It was supposed to rain all day but the atmospheric river must have run dry as it was nice and sunny around noon. Feeling antsy and having planned nothing, I figured I’d go to the range and get some practice in.

I had discovered that the Alhambra Golf Course had updated their range to become a TopTracer range. For those of you that may not be familiar, TopTracer is a company mostly located in Europe that sets up in ranges and allows a golfer to use an app on their phone to track their shots, play mini games, and even simulate real courses.

I had seen it on the YouTube and I’d never tried it, so I figured this was as good a time as any. It was MLK Day and I figured everyone would have been scared off by the rain forecast and scheduled other activities.

My purpose in seeking the TopTracer facility was that I wanted to determine my yardages for the different clubs in my bag. They say one of the most important things you need to do in order to get better is to know exactly how far you can hit a given club so you can make smart decisions once you’re on the course.

I became excited when I arrived at the parking lot and found it mostly empty. You must remember, my inclination is to be antisocial until I need to be social.

I was suspicious though, so I walked up to the practice facility without my clubs, just in case. My suspicions were confirmed when I saw the sign that said the range was closed for the holiday.

This was weird to me for two reasons: 1) Alhambra is a predominantly Asian community. I wouldn’t have imagined they would be celebrating that wildly and 2) The course was open.

I walked back, confused, to my car and decided to head to another course nearby and hit the range there. That course doesn’t have TopTracer, but I figured hitting a few balls would be beneficial.

When I got there, I saw that the course was empty. Nary a golfer in sight. This was a golden opportunity.

I asked the guy at the pro shop if I could get on and he said yes. There was another guy on the tee but he said that I could go as a single walker after him. Perfect.

The other guy saw me and asked if I was playing. I told him I was, but that I would play behind him. I waited for him to tee off and then started doing some warm-up swings.

The ground was squishy, but not too bad. I considered that I might not be able to count this round towards my handicap because 1) I was playing alone (you’re supposed to have a witness) and 2) the different colored tees were moved and compressed to protect the tee boxes.

I teed off and hit what felt like a really good and solid shot. Unfortunately, I had no idea where it went. It definitely didn’t go down the middle but I couldn’t tell if it went left or right. That’s one of the big problems with playing by yourself. You don’t have anyone to tell you where it went.

Ultimately, it didn’t matter as I couldn’t find it. I dropped a ball and hit it in front of the green. A few shots later, I was in for a 7 on the Par 4 first.

Now, I, optimistically, had decided to try a new strategy. In order to break 100, I am allowed 9 bogeys and 9 double bogeys on a typical 18 hole Par 72 course. This was a nine hole Par 35 course, so the strategy was to mark down my target score for each hole based on the Stroke Index (difficulty of the hole) and shoot for that.

That meant my target score for the first was a 6 and I’d gotten a 7 so it really wasn’t that bad considering I’d lost a ball. The strategy was working as my confidence was boosted.

I shanked the second tee shot so far right that it went into the wash and rolled to the Pacific Ocean. Again, I dropped a new ball and punched out to the middle of the fairway. This was followed by some ping pong chips and putts.

Something tells me I need to work on my short game.

After an Abominable Snowman, which included a shot that went onto the next tee box which prompted the guy in front of me to offer for me to play through (either for his own safety or out of courtesy but which I declined), I turned my attention to the Par 3 (now 4) third. I finished that one in 4 and I was back on track.

The Par 4 fourth has a nice wide fairway which I expertly missed to the right. By then I’d caught up to the other single and he again invited me to play through. This time, I proposed we play the hole together and then I’d go ahead of him. He agreed.

He was having a disastrous day and I felt a little better about my performance. I finished the hole faster than him and moved on to the Par 3 fifth.

The fifth was a picture of perfection, just like the Par 4 hole I told you about in the previous edition of Balls Magazine. I hit the tee shot on the green, putted to within a few feet, and then drained the par putt. Textbook.

And then, of course, came the disaster hole and the point where I decided this was just a practice round and I wouldn’t count it.

It started out innocently enough. I hit the fairway and was making my way up the hilly Par 5 sixth. My fourth shot found a slight muddy depression to the right of the green. Instead of using “winter rules” and moving the ball, I decided to hit it from there.

I have absolutely no idea where it went, which is a mean feat considering I was ten yards from the green. I may have driven it so far into the ground that it was no longer visible or I may have skyed it out of bounds on the other side of the green. There was no in-between. I even checked the hole, just in case, but, alas, I masturbate too much.

I abandoned the hole and all chances of scoring this round. I couldn’t drop another ball because I had no idea where to drop. What rule covers what you do when your ball just disappears like a magic trick?

This changed my mindset and now I felt more relaxed and started to experiment. I hit multiple balls on two of the remaining three holes to see what worked best. I hit different clubs in different situations just to see what would happen

Ultimately, it ended up being a good thing as I learned a lot. It’s actually very helpful to practice on the course as opposed to the range.

PROS

Played one hole perfectly.

Was by myself and not rushed, so I could experiment and learn what works and what doesn’t work for me on the course.

Got in a good nine hole walk as exercise.

CONS

Could not count this round towards my handicap.

Multiple disaster holes.

Lost multiple balls.

No sexy and/or wet cart girls.

OVERALL RATING:

See you next time.