Will They Or Won’t They? Substitute Teacher TNF Scrimmage Thread

One entertaining facet of our new 3-game scrimmage schedule – some teams treat this as a dress rehearsal (nods in Grumblelord), while others could not MOAR plainly just give zero fucks (HAI, Donks WOO!!!).  I have not followed any of tonight’s foursome enough to predict usage patterns, but let’s talk about our general FITBAW thoughts.

Bay of Green at Chefs (8:00, NFLN)

How long until we get an absolutely epic Q-aaron tantrum?  Because Lazard People is his new WR1 (should be a 3), and the rest of the receiver room is basically special teams calibre (though not Darnold-level special).  Mahomes is also dealing with a lesser grouping, especially with JuJu Bee out until maybe Week 1.  But he seems to go with the flow a little better.  Probably because he takes actual medicine, like some kind of soy-boy betacuck amirite??

In other news, Andy Reid could go for a sandwich right now, whatever and however Maestro wants to define it.

Tomsulas at 500s (8:15, Amazon Prime)

Oh, chuh chuh!  We gets a Prime Video dry run.  How many will be in attendance, given that the home side is purely imaginary?  Will folks really ride the rails in Tomsula tribute, to support the visitors?  Please just don’t hurt Deebo, you jammy fucks.  The hard-at-work Scotchy would no doubt remind you that Davs Mills is your Practically Perfect $1 QB2, because garbage time counts, and everybody throws when down 3+ scores.  Which is gonna happen quite a bit.  They’ll leave him out there, see if he can show enough to be Bryce Young’s backup going forward.

Fun fact!  Two of the Good Ones was going to be part of the Amazon Prime broadcast team, but his brother apparently murdered a guy at a high school game (and TotGO was there with him, so witness and likely kind of fucked in the head).  Damn shame, as y’all all know how much Hippo loves his commentary.

Do NOT be watching el beisbol when the FITBAW is on, no matter how shitty it is.  Don’t make me smack you with my pimp hand.

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King Hippo
Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan. Also a proud fookin' Evertonian. Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child. [Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
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Brick Meathook
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I helped find the neighbor’s dog tonight after it got away from the housesitter. It was kind of frustrating because the woman who found it started giving me a hard time about it not having a proper collar, and it’s like “come on, lady, it’s not my dog, I’m just helping” but she just needed to vent, it seems like, because catching the dog was a huge pain in the ass.

TheRevanchist

You’re a good man, Charlie Brown.

TheRevanchist

I watched Welcome to Wrexham episodes 1 & 2 a few times so far. I’ve seen a lot of the people I’ve seen on Twitter and on interviews and such. There was the players that all have been cut, too, and some of the current roster that are still doing well for the team. Good times!

Sharkbait

I re-watched this afternoon. This is a great series so far.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Was there an AFLW tipping pool this year?

ballsofsteelandfury

Nope

litre_cola

This CFL game has been superb.

ballsofsteelandfury

Yup. Watched the whole thing.

litre_cola

Big Bomber win!

ballsofsteelandfury

As everyone in the pool tipped…

Redshirt

Oh, just like the Democrats to forgive the loans but do nothing for out-of-control tuition, while at the same time, telling people like me, who paid off their loans, that they are shit of a luck. This is exactly like “Affordable Health Care”. What’s the point of insurance if the prices for medical bills are a life’s worth of income? A Heart Attack is supposed to be a Serious Medical Event, not the Bankrupt space on Wheel of Fortune.

You know what, I’ve had it with Democrats. There is a reason why I became a Republican in the first place, and all the Democrats have done is support my choice!

I am sick of their bullshit! Sick of their lack of planning! Sick of treating the effect without the cause. The smugness! The entitlement!! All of it!!!

I’m going to vote…

(turns to Republicans) …uh…

I’m going to continue voting Democratic because there is no better option!

(v/o, cuts to a still picture of me at Paycor Stadium, holding a beer)
My name is Redshirt, Token Conservative for Door Flies Open, and I approve this rant.

