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A Rational Response From A Patriot Fan

WCS

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FACK YOU! FACK YOU! FAAAACCCCCKKK YOU YOU FACKIN’ FACKS! YOUAH AHLL JUST JAHLOUS OF GREAHTRIOTS NAHTION! WEAH SMAHRTAH, TAFFAH, HAHHAHDAH THAHN THE REST OF YOU FACKS!

[dips entire can of Skoal Wintergreen]
[[spits juice on passerby seven-year-old wearing a Yankees hat]]

THESE WARLD WIDE LEADAH FACKS OWAH NUTHAN MOAH THAHN GOODELL CROHHNIES HIHHAHD TO SULLEN THE GREAT NAHME OF TAWMMY FACKIN’ TERRIFACK! WEAH AHLL KNOW THAHT MISTAH KAHRFT IS A SAHNT! A LEGEND! A GAWD AHMONGST OWNAHS! BILL BELLACHAHK IS THE GREATEST FACKIN’ COHHCH IN HUMAN HISTAHREE! THE LEAGUE IS NUTHIN BAWT A BUNCH OF FAHGGOTS!

[chugs three 40s of Mickeys]
[[throws empty bottles through the stained glass window of an immigrant church]]

SO FACK YOU RAWJAH! FACK YOU MEEDIAH! FACK YOU FACKIN’ FACK HATEAHS! WHEN HAHS THE LEEGUE EVAH WAHNTED GREATRIOTS NAHSTION TO SUCCEED AHNYWAY! EVAH! WEAH GREATAH THAHN EVAH, AHND WEAH GONNAH SHOW YOU FACKS AHGAIN AHHND AHAGAIN! NO ONE DENIES THIS!

[wolf-whistles woman crossing street]
[[forgets football exists until next Patriots scandal is unveiled]]

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CBQUE

What I love about Simmons rant is his total lack of rational thinking. Yeah I mean a team that won Super Bowls by the thinnest of margins wouldn’t need to do anything to gain an edge at all. I mean the part about the report that all brain dead Pats fans never have an answer for is the fact that this all could have been avoided if Belichick had just not filmed The Jets at Giants Stadium like he asked. Mangini never squeals and none of the subsequent stuff occurs. See kids the wimp can knock out the bully.

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jjfozz

From now until Super Bowl Sunday, whenever I need to take a shit I’m going to say, “I’ll be back in a few minutes, I have to take a Tawmy.”

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Cuntler

“DENIES THIS, NO ONE DOES!” – Yoda’s long lost brother, Murph.

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Senor Weaselo

Isn’t the whole point of Twitter brevity?

(tl;dr: tl;dr)

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Senor Weaselo

And this was supposed to be in reply to Sill’s Simmons Twitter tirade. God dammit.

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Grummmmble

How’d you record my Mom calling me this afternoon?

Really – this just makes the NFL and ESPN look bad. Yep. Just them.

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SonOfSpam

Could Tawmmy live-blog the Williams sisters’ tennis match?

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Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

“THE BEHST PAHT ABOUT THIS GAME, IS THAT A DAHHKIE LOSES!”

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Kungjitsu

AHM NAWT RACIST, BUT AWL THIS HOASSHIT STAHTED WHEN TYRONE VINCENT (THAT’S HIS FACKIN NAME RIGHT, YEAH, THEYAH’RE AWRL NAMED TYRONE) GAWT HIS ASSISTANT LAP DAWHG JAWB THROUGH AFFIRIMATIVE ACTION. JAWB ONE WAS FACKIN’ WITH TAWMMY AND THA GREATRIOTS.

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Sill Bimmons

Pats Fan 1A on line 2:

http://deadspin.com/patriots-fan-offers-counterpoint-to-bombshell-espn-repo-1729311526

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...

That Aaron Hernandez joke in the comments, tho…

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Sill Bimmons

I don’t read the comments.

Everyone knows that internet commenters are the lowest of the low, the basal slime off of which all the other slimes slough. Bunch of brain-dead troglodytes.

What did it say?

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SonOfSpam

To be fair, basal is good on certain pasta dishes.

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WCS

I wasn’t going to write a TAWMMY post, and then I saw Ol’ Billy’s twitter rant.

So let it be written, so let it done.
http://www.theamericanconservative.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/yul_brenner_jpg-magnum.jpg

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Beerguyrob

http://s3cf.recapguide.com/img/tv/117/6×18/The-Simpsons-Season-6-Episode-18-43-8a59.jpg
You truly are the King of Kings.

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Beerguyrob

I don’t see a crotch grab mentioned anywhere, as any Pats fan worth their Natty Light would have stolen the move from Marshawn Lynch as the fruits of victory.

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entropy

How long before Simmons refers to this season as the “Eff You Two” season? And is anyone else fully expecting the refs to be even more protective of Brady than usual? I can’t wait for the first “roughing the passer” call Thursday night after one of the Steelers blinks a little too aggressively in Brady’s general direction….

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Wakezilla

I kind of think the refs are going to let Brady get creamed this year. Or at least they should be letting him get creamed

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Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

I sure as shit hope so.

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Roger Ramjet

Y’all know thats not gonna happen The NFLPA has given pretty boy a pass for the year and nobody will be allowed to touch him.

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Cuntler

As a Bears fan, I wish the Bears cheated more often.

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WCS

Sexy Rexy could’ve helped with that. Well, a different type of cheating, anyway.

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IronAvenger6491

Bill Belichick was a huge Eddie Guerrero fan, and honors his memory by Lying, Cheating, and stealing.

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Beerguyrob

I guess that makes Aaron Hernandez the Chris Benoit of the Patriots.

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

How are the Sawx doing this season?

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His Right Honorable Lord Lordship the Lordly

“WHEN HAHS THE LEEGUE EVAH WAHNTED GREATRIOTS NAHSTION TO SUCCEED AHNYWAY!”

Since 2001 until the present.

[Gets called a New Yawk Cacksuckah]

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