Sexy Friday – 20240524

TGIF! Welcome to the long weekend. Don’t forget to pay your respects on Monday. Before that, though, is the best Sunday of the year. It all starts with Sunday Gravy, of course. But then we get the trio of the F1 Monaco GP, followed by the Indy 500, followed by the Coca-Cola 600. Kyle Larson is attempting to do the 1100 by racing both the Indy 500 and the Coca-Cola 600. Unfortunately, there’s an 80% chance right now that the Indy 500 will be rained out and totally ruin Sunday. But! That means Monday will have the race. Also, playoff hockey every night, including tonite’s game which is just about to start.

Survival – Personal Edition

Many folks here consider themselves washed. Past their prime.  Well, let’s have a mid life crisis. That’s right, grab that skateboard and let’s learn how to do a proper ollie to impress the youth at the skate park.

  • Let’s get familiar with some terms here:
    • Deck: The top wooden surface.
    • Tail: The rear of the deck.
    • Truck: The axles. There’s two of them, front and tail.
    • Ollie: The trick we’re doing which is a skateboard jump initiated with the tail of the deck.
    • Nollie: The trick we’re NAWT doing, but is an ollie where the jump is initiated with the front of the deck.
    • Poser: What we actually are, but can get away with because we’re the olds.
    • Goofy-Foot: When you ride with your non-dominant foot at the tail of the deck.
  • Now, let’s get you situated on your deck. We’re doing Regular-Foot which is the opposite of Goofy-Foot. You may be asking yourself, which foot is my dominant foot? Have someone shove you from behind. The foot you first place forward to catch yourself is your dominant foot. Place the non-dominant foot at the front of the deck and right over the truck. Your foot should be between point forward and to the side, so just start at like a 45° angle here. Place your dominant foot at the back of the deck, pointed to the side.
  • Bend your knees a bit and bend forward a little bit. The aim here is get yourself balanced with the flexibility to move your balance quickly.
  • Let’s get skating! Take your rear foot off the deck and use it to push it against the ground to get yourself moving forward. Once you’re rolling place that foot back on the read of the deck.
  • Time to prepare for your trick. Move that front foot back to the middle of the deck.
  • With your rear foot, kick down hard on the back of the deck. At the same time lift your front foot to allow the front of the board to lift off the ground. Once the front of the board is off the ground, leap up with your back foot.
  • Then move your front foot forward to level the front of the board. If you’re close enough to the deck, you can also roll your ankle forward and use the side of your foot to accomplish this, although I don’t recommend this technique until you’re much younger. At this point the board will be completely off the ground and you only have to worry about the landing.
  • Prepare to land. Make sure you are somewhat centered on the deck, that both your feet are over the deck, knees are bent, and that your ankles are straight. After that let gravity do its thing and bring both of you down to the ground.

Once you’re back on earth, let friction slow the board down and jump off. Your insurance would no doubt sigh a big sigh of relief at this point if they knew what just happened. Of course, if they did your rates would triple even without a spill.

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Survival – Species Edition

Time to put the sexy in Friday!

Enjoy the long weekend, folks! Alright, now let’s get to the comments!

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Mr. Ayo
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Horatio Cornblower

So in 1944 an American Greater Footy team played a Canadian Greater Footy team in a game where they played US rules in the 1st half, Canuck rules in the 2nd half, in the middle had a bagpipe band led by an enormous St. Bernard and then never did it again. What the fuck!?

https://x.com/Morgan_C_Ross/status/1770905015760175242

yeah right

They were missing Shania Twain?

Horatio Cornblower

I was walking my dog through the woods earlier today and heard this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gLPJlu0Ac7c

Just looked it up to find it was a barn owl and not a hooker being murdered.

yeah right

You truly live in a rustic environment.

Horatio Cornblower

By choice!

yeah right

I admire that.

yeah right

Well hello!

How you doing friends and neighbors?

Horatio Cornblower

I’m into my 3rd (and last) beer at 12:30 am EST and decided to do the dishes.

So I’d say fair-to-middlin’

yeah right

Woof.
I’m a fair part of a bottle of Murphy Goode in and…

Other things.

Happy long weekend motherfuckers!

fleshwound_NPG

lol caitlin clark THIS CLOSE to a fucking triple double on a night she hurled dog turds at the rim (until now)

Sharkbait
2Pack

Standard. And my humble contribution.
Nice job as always Mr Ayo.

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yeah right

That’s fantastic.

Sharkbait

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Horatio Cornblower

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Senor Weaselo

Onto MSG South, uh, South!

Horatio Cornblower

There’s a guy at my gym, plays D-3 hockey. A couple of weeks ago he was talking about NHL players he could beat up, and for whatever reason he was convinced Johnny Gaudreau was one of them.

