Usually Tuesdays are the Dead Zone for news, but I have been Blessed With An Abundance today! I won’t step on Hippo’s good work and rehash the weekend playoff games except as follows:
- “Ten Yard Tush Push” is going to be my fantasy football name next year. And possibly my legal name, if the Bills win the [REDACTED]
- I have legitimate medical concerns about my Eagles fan friends. Every ten minutes they’re refreshing ESPN to see “EAGLES FIRE KEVIN PATULLO,” and every time it’s not there, their blood pressure ratchets up another notch.
-Hot on the heels of the Steelers doing the expected in their game against the Texans, the team needed to decide whether to Fire Mike Tomlin or be intelligent. Tomlin chose to relieve them of that dilemma and stepped down as head coach with two years remaining on his contract.
Sometimes a team needs a new voice, even if there is nothing wrong with the old one. Steak au poivre is delicious, but you can’t eat it every day for 19 years and retain any enjoyment. Similarly, Mike Tomlin has been doing this since his early 30s, and could probably benefit from a change of pace.
And no- Tomlin and Harbs are not going to pull a Parent Trap and just switch jobs, hilarious as it might be.
My hope for Tomlin is that he pulls a Madden and becomes an iconic broadcaster for the rest of his life.
My hope for the Steelers is that they writhe in agony as Arthur Smith gets promoted, and all the racist little Yinzer shits who have called for his firing for the last decade learn how much worse a mediocre white dude could be. You fuckers are as bad as my fellow St. Louis Cardinals fans, who got so accustomed to contending every year for 20 years that when things were .500 they got Disgruntled. Gumbygirl, you can join the Bills Bandwagon.
-Aaron Rodgers may have played his last game. If so, there was appropriate symmetry with Draft Night 2005, which also saw Rodgers humiliated, angry and dropping like a rock.
-The Chargers fired offensive coordinator Greg Roman and offensive line coach Scape D. Goat.
-I’m still giggling about the Dolphins firing Mike McDaniel…but only after John Harbaugh became available. Dolphins owner Stephen Ross is like the one dumbfuck who decided to give up on his own marriage when Heidi Klum split from Seal and was “back on the market”. Motherfucker, you got no shot. McDaniel was a terrible head coach in anything but ideal conditions and deserved to be fired regardless. All the delay between the end of the season and his firing shows is that you are indecisive, capricious, stupid or all three. That doesn’t make you real attractive for your dream coach, who spent 18 years being none of those things.
Nosebleed (or nosefreeze in this case) endzone seats for the Bears game down to $488. Doubt they’ll drop much lower but still gonna wait in case I decide I don’t actually want to stand around outside in single digit temps for 3 hours. How do beer sales work when beer freezes in the ambient temps?
drink faster
Amazon switched one of my Echos to Alexa+ without my consent today. It was mostly easy to switch back, but setting up my own local voice assistant has suddenly jumped way up the priority list
Ryne Snider. IN 11. WITH THE +1 RALLY CAP. PLAY. HOV.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VTYXVwrWz4Y
I think the obvious choice now for Tomlin and Harbaugh is to head to Hollywood (or wherever Netflix greenlights their stuff) and use the “Coach Epps” vibe to star in a series of odd couple/buddy cop movies where the criminals are a bathroom rapist, a limo stabber, an elevator wife beater, etc. I think it would crush the stale and boring MCU at the box office.
You, sir, are a GENIUS!
Ciao tutti
I got a late invite to tomorrow’s ASU at Arizona roundball game. This is surely Bobby Hurley’s last year and I like forward to HATE.
Call me pigheaded, but I don’t want Harbaugh coaching TEN. It’s even on my dating app profile, next to “BIG Woody Allen fan”.
That’s “BIG Woody. Josh Allen fan”.
FTFY.
☺️. Stop it.
I was going to start experimenting with a cocktail called the Hell Hound that would include tequila, blood orange, and habanero, but it’s too dark outside to go pick peppers so I’m having a blood orange margarita instead.
Solid choice
We have lots of blood oranges right now. And it’s lime season, too. Life is good.
We gotta be close. Some lady brought a bunch of grapefruit to the gym today and someone told me they were sweet. None of my oranges have fallen yet.
I can wait.
The LOLphins are totally gonna hire Chris Shula and have this whole thing where they can wax rhapsodic about his grandpa which will last two weeks at most and then Achane tears his patella.
