Last night as I was driving home, I noticed multiple hordes of hooligans roaming the street and looking for trouble it seemed. They were in disguise so as not to be identified. It was a scene right out of “A Clockwork Orange “.
I watched as they systematically went door to door and shook down the homeowners for, of all things…. candy. As the evening went on and they got more and more sugared up, I could hear them yelling and shouting and probably inflicting even more violence and pain than earlier.
Now, where I live is at the end of the long road, and we have a looooong dark driveway. For this reason I rarely have to worry about these types of invasions (THAT part is actually true). Yet I always buy some candy just in case I need to appease them in order to buy back my life. I don’t believe we’ve had any of them show up here in the past four years, but I still buy the candy. And then usually eat it myself.
It’s mostly those little fun size things. Rarely full bars. I mean this ain’t Kingshead Island around here…. capice?
But I digress…
If you see any gangs who look like this:
You should not confront them directly. Lock your doors and call the authorities. I’m sure they’d like to know about this pint-sized theft ring.
That’s what I did. Locked my doors, turned off all the lights, hid in the bathroom and ate as much candy just as fast as I could. You know, to foil their plan. Just in case.
On an unrelated note, I don’t feel so good today.
–
Sports To Sweeten The Deal 2Nite
NBA
- Houston @ Brooklyn – 7:00pmEDT – TV: ESPN
- LAL @ Dallas – 9:30pmEDT – TV: ESPN
NCAA Football
- Princeton @ Cornell – 6:00pmEDT – TV:ESPNU
- Navy @ UConn – 8:00pmEDT – TV: ESPN2
NHL
Another Friday of no national games in the lower 48. Sigh.
NCAA Hockey
- Wisconsin @ Penn State – 6:00pmEDT- TV: B1GN
- Boston College @ New Hampshire – 7:00pmEDT – TV: NESN
- UMass @ Northeastern – 7:00pmEDT – TV NESN+
- Notre Dame @ Minnesota – 8:30pmEDT – TV: B1GN
Women’s College Volleyball
- Michigan @ Illinois – 8:30pmEDT – TV: FS1
–
Something Something How Many Licks Something Something
Enjoy…
And speaking of “Fun Size”…
–
The Ladies Needz Candy Too!
Anywhoooo….
I need to take a break from the candy I think. And also find the Pepto-Bismol.
Have a nice weekend everyone.
Love ya’s.
–
FUCK YEAH SOUTH AFRICA!!!
Biggest margin in 20 years.
Anyone up in the middle of the night to watch rugby? Just me? All right then.
Radio KDFO Playing all of your favorites.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JeTw_p_WglY
Me and the Hippo both suffer the same searching for new music disease that all of us music folks suffer.
This is not a new band but they’re getting noticed. Finally.
Love this band from Irvine.
Headlining the Forum.
Look at you boys!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qQYpF2pCkLI
We ate Sichuan tonight. My tongue may still be on fire, I can’t be sure.
I have a dedicated Szechuan pepper grinder just like my black pepper.
Troof!
Happy Friday!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ErXJzNI9N_c
Confession: this season I expect to choose the theme for Request Line specifically so that “Take Me Down to the Infirmary” fits it multiple times.
Hey folks!
Need some tribal drums.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MqfZ04I9DOk
From a day of working and running errands in Montreal. These numbers are legit (I.e. I didn’t leave my Fitbit in a tumble dryer) yet are amazing to me. I can’t believe it. Walked several hills and subway stations to get that 98 floors climbed.
LIES! It could just as easily be from having to continually go from your seat to the ABM at Caleche Du Sexe.
.
.
.
.
.
.
But seriously, well done.
Now do it in French.
I vote Brick Meathook to replace Robert Evans.
It’s the role you were born to play.
I am all about variety with candy. Textures matter.
I fucking love this chocolate though. What’s that, Jimmy has a nut allergy that you made up because of something you read on Goop? Fuck outta my face lady, I’m about decadence every October 31st.
the sepcial effects in this movie could have been done by a 3 yearold ysuing Legos and an ipod
RED IS ALIVWE! FUCKING GODDAMN YOU RED! I CAN SLEEP TONIGHT. GO FUCK THE TIT CHICKS! SEE YOU ON PORNHUB!
