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Your “Mock What Now?” Thursday Night Open Thread

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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Banner Photo from MST3K’s twitter

As you all know, during the offseason, Horatio runs a series of mock drafts to keep us from working entertained on Mondays. Two Mondays ago, that installment centered around comedy movies and DAMN did the kommentariat step up to the plate and crush that grapefruit over the middle. We don’t do it often, and I promise not to make a habit of it, but I wanted to RECAP the joy that sprung from that well. Accordingly, I present to you the DFO 2023 Comedy Movie Mock Draft Results, which frankly could be used as a watch list when you’re struggling to come up with what to watch when you’re in the mood for a laugh.

Formatting may suck, but you can suck it

Other movies that “came up” but were not officially drafted include Tropic Thunder, Kingpin, the longer Fight For Your Right to Party, the Rocker, Beetlejuice, Planes, Trains, and Automobiles, the 2022-2023 Ice Patriots, and of course, The Blair Witch Project.

If there were any doubt before, it is now definitive that the DFO clubhouse is filled with fans of Mel Brooks, Bill Murray, Steve Martin, and comedies that range from the erudite to the poopiest of toilet humor. And dick jokes. I’ve never been so proud.

If you watch any of these films (especially for the first time) make sure to flag it in an open thread or elsewhere so we can all feel good about our amazing influence on invisible friends.

ROLL IT!

Oh, and if you’re not going to watch a movie tonight, I guess there are sports to be gazed upon watched.

PLAYOFFS!:

Celtics at Sixers, 6:30PM DFO Time, ESPN (Philly up 3-2)
Nuggets at Suns, 9PM DFO Time, ESPN (The Sunshine State up 3-2)

Devils at Hurricanes, 6PM DFO Time, TNT (Carolina up 3-1)
Kraken at Stars, 8:30PM DFO Time, TNT (Tied 2-2, tighter than Ayo’s puckered anus)

NOT PLAYOFFS:

Rays at Yankees, 6:05PM DFO Time, MLBN (if you get that)
Giants at Diamondbacks, 8:40 PM DFO Time, local only (I think)
Rangers at A’s, ibid

Lots of soccer on Paramount+ and the Byron Nelson is on, too, but if you’re watching golf tonight, I can’t help you.  BFC OUT!

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Gumbygirl

My SIL and I are going to lunch and a wine tasting in Temecula tomorrow, so I need to get some sleep. My cat is a needy little asshole, I am sure it won’t be uninterrupted sleep! Later my taters

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Mr. Ayo

You’ll regret that Dallas!

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Horatio Cornblower

-Jackie Kennedy

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Gumbygirl

Speaking of Jackie

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Mr. Ayo

That would be funnier with Hoe, but still great.

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WCS

There’s a JFK joke somewhere in there, but I’m not smrt enough.

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Dunstan

— Jack Tripper, after Larry stole Greedy Gretchen from him

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BugEyedBoo

“Who shot J.R.?” Who gives a tinker’s damn.

/oops, shot, not killed.

Last edited 2 years ago by BugEyedBoo
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WCS

Well…

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LongtimeLionsLoser

Flaming Gas Balls are really forked versus the Fast Food Chicken Pieces.

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LongtimeLionsLoser

I just bought tickets for Guardians 3 tomorrow in 3D. I’m going to take Little LLL for his 6th birthday. He thinks that skipping school for a movie is so cool.

I hope that he remembers this when he thinks I’m the lamest in 10 years.

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Horatio Cornblower

When the first Hunger Games movie came out I stood in line for the midnight premier, got tickets, ran home, woke my daughter up, (who was obsessed with Hunger Games at the time), and took her to the showing.

It was one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen and their dedication to filming the last half of it in non-stop Shaky-Cam made us both nauseous.

I sincerely hope your movie goes much better.

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Gumbygirl

That sucks. When my son was 10, Jurassic Park came out. The first dinos started stampeding, and we were totally hooked. It’s a wonderful memory for me still.

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BugEyedBoo

My daughter loved loved loved The Hunger Games. I got to see it twice in the theater and three times in a week when the DVD came out. The things we do for our children. The saddest part of all that was that I couldn’t call Woody Harrelson’s character “Heywood Jablowme” out loud every time he appeared on screen.

