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Happy Flacco Eight/Dark Thoughts Saturday

King Hippo

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Not much going on until tonight’s Flacc-tion, unless you count international footy (and you shouldn’t).  Big picture, I have been impressed with the high quality of play, and having no bastard fuckstain teams beyond the first weekend.  Very pleasant changes of pace!

I will briefly opine on tonight’s fixtures, but first…a suggestion.  Share with the Clubhouse your Dark Thoughts.  It’s the off-season, let your mind GO DOWN THE WEEDED PATHS.  As I may have mentioned, I think 9/11 on ICE! and George Wallace – the Musical are great fucking ideas.

East Regional Final – Florida Atlantic (+2) v. Kansas State (6:09, TBS)

Man oh man.  Hardwood Unded Bill Snyders betting favoUrites to make the Final Four.  Both of these teams have a whiff of “Team of Destiny” flitting in the breeze, so no idea what to say except to enjoy some really good guard play.  NYC got a treat on Thursday night, let’s press our luck and demand MOAR.

West Regional Final – UConn (-2) v. Gonzaga (8:49, TBS)

Yeah, them Fightin’ Horatios look like a goddamned beast out there.  Forget the seed line, they look like the overall #1 to Hippo.  Peaking at the right time is always a good idea, DUH.   I think the Zags shot their wad in that insane (both macro and micro – that 35-foot winner, Jeebus) comeback to knife Westwood Klavern and cancel what would have been an amazeballs Clubhouse Derby (complete with a Deadly house divided).  But meh, ain’t nobody like Gonzaga no more.  Even alumnus, dickwad COVID-denier John Stockton.

Those Stockton/Malone Utah Jazz squadrons must have been insufferable, even for a state full of Mormon missionaries.  The mind, it shrieks in horror.

I have a HippoSpawn vocal performance to attend, so I may not be able to thrash about in the comments so much.  Thus, y’all redouble your efforts.  DO YOUR MOST EVIL.

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Don T

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1
Horatio Cornblower

‘Anyway, here’s ‘Wonderwall’”

3
LemonJello

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2
Sharkbait

We need to learn how to protest like the French

1
scotchnaut

“Every time I come to this city somebody picks me up at the bus station, takes me to a Leafs game, and tries to blow me.

3
Don T

😚👌🏼
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Brick Meathook

Dr. Gene Scott

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Don T

Bill Walton’s Bible thumping brother.
Waddaya mean no?

4
litre_cola

Well, a successful DFO meetup. Blax hasnt killed me yet. He does know the desert where i could be dumped.

10
scotchnaut

Probably has a shallow grave dug north of Tucson, just in case things go sideways.

4
litre_cola

Aint goin anywhere near Tucson…

1
LemonJello

Well…not willingly.

3
scotchnaut

Yet…

3
Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Conspiracy: SPORT ONLY FUN WHEN EXPECTED OUTCOME

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2
scotchnaut

“The tournament is incredible, let’s fix it. Maybe tie a rock to the legs of the highest scorers? I am not a crank on the internet”.

4
blaxabbath

“No attention is bad attention.”

-Failures

2
Gumbygirl

Found the Dookie.

0
Horatio Cornblower

Volin’s a well known troll in Boston media. He repeatedly says dumb shit like this and then basks in the attention. Pretty clear that his parents never paid attention to him, something that I do as well.

3
Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Well I hope he gets hit by a bus now.

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scotchnaut

The gift that just keeps on giving-I was watching old KITH episodes and I came across one where a hugely hungover/still drunk dad (Kevin McDonald) walks down the stairs wrapped in a plastic mat Twister sheet [for comfort]. It’s a small detail and no mention is made of it. I can’t stop laughing.

/starts at 3 minutes in

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2U1YqhfHR_Q&ab_channel=TheKidsintheHall

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scotchnaut

For some reason it reminds me of a scene in Midnight Run-it’s a long shot and it’s apparent they’ve been walking for hours and hours. When the dialogue starts it’s Grodin talking about food. Each of them are starving and Grodin has been making it worse by talking about different types of food for hours on end. It’s just implied though.