Last edited 2 years ago by Redshirt
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I paid off my loans too, and I’ve got no complaints whatsoever. It’s educational debt relief; it’s not like they get $10k in cash to blow on vape cartridges and hippity hop records or whatnot. I’ve got a shitload more sympathy for them than people who YOLO’d their financial future on HELOC abuse in the years before the financial crisis.

Gumbygirl

We paid ours, and also every penny we borrowed helping our son. I don’t begrudge anyone a penny of this, hope it helps them. And it’s all going to go back into the economy anyways, unlike the billions that Bezos, Musk, and their ilk are hoarding.

Redshirt

Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy for those who need help, but for those like me, who had to get a job not in their field of study because bills were due, which led to a career detour, which led to me staying in my parents’ home into my 30s so I could pay off the loans, this does feel a bit sour. Obviously, with tuition costs skyrocketing after college, my Federal Loans were nowhere near the amounts nowadays. However, even a fraction of that would help people like me get back what they sacrificed to pay off their loans on time. Just because I was fortunate to be a position to pay off my loans, doesn’t mean I hurt any less that those who weren’t.

However, since nothing is being done to deal with out-of-control tuition costs, the for-profit colleges, degrees that don’t pay for anything and not supporting trade schools that could be a viable alternative to colleges, this isn’t a solution. This is giving everyone a fish, but still allowing the elites to control the rivers and ponds.

Last edited 2 years ago by Redshirt
Gumbygirl

I didn’t get to go to school until I was 40. Well, except that one semester when I was 18 and wasted my time and my parents money. That sweet sweet Navy money Gumby was raking in didn’t stretch very far!

SonOfSpam

Greater fucking good. Weird-ass foreign concept to conservatives.

Redshirt

I’d like to disagree, but I lack the available evidence to support my objection.

SonOfSpam

You’re a good egg Noonan. You’ll discuss things honestly and give and take. Please understand I’m not assblasting you.

Gumbygirl

Yes, you are ok Redshirt! You’re “one of the good ones.”
Actually, I’m pretty sure you ARE “the good one.”

Redshirt

All good. Just disagreeing while agreeing.

Doktor Zymm

I’m kinda with you, but the stuff I support is so completely politically unviable that I know I will be voting least of evils my whole life

ballsofsteelandfury

Wasn’t it limited to the students that went to rip-off schools like Devry and stuff like that?

I hadn’t heard anything about real student loan debt cancellation for people that went to real schools.

SonOfSpam

There was an income limit ($125k) to get relief. Otherwise, no.

I’m happy for those who got relief (no one I know, but that’s fine).

BugEyedBoo

$125K limit for individuals, $250K for married couples.

Gumbygirl

I think they already helped people who went to scam schools like DeVry. This is for federal student loans, not private ones. But it literally wipes out debt for millions of people, and that is awesome.

TheRevanchist

Some people make the telestrator more colorful than others.

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2Pack

An oval shaped circling of the teams they played for would have completed that graphic.

Doktor Zymm

Why are aquired tastes so much better than stuff you like first time off?

TheRevanchist

Like pickled herring, scat pr0n, and canned spinach? No thanks.

Last edited 2 years ago by TheRevanchist
ballsofsteelandfury

I think we all know she’s talking about anal.

TheRevanchist

Pegging does take time to get used to. The key is stretching.

Gumbygirl

I think we all know you are!

Doktor Zymm

Man, this is a short flight, good thing I am going on to Singapore after Frankfurt. That’ll give me more time to really enjoy

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Wakezilla

How long were you in Frankfurt for? I liked it there

Doktor Zymm

I’ve been there previously, but on this trip my layover is sub 2 hrs

2Pack

Sub 2 hours is risky. Especially between two long flights. Good luck with that.

Doktor Zymm

It’s the same flight, both are SQ 25, we just have to get off while they pull the plane around and change staff. No security or anything to go through, I’m chilling in the Lufty lounge at the moment

2Pack

The best type of connection right there Ma’am.

2Pack

+ zero risk of lost luggage.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I have realized that I very much do not care for Cara DeLevingne. She has been a detraction from every single thing I have ever seen her in, and that includes photographs.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Case in point: I would like this photograph more if she were not in it.

