THUD…Tuesday Open Thread

REMINDER: This year, we’ve chosen to open up Team Previews for audience participation. We’ve had several brave volunteers, but the following are still available:

C-Hox

Giants

Tampa Bay

Panthers

Falcons

So if you’d like to try your hand, reach out to me at [email protected] and we’ll get you set up.

NFL NEWS

-COMMANDERS CHAOS: Whelp, just in case you thought things would be smooth sailing for the Washington Former Redacteds after getting rid of Little Danny Snyder- your new offensive coordinator is apparently a fucking nutjob martinet, even by NFL coaching standards.  Head coach Ron Rivera revealed that “a number” of players had come to him because they were “a little concerned” about the level of intensity of new offensive coordinator Eric Bieniemy. After ten years in the shadow of noted player’s coach Andy Reid, Bieniemy has apparently gone Full Metal Coughlin in his new gig.

A month and a half ago, ESPN did a puff piece with the cliche angle that Bieniemy’s shout-and-make-them-run-it-again approach was Molding Young Men Into a Unit and that he was the Tough But Fair Drill Sergeant. “Rivera said players see the results from the yelling and don’t take it personally.”

Apparently they fucking do, Ron. Remember: most of these players have come up through the high school and college ranks being screamed at, made to run until they puke, playing through injuries For The Good of the Team, etc. While every group of professionals will have some divas, Bieniemy must be doing something extra special to have multiple players express concerns to the guy who hired him before the coin toss in the first preseason game.

Asked for comment, Bieniemy promptly doubled down on clichés AND went Third Person:

“Eric Bieniemy is who he is. Eric Bieniemy knows how to adapt and adjust,” he said. “Eric Bieniemy is a tough, hard-nosed coach. But also understand, I’m going to be their biggest and harshest critic, but I’m also their No. 1 fan because I’ve got their back and I’m gonna support them at all times.”

I’m one of the many, many people who ascribed Bieniemy’s continuing failure to get a serious look as a head coach to the systemic racism pervading team executive and ownership suites. And given some of the guys hired over him (Jonathan Gannon, Adam Gase, Dennis Allen, Urban Meyer, Nathaniel Hackett, Joe Judge, Matt Rhule etc.) I stand by that conviction. But maybe- just maybe- being an angry Mike Singletary/Boss Todd knockoff in the modern NFL played a little role as well. At least he hasn’t dropped his pants on the practice field to make a point. Yet

-THIRSTING FOR KHUNT  In the wake of Alvin Kamara’s three game suspension to start the season, the Saints have signed brought in for a visit free agent running back Kareem Hunt. [Edit- it was orginally reported that he was signing with the Saints. Now he is apparently visiting the Clots tomorrow, in an effort to further antagonize sole proven weapon Jonathan Taylor]. Hunt, you may recall, was originally cut loose from Kansas City for physically assaulting a woman while not being as talented as Tyreek Hill. He then served a four year sentence in Cleveland.

-(ALLEGEDLY) SHITTY RICH PEOPLE: Texans minority owner Javier Loya has been charged with rape and several varieties of sexual abuse in Jefferson County, Kentucky. In related news, the Cleveland Browns have traded two first round picks to Houston for Loya.

-GET THEE BACK FROM WENTZ THEE CAME- free agent quarterback Carson Wentz staged a workout wearing bits of each former uniform, like a shell-shocked Napoleonic soldier retreating across the Neimen:

NON NFL RAMBLINGS:

College football is imploding.

Fusion is closer and closer.

Ambient temp superconductors might or might not be A Thing.

The floggings will continue until morale improves:

ISSUE THE SIXTH: BEST DISCWORLD NOVELS

After a Blue Sky conversation yesterday, it occurred that I had not made any ex cathedra statements regarding which of Sir Terry Pratchett’s glorious comic novels are objectively the best. The rules:

*Mainline Discworld only- otherwise Good Omens would top the list. So no Wee Free Men either.

*Novels only- Eric is great as a graphic novel, and the Science of Discworld series is good, but novels only.

*None of the Tiffany Aching books. Haven’t read them, because I know what happens and thank you, no.

1. Thud!

2. Thief of Time

3. Night Watch

4. Monstrous Regiment

5. Going Postal

6. Jingo

7. Hogfather

8. Fifth Elephant

9. Reaper Man

10. Small Gods.

Oook.