Wait, hejust proposed. to brunette girl. she said “you’ll have to go vegan.” deal breaker.
i’m goign to bed. goodnight none of you who showed up. fuckers
I’ve been deliriously masturbating to your words for years.
I think we can all agree that Fozz has won the evening, if not also our hearts.
the fishing bote has depth charges. ok. i’m cool wit hit. hre it comes! i’mscared. the hero of hte movie just called teh shark a “dirty basteard” now he jumped in to FIHT THE SHARK! he fed it a depth charge burger. no one i saround. quiet…
Red? where in the motehrucking fuck are you?!!!! hah! he fucking lew up the shark. Stay golden, Red.
guns are being gien out to the dumbes tfuckes ever to be on flim. oh god, this is great. i bet trump could kil this thing with an ice cream spoon. they are now goign to fire, all at once. didnt’ work. but it’s like a csence from saving private ryan. GET TO OHMAHA BEACH! NO1W!
Shark still alive. Wait, there’s a helicopater, boobs are happy! 10 bucks says this helicopter gets eaten. i win! fucking bravo! yeah those boobs are fake. dammit. but nice. teh helicopater FELL ON THE SHARK NAD HAS IT PINNED TO THE BOTTOM OF HTE SEA.
Christ is this movie fucking bad. ARE YOU GUYS CRAZY THE SHARK AIN’T DEAD HERE HE COMES!
Brad! Come take a look at this! Yup, shark is alive. these actors suck shit.
all time dad, next up Mansquito drunk review plz
Wait, shark coming back. Very fast! Bad guy so close to dieing. brunette boob factor is at +19. wait, just chocked on a piece of cork…ok, i’m fine. they blew up the ashark! YOU DICKS! WAIT CHICKS JUMPING UPN DOWN BOOOOOBS! No way this thing is dead. Yup, it’s back. now it’s eating the bote. boat. hero guys is having rtrouble. the porp got eaten!
Call in for napalm! Now! Wehre ins the goddamn fuck is Robert Duvall? dumb ass blone went into the ater. KAAAATE! The shark will not be disctracted by your boobs! HURRY!
Sehs’ dead. No wait, she’s ok. goddamit kaite! shes ok. nice boobs, kate. bad guy dickehead just speared it, whoops he gone. and dead. fuck you bad guy you cunt.
“FISHING NOT CATCHING cliche has been sighted. ” wait, bad buy ready to die. hero is being audaciosu. shark on the way, be patietn…WHY DO THEY CALL YU RED! I don’t care you are a step away from fucking some babe from orange county on screen. he has achsark tooth neckale cause he killed a shark.
I LOVE YOU RED, YOU ARE THE SHINING STAR IN A SHARK FILLED UNIVERSE! I WILL NEVER DOUBT YOU! DON’T YOU DIE ON ME RID. RED.
They are using dolphin noises to fuck witht he shark. FUCK YOU SHARK DOLPHINS ARE OUR FIRENDS.
Going in for the fill, kill. wiath FUCK. The back of the shark has a HEAD! gotta fuckhead be kidding me!Four in the font, one in teh back.
wait, boobs. hold on. 2iat, bib boobed lbonde! go get the chum line going you fucking idito! NOWWW!
scotch and cigar break be rite back
Ok, someoen just fell into the water and each head of the shark got to eat a diffent piece of hte body! are you fucking kidding me! oh god in heaven let me die now and be died happy!
The special effects in this movie were down on a Colecovision. Fucking so great. these actors arew orse than adult filmm stars. is that possible?
FIVE HEADED SHARKS ARE SMARTER THAN THE INCREDIBLE HULK!
I just drank a piece of cork because the scotch had a cork and i fucking fucked it up when i opened it. i just rammed the broken cork piece into the bottle. so, scotchh falvoared cork.