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TheRevanchist

If her eyebrows look like that, just imagine her back hair.

Horatio Cornblower

I thought she was OK in Suicide Squad, but she really didn’t have to do much.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I don’t necessarily *blame* her for being terrible in Suicide Squad. But yeah, she was terrible. Everything about that version was terrible, except for the five minutes inside the bar.

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Redshirt

I don’t blame her for that movie. I think that’s on the director (“Just speak in gibberish and pretend you’re a Dashboard Bouncey Doll”.). I’m sorry she wasn’t in the remake so she couldn’t be redeemed. Maybe like the personality in the Injustice 2 video game.

INJUSTICE 2 Enchantress All Intros Dialogue Character Banter 1080p HD – YouTube

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Again, better without her:

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Doktor Zymm

Agree. The adorable cat and reasonably attractive shoe make the photo.

She looks super familiar, is she the annoying chick in the most recent season of J Lee’s show?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I don’t think so. She’s on the current season of Only Murders in the Building, which is why she came to mind.

Gumbygirl

Model/ actress, and the family money allowed her to skip the hooker/ waitress part.

Gumbygirl

She looks grumpy.

Wakezilla

Does she come from money? I feel like the only way she could get an acting role is if her family has money, or if she did butt stuff on the couch

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Via wikipedia:

Her father is property developer Charles Hamar Delevingne. She grew up in Belgravia, London.[8][9][10] She has two older sisters, including Poppy Delevingne,[10][11] and a paternal half-brother.[11] Delevingne’s maternal grandfather was publishing executive and English Heritage chairman Sir Jocelyn Stevens,[12][8] the nephew of magazine publisher Sir Edward George Warris Hulton and the grandson of newspaper proprietor Sir Edward Hulton, 1st Baronet.[13][14] Her maternal grandmother Janie Sheffield, a granddaughter of the 6th Baronet Sheffield, was lady-in-waiting to Princess Margaret.[8][15] Through one of her maternal great-great-grandfathers, Sir Lionel Lawson Faudel-Phillips, 3rd Baronet, Delevingne descends from the Anglo-Jewish Faudel-Phillips baronets; two of her ancestors on that line served as Lord Mayor of London.[16][17][18] Her godparents are Dame Joan Collins[19] and Sir Nicholas Coleridge.[citation needed]

Yeah, sounds like she might have had a bit of a leg up.

Gumbygirl

Pretty sure she plays for the other team, but I guess those lesbians do the butt stuff too. And why the hell not?

Redshirt

“Do Lesbians Do Butt Stuff Too?” A DFO 14 Part Study.

Gumbygirl

That’s a 25 Questions at least!

herodotus450

Football, more like Ballfoot!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Maestro

A dark thought I just had: maybe if the Bills list Matt Arraiza as a QB on their roster, the NFL and the cops will lessen his punishment.

SonOfSpam

If he raped like Matt Gaetz, he’s lead the league in ending up Inside the 20.

Don T

AHEM. ARaiza.

The Maestro

Good evening, ladies and gentlefucks. I haven’t watched TV from the comfort of my own basement in weeks. I resolve to make damn good use of this during the fall and winter.

Gumbygirl

Ain’t nothing like a cozy den. The bears know!

BugEyedBoo

Dark Brandon ain’t fucking around.

https://twitter.com/WhiteHouse/status/1562916200866267138

WCS

Like she was actually going to pay it anyway.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

My man Aaron Donald double-fisting it like Justin Blackmon out here…

https://mobile.twitter.com/CincyHub/status/1562890002010218501

WCS

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AM I A FUCKING JOKE TO YOU

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The Cleveland Browns? Oh, yes, very much so.

SonOfSpam

Swings helmets like a fucking Super Bowl Champ.

Gumbygirl

That’s a suspension, probably, but I do like the man’s style. Shame on me!

Redshirt

That’s on the Bengals. You follow your QB’s example: you introduce yourself and speak respectfully to Aaron Donald. He’ll still destroy you, but at least he won’t try to hurt you!

