You know those Pats fans who switched to the Bucs because of Brady? I bet devil worship is integral to their tailgates. But no; this 666 BBQ has to be the work of other fans. Availing of sausages to invoke the number of The Beast itself, Lord of Treachery, had to be done by those Packer fans who left with Brett—first to the Jets, later with
MinnesoUta.
It ended badly, but in my heart I know there would’ve been no pandemic inside the wormhole that would’ve opened if the Vikes won the Owl with Favre at QB.
Still, this reality is getting to the good part, praise Gamblor. I’m psyched–but not amped, gotta say. Just quietly enjoying the season getting nearer and fretting about where to draft Devante Adams. To the folks in my league, allow me to gauntlet your faces with my Yahoo Mock Draft grades:
Cs. Gentleman’s Cs. It’s YF, not that diploma mill over there at espen fantasy.
Ok, no more reminicissings because there’s
NFL NEWS!
-Josh McDaniels, reneger-in-recovery, said the Raiders have “no desire” to trade Josh Jacobs. So there: Jacobs’s eventual trade will be a moral imperative, a motivation frowned upon in Las Vegas.
-Very good article from espen: the NFL demands officials “to focus on illegal contact fouls” this season:
“Illegal contact refers to prohibited contact by a defender when the quarterback still has the ball and remains in the pocket. It is a 5-yard penalty and results in an automatic first down.”
The item notes that, in 2021, there was a drop in IC fouls. For 2022, the NFL asked refs to identify the contact first and then confirm the position of the QB:
“The committee encouraged officials to move more quickly from the contact to the quarterback, in order to better enforce the foul.”
[Googles NFL refs]
Huh. Unless someone has been screwing with Google Images results, NFL refs seem generally fit. Pft. Never again will I pre-fact check a fat / lazy joke.
BONUS: The article also notes that the NFL now uses the term “focus” when addressing refereeing and dropped the “point of emphasis” phrase. This saddens me.
“Point of emphasis” is as colorful as legalese gets, and has the finger-on-the-scale vibe that got the Clots their first win over the Pats in the AFC Championship. (A pox on both their houses!, but I digress.) The issue back in ’04 when GM Bill Polian banged his shoe at Committee Meetings? Illegal contact.
-Teams are starting to release depth charts. Here’s Dolphins, Titans, and Hellbound.
-This afternoon, QB Jameis Winston left Saints practice with foot injury. In medical terms, “tweaking his foot”, per Dr. Dennis Allen. His backup is Andy Dalton—hold on.
I’m getting word from, uh, “Peedro”. Let’s go to the Right Compound for a live feed:
YR: Taj, please. Dalton is a better than average backup. With playoff experience!
DJT:
-Attention dynasty FFers: Justin Tucker signs an extension until 2027. By the end of his career, Tucker will remain the only player, in NFL history, to have never been drafted in the correct place (source: every draft chat room).
-House Organ enefel dot com posted its running back rankings. Well, this is the sort of non-event at which I bristle because it’s naked pub—OMAIGAAAA TRACTORCITO NÚMERO UNOOO [coughs] wooOOOOOOO
It’s an interesting piece written by Maurice Jones-Drew, who used to run like a greased bowling ball set on fire. I trust his judgment. Jonathan Taylor is #2. My guess was that most touts would put Taylor over Derrick Henry [puts Enemigos notepad behind machete].
What surprised me was Kamara at #6 and McCaffrey at #10. This is debatable. Kamara has a pending suspension and McCraffrey… yeah, it’s better to sit out the rest of the sentence for Week 1. Don’t wanna risk it.
Now that I think about it: I did swear to never speak about or debate on rankings and best / worst opinions because those are not News. And yet… This is written words, not speech. Hah. Suck it, integrity!
SPROTS TONITE
All times Central. As always, slur-free.
GRANDES LIGAS
Azulejos (Kikuchii) @ tWBSs (Lyles) – 6:05
Rojos (Dunn) @ Mets (Bassitt) – 6:10
Nacionales (Sánchez) @ Ositos (Thompson) – 7:05
Angelinos (Suárez) @ Ases (Irvin) – 8:40
Piratas (Beede) @ Serpientes (Gallen) – 8:40
Gigantes (Wood) @ Padres (Snell!) – 8:40
Y*n*k*s (Taillon) @ Marineros (Gilbert) – 9:10
TOP FLIGHT FÚTBOL
Argentina
Tigre hosts Rosario Central – 6:00
Brasil
Coritiba hosts Santos – 6:00
Ecuador
Gualaceo hosts 9 de Octubre – 7:00
DEGENERATES’ KRNR
Argentina 2nd Tier (Primera Nacional)
Atlanta hosts Chacarita Juniors – 7:10
Colombia 2nd Tier (Primera B)
“First B”. Carlin would’ve loved that one.