He’s about 5’10”, maybe 170, and I don’t think Gaudreau would even notice he was trying to fight him.

Horatio Cornblower

If they call this off the referees will not get off the ice alive.

ballsofsteelandfury

That’s a beauty!!

Senor Weaselo

Sam Rosen akbar!
/May he get well soon.

Horatio Cornblower

GET THE FUCK BACK TO FLORIDA YOU PIECES OF SHIT!!!

ballsofsteelandfury

Ass save!!

Sharkbait

Fuck you and your giant ass OEL

2Pack

I love lady number 4 but I wish she’d stop asking me to do the goofy foot trick on her again.

Don T

Bubbly bottle: Are you really gonna let half of me go to waste?

Weed: Dude. I’m here for ya.

Whisky: [shifts her ample bosom, bites her lip while twirling a lock of unruly dark hair, giggles]

Melatonin gummies: What?

Me: Nothing, nothing. Just… I see you come in purple now [fixes hair]

Gumbygirl

You are the man, Don T. El hombre!

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Don T

Hardly. But thanks.
ALTHOUGH, I was pretty cold this PM to a realtor who had great ad pics for an office for rent, but the actual office was half destroyed (“remodeling”, in scummy landlord parlance). Oh! And the office shares walls with a strip club. Which means “Welcome to the Jungle” blasting at least daily. Feh.

ballsofsteelandfury

Now let’s not be hasty!

– Ballsy and Zombie TWBS

Don T

Can’t do it. Directing business partners to move their cars at 4:30 because otherwise Cinammon might slash the tires for taking her parking place takes too long to explain.

Horatio Cornblower

“Hey, if you can’t get enough of Def Leppard’s ‘Pour Some Sugar On Me’ have I got an office deal for you!!!”

Brick Meathook

Post #8 Capitol Hill, Washington DC
These people nicest and funniest people ever.
I took BFC there once; Angela the lovely bartender asked about him tonight.

https://ibb.co/dkTY005

Sharkbait

LGR.

Horatio Cornblower

I’ve really grown to detest the Panthers.

Sharkbait

They really are a dirty team.

Senor Weaselo

This one’s a lot less fun and a lot more stressful.

Doktor Zymm

That’s your fault for liking a team that’s actually good

Horatio Cornblower

Just took a swig of beer, it hit the wrong spot in the throat and I coughed it right back onto the floor and desk.

I am on my first beer, if you’re wondering how my evening’s going.

Dunstan

“I did the same thing with my first dick of the evening.” — Houston

Game Time Decision

Rookie

Senor Weaselo

Apparently there is a merciful God, because the Joe Buck-Chip Caray game got rained out.

Sharkbait

Can that merciful God manifest a Rangers OT win?

Redshirt

…the Reds won?! Can they still do that?!

scotchnaut

More than a few DFOer’s have reached out to me via backchannels, wondering whether Extremely Sharp Knifey is doing okay after his harrowing interaction with my wife’s calf last Tuesday.

I’m pleased to tell you that ESK is tanned, rested and ready to take on any challenges that may put to him.

Dunstan

“Him?” Huh, I would have bet large amounts of money that you referred to your knife as a “she.”

rockingdog

Found a funny:

blood is thicker than water and that’s my secret to winning the annual gravy contest every time

Horatio Cornblower

Good lord this Yankees line-up is terrifying.

Meanwhile, Hal Steinbrenner sits in his office trying to come up with more excuses as to why he won’t be resigning Juan Soto next year.

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Senor Weaselo

Who wants Soto, Judge, and Stanton to homer in the same inning anyway?

Horatio Cornblower

Again.

Horatio Cornblower

I started watching ‘Iron Claw’ last night, the movie about the wrestling Von Erich family.

The steroid budget for Efron and Allen, two guys who top out at 5’8″ and are trying to play wrestlers who went 6’1″, 6’2″ and topped out at 245 lbs, must have made up the majority of the budget for the film.

It’s also not good, and I know how it ends, (badly, for almost all of them), so I’m not sure I’m going to bother finishing it.

Sharkbait

Do they fix the cable?

Horatio Cornblower

No, they’re far too dead.

Redshirt

That’s the Owen Hart story, which in my mind canon, it merges with the Deadpool 2 ending with him traveling back to 1999:

Deadpool: “Owen! OWEN!”

Hart: “WHAT?!”

Deadpool: “Get the fuck down from there!”

Hart: “But I’m going to get stuck in the air five feet off the ground and fall on my face. Its gonna be funny.”

