[DOOR FLIES OPEN]

"This site goes down so often we oughta change the name to “Dating Nancy Reagan”" – Horatio

Log In

Weekend Two in the EPL – Contain Thine Excitement

King Hippo

/

I didn’t have this up in time for the Friday night game (1-nil Manure win over Villa), but Manure wins are boring so who cares, amirite?

Additionally, I have to take one of my kids to a cross country meet Saturday morning (I am writing this post ahead of time), so my DVR will get a Saturday workout – late Friday night NFL with my PeyPey-less Donks heading to Seattle, super-early Saturday Everton visit to Sill’s Southampton Saints.

Everton desperately need three points on the road against a solid, progressive side…and that very rarely works out well for the Toffees. We shall see if the universe decides if it would rather piss on Sill’s leg instead.

Elswhere in the League, top of the table titans Leicester and West Ham clash, and Arsenal look to climb out of the relegation zone, but face a tough task in high flying Crystal Palace. Relying on the standings after 1 week is shit tons of fun. City and Chelski will be more traditionally interesting, come Sunday.

0 0 votes
Article Rating
Tags:

Leave a Reply

Subscribe
Notify of
86 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
His Right Honorable Lord Lordship the Lordly

Haha, City is pouring it on.

0
His Right Honorable Lord Lordship the Lordly

The Chelsea equipment staff better watch out, Jose going to fire someone.

0
King Hippo

2nd half is kind of dull. Counting the minutes until the Chip Kelly/Nacho shitshow now

0
Horatio Cornblower

I want one of those chairs the bench players and coaches, (sorry, “managers”), use during the games, (sorry, “matches”); they look super-comfortable, (super-“effervescent”).

/One of the announcers actually used “effervescent” when describing a play during the Arsenal-CP match earlier.

0
His Right Honorable Lord Lordship the Lordly

Chelsea players are taking a beating.

0
King Hippo

I would be quite happy for City to come into Goodison riding high next Sunday, feeling invincible. Having a key player or two facing suspension would also be fine with teh Hippo.

0
His Right Honorable Lord Lordship the Lordly

Fox Sports has Bundesliga games.

0
King Hippo

Try and name a more Nazi-sounding league. YOU CAN’T!!

0
His Right Honorable Lord Lordship the Lordly

Palace equalizes. Good pqce to this ome.

0
His Right Honorable Lord Lordship the Lordly

Ha Arsenal’s blown two chances to score.

0
King Hippo

I started watching and they score, naturally. COME ON, Palace…

0
Omnimorph

Mourinho is such a bitch. You have the one hot female staff member in the entire league and you throw her under the bus when your team is shit?

What a prick!

0
His Right Honorable Lord Lordship the Lordly

Palace vs. gunners followed be a good one Man City-Chelsea.

What will cause Mourinho throw a shit fit at today?

0
King Hippo

anything and everything. down a goal now, WOO!!!

0
Old School Zero

LIFE HAXXOR: Do you like those pre-bottled frappicino things? Just combine homemade cold press coffee with chocolate milk. BREAKFAST OF CHAMPIONS!

0
SonOfSpam

I like Aston Villa because their jersey colo(u)r is “claret” which seems classy as fuck. Also, I like Swansea because Welsh spelling is fun (or as the Welsh would spell it “fyylyymhhulhnun”).

Also, to my LA brethren, my deepest apologies, but I cannot attend today’s heatstroke watch. I PROMISE that next time I won’t be such a pussy. Godspeed, and go get a goddamn pastrami sandwich.

0
Brick Meathook

http://i.imgur.com/QT3ArEq.jpg

0
blaxabbath

comment image

0
scotchnaut

Damn. It’s going to run up to 95 degrees today. That’s a bit too high for this neck of the woods.

0
laserguru

We’re supposed to get to low 80’s. On the beach! I hear it’s in the low 100’s downtown. Should be a scorcher for the LA get together.
That’s alright. There is air conditioning and beer.
C’mon everybody. Let’s get some pastrami!

0
SonOfSpam

Good news though…it’s only supposed to be 100 today, whereas it’s supposed to be 101 tomorrow. Today will be a breeze comparatively!

0
Covalent Blonde

If nothing make me want pastrami, it’s this sweet heat wave! Hear! Hear! For pastrami!

0
blaxabbath

Went hiking at 6am. Today’s low is 89 — so it was probably 95 when we started.

I’m now hanging out inside because, embrace the heat or not, it’s still fucking draining at hell.

http://www.google.org/publicalerts/alert?aid=c4bc57f1ac38e41a&hl=en&gl=US&source=web

0
King Hippo

SoCal AND Ontario having shittier summer weather than NC. Some weird fucking shit going down in 2015.

0
His Right Honorable Lord Lordship the Lordly

West Ham goalkeeper was red carded after getting a point in a karate spar with a LC player.

0
Spanky Datass

Question of the Day: Is Sakho elite?

0
laserguru

God damn. I’ll stop complaining now.

0
His Right Honorable Lord Lordship the Lordly

Damn, stoke came back from down 2.

0
King Hippo

Not typical Stoke behaviour, but very classic Spurs.

0
Horatio Cornblower

The fuck? It was 2-0 when I left the house ten minutes ago to drop my daughter at her friend’s house.

0
King Hippo

No clue, I was watching Lester ,, smgdh

0
King Hippo

Of course, in true British weirdo fashion, Leicester is pronounced “LES-ter”

0
blordinaryfagicmox

I just love Lestershire Sauce

0
scotchnaut

Looks like Montero has a bright future.

