The DFO EURO 2020 (IN 2021!) Preview: SCOTLAND!!!!!!!

This is really a big deal in Scotland, so for this one there will be two of us. Fellow Scottish Canadian BeerguyRob will join me, since he wrote the Scotland preview for their non-appearance in 2016.

Sorry about him – he tends to get a bit nationalistic those rare times the lads make the tourney.

Anyway, we’re on the verge of the greatest international sports summer ever! We have:

• Gone over this way too many times, you know by now.

It’s time, today’s team is:

Country ‘fun’ Facts:

Let’s get this out of the way. The first question out of every male Scot’s mouth when you meet them is: Celtic or Rangers?

LC: I knew of this and I chose Hearts of Midlothian a mediocre at best team from Edinburgh. It completely diffused any conversation because I wanted nothing to do with that sectarian crap. My late grandfather wasn’t into sports very much but in his eighties I asked him whether he supported Dundee FC or Dundee United. His answer was that he wouldn’t cross Dens Road to put out a fire. (The stadiums are on opposite sides of Dens Road)

BGR: Hearts of Midlothian was my grandad’s side. They are being promoted back up to the Premiership after one year’s relegation, so I have reason to pay attention again. Fuck the Old Firm. I look forward every year to mid-October, when those pricks are routinely bounced from European competition.

Edinburgh or Glasgow?

LC: Toss up, I have had great times in both cities. They were very different just like the towns themselves. I have to say I like the edge of Glasgow. It is a rough town but once you know the lay of the land you will have a good time. You are never truly safe from something kicking off at the pub though.

BGR: Edinburgh. I only feared getting punched from the front there.

Alright, to more important matters. FavoUrite Whisky and don’t say a 50 year old one you idiots!

LC: Bunnahabhain Darach Ur. My old roommate drank my whole bottle which I took with me from Scotland when I left. Mrs. Cola a few years back when we were dating found another bottle and won an auction on it in Scotland. You would think it was something Balls sent me as it crossed the pond 3 times until I finally got it.

BGR: I covered this a few years ago, when I recounted the “Make Your Own Drinking Adventure” scotch tours I did for my 50th birthday. That being said, I got to sample a Glen Moray 10 year-old that had been aged in a Chateau d’Yquem cask. That went down smoooooooooooth.

Well – might as well get to the part where Rob does the history stuff, so we will continue the process after…

BGR: Hey! I resent resemble that. People are interested in learning things ’round here, y’know.

LC: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Look – no fucking treatises, okay?

BGR: FINE!

To save time, I’m going to assume everyone has seen the recent documentaries on Scotland,

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hIvRkjOd1f8

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Naf_WiEb9Qs

So all I want to tell you is that when Scotland has its next independence referendum, the issue is both about & dates from the Acts of Union (1707), which bound the kingdoms of England & Scotland together into a United Kingdom. This was primarily because the English wanted assurance the Hanover line would ascend the throne, to avoid another Catholic King like that prick James II (James VII in Scotland), and Scotland wanted trading access to English colonies, because many businesses had been weakened by their involvement in the Darien Scheme & wanted access to English trade so they could recover. Since the Acts of Union were both a political and economic union, it would make sense that any Scottish attempt to remove itself from Great Britain would involve having to divorce itself from that 300 year-old document plus all the associations that have been built up since. If they even can!

We are back, just like Scotland! It has been since the 90’s that they were in a major tournament. Where in Scotland have you not gone to and want to go the next time you are back?

LC: Shetlands for sure. Hell, I daydream about moving there and saying fuck it to normal society. The TV show really got me hooked on the beauty and bleakness of the scenery but not so much the whole murdery thing.

BGR: The Orkneys. Basically, you start out of Inverness and work your way up the Highland coast to John O’Groats, and take the ferry from there. By my analysis of the Whisky map of Scotland, there are ten distilleries & three breweries along the journey, so a good month ought to do.

Last one – FavoUrite Scottish tune – and it better not be a Proclaimers song!

LC: This was a toss up but these guys remind me of my time there.

BGR: “Great Divide”, by Big Country. I saw them play at a Commonwealth Games festival in 2014, and it was just heaps of fun. I found a link to the show!

Team Schedule:

Monday June 14th – Scotland v Czech Republic – Glasgow

Friday June 18th – Scotland v England – Wembley (BURN BABY BURN)

Tuesday June 22 – Scotland v Croatia – Glasgow

Team Preview / Top Players:

LC: I am truly excited. They are young, exciting and better than the dreck Scottish supporters had to sit through the last 25 years. McTominay (Man U), McGinn (Villa), Gilmour (Chelsea) will be strong in the middle , Robertson (Liv) will anchor the back, with 3 old men between the sticks.

BGR: What he said. They’re good now; they’ll be great in three years.

Best result when you Google Image Search “Hot [Country] food”:

LC: I am going with the deep fried pizza. New to living there I got my roommate to order me a pizza. This deep fried calzone showed up. I asked where my pizza was? Big Al told me that was a regular pizza and if I wanted a flat one I needed to say Italian pizza…… It was delicious and I was converted.

BGR: I would direct your attention to this Scotch breakfast from August 2018.

Scottish food is not what one would consider “hot” – more like “filling” or “cholesterol raising”. But you can do three separate whisky tastings on a serving of this. Try that on a fucking salad.

Litre, WhiskyPalBobbie – Have you ever been to this country?

LC: I Lived there for just about 2 years in my late twenties. It was awesome. I worked at a golf resort as the wine guy. We golfed everyday and drank until the middle of the night watching North American sports. I got my wine papers there and had to travel into Glasgow every Monday for 13 weeks. Paid. Now this was great, I always took the Tuesdays off so I could “absorb” the culture. I only lived there a short time but some of the stories and dumbassery we got up are preposterous. For instance we stole a sheep in a Le Car and had it in our back yard until the farmer came for it. He was cool, called us idiots and we got him drunk.

BGR: I’ve been about a half-dozen times, and each visit results in numerous bottles coming home stuffed into luggage & wrapped up tighter than a fat man’s belt. My one regret is that I’m a little too old to waltz into a distant relative’s home & innocently proclaim, “Hi, I’m cousin Robbie from Canada!” I’ll leave shenanigans like that to Maestro.

Why you should root for this country:

Why you should not root for this country:

• Your straight-line family tree is just a haemophiliac cousin away from being related to the Royal Family.
• You were for Brexit but are against Scottish self-determination.
• You’ve read Adam Smith but failed to get Adam Smith.
• Robbie Burns is a drunk whose poetry you do not understand.
• Because you do not like BGR or Litre, or are English I suppose.

Réamhinsint:

LC: I am a realist and know they aren’t winning the group. I know how these things work and Scotland will draw with the Czechs, lose to the damn English and have to beat the Croats in the last game to go through. In all honesty if it wasn’t for the Rona I would be there so it would make sense that they advance.

BGR: As with Litre, I’m taking a moderate view of the draw. They will tie the Croats & Czechs, so what they need to get through to the knockout round is to not get blown out by the English. If they can keep their goal differential respectable, they should be able to claim a third-place position. That will ensure they get the Dutch or the Belgians, and the victory they will take away from the tournament is the experience the young team can apply to the next tourney in three years.

Bonus culture coverage:

I have shown these before but they are way more fitting now.

Never shown this one, it’s brilliant;

“Lang may yer lum reek”

Just announced: We have a Euro 2020/1 pool! Password is “futbol”. Enter it and you could win a gently used fleshlight! Follow the link here to register. I promise you will just be slightly disappointed.

We also have opened up a South America Euros pool. link here, password is also “futbol”.