ETA: A year or two later she really got into the Divergent series, to the point where she would give me no peace until I read the book. The book sucked pretty bad, but I wasn’t going to discourage her desire to read, so I said it was fine. The movie was worse. At least in Hunger Games you get Jennifer Lawrence. Divergent has Shailene Woodley, who is no J-Law in neither looks nor acting ability.

Last edited 2 years ago by BugEyedBoo
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WCS

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Ice Hawks aren’t dead.

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LongtimeLionsLoser

There’s life in the sea beasts.

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WCS

…and then they go and do that.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I always believed in Tatum.

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WCS

BAWSTAHN vs. WVU (Mazzulla)

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Dunstan

“I didn’t.” — Ryan O’Neal

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LongtimeLionsLoser

I hope that Mr. Ayo isn’t too sad.

The Kraken was released early this morning. I found it, pictured on top of this shopper’s head, when I went to buy soda for work this AM.

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King Hippo

but Ayo is BASTARD MAN!!

/in jest

//MOSTLY

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LongtimeLionsLoser

Better image

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King Hippo

One has to imagine that’s the rarest of all creatures in the wild – a Jill Stein voter!

/also, hope your Dr. Mrs. is enjoying the Ukes battlefield progress

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LongtimeLionsLoser

There is much rejoicing here over the Ukrainians’ progress and the Russia-Wagner infighting. 🙂

4
Mr. Ayo

No one understands our suffering!

Forlornly tosses a fish

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LongtimeLionsLoser

I never would have guessed that there were Kraken supporters in OKC, but the world continuously amazes me.

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LongtimeLionsLoser

This reminds me of The Deep

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Gumbygirl

This reminds everyone else!

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2Pack

Excuse me Ma’am… I’m a professional here…

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BugEyedBoo

Jacqueline Bisset and her two tremendous talents.

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BugEyedBoo

That’s disturbing. Dog or cat watching? That’s par for the course. Octopus? Freakin’ me out.

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King Hippo

Kraken may have released too soon

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Dunstan

Look, it happens, ok?

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2Pack

Great work, and the Excel sheet format is just fine. Gets me prepped for doing my spending plan for next fiscal year today. I look forward to that like a kick in the nuts.

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WCS

Vichy fucks moving on.

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Horatio Cornblower

Where’s La Resistance when you need them?

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litre_cola

Allo

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King Hippo

dat face drops ALL TEH PANTIES yo

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scotchnaut

/sets alarm for 4:15 yet again

Me: “This better pay off 10 years from now or, or, I will have done this all for nothing. It’s all on you now, youngest son.”

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LongtimeLionsLoser

I’m officially an old…

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WCS

Bonus points for sleeping past 10:00.

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King Hippo

The next time I do that, pretty sure I will be dead. And I am NOT now, nor have I ever been, a morning person.

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WCS

That’s because the sooner you fall asleep, the sooner you wake up.

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King Hippo

He was a true hero and inspiration to us all.

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LongtimeLionsLoser

Vicodin are, in fact, yummy.

1
King Hippo

Reminder kids – ALWAYS ask for VicuPROFEN instead!

/it’s backwards, but -din bothers my stomach, -profen do nae

//also safer to DRANK concurrently with (I just almost never drank now)

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LongtimeLionsLoser

I haven’t slept past 8:00 AM since the 2010’s.

I really wish that I could.

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litre_cola

I haven’t as well. Used to be 7 or 8 on wknds but since Deci was born it is 6 every damn day

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BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

I’m down with this but not sure about being on the floor or having to get up off the floor without assistance

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LongtimeLionsLoser

It makes the fall, when drunk, more manageable

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scotchnaut

Hold Up. I did this when I was in my 20’s. I’d love to do this kinda thing now. Are you referencing Nietzsche’s notion of Eternal Return?

1
Doktor Zymm

I do have Airplane! on in the background right now, although far from first time watching it. It’s an all-time great movie, they probably would have found it funny back before airplanes were even invented

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herodotus450

NHL should ban two teams with the same colors playing each other; my freakin eyes hurt.