Barranquilla FC hosts Leones – 7:15
FINALLY,
I found out there’s a sports book here in PR. Quitting cigarettes has left me with a vice void that nicotine alone does not fill. Much less, [snickers] virtu-
Anyway, Imma gamble. Because, heh, I know the NFL, I can has suxesss! Win differential and Superb Owl odds are the type of action that fills me with the irrational optimism of a lonely Tindernaut. And spreads in games and parlays, duh! I could swing $100 a month,
[checks if RTD fainted at the largesse]
Yeah. That seems like an amount fit for publication. What do you gamble on? Share! The more debauched, the bettah.
Banner via @SkotArmstrong; all gifs via giphy.com.
Notably, Tucker Carlson is not hosting Tucker Carlson Tonight.
Guess there’s no signal at his lawyer’s office.
I’m watching FoxNews. I cave believe this is the show.
Gen X? anthem.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bF4CBlPznyA
This used to be Jackie Walorski’s favorite song.
Representative Marjorie Taylor Greene (R-GA) tweeted, “87,000 IRS agents will be hired with $80 billion taxpayer dollars when the Senate Reconciliation bill passes this weekend. And they’re buying more guns & ammo too. Lower to middle income Americans & small businesses will be the primary targets of Democrat’s new IRS force.”
Actually, I think they’ll be working on this new “Trump” Case…
How can I get one of these IRS jobs? Seems like they pay almost $10 mill/year?
Just under 1MM/yr. And you get guns & ammo! WTF do I apply?
Ah man, that funding is over a decade, so that reduces pay to just under 100k a year. HARD PASS.
Laaaaame, how dare MTG mislead us!
I mean she seems solid from afar.
She’s very solid, positively dense!
Let’s do it! Or better yet, let’s get into HR, make the positions unpaid internships and take all the billions for ourselves
This is the kind of thinking that will propel our nation to the top!
Also, we can get bonuses by auditing those unpaid schmucks cheating on their taxes!
That there is promotion talk!
They are really freaking out, it is sooooooooo good!
1% of the American population is 3,000,000. That amounts to one agent per 34 of the richest Americans. I don’t think the average American has much to worry about, especially if they are honest when they fill out their taxes.
Very pissed this didn’t go off during the LIV Golf final round last week.
Oh man, his reaction to hearing the news would have been caught on camera. That would have been the first time there was footage of his stupid fat face that I could actually bear to watch.
FoxNews is saying the FBI and DOJ need to be defunded in appropriations. Some broad also said, “…and they’re abusing their power to go after the POTUS and even parents who dare to show up to school board meetings.
Hey, I bet they knocked with their warrant and didn’t even shoot anyone inside
Cops made up fake shit in Breonna Taylor, right? That penalty happened here.
Hippo and I are addicted to these silly English women. NOT because of shoulders.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tjpgJjdk52c
Include me in your bullshit please thankyou
I half thought it was going to be Patsy and Edina
Ha, me too!
got you.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-UM76mULg7M
Jokes I’ve come up with, whether with Hermana Weaselo or on my own:
-This is the audit scene from Producers, complete with “Show to the IRS” and “NEVER show to the IRS.” Fitting for someone we all thought Springtime for Hitler-ed his way to the presidency.
-Alt-right has to be fuming that the God Emperor’s palace was raided on 8/8.
-“No knock raid? Amateurs, no shots were fired!” -Louisville PD
All they found was 1000 vats of Stouffer’s salisbury steak and ketchup
The gold toilet is where they committ purgery, ew
So does this trump thing now go silent for two weeks?
Given how silent they were prior to the raid, I wouldn’t expect them to be particularly chatty afterwards. Though it would be pretty funny if this was just the “t” they had to cross and they arrested him tomorrow morning.
Derek Henry gifs are my favorite thing about these “tweener” backs.
Meaning between a pickup truck and a souped-up Hummer?
I haven’t seen a U.S. President’s home get raided like this since 1812.
HEY
“Damnit, there goes our record.” — Canada
Speaking of big booty celebrities who peaked in the mid-2000s who are now in legal trouble, ya hear that Shakira got convicted for tax somthing-or-other?
Not convicted yet. She’s facing trial in Spain.
I’ll defend* her
*look at pictures of and appreciate
She’s recently single. You could work pro boner, I mean pro bono for her
The Court would like to remind the defendant that her hips are under oath.
