TGIF! There’s nothing on TV. So read this post while chugging a couple of drinks and then take a nap. Tweaker WWC games start at 2:00AM DFO time.
Survival – Personal Edition
Feeling frisky and prowling the dating apps? Well, here’s a handy little guide on deciphering the photos.
| The Photo | What It Says |
| Photos with an ex | I’ve been on a date before |
| High school yearbook photos | I’m 20 lbs heavier that this |
| Party photos | I’m fucking trashed right now |
| Baby photo | Once upon a time I was cute |
| Mug shot | I will stalk you when we break up |
| Photos with stuffed animals | I will stalk you when we break up |
| Photoshop with a celebrity | I live in my parent’s basement |
| Wedding photos | I am currently married |
| Nude photos | I am desperate |
| All Selfies | I have no friends |
*checks word count* *shit*
Let’s say the photos and bio check out, next let’s try out some terrible pickup lines. Note, do not use these.
- The human body is 90% water, and I’m really thirsty.
- Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?
- With a mane like that you must be a Leo.
- Do you have a mirror in your pants? Because I can see myself in them.
- Are your legs tires? Because you have been running through my dreams all night.
- Is your father a thief? Because he stole the stars from the skies and put them in your eyes.
- Are you okay? It must have been a long fall from heaven.
- I really like that outfit. It would look great crumpled at the end of my bed.
- What do you like to eat for breakfast? Oh good, I have that.
- I know they say milk does a body good, but damn, how much have you been drinking?
- So, are you legal?
- I have cable TV.
- If I told you that you have a lovely body, would you hold that against me?
- Did the sun just come out or did you just smile at me?
- Is it hot in here or is it just you?
- Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again?
- I lost my phone number, can I have yours?
- If you were a burger at McDonald’s, I’d call you McBeautiful.
- Hi, my name’s [Your name here], but you can call me tonight.
- No wonder the sky’s gray today, all the blue is in your eyes.
- What’s your name? Or should I just call you mine?
- If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put U and I together.
- Look at you with all those curves and me with no brakes.
- I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I can make your bed rock.
- Do you have any raisins? No? How about a date?
- Do you have a Band-Aid? Because I skinned my knee when I fell for you.
- Can I have a picture of you so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas.
- My bed is broken. Can I sleep in yours?
- I’m not feeling myself tonight. Can I feel you?
- My name is [Your name here]. Remember that; you’ll be screaming it later.
- Is that a ladder in your stockings or the stairway to heaven?
- I may not be the best looking guy in here, but I am the only one talking to you.
- (Lick finger, wipe on her shirt) Let’s get you out of those wet clothes.
Follow these guidelines and you’ll be on the road to a real life date in no time!
Click here to get to commenting
Survival – Species Edition
Time to put the sexy in Friday!
Enjoy the weekend, folks! Alright, now let’s get to the comments!
Well that was quite the stomping.
But if I’m gonna get stomped, I could do much worse than Swedish chicks.
Wait a tick, where’s 2Pack and his friend?
Chit man we are getting crushed
Princess has many Italian family members.
Well I figured this one would be a loss, but was hoping for a much better showing. Does not bode well if they hold up and make it to the knock out round.
I know nobody is still up right now… but Italy vs Sweden be like…
https://youtu.be/T-UcchGOz8I
If I could avoid the LA freeway system and still maintain my income level?
Show me a paper and I’ll sign it!
Well hell.
Hello everyone!
Ciao Buddy
Ola amigo!
what up Portuguese princess
wait not calling you a lisbon
wait never mind drunk
It’s going to be really strange to go to Porto and tell them that I don’t like Port wine.
Muito cervaja por favor!
hey when in Porto drink the fucking fortified grape juice!
Must reiterate, very jealous and happy for you.
7 full days. No day tripping excursions just full local immersion.
Thank you. There will be photos and words.
I wish you many long term and fruitful connections. I trust you will get those.
Oh damn. My favoUrite wine. I’ll come visit and drink your share.
I hope to have some cold ones and a grill going when you get there.
Speaking of posting while hammered, (he said, posting while hammered), anyone got an eye on Fozz?
He will come around when the footballing starts, I’m sure.
Assume he’s doing something greasy and Italian.
Possibly doing five rosaries a day to keep LAMAR! healthy.
/Catholic guilt is real
Me: tell me the history of tiki drinks.
Bard AI:… [closing paragraph is:]
The history of tiki drinks is a fascinating one. It is a story of cultural appropriation, creativity, and escapism. Tiki drinks are a reminder of a simpler time when people were looking for ways to escape the everyday world. Today, they continue to offer a unique and enjoyable experience that can transport guests to a tropical paradise.
AI is like one step up from lands of many contrasts bullshit.
https://twitter.com/CT_STATE_POLICE/status/1684980469824438273
They spelled his name wrong, but I’ll bet CSP K-9 Shamus spent most if his career sticking his nose in the crotch of extremely questionable women.