Senor Weaselo

I’m sorry, those are helmet-chucks.
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Senor Weaselo

BattleBots is fine though, right? He said, not watching BattleBots thanks to a rehearsal.

WCS

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litre_cola

Isn’t your pimp hand arthritic? Hence the pills?

Gumbygirl

I believe I promised you lovely people a kitten pic

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Doktor Zymm

Thankee!

scotchnaut

Headline: Old Man Learns The Hard Way That He’s Old-Part Infinity

Today a Mr. Scotchnaut-residence unknown-thought that he could do a 14 hour shift in the warehouse with a bad back and a bum knee. He could not. He is currently sprawled on a couch bemoaning his oldness.

/seriously, my wife had to take my shoes off for me

ballsofsteelandfury

Dear Penthouse Letters,

Wakezilla

Time to get the Mrs. to pull out the whiskey for ya

scotchnaut

I somehow found the strength to do that for myself.

Horatio Cornblower

I don’t use the phrase “hero” lightly…

ballsofsteelandfury

Whiskey = penis?

Redshirt

31 Fan Bases: (sigh of relief)
1 Fan Base: (bangs head on table, but not for celebratory reasons)

Doktor Zymm

Wow, it’ll be interesting to see how this plays out. Based on what’s in the article dude is pretty clearly guilty and his lawyer’s comments are nonsense (yeah, I’m sure this girl reported the rapes to the police the next day in anticipation of tapping into that sweet rookie punter money at some point in the future… Gmafb) and we just have to hope that he’s insignificant enough at this point to be held accountable

ballsofsteelandfury

It’s a punter. He should die a Hernandez death.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Yeah and according to the article the bills freaking knew about it. Fuckers.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

And here I was thinking the Bills were one of the few teams in the AFC that I didn’t quite hate.

Wakezilla

So, what percentage of the fanbase is claiming “innocent until proven guilty”? 50, 60?

The Maestro

Wait… the Punt God?? Same guy??

Mr. Ayo

Well, he really likes going deep.

Redshirt

https://mobile.twitter.com/CincyProblems/status/1562894083495845888?cxt=HHwWgICjxe34wbArAAAA

Makes sense. Jalen Ramsey mouths off so you pick a fight with Aaron Donald.

Senor Weaselo

Better plan than the Jaguars under Tom Coughlin.

Doktor Zymm

Vegas takes bets on preseason games. That seems like the absolutely least satisfying thing to bet on, maybe tied with the Pro Bowl. It’s like betting on the outcome of one of my work projects, no one involved actually cares about the outcome, so why should anyone else?

WCS

/Hippo scrambles to hide his totally-not-preseason GAMBLORings

Last edited 2 years ago by WCS
Doktor Zymm

But if the coin was sentient and actively disdained you

Doktor Zymm

I guess I just find the randomness of the physical universe way more interesting than the randomness imposed by people doing a job while mentally making a wanking motion. I would far rather bet on which of two raindrops will make it to the bottom of a windshield than preseason football.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

…which of two raindrops will make it to the bottom of a windshield…

You’ve basically just come up with the perfect description of marble racing.

Doktor Zymm

Raindrop racing has some interesting nuances though. One raindrop can hit a stationary raindrop and double in mass which increases its speed, or a raindrop can hit a stream and instantly win.

WCS

You just blew Ian Malcolm’s mind.

Gumbygirl

Chaos!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

walterfootball actually makes pretty decent money betting on preseason, actually – some coaches care about winning these games and others don’t.

Doktor Zymm

Greetings from JFK (the airport, not the corpse)!
In a rare good mood where I appreciate how low the bar is in corporate America, not giving a shit is really liberating, even if the reasons I stopped giving a shit are not great

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WCS

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Senor Weaselo

HI DOK DO YOU WANT TO COME TO MY CONCERT SATURDAY NIGHT WE HAVE FREE BOOZE!

Hey, I’m supposed to sell tickets!

litre_cola

I head back to work in 2 weeks, and the fucks I will give will be very very low.