Seeing as you are televising this week’s Thursday Night Football game featuring the hapless San Diego Chargers against the resurgent and will be a force to contend with next year Oakland Raiders, I would like to make a simple humble request:

CAN YOU PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF WHATEVER DEITY OR NON-DEITY YOU WORSHIP OR NOT WORSHIP, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE KEEP THE FOLLOWING REFERENCES DOWN TO A MINIMUM:

This could be the LAST Raiders home game EVER at Oakland

Fuck you, it’s not.  Even if the Raiders were to ask to move and even if that were approved by the owners, which is not assured as there is dissension as to who should be allowed to move to LA, there is no stadium in LA for them to play in.

NONE

There is no new stadium built.  I have worked my whole career in construction and building projects.  A new stadium does NOT get built in 9 months.  The nearest estimates published say the stadiums would be ready in 2018 or 2019 at the earliest.  That’s assuming they can get over the fact that the Carson site is literally a toxic dump!   Have you ever smelled methane?  Repeatedly?  For over the course of 4-5 hours?  Yeah, have fun at THAT stadium.  And for those of you that scoff and say the site will be cleaned (in 18 months, say the estimates!), I say to you that I have personally visited sites with methane trapped underneath that is released via the types of vents and pipes that they are proposing for the Carson site.  I will only say that there are good days and there are BAD days.

There is no temporary home.  The Rose Bowl and three other possible stadium sites have been effectively ruled out as temporary homes.  USC has a clause in their contract that only allows ONE NFL team to use the Coliseum concurrently with them.  You are trying to tell me that the NFL will play a game of musical chairs to see who gets to move in 2016?  HA!

That internal fight is brewing at the NFL owners’ meetings to be held soon.  It will not be pretty and, unless they want to split the ownership into factions, I don’t see any reasonable option other than tabling the discussion until next year.

That would effectively allow the NFL to save face and to not have three lame-duck teams continuing to play at their old sites with the fans knowing they are going to leave and not showing up and/or protesting.

The Los Angeles Bowl! Future Stadium-mates!

Fuck you.  I know that the Chargers, Rams, and Raiders are the three teams with stadium situations that “need” addressing.  At least according to billionaire standards.  As I noted above, though, it’s an interesting game where everyone is looking only after themselves but pretending to be willing to team up in order to get what they want.  If the Raiders really wanted to share a stadium, they would have done that with the 49ers in Santa Clara.  The Raiders are too damn proud to share a stadium.

The Rams are seemingly locked into the Inglewood stadium proposal, assuming that the various governments in St. Louis don’t grab their ankles and tell Stan Kroenke not to use lube.  Which is not a possibility to be discounted!  Corruption in Missouri?   You don’t say!

Which leaves the sad little Chargers.  As I was mentioning to Rikki-Tikki-Deadly over pre-holidays drinks yesterday (Namedrop!  BAM!), Rivers is almost done.  The team is down on the dumps.  I think Marmalard plays one last pathetic year, cranks out another kid, and calls it a career.  So then, you are going to bring a QB-less team with a shitty offense and a crappy defense and you expect Los Angelenos to show up to see THAT?   In Inglewood?!?  YEAH RIGHT!  Carson maybe.  That toxic dump of a team deserves a toxic dump site.

What WILL happen

No one will play anywhere but where they are currently playing in 2016.  They will buy themselves another year to fleece the communities where they currently reside.  I have no doubt that City Councilmen and other government officials in the Oakland, St. Louis, and San Diego areas will come up with some way of keeping the teams there at taxpayer cost.  If your parents didn’t teach you already, here is the lesson:

I have no doubt that the people of those communities are good people.  They are also incredibly stupid for not reigning in their elected leaders and making them accountable.  Ultimately, they will get what they deserve.

PS:  In the off-chance that the City Councils of Carson and Inglewood manage to out-evil those of San Diego and St. Louis, the Chargers will go to Carson and the Rams to Inglewood.  The Raiders will go to the Coliseum.

And all three teams will want to move away within 10 years because they cannot make money because LA does not support losers.

PPS:  Bring Mike Mayock back!!

PPPS:  I swear I was going to link to Punte’s klassik Mike Mayock porn draft post but the shitheads at Uproxx ruined it by taking out the pictures.   Just. So. Stupid.