Are any of you randy buccaneers here tonight? New guys from Deadspin? Buler?
THIS SCOTCH I CALL IT SMOKY BOURBON BECAUSE IT’S SMOKY!
I’ve settle down. Took a breath. Now watching 5 Headed Shark Attack on Amazon Video. This world fucking rules.
NOTE TO OUR DFO OVERLORDS: I finished part 1 of the fozz new house moving posts and you can read it and edit. more to come. i’m writing like mike tyson on meth
Sweeeeet
I’ve read it. I’m not editing shit. Tis wonderful. I actually want more.
It needs editing, I just barfed it up with a hand cramped around a plastic glass full of 12 year old Macallan. No way it’s ready for publishing
I mean, he did say it was part 1…
I’m watching boing on showtime. It’s boring. where in fuck is iron mike?
Also I’m drinking 12 year old Macallan tonight so fucking let it ride, bithces.
My oldest won a scholarship for his next year in high school from an Italian American charity/organization. My chest is all swolled up and my eyes keep getting these water things in them.
Brothers, I am a happy, proud poppa.
Congrats!!
I TASTED A BUTTEFINGER AND TASTED WRONG! SOME FUCKING ASSHOLE CHANGED THE FORMUAL INGREDIENT AND FUCKING SHIT IS GOING TO GO OFF THE RAILS
FUUUUUUUCK
It’s 100% corn now.
Eventually, every food item in America will be made entirely of corn.
They are horrible. I am fucking livived
No mass-produced candy is worth shit anymore. Cadburry creme eggs used to be the best things in the world, but now they are little ovoids of evil.
For no particular reason other than this song popped in my head today:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xt6UiHKp6Sg&has_verified=1
Here the Clots prove the NFL players can be pretty great.
https://twitter.com/i/status/1189929298750320640
For those wondering if shit gets darker, here’s China’s big thing right now (aside from Hong Kong oppression): emotion recognition. Better believe this shit will be stateside before you know it.
https://www.ft.com/content/68155560-fbd1-11e9-a354-36acbbb0d9b6?sharetype=blocked
We’ve been brain mapping al Qaeda guys and troops since 2005 or so. Who do you think they stole that tech from?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GS39vMhag-A
Interesting, kinja’s notifications page seems to have been shut down. At least for me.
That is because you are a disrupter.
And a wobber!
Yeah, that thing never worked, it never told me people liked my comments
/s
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pCS8F1hG9sk
Friends, new friends, lizard people.
Howdy
One of my college roommates got on a Doors kick and while drunk one night told us he wanted to be called “The Lizard King”. We mocked him mercilessly for the rest of time.
Lisa Simpson at Duff Gardens?
Did he open DefinitelyAVirus.exe?
Well, he does have a cybersecurity company, so he has to make sure for science
I’m at a talk on constitutional law and just angry that Republicans don’t care anymore.
If the constitution is so good why was it amended 10 times? #notmyconstitution
27 amendments, but point taken (not really, though, bring me another beer)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pSANTRnEBgg
Homsar as the Bill is this year’s second-best Halloween costume.
Best is my friend dressing up as sexy Hildegard von Bingen. He did it well.
“Emoluments wtf. But most amendments fuck them too” le Trump
But since someone likes TJ so much heres a better tj quote
I am not an advocate for frequent changes in laws and Constitutions. But laws and institutions must go hand in hand with the progress of the human mind. As that becomes more developed, more enlightened, as new discoveries are made, new truths discovered and manners and opinions change, with the change of circumstances, institutions must advance also to keep pace with the times. We might as well require a man to wear still the coat which fitted him when a boy as civilized society to remain ever under the regimen of their barbarous ancestors.”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hWiBt-pqp0E
Stick to sprots.
You forgot to add @stoolpresidente
No. No I didn’t.
Do you think the irony in that name is intentional. I wouldn’t be the least bit surprised to find out that it’s not.
not even a little bit
Uttering the words “stick to sprouts” is how Andy Reid’s dietician ended up in the emergency room.
