier and not some of the other ones from today’s acción!

2
Senor Weaselo

Macclesfield!
https://youtu.be/Ok1Hqbfsn0w?si=7sX64KhduaJeu4lT

5
King Hippo

now THAT is a proper #DeepCut!

1
Senor Weaselo

Suzuki Book 2 classic for the teaching day!

3
Doktor Zymm

I played that!

1
BeefReeferLives

Some nice flugelhorn action! Thanks!!

0
scotchnaut

No surprise to me that the Maccliavellians won.

1
King Hippo

Adam Aznou FINALLY gets onto the pitch for his Everton debut, wins a penalty immediately.

0
WCS

Is it alright that I’ve been steadily taking down a brand new box of cookies ‘n cream (WITH PROTEIN!) Cheerios all night? It’s not like it was a trash bag of Cheetohs. Or meth.

4
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Is “with protein” going to be the new “gluten-free”? I remember seeing that Pop-Tarts were jumping on that bandwagon.

1
WCS

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There’s only one I look for.

5
Doktor Zymm

I hope they don’t start making water with fiber and protein; At least it was naturally gluten free

2
2Pack

Dude you didn’t get the word? There’s a new food pyramid out.

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8
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

That doesn’t seem like something that RFK Jr. would put out. Where’s the colloidal silver and whale cerebro-spinal fluid?

4
Gatoraids

roadkill milk

0
LemonJello

Where’s the Soylent Green?

0
scotchnaut

Looks like a solid crowd of six, maybe even seven thousand wankers.

0
WCS

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1
King Hippo

Defending champs down TWO to Macclesfield Town, fyi

0
King Hippo

Huzzah, good man. I was gonna crap something together when Iwoke up (holy cats, the nightmares last night) but now I ain’t gotta!

Toffees y Black Cats FA Cup on ESPN2

Last edited 3 months ago by King Hippo
1
King Hippo

Mickey Mouse cup innit

0
WCS

Guten morgen.

5
2Pack

Ciao Buddy.

3
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Aw, that’s a shame. How about a dime?” – Todd Marinovich

2
Bogdanski

What day is it? Why am I seeing this at night? It’s been a long week

5
2Pack

Sleep in my friend and have no remorse over it.

I get to start my day clearing a clogged drain. Plenty of metaphors there.

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Wait, if you’re going to substitute for hippo, we need to know one thing–are you high enough?

6
King Hippo

Can he fly us over
Fly us over!
Yeeeessssssterday?

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