0
His Right Honorable Lord Lordship the Lordly

Did something jizz on that guy’s head?

0
Spanky Datass

“He tried one of them dirty Jap plays and got what he deserved.” –B. Parcells

0
King Hippo

Looks like maybe a circle jerk of giants was involved.

0
scotchnaut

An angry Swan?

0
His Right Honorable Lord Lordship the Lordly

West Ham not out of it.

0
scotchnaut

Another goal for the Swansea.

0
King Hippo

Swans putting it to the short-handed Barcodes now. And fucking Leicester is on fire.

0
His Right Honorable Lord Lordship the Lordly

Did a bird take a dump on that Asian Leicester City player’s head?

0
scotchnaut

Not nearly as much diving as I expected…

https://youtu.be/PbVb6y4HHT8

0
His Right Honorable Lord Lordship the Lordly

Cocks…uh I mean Spurs.

0
montythisseemsstrangetome

HOTSPUR ACTION

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“I wouldn’t call it ‘hot’ exactly…”

– Amy Duncan

0
King Hippo

If you have cable (at least my TWC does), you probably have 3-5 “bonus” channels carrying NBC “Extra Time” feeds in HD. Channels 420-424 for me, Swans/Barcodes on 420.

0
His Right Honorable Lord Lordship the Lordly

Swan on motherfuckers
http://i.imgur.com/aXVt3yt.gif

0
...

Holy hell. I thought geese were evil.

0
Horatio Cornblower

I like to think the Newcastle team is drinking Newcastle Brown Ale instead of sports drinks.

“Sports drinks are for tossers!”

/not sure what a ‘tosser’ is

0
King Hippo

tosser is British for jerkoff

/interchangeable with wanker

0
ballsofsteelandfury

That’s the exact reason why I’ve always liked them.

0
...

You can more freely use the word “cunt” as well, so go crazy, cunt.

0
King Hippo

When Everton has their shit together and play stays open, it can be sexy as fuck (like today). I will hold onto this DVR for awhile, methinks.

Even without the goal, the last 30 minutes of the match were absolute perfection. Crushed the Saints’ souls.

Lukaku obviously the star, but huge credit to 19-year old Brendan Galloway, starting at left back due to Leighton Baines’ injury. He’s basically our utility defender (c0-2nd choice LB Bryan Oviedo isn’t fully match fit, and the other was sent out on loan before Bainesy got hurt), and LB is the equivalent of SS. To go out on the road against a progressive, attacking side like Soton and boss all over the pitch is damned impressive.

0
scotchnaut

More soccer magic coming at the top of the hour-Swansea City vs. Newcastle United.

0
Spanky Datass

SWANSEA!!!!11!

But they are not appearing on my TeeVee box. Sad.

0
montythisseemsstrangetome

Wait, is that coach’s name really Dick Advocate?

0
Horatio Cornblower

Probably big in the MRA movement.

0
montythisseemsstrangetome

I’m a dick joke advocate.

0
scotchnaut

So is the Barkley guy nicknamed “Barky” or “Barker”? Is every league as lazy with their nicknaming as the NHL?

/Patrick Kane’s nickname is “Kaner” when in fact it should be “Sociopath”.

0
Horatio Cornblower

“Alleged Rapist Patrick Kane”, forcing his way into an arena near you this season!

0
montythisseemsstrangetome

Is Barkley that dog on the sidelines?

0
scotchnaut

Well, he can do what he wants, it IS his league after all.

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Enforcer? Well, I hardly know her, but sure!”
– Patrick Kane

0
...

This joke would not play very well in Chicago right now, but I LOL’d.

0
Horatio Cornblower

Got here late but it looks like the universe has decided to piss all over Sill’s leg.

Sorry Sill.

0
His Right Honorable Lord Lordship the Lordly

Hippo should be happy or at least slightly less angry today.
http://media.giphy.com/media/1ykZE1mlGZCCs/giphy.gif

0
montythisseemsstrangetome

I legitimately thought there was a dog running along the sidelines.

/am S-M-R-T

0
Horatio Cornblower

That fooled me last week the first time it showed up.

0
scotchnaut

Hmmm…thought Pelle was a lot older. And darker.

0
His Right Honorable Lord Lordship the Lordly

Wrong Pele.

0
scotchnaut

Are you telling me that the guy who debuted for Brazil in 1958 isn’t still playing? Sounds like a slacker to me.

/I watch every World and Euro Cup but don’t watch any leagues at all

0
Don T

Copa América. The class of Europe, playing gor country, and the contempt runs deep. And they just murder each other.

0
scotchnaut

What I don’t know about the EPL could fit inside the Carrier Dome but I’ll give this Everton/Southhampton tilt a whirl.

/what’s for brekkie?

0
His Right Honorable Lord Lordship the Lordly

Southhampton’s sinking faster than the Titanic.

0
His Right Honorable Lord Lordship the Lordly

Everton countered the fuck out of Southhampton.

0
His Right Honorable Lord Lordship the Lordly

Everton is wearing drab green uniforms for some reason.

0
WCS

It’s 06:04 (EST) and I’ve been drinking since 22:30? What’s this about “football”?

http://ih1.redbubble.net/image.13635881.0848/fc,550×550,cranberry.u2.jpg

0
King Hippo

MOAR booze and it will make sense! Just call everyone a diving cunt and enjoy. Also, troll Sill’s side. Yinzer slap fight!

0
86
0
Would love your thoughts, please comment.x
()
x