Meanwhile more than $50 million was seized by cops just saying “yeah this is ours now”
I’ve had 5.5 shots and am on my second beer. For the love of Xene do not get me started on cops and that civil forfeiture bullshit.
That would be a very interesting exercise to try and estimate.
Finders keepers. Losers weepers, and some jail time.
Lady number 6 would get a pick line you forgot. Those were great btw Ayo. Balls would like this one.
I’d like to follow those legs all the way up to where they make an ass of themselves.
I’m stealing that
Impressive artwork.
The painting is good too.
Her support for the World cup is notable.
Both of them.
“I may not be the best looking guy here, but I am the only one talking to you” is absolutely the line to use at 2:00 am when it’s double-sixes or nothing.
And it jibes with one of our time honored rules for successful partying,
A 2 at 10, is a 10 at 2.
Truer words have never been spoken. It’s absolutely why Mrs. Horatio started talking to me in that bar back in ’92.
It’s been a long, hot, humid week, and I am kicking back with a Stone Cold Steve Austin margarita, on the rocks.
3 oz. tequila, 1.5 oz. Triple Sec., 1 oz. Grand Marnier, 1.5 oz. lime juice. I bought a bottle of Rose’s lime juice to mix things up. have to say actual lime juice makes it much better. But midway through 5.5 oz of booze I likely won’t care.
Horatio’s arrival the in clubhouse (artist’s conception):
Oh there’s no way I’d try to drive that far right now.
/is into the Lagunitas.
One of the subtle benefits of being an old is less drunk driving – because who the fuck wants to go anywhere or do anything?
Mrs. Horatio doesn’t drink. It’s awesome.
She is generally high as hell, however.
so you can go places, just slowly and only if you promise the driver iced cream
BBQ potato chips are the way to her heart.
I’m out tonight bc family returns Sunday and, ready or not, this ain’t happening no more. Plus I’m lightning efficient when by myself.
I
I’m pretty sure I have identified Lowratio’s alter ego:
https://www.dwarfanators.com/wrestler/
Hope it’s not this one!
Shit, I thought the name would show. This is Lil’ Pecker.
“No it’s not.” — Deanna F.
doin’ the pinky wave!
Yeah, either him or Lil Papa Pump
DING DING DING DING!!
.
I remember midget wrestling from WWF in the 1980’s. Just a shade on the right side of a hate crime.
Watching Little League softball and have been for more than 15 minutes, so I’m likely on an (other) FBI list somewhere.
“Nah, you’ve got a good hour or so.” — Matt Gaetz
Fuck me, that’s a great selection!
I like how devoted to fitness the one with the bike must be. SMRT too
I just hope the ones in the white and red bikini bottoms can stop fighting and stay friends.
Pro tip: Make sure you receive consent before taking a picture.
That’s not her kid. It’s just a little person who figured out how to win better than Charlie Sheen ever did.
So, a sort of Bizarro Lowratio?
I saw this picture and knew Lowratio would be showing up. Surprised he had to wait until the second comment.
I hit refresh just in case I missed one… couldn’t believe everyone had just left me that low-hanging fruit
I just learned that this is a thing:
This rivals Sav-On brand charcoal filtered vodka
oh i threw up a bit of Osco rum before a Rush concert back in the day
It probably shouldn’t be.
The Kirkland liquors I’ve tried aren’t bad. I’m not a connoisseur, so take my “not bad” for what it’s worth. Unfortunately for me I have to drive into Kentucky to get to a Costco with a liquor store, and since my daughter graduated from UC I don’t have a lot of reasons to get down to Cincy anymore.
Dude, DFO has a mailing list for booze and UPS just agreed not to strike. Send up a flare in the back room.
Eh, if I really wanted it I could talk the missus into a road trip, or for that matter go myself. Besides, the liquor cabinet is full up; my daughter hasn’t raided it since she left college.
If I was better at planning ahead I’d have given Mr. Ayo a heads-up about today’s Request Line theme so we could have had some cross-post synergy.
I’m pretty sure these are all pictures of bitches.
So a while back I mentioned how I opened a couple Golden Road beers and they had nasty residue floating in them? I finally got around to calling to complain and they’re gonna send me twenty dollars!
Rikki right now (artist’s conception):
Almost But Not Quite Meta News: I’ll be sitting beside a bonfire listening to an occasional Bon Iver tune.
Oh man. I am a GENIUS. Tornado warning went off, which meant I had about about 15 minutes to get dinner grilled up nicely on the barbecue. Literally the second I get inside with the food, the heavens open up. I am invincible.
Now I just have to convince God to spare my house. But I’ve had a few beers so I feel like I’m in prime negotiation mode.
So the Sexy is the Survival…? Is that right? I suppose it’s irrelevant.
Its sexy from top to bottom today.
Welp, can’t unsee that.
/takes melon baller to eyes
Won’t be needing these anymore.