1
ballsofsteelandfury

KITH are wonderful in many ways but the subtle jokes are specially great.

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Brick Meathook

The car sketch after it is great

2
ballsofsteelandfury

Try it now.

2
scotchnaut

Wife: “Why do you spend so much money on books?”

Also Wife: [is away this weekend in Toronto and next week in Montreal]

5
2Pack

Well Dear I’ll admit there are other things I could spend more money on…

I thought Chicks liked brainy guys? Maybe time to go a little bad boy? Get a Harley?

1
scotchnaut

Our 20 year-long running joke is that I’m ‘book smart’ and she’s ‘street smart’. It’s pretty much bang on though.

2
Dunstan

And the roots of your aggression towards street people are revealed….

4
Wakezilla

Wakezillette had a dream and decided to draw a picture of the dream.

She drew a picture of me living happy with another woman (a blonde, which is surprising), Wakezillette living with her abuela, Mrs. Zilla living with Toddlerzilla in another home and Mrs. Zilla’s engagement ring in my trash, and the new woman wearing Mrs. Zilla’s wedding ring.

Wakezillette is mad at me. Yes, this shit starts early and girls are insane.

3
scotchnaut

“My advice? Smile at her, put a gentle hand on her shoulder, and tell her in no uncertain terms that it was her fault for dreaming it in the first place.”

-excerpt from The Art of War, probably

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2Pack

Women have this thing about holding their dreams against you. Babe how about laying off the Taco Bell and cutting homeboy here some slack on that chit…

2
ballsofsteelandfury

It is amazing. My lady friend got mad at me the other day because she dreamed some girl in the office was trying to get into my pants.

Not some specific girl, mind you, just A girl. No name. No face.

Yet I still had to remind her I hate everyone at work.

5
Brick Meathook

There is nothing worse than being punished for what you did in a girlfriend’s dream.

6
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Fuckin’ A.” – Freddy Krueger

2
scotchnaut

Because she dreamt about us being together, my usually clear-headed wife went bananas when she found out that an ex of mine had left her husband. Women, amirite?

/Do I hold it against her when arguments get intense? Of course!

3
2Pack

About 2-3 times a year I catch it. Frankly sometimes I do wish I did the stuff she dreams me up to.

2
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

https://youtu.be/ioSI3KsE2_k

1
LemonJello

The XFL is crap, even just as background noise.

2
ballsofsteelandfury

Dark Thought:

Why are all black strippers named Ebony and all Asian strippers named Jade?

3
LongtimeLionsLoser

“No stripper name is authentic unless its ‘y’ is traded for an ‘ee.’ “

-Candee, of Beansnappers Club, in Appleton, WI

Last edited 3 years ago by LongtimeLionsLoser
5
WCS

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U9etMxB8T3E

1
Gumbygirl

This fucking tourney. I was in first place going into the Sweet Sixteen, now I’m not sure I have anyone left! Dropping like a rock! But I will say….my Blazers beat FAU late in the regular season, pretty handily. I feel like that bodes well for the REAL tourney, the fabulous NIT!

3
Gumbygirl

Oh, and here’s my Dark Thought. I think we should defenestrate Trump and Putin from Trump Tower. Nekkid, tied together.

3
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Putin is reportedly fearful of going out the same way Gaddafi did (i.e. sodomized with a bayonet) so maybe they could land on a sharpened flagpole as an addendum?

3
WCS

Why do I have to keep repeating myself? This isn’t a conspiracy, it’s fact. THE TALL GUY DOESN’T EXIST.

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3
BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

How tall is tall?

2
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Over/under on the number of times the Dr. Mrs. repacks her suitcase is 4.5.

WHO YA GOT?

5
BrettFavresColonoscopy

How many vacuums can she fit in there?