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King Hippo

Nobody tells teh VICHY wut 2 due!!

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

(except zie Germans)

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King Hippo

naw they just miraculously aligned perfectly with GOD’S WILL suck it libtards smh

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Playoff life on the line…Tatum goes 1 for 13 from the field in the first three quarters.

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SonOfSpam

And yet…could still win. Kind of ugly so far all around.

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BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

That’s an awesome list of movies, well done DFO

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Don T

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WCS

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Eh, a Google search for “Bail Bondsmen near me” would be better.

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SonOfSpam

Rikki: “That’s not funny at all” as he jots down the Google search image.

1
scotchnaut

Fan: “This NFL schedule makes no sense.”

The Shield: “You need to know, when a billionaire owner and a marketing agent really love each other…”

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scotchnaut

Beard Meets Goal.

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Horatio Cornblower

The Cornblowers, 2023: Gut renovate kitchen/bathroom/dining room.

The Cornblower’s Heat & Hot Water System, also 2023: hey, is this a good time to shit the bed?

3
LemonJello

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Fortress LemonJello had the decency to not need both repaired at once.

Last edited 2 years ago by LemonJello
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Horatio Cornblower

You know how it is: the house waits until you’ve scrimped and saved for years to get a big project done without going into massive debt, watches you pull that off and then FUCKING STABS YOU RIGHT IN THE BACK!!!

It’s also not an old heating system. We had it put in @ 12-13 years ago. So the company that put it in is getting a call tomorrow. The company that does the maintenance sent a kid who looked like he was 14 this year and he came up with this, so who knows how right he was. We’ll see.

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scotchnaut

Mrs Scotchnaut: [has been to Montreal and Toronto in back-to-back weeks, has a trip to Turkey planned for July] “We need a new kitchen.”

Me: “We have to have a well-drilling company come in and drill further down and replace our burnt-out pump and our oldest is going off to college in September and we’re committed to buying more shares in our company. How is this all going to happen?”

Mrs. Scotchnaut: [giggles] “So I’m guessing I should cancel that meeting with the landscaping company?”

Me: “Yeah, for about four years.”

6
LongtimeLionsLoser

Dr. Mrs. LLL and I just went all in on a company with all that we have, and it’s levered. It’s going well, but we’re enjoying that razor’s edge too.

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scotchnaut

Oh my.

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Horatio Cornblower

Yikes. Good luck with that. I’d think I’d rather just replace my furnace.

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scotchnaut

To be completely fair, wifey has a best friend that runs a college on the East Coast of The Canada and they have satellite campuses all over eastern Europe and the Middle East. Her expenses are ten cents on the dollar as far as travel and lodging are concerned.

1
Horatio Cornblower

Are the shares in your company not a mere $12 each? Pity.

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WCS

I don’t know if I should plus or minus this.

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Redshirt

I can see by the two straight away games in Week 16 and 17, the last one being KC in Get Top Seed Mode and the short week to TNF in Baltimore that the NFL still hasn’t forgotten the Bengals for walking off the field after the Hamlin injury.

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WCS

I don’t know what’s WEIRDer: two division games to start the season, or none at all after until Week 11.

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Redshirt

I’m still trying to figure how we start and stop with the Browns. Has that ever happened before?

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LemonJello

“Well, you see, those damn browns gotta…”
-Jerry Jones and Jerry Richardson, both trying to talk over the other

Last edited 2 years ago by LemonJello
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WCS

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2017_Pittsburgh_Steelers_season

I thought the Stillers had this happen before, and sure enough.

3
Redshirt

Huh, Browns as well. Weird.

Well, I guess we’ll both be hoping for a good start and a happy ending. But unlike Deshaun Watson, I won’t force the issue.

5
litre_cola

This is some superb hustle.

/slaps ass hard but consensually.

3
Horatio Cornblower

Thank you for reminding me about the ladder.

2
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“And thank you for reminding me about the chute!” – Elisha

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BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

Just kidding, I’d NEVER forget that.
Can we play Battleship next?
-Eli

3
scotchnaut

Bananacakes save just now in the good old hockey game.

0
Dunstan

It’s the best game you can name.

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