Dumbass Moron Meathead Joe Rogan is coming around to the idea that it is a bad thing to have Gestapo walking around asking for peoples papers….f*ckin finally…
This is Rockingggg!!!
https://bsky.app/profile/carlquintanilla.bsky.social/post/3mcdcsv2ts22x
It’s almost like rushing to hire thousands of clowns who couldn’t cut it as mall cops and giving the arms and a pretty much explicit promise of immunity no matter what is a terrible idea.
It’s nice but I fully expect the administration to send a fellow roided-out meat-for-brains from ICE on his show to explain how “it’s not really like that” while Rogan nods along admiringly and eventually concludes that liberals “are blowing this all out of proportion, again”.
Eat fuck and shit ass, Rogan. You’re partly to blame.
I’m sure Tomlin wanted to leave. And I’m plenty sure that the Steelers get off on not firing coaches. They condescend into resignations, like with Dick LeBeau, or foist a retirement party, like with Bruce Arisns.
Yeah, I think if the Rooney’s were going to axe him, they would’ve had him done the exit interviews first. Tomlin was all like:
/cartoonist’s rendition of the Steelers throwing Bruce’s “retirement party”
& yes, I did use this gif earlier when Pete got canned.
Still applies.
Love her
https://youtube.com/shorts/PX4vcxtQU74?si=SMjTh8pETIfRcRDz
Playoff form, loved the Sinners joke. And pretty much all of it.
Am I drunk enough to watch Sinners?
(I am midway through my first margarita)
Sinners is fantastic.
I figure as much. I need to watch more movies. I watched Dark Shadows this afternoon while lifting weights and while it was a very poor movie it was pretty solid as background. There’s really very little in terms of a coherent storyline but it really gets the testosterone flowing if you know what I mean.
But in case you do not know what I mean…
Yeah, that movie was quite meh if I’m being kind.
Sinners is easily the best 2025 movie I’ve seen, but I haven’t watched One Battle After Another yet. Or several of the AVN nominees.
Do fix that immediately.
Tim Burton punches Way Way WAY above his weight class with women.
She’s a treasure
Found a funny:
lmao Scott Adams died
🐈
Okay, that is very funny.
I think this is one of the best SNL skits of all time. It’s from Season 4 1979 with guest host Rick Nelson. The entire cast is in it, including Paul Shaffer (who was in the house band) doing his dead-on Don Kirshner impression and Nelson playing himself. But Gilda Radner comes in later and just kills it.
Here’s “Rock Against Yeast”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tx9VGQDNMJA
🪦
No lie, I was thinking Yinzer/#BFIB parallels. It is very difficult to use all available energy and resources to get to 9-11 wins every year (or 84-89 in MLB) without ever having a “rebuild” period. It does, or at least CAN mean you don’t devote enough assets to a longer-term plan that gets you into true contention.
But those long-term plans can surelyfail, and then you have fuckshit. And fans get spoiled, because being uncompetitive (even if you believe in the plan) just SUCKS.
But no doubt in my mind that the PIT roster got waaayyyy too old and ossified. Tomlin was a wizard spinning plates to get them so much as credible.
I think you could parachute the guy into any team’s situation, no matter how bad, and he’d find a way to have them finish around .500. The term ‘resourceful’ isn’t applied to coaches very often but that’s what he is.
I think Tomlin’s going to announcing too. I would, if I were him. Who needs the ungrateful racist fans, it would be so much better to talk down to them every week! Not like they’d notice, because of all the stupid, but I’m sure Mike would enjoy it. Thank you Rev, for your kind invite to the Bills bandwagon! I might just hop on there, after my side piece Rams freeze to death in Chicago this weekend.
Agree. Cowher did it. Tomlin would be better.
Early word is that Tomlin takes over Jimmy Johnson’s old role on the Fox pregame show.
Does the Extenze spokesman gig come with that?
I think he would be great in the booth or behind the desk.
…but I kinda hope he just buys a big ol bass boat and chills the fuck out with the family for a while & see how that feels.
If he likes it, great, enjoy it because you earned it, Mike.
If he gets the itch, get back in the game.
PLEASE. NO. ARTHUR. SMITH.
Tomlin has been coach my entire Deadpsin/KSK/DFO existence. I found DS in 2007, his rookie year.
I hope the Steelers keep up with their practice of picking some obscure coordinator that makes everyone go Huh? Who’s that?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0xrSH0G8kBo
BAH GAWD, QUEEN! HE’S HERE! HE HERE’S! HE’S IN THE BUILDING!
Why can’t we have Parent Trap?!?
Okay, fine. I touch myself too much…