I Watched It So You Don’t Have To: Starr of Wonder

DFOing Good

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly - December 22, 2021January 25, 2023

Welcome back to DFO’s Annual Christmas movies review. This feature is where one of us poor bastards watches a Christmas movie and summarizes it for you, so you can go for a snooze or drink more booze when your significant other forces you to watch the movie. Today’s Christmas movie

Meanwhile, Behind 7 Proxies…

DFOing Good

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly - December 17, 2021December 17, 2021

INT. CYBER CAFE SOMEWHERE IN SOUTHEAST ASIA - NIGHT A shadowy figure sits behind a terminal, tapping absently at the keys. He perks up. SHADOWY FIGURE: Well this looks to be interesting... The shadowy figure reaches into a a tattered rucksack at his feet labeled "5CHAN". He pulls out a pair of wireless

Meanwhile, in Henderson…

DFOing Good

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly - December 2, 2021November 30, 2021

INT. EVIL LAIR I MEAN WELL-APPOINTED MANSION - DAY An older man sits in a leather chair in his front parlor. He is surrounded by a gaggle of reporters. MARK DAVIS: ...AND THEN WE SIGN HIM TO PLAY FOR THE RAIDERS AND THEN WE WIN ALL THE SUPER BOWLS FOREVER. REPORTER 1: Um...well,

SURPRISE REQUEST LINE: Shake the Foundations

DFOing Good

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly - November 19, 2021November 19, 2021

— The scene: The DFO clubhouse, present day. The gang surrounds DOKTOR ZYMM, who is tinkering with a large contraption in the center of the room. She tightens a few more screws, takes a step back, and then wipes her brow. DOKTOR ZYMM: Ja. Zat should do it. RIKKI-TIKK-DEADLY: Okay, so I

DFOuse of DFOrrors: “The Second Coming”

DFOing Good

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly - October 29, 2021October 29, 2021

INT. RECORDING STUDIO - DAY An elderly black man sits in front of the microphone. JAMES EARL JONES: Are we rolling? PRODUCER: [via intercom] We sure are. JAMES EARL JONES: All right, watch this. One take. --- Turning and turning in the widening gyre The falcon cannot hear the falconer; Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold; Mere anarchy

Your Substitute Teacher’s Monday Night Football Open Thread

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly - October 18, 2021October 18, 2021

232

Hey! Put that down. As you know, your regular instructor Mr. Scotchnaut won't be able to... No, he doesn't have COVID. He's got... NO. He doesn't have a case of gonorrhea that he caught from a groupie in Florida, and no he is not using a phony COVID diagnosis to hide the gonorrhea

That’s My (Las Vegas) Raiders! The Man of the House

DFOing Good

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly - October 15, 2021October 17, 2021

EXT. LAS VEGAS RAIDERS SHARED HOUSE – DAY Establishing shot and title card. ANNOUNCER BETH MOWINS: All in the Raiders Family [sic] is filmed in front of a Jive Studio [sic] audience. CUT TO – INT. LIVING ROOM – DAY HUNTER RENFROW dashes around the house in a whirlwind of activity. At present HUNTER

Special Edition Request Line: Their Just Reward

DFOing Good

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly - September 14, 2021September 14, 2021

As most of you know, Request Line is an offseason feature, to help us outlast the drudgery that takes place from February through August. Once in a blue moon, however, there comes such a day that demands a special edition. Today is one of such days. I've been tracking the deaths of

That’s My 2021 Raiders! Season Preview

DFOing Good

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly - September 9, 2021October 23, 2021

EXT. OAKLAND RAIDERS SHARED HOUSE – DAY Establishing shot and title card. ANNOUNCER BETH MOWINS: The Las Vegas Home for Imaginary Raiders [sic] is filmed in front of a live Alfa Romeo [sic] audience. CUT TO – INT. LIVING ROOM – DAY The music of From Autumn to Ashes blares throughout the house. KOLTON

Request Line: Weekend At Zuernie’s – Part 7 (Promotional Art)

DFOing Good

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly - September 3, 2021December 11, 2021

120

INT. DFO PRODUCTION OFFICE – DAY A pair of sleazy Hollywood producers are relaxing in their office. One – DARKEST TIMELINE ZACK MORRIS – is seated at his desk, staring out the window with a dreamy expression on his face. The second – RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY – is laying on his back on

Request Line: Weekend At Zuernie’s – Part 6 (Demographics)

DFOing Good

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly - August 27, 2021December 11, 2021

131

INT. DFO PRODUCTION OFFICE – DAY A pair of sleazy Hollywood producers continue - against all logic or reason - to remain hard at work in their office. One – DARKEST TIMELINE ZACK MORRIS – is looking over a spreadsheet on his laptop while a second - RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY - is working

Request Line: Weekend At Zuernie’s – Part 5 (Hooks)

DFOing Good

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly - August 20, 2021December 11, 2021

162

INT. DFO PRODUCTION OFFICE – DAY A pair of sleazy Hollywood producers have broken their own personal record for how long they have remained hard at work in their office. One – DARKEST TIMELINE ZACK MORRIS – is standing in front of a blank whiteboard, a marker in one hand and