4
scotchnaut

And what about the mop bucket? Hotel rooms don’t clean themselves, you know. (well, not up to her standards)

2
Mr. Ayo

I’ll take the under. I believe in her!

3
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I think you were correct. By rough guess it ended at 4.

2
Don T

Conspiracy, eh?
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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

We also would have accepted “guys who put on dresses” and hang out in places where children are present.

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WCS

I hope the Proud Boys took vengeance on those groomers!

2
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Found a funny: Crow v. Wade

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LongtimeLionsLoser

I was hoping to see Brandon Lee KO Dwyane.

2
Sharkbait

That’s not a hanger, that’s its antenna.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

That same guy got some kind of pro-DeSantis hashtag trending on Truth Social. Apparently it was pretty easy because trending topics only have 100 people or so talking about them.

4
Don T

To be fair, pigeons are liars.

7
Gumbygirl

1959 THREW 2001. I believe this guy. He’s obviously a genius!

1
Gumbygirl

“BIOLGICAL,” lol.

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

He knows how to speak the language of the targets of his satire.

3
LongtimeLionsLoser

Perfect

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LongtimeLionsLoser

For my conspiracy I will choose Hippo’s backyard.

I lived in Raleigh, two blocks from Roast Grill, and I think that the Roast Grill “Hot Weiners” episode of Man vs. Food was rigged. I knew a couple of triathletes that definitely ate more than Adam did at the Roast, and so I think that it was all a set up.

I will uncover Zapruder-film-shots of my buddies putting down more than 17 dogs at Roast.

Also, I think that the Adam-wing conspiracy from that Sarasota spice challenge was hysterical.

https://youtu.be/5hgINfGWQMM

Last edited 3 years ago by LongtimeLionsLoser
2
Sharkbait

Didn’t he quit the show because it was literally killing him?

3
LongtimeLionsLoser

Yep, he had gained a ton of weight as the host, but there was a challenge in Sarasota and in it the chef is supposed to add a small amount of ghost pepper, or maybe reaper, extract to wings. My recollection might be a little off.

The restaurant owner told the chef (or something like that) to add a whole bottle and Richman got really sick.

3
Sharkbait

That’s A) a dick move, and B) could be grounds for a lawsuit of some kind I imagine.

2
LongtimeLionsLoser

That’s why I thought it was hysterical. Richman got screwed but the owner was too dumb to remember that the whole thing was mic’ed and recorded.

Last edited 3 years ago by LongtimeLionsLoser
3
Senor Weaselo

I’m intrigued, but let me know that you put a bottle in.

3
WCS

That’s pretty much exactly what happened. The show aired the chef/owner dropping a couple dabs of his super secret hot sauce mix, but he actually poured most of the jar into the sauce. Adam didn’t know this, and it almost caused anaphylactic shock.

1
LongtimeLionsLoser

Exactly, the owner thought that he “got away with it” but didn’t remember that literally everything was recorded.

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I was convinced the soapbox racer event in Johannesburg was rigged by Red Bull.

3
WCS

They bankrolled Martin Prince’s Honor Roller.

2
King Hippo

Roast Grill is right next door to my hairdresser!

0
LongtimeLionsLoser

I lived in the Dawson, on Dawson and Morgan.

0
blaxabbath

How come conspiracy theorists haven’t latched on to: the officers that committeed suicide after 1/6 were not suicides. They were officers who were killed by the FBI after as part of the deep state transition away from Trump. It’s exactly something Russia would do and since the FBI is worse than Russia, it’s probably the same guys who did in Epstein.

I wish you could copywrite a lie. That would be the story I’d love to get a residual on every time some mentally-dead-but-still-talking TX Congressmen appears on FoxNews .

2
2Pack

Does someone in the Gonzaga – UConn game have to win? Can’t they both lose?

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scotchnaut

Me: “I’ve been dog-tired all week-finally get to sleep in.”

My Brain: [6:15] “Hey buddy, what’s up, aside from you?”

6
BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

Now that we’re up, I’ve got some work to do
-my colon

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