¡El hips non fabricado!
I would like to plus more than that.
This is why we need the US to be under Shakira law
Hips only lie about taxes.
It’s a Spanish court. To avoid spontaneous twerking, they’d have to put Shakira behind that bullet-proof plexiglass normally used for genociders.
We’re beginning to look more and more seriously at Lompoc (CA) as a future home. An equivalent house there would cost about 60% of our home here in Los Angeles. It’s about 10 miles from the beach, and the high temperature there today was 73 degrees.
You really like flowers, huh?
For Algernon?
There’s a nice prison there. If there’s a major brushfire there’s no escape. Plus I hope you like the sound of rocket launches.
Rocket launch convicts to space prison!
That’s my dream, anyway.
Just like that old Ray Liotta movie!
But you would have to pack and move
Been in a FFL for almost 30 years, one of the teams is the Lompoc Limpdicks.
Something to think about.
And you’re right in Santa Barbara wine country. Lompoc isn’t the glamorous part, but I assume that makes it less expensive.
Check it out on one of the real estate sites. It’s a Sky Force town, so there are some pretty major downsides, but the weather and location are pretty choice.
Que es Sky Force?
Oh I get it.
Yeah, but probably still worth it.
Herr Fuhrer shitting his nappies, Most Glorious el Beisbol Cardinals (even though not watching still) in ascendancy. Order being restored to the universe.
When does Everton play Fulham?
looks like 29 October (which is not the name of a Better Guay football side…YET)
I get that joke. Well done.
/Everton loses next nine consecutive matches
tuff butt FARE indeed
Something of note:
He’s gonna regret using the Constitution as a bib on rib night.
His only out would be if his last act as President would be to declassify the documents he removed from the White House. That way he would not be committing any crime.
However, since he isn’t that smart and goes with the believe of “I’m Donald Trump and I can do anything I want so my dad will love me”, odds are he didn’t do that.
Also, he may have taken gifts. Since those gifts are for the people of the United States and cannot be declassified, if its a gift, he’s screwed.
That’s what Kash Patel is insisting, but I’m pretty sure that if he’d done so, there would have been no FBI raid.
Yeah, there’s an actual protocol for presidential records. Trump’s not going to get away with writing something today and saying “oh, I totally signed that on January 20, 2021, I just didn’t give it to anyone in the government.”
I like how you use the word “may”.
The sun may rise in the east tomorrow morning.
/went to a knee specialist today
Doc: “Pretty obvious, you need a scope.”
Me: “I figured that-how soon?”
Doc: “We’ll do it as soon as we can. Check with my assistant.”
Me: [checks with assistant]
Assistant: : “We can probably get you into surgery in three/four weeks. At worst eight weeks from now.”
BC Dick: [bursts through door] “THE SOCIALIST GOVERNMENT SUCKS!”
Assistant: “Sir, this is a doctor’s office.”
/AND I WILL HAVE 5 FOR 5 EXTRA CHEESE YOU FASCISTS
Award shows are completely pointless and inane, but, if Rhea Seahorn loses an Emmy to someone else in some network procedural or medical drama, it proves the Stonecutters are in charge.
Award shows aren’t pointless, they’re a valuable segment of the Hollywood-Media-Fans-Importance Circle jerk.
But she’s Steve Gutenberg’s niece!!!
(may or may not have totes made that up)
These are the sweetest words I have read so far in 2022
Full Disclosure: I am NOT inclined to favor FBI raids. But G-men running their greasy hands all over Trump’s antique junk bonds collection, plus incriminating stuff, is delightful.
Agreed, very much a “fuck the police” guy, but I’m kinda erect for this.
https://mobile.twitter.com/LibyaLiberty/status/1556794336251191298
I feel seen by that Tweet.
In addition to being a rapist lying idiot, he’s also the world’s biggest drama queen.
And it’s glorious.
Here’s my hot taek: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha[ deep breath] hahahahahahahahahahahahahah!!!!!
Florid yet incisive.
He was not your favoUrite, tell errone.
Just when you thought you were tired of winning…
Grease was the first film I saw in the theatre, or at least the first one I remember. Olivia Newton-John was pretty much my feminine ideal.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LbSZzXdK98Q
As I quite inartfully said earlier, she was one of the first celebs that made me realize women made me feel funny.
Agreed. That’s why I’m one of the few who hates the ending to “Grease”, that and seeing the movie so much on bus rides in high school trips that, much like an allergen, I develop an adverse reaction when exposed to it.
She doesn’t need to change herself to match her crush; she’s perfect the way she is!