They never cared.
UConn is not good at football.
I think she’s one of the Single Girls from Temptation Island!
Just was watching a couple of clips from the first Matrix film. Dang, ol’ Carrie-Ann was (is still?) a beaut.
my favorite leather in movies goes to
I will allow it, different strokes and all, although I will continue my preference for Trinity. I mean, they named the first atom bomb test for her, amirite?
we feel what we feel
the whole family is done maaaan
Jesus Christ do I feel terrible for laughing at that.
I haven’t seen a shootout in Raleigh like this since the last time I stumbled onto Hippo’s property unannounced.
/8 goals in the first two periods so far.
Fuck the Hurricanes
Nods
– New Orleans
No no, nuke ’em!
Looks like Navy is giving UConn the good ole stern shot.
THIS UCONN-NAVY GAME I CALL IT THE BATTLE OF MANILA BAY, BECAUSE NAVY IS GOING TO HAVE TO WORK ABOUT AS HARD TONIGHT TO GET JUST AS MUCH OF A DECISIVE WIN!!!
Could also be called “USS VINCENNES vs IRAN AIR FLIGHT 655”, I reckon.
Halloween is the only time of year that Nestle really pushes that 100 Grand bar. That’s my jam.
https://www.amazon.com/Nestle-100-Grand-Chocolate-1-5-Ounce/dp/B000V9CLFW
I haven’t seen ice this bad in Raleigh since that time I went to Hippo’s first rap concert.
I either really want to hear that or really don’t.
https://youtube.com/watch?feature=youtu.be&v=qUJkM9jAzkk
https://themindcircle.com/comedy-wildlife-photography-awards-finalists-2019/
Those are awesome!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LM4POEqyxyo
Poofy shirts, jean jackets, and mullets… quite an evil spell
So, I just got done typing this email:
All,
Recently, we have had some cleanliness issues in the front office restrooms. The restrooms have had liquid on the floors, which is not only unsanitary, but is also a slip hazard. Toilets have not been flushed after use. Seats have had waste upon them.
The restrooms are for communal use. The expectation if that everyone makes sure they clean up after themselves in a civilized manner. That means making sure the bathrooms are in usable shape for the next person.
This should be a common courtesy, as we all use the same facilities. Please clean up after yourselves.
If you have any questions or concerns, please let me know. We want this to be an environment where people can feel comfortable using the bathrooms.
Kind Regards,
How hard is it to flush your damn turds and not piss all over the floor?
About a four?
If anything like my work, it’s very hard (phrasing) I cannot image what these people do at home
When I worked in the saw mill, we used to literally piss on the side of the building to avoid having to lose time walking to the bathroom. I also struggled to deal with the fact that I saw many people come out of a bathroom stall after shitting and not wash their hands before going back to work.
Non-hand-washing after shitting worries me a lot less in a sawmill than in, say, a restaurant.
I just can’t wrap my head around taking a shit and being like “nope, this is fine as is”
Where do you work? The White House?
I am not imposing opinion upon the subject, but according to the custodian at my workplace, for all 24 of her years working there, the women’s restroom has consistently been far more disgusting than the men’s. Just saying.
*Not even counting the sanitary disposal.
When I worked at a department store back in college, the women’s room always had piss on the floor and graffiti everywhere. The men’s was so much better. The theory was that women had kids, but kids don’t don’t stuff up toilets with feminine product.
1) I have daughters
2) The above checks out
At one job we had a case where the womens stalls walls were covered in shit and security had to go keycard records and external hallway video to find out who did it. Turns out the company was doing a lose most pounds in 3 months competition and someone was using laxatives to pass the weight ins and just lost control when bending over to the stall.
Equal opportunity had another job where most every day after 2ish a certain stall in the mens room would be clogged and unflushable. Lead to a number of people signing a note including a “you stinky bastard when we catching you doing this you are going to be fired” and taped it on the wall of the stall to get this fiend to stop
You would think. Don’t even get me started on kids and their attention to “hygiene”
$20 says you work in a law firm.