The only noticeable difference from the Lions team that went 7-9 in 2013 and the Lions team that went 11-5 in 2014 was that Calvin Johnson played hurt for most of the 2014 season and Golden Tate was there to get flagged for 12 taunting penalties every game. It’s testament to how awful a coach Jim Schwartz was that all Jim Caldwell had to do was NOT psychologically abuse his players, and they won four more games. Caldwell didn’t really have to say anything, which is not a problem AT ALL.
Matt Stafford may be the StayPuft Marshmallow Man incarnate, but as long as he’s got a healthy Megatron to track down his overthrows, the Lions offense will hum along as usual. This year they also drafted RB Ameer Abdullah in the second round. So far in camp, Abdullah is looking like the dynamic playmaker that the Lions haven’t had in the backfield since Jahvid Best went all puddin’ brain, so there’s some hope that the offense