Deadpool: “No its not! Its far too dangerous and doesn’t makes sense! WCW is in the toilet. This gimmick from the early 1990s makes no sense and with the Kliq’s influence, there’s no way you’ll get higher than the midcard. At least not until the early 2000s when technical wrestling has a renaissance, Shawn Michaels finds Jesus and quits being a dick and you can come out of retirement and have the greatest years of your life with several five-star matches, finally get a world title run your deserve, make some good money and get to show off in front of your family.”

Hard: “Huh, you’re probably right. I guess I’ll go back to my family.”

Deadpool: “That’s a great idea, Rocket.”

(Deadpool walks off and shoots a confused Vince McMahon in the head)

Deadpool: “You’re welcome, Canada.”

fin

Redshirt

Trumpworld Claims 25,000 People Attended His Rally. Aerial Shots Show Otherwise. (msn.com)

If that overhead picture is 25,000 people, than 1.5 million attended my old High School Marching Band Invitational.

Horatio Cornblower

OK, I like the Padres City Connects, but hate the caps. I prefer the old Brown-n-Gold though, preferably with the swinging Padre on the hat.

Love that ballpark and need to get out there at some point.

Doktor Zymm

I weirdly haven’t been hungry all day, hope I’m not getting sick 🙁

Dunstan

Just start drinking.

Doktor Zymm

Already did that. Had some delicious Korean pork waffle fries, but ate them slowly and the rest of the food went into the fridge for tomorrow. At least I got some protein I guess.

I’m gonna go to sleep early tonight and hope that fixes it

Horatio Cornblower

I haven’t been hungry all day either, but then I’ve also eaten a lot today.

Doktor Zymm

I’m usually hungry even if I eat a lot, lol

Horatio Cornblower

Anthony Volpe with a lead-off triple for the Yankees! That’s rocki…

/is shot by mysterious canine stranger

Redshirt

.

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ballsofsteelandfury

Big tittied sphinx is genius

WCS

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Horatio Cornblower

Can’t decide if I like these Padres unis or hate them.

Horatio Cornblower

I definitely hate the hats.

Redshirt

Having the torso white evens it out and allows the eyes a chance to rest from looking at the rest of the jersey colors which appears to be 1990s in color form.

Horatio Cornblower

I think that’s the problem with the aqua green cap with pink lettering.

King Hippo

Stupid rain keeping the Bastard Man Small Bears from getting their teeth kicked in by the #BFIB

rockingdog

Hahaha!
Chili’s is finally getting creative with their mascot!

That’s Rockingggg!

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rockingdog

TWolves vs Mavs is kinda Rocking! 🏀

Gooooo TWolves!

Sharkbait

Fucking Florida. Boris, get your ass out of that state.

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borisnow

Floridaist

Dunstan

That’s a dirty fucking hit. Can’t believe it’s only two minutes.

King Hippo

Everybody knows if you get crippled in the playoffs Maple Jesus will heal you

Sharkbait

That blew my mind. Team fandom regardless, clear hit to the head without the puck.

Brick Meathook

DC-10, LAX

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Sharkbait

McDonnal Douglas, why the 737 Max is a no go for me.

BugEyedBoo

Not sure if I think that LeMans is good looking or not. Right now I say, ‘no’.

Brick Meathook

B-29, Wichita Kansas

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SonOfSpam

So. Since I don’t know weight and measures, would one be safe in that thing if a tornado hit it (on the ground)?

Brick Meathook

You were never safe in a B-29 under any circumstances, even on the ground on a calm sunny day.

Horatio Cornblower

It’s true; I went to an air museum once and one of them hit me in the back of the head and stole my wallet.

BugEyedBoo

The saddest B-29 restoration film you’ll ever see.

https://youtu.be/CLlF0XQkmDg?si=1IHwxnTBYHAYbtYz&t=2978

Brocky

So, remind me again,

Which of the remaining four hockey teams should I least rooting against?

King Hippo

DRILL BABY DRILL!!

herodotus450

Give up a goal AND give the opponent a power play, that’s the Tkakcuck difference!

Brocky

Evening

Spoiler

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King Hippo

less sexy than I hoped, mind…

Brocky

I know right… it’s beyond description…

WCS

smells delicious

King Hippo

Leadoff lady can GET IT. And don’t fret if your driving in the circle gets rained out (shouldn’t that just make for funner wrecks and better ratings??), you can just watch Leeds and Sham Town battle for the right to get re-relegated in 2024-25!

ballsofsteelandfury

I think you mean Euro 2024 which starts in two weeks

King Hippo

European AND Sudamericano varietals!

King Hippo

HUZZAH!

2Pack

I tried that with Marika and it worked out pretty well.

Horatio Cornblower

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ballsofsteelandfury

Number 4 and number 8 this week. Oh my!