Everything before, like, 1990…is really problematic in how female characters are treated. And I’m not even a fan of “performative wokeness.” It’s just insane how it looks in the rearview.
We shared a birthday, did Olivia and I. Now my only celebrity birthday sister is Serena Williams. And I think there may be some young Disney star who has not gone wrong yet, but I don’t know who she is. Sex tape hasn’t “leaked” yet, I guess.
(Todo: draw picture of a giant baby Trump in a bath tub in which the plug has just been pulled by himself, and he’s spinning down the drain. The tub is labeled “swamp”)
Man I woulda made a killing as a 1920s political cartoonist.
Too subtle!
[Scrunches racing form, aims at head]
I stand with DonT. POINT OF EMPHASIS, forevs!!
The NFL may forsake it, but my lexicon will brandish it!
Your writing is magnifico
Verdad.
Wife just got her edibles order. Came with a free 1/8th, and a free grinder. Huzzah! No more sticky scissors for me!
I was a grinder denier. The folly of youth, truly.
I had a coffee grinder, and a weed grinder. Mom back in the day asked why I needed two? Both were identical except for inside.
“Grinder Denier” is also Lindsey Graham’s chatroom handle.
We also would have accepted Matt Gaetz
I like a bet. I try to introduce bets into everyday life, including work. Like, if someone’s mouthing off and getting a little too full of themselves, I like to goad them into a bet I know they’re too chickenshit to take.
Shuts them up real good
Balls’ attitude turned into BC Dick so quickly I hardly noticed.
what goes together liek Balls and Dick amirite??
Cuntler?
This needs to end up on GTD’s weekly post.
I’d be shocked if it isn’t.
I knew there was a reason I like him so much!
We do an over/under for our spending total at Costco each visit – I try to set a good line and then the Dr. Mrs. picks over or under.
[shakes money-filled* fist at Don T]
*$5.63 that was redeemed earlier today at the recycling center
https://www.cnn.com/2022/08/08/politics/mar-a-lago-search-warrant-fbi-donald-trump/index.html
So it begins (I pray to the Heavens…)
This is actually a shockingly big deal.
I’m gonna have me a beer.
American Lawyerinos, they have to have a shit tonne of evidence to do this correct?
Note – NOT a criminal lawyer (in either sense). But my understanding is: getting a search warrant in general is not so big a deal, though federal courts apply a little bit of scrutiny compared to state magistrates who rubber stamp just about everything.
The standard is probable cause to believe that particular evidence of a particular crime will be found at the location.
But of course, this is a former president we’re talking about. So while the legal standard doesn’t technically differ, you can assume that this got scrutinized and approved at high levels of DOJ, and that the magistrate judge took a hard look at it.
Also, they broke open a safe. They wouldn’t have done this unless their i’s were dotted and their t’s were crossed. This is like Alex Jones and his text messages; they wouldn’t have done this, unless they knew what they were looking for was there.
To answer your question, for search warrant, I believe they need to go to judge and show they have probable cause that the suspect has evidence that is needed for a trial. However, the warrant is only limited in scope to what they are looking for.
Example #1: I work at a bank as a lowly bank teller, and it is noticed that thousands of dollars have gone missing little by little over a year. I drive into work in a BMW. Investigators would have reason to do a search warrant to examine my finances and my home, but only in the extent to determine how I came into enough wealth to purchase a BMW.
Example #2: Someone’s dead body is found and forensic evidence shows they were stabbed to death. Investigation reveals that I have had public arguments with him and I was the last one be seen with him before he died. There would be cause for a search warrant to be issued to determine if I have the murder weapon or any clothes that may have his DNA on it.
Eh, I don’t know about that. It’s nearly impossible to successfully sue law enforcement for how they execute a warrant.
Anyone here get their luxury compound raided by the FBI?
FBI, Federal Boob Inspector?
As seen on a shirt from Vegas.
We now go live to the DFO Bengals Expert about Andy Dalton’s playoff experience:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9zSHz7Thvbc
8 sacks @ TEN
We got lucky. Henry was still hurt and Tannehill slammed into his ceiling.
If Henry was healthy, Tennessee wins it by at least 6.
I was expecting something more like…
The last season healed some open wounds.
In addition to noted rapist and domestic abuser, Mason Greenwood rumoured to rejoin United, Man United are said to be ready to sign noted racist Aranatovic and drama filled Rabiot in a series of panic buying.
Yeah, I’m going to be pretty checked out of the Prem this season if all that happens soon.
Welcome to the Hippo Circle of Hell, it ain’t get no better.