TGIF! Hey admins, there’s a new WordPress available. Can’t possibly be worse, right? Haha, just kidding, I’m catching up on the Tour De France since there’s nothing else on. Oh wait, I do need to catch up on that dragon show.

Word Count Filler Time

Here’s some wacky news

The Letter
In Southampton a letter was posted to the trunk of a 60 year old lime tree. The contents of the letter were addressed to the tree to let it know that a six month temporary preservation order had been granted so that it would not be cut down. The letter also informed the lime tree that it could submit comments, in writing, to the local council. A spokesman for the city council said this was a standard legal device.

Ears
A Turkish bus driver was attacked by thieves and while stealing £100 they cut off part of his ear. The bus driver was scared of doctors, nurses, needles, and hospitals in general. So he bought some super glue and reattached his missing ear part by himself.

Miss Zit
Bangkok has a unique beauty pageant called Miss Acne-Free. They pared the field down to a final 40 by picking the most pimpled and pock marked their faces were. Then the winner was decided by how much their acne cleared up with treatment.

Shooter
Straight from the WCS files, the Philadelphia man had the bright idea to find out how it would feel to be shot. So he shot himself in the shoulder. At a later date, he called 911 because he shot himself in the shoulder again, to see if hurt as much as the first time. I think we all know the answer.

Hole
A 41 year old Romanian man endured the humiliation of his girlfriend leaving him. So he did the only natural thing and dug a 30 foot hole in the ground, got naked, and moved into the hole so he wouldn’t have to face anybody about the whole ordeal. His relatives tended to him for a year providing food, water, and emptying his toilet bucket, before realzing how stupid the whole situation was and called the authorities. They were unsuccessful and said he seemed quite happy in his hole.

House
Stay weird Oregon. A couple named their three children Kitchen, Bedroom, and Garage because that’s were they were conceived.

Laugh
You having a laugh dear? A 47 year old Berlin woman was fined for laughing. NeighboUrs complained that she was disturbing the peace because she had a gathering where she laughed too loud after 10pm. It cost her 25 euros, which she labeled laughable.

Enough news, let’s get to it.

Click here to get to commenting

Sexy Time

Enjoy the weekend, folks! Alright, now let’s get to the comments!

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WCS

This one’s pretty gnarly…

A driver stopped in front of the FBI building, nearly struck the guard post. He then disconnected a trailer from truck and drove off. Before he left the trailer, he actually told the guard that the truck is stolen.

Minutes later, there was a three-vehicle accident involving said truck. As of now, there’s at least one fatality, and two others hospitalized.

Obviously, there’s plenty to unpack here. Investigators are going to have big day today.

UPDATE: The truck involved was confirmed stolen from a nearby construction yard. I know none of yinz care, but I will continue to post any further info I gather. I’m here till 10:00 EST.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The initial setup sounds a lot like an OKC/Timothy McVeigh scenario, I’m surprised that if the guards saw someone behaving like that they wouldn’t start blasting without asking many questions, and I’m not sure I’d blame them.

Horatio Cornblower

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TheRevanchist

Going to memorial services tomorrow. Too many of these lately.

WCS

Sincerely sorry to see this. Don’t hesitate to vent or whatever yinz need to do here. We’re always here, even if it’s not a lot.

WCS

Just took a call from a hotel night auditor reporting a completely nekked male passed out in a room that’s under renovation.
SPOILER ALERT: that’s not the room he is (was) staying in.

rockingdog

Shot:

🛻 🤯 🚀 💣

“The likely result is therefore not a dramatic increase in highly sophisticated attacks but rather a modest increase in the competence of lower-level actors,” the center’s study concluded.

In modern society, we’re protected partly because criminals are very stupid. What if that changes.

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Doktor Zymm

We might have to start hiring cops who aren’t very stupid!

yeah right

One of the best things about our site is that it turns into therapy.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I would like to drunkenly apologize for the chaos of Request Line today. I feel like this could have been a much better topic if I had thought through the specifications a bit more and the communicated them clearly.

Is this what a referee feels like when they had a bad game? No, don’t be silly, Rikki. Referees are subhuman scum and the unsophisicated base urges they experience could hardly qualify as “feelings”.

yeah right

You didn’t win any money on it did ya?

Then you’re golden.

Horatio Cornblower

Don’t even bother, Rikki; these people couldn’t follow directions from their bedroom to their bathroom.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Put a pin in this for a future edition of Request Line.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
rockingdog

Found a funny:

Erling Haaland is having a deserved moment. We need to do like Hollywood used to do, and make sure he gets a weird part written for him in the next Bond movie.

Like, nothing too complex. Just a henchman who can run really fast, despite being the size of an Oldsmobile Vista Cruiser.

Doktor Zymm

It’s been national kitten day and I’m only just now finding out!
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scotchnaut

It’s about time kittens got some positive coverage!

yeah right

It’s Friday!

Good week.

Killer massage today.

I’ve got my own car back and it wasn’t involved in a crash for the whole week!

I feel as good as I have in 10 years.

Life is good!

Doktor Zymm

Can’t beat a good massage! And now it’s the weekend!

yeah right

This girl is great. She’s a great listener, remembers our stream of consciousness conversation and is a Pedro girl.

I’ve been nothing but a gentleman.

Brick Meathook

You don’t often see “Explosive Diarrhea” in a Wall Street Journal headline but here you are:

https://www.wsj.com/health/healthcare/cyclospora-outbreak-foodborne-illness-afa42514?st=zAVZgn&reflink=desktopwebshare_permalink

WCS

You don’t often see “Explosive Diarrhea” in a Wall Street Journal headline 

but you should.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

OCHOCINCO: But it could

Gumbygirl

#9 reminded me of a story Gumby told me. He had duty one night on the tender in Scotland ( USS Simon Lake, AS-33) and he went out on the deck to get some air. There was a girl we knew up there, very nice but kind of a dimwit. She was standing there alone, dancing and singing to herself. She had a broom in one hand and was holding her boob in the other hand. Gumby turned around and walked away quietly, he didn’t want to embarrass her.

Brick Meathook

The USS Simon Lake was our tender in King’s Bay GA and it had the ugliest women I have ever seen. We would leave and go to sea on a submerged 40+ day patrol without women and come back and see them and say “Jesus Christ they’re still ugly.” That’s pretty bad.

Horatio Cornblower

Like a goddamn gentleman!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Anyone else watching St. Kilda v Port Adelaide?

WCS

Somehow, Essendon will lose.

Doktor Zymm

How many people collapsed from heat exhaUstion?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

You mean televised exercising in France?

yeah right

No but I was happy with last night’s results.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I was watching The Sheep Detectives. Now that it’s over I’m gonna watch clips of The I.T. Crowd cause Chris O’Dowd was one of the voices.

2Pack

It’s lady number 2 for me tonight. Thank you Mr Ayo. Only in Germany can they fine you for laughing. Lighten up and go watch some porn Konrad.

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WCS

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WCS

30-21 Winnipegians over Aurgous final

THIS IS HAS BEEN YOUR UNWANTED, UN-ASKED-FOR, WCS CFL UPDATE BROUGHT TO YOU BY ALLEGHENY COUNTRY EMERGENCY SERVICES AND PENDATICY

Gumbygirl

Oh fuck, I’m going 0-4 this week too!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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Doktor Zymm

Just bought a ticket for Imaginarios@BOLTMEN in November, will be nice to see that fancy LA stadium!

WCS

Winnipegian Bluue Boumbers cuureuntly leauding Toronto, 19-7, 5:40 left in the 3rd.
Aurgos threw an inteurceuptioun aus I waus typiung.

litre_cola

Well Health Canada wants me to take up smoking again. One of our own who I have exchanged booze parcels with sent me a lot of Zyns. Sadly Health Canada intercepted the parcel and is now sending it back. Why? Max dosage here is 4 MG and only available in mint. These were 6 MG which is the 2nd lowest dose Zyn makes but my “Health product” as the called it is not admissible.
At least they are sending it back so next time we can send it to BC Dick or litrepug as surely I am on a list now.

SonOfSpam

What’s it like to have a government care about your health instead of (gestures in RFK Jr’s direction) this stupid shit?

SonOfSpam

So People (obviously) has a story about one of McConnell’s neighbors who took a video of him being stretchered out of his house last month, under a sheet, feet sticking out, no urgency, no sirens. I think we kinda suspected it, but that’s one dead turtle.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It would be completely on brand for the Republican Party to Terry Schiavo him in an effort to prevent the Democratic governor from naming his replacement.

WCS

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Sharkbait

Its what he would have wanted.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

All I can do is pray that he is still capable of feeling something. Specifically, pain.

Doktor Zymm

It’s a Republican house, that could be ANYBODY’s corpse

Redshirt

This Week’s News Cycle in Review:

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scotchnaut

Me: [needs some collared short-sleeved shirts but wifey tends to complain about my spending habits]

Me Again: [buys a ton of stuff for myself but also buys a cute PJ ensemble for wifey]

Me Again Also: [announces to wifey] “I bought you a present-it should be here soon.”

Wifey: “You Bought Me A Present!!!???”

Me Again Again: [presents wifey with present] “This is for you.”

Wifey: [is over the moon] “This is the best!”

/subscribe to my channel for more strategies on how to win your marriage

Doktor Zymm

What would you have to gift to justify this spaceship chair?

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Horatio Cornblower

Simply point out that the price has been reduced over 30%; why, he’d be a fool not to buy it!!

litre_cola

You would need your own island with hammocks and projectors.

Horatio Cornblower

I bought a car today.

The clock timing how long it takes Mrs. Horatio to sleaze her way into that car, leaving me her older one, has begun ticking.

SonOfSpam

Was it the new Subaru Gashdiver?

litre_cola

No it’s a Mini. Think of lowratio dammit.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

So I get that in this scenario Mrs. Horatio is Gavin Newsom, you’re DoJu, and the old car is Kimberly Guilfoyle, but who is the new car?

Last edited 15 hours ago by Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Gumbygirl

Kimberley has already been sent to the junkyard/Greece.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Kudos to Mr. Ayo for his relentless hard work.

Redshirt

.

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ballsofsteelandfury

How did you get a hold of my vows?!?

Horatio Cornblower

#5 and I are definitely not going to be getting to that formal event tonight.

Mostly because of the restraining order.

Doktor Zymm
ballsofsteelandfury

#1 looks like she lives in 2Pack’s neighborhood….

Tonight, it’s #3 for me.

2Pack

That’s the look Buddy.

King Hippo

2, 7, 10!

ballsofsteelandfury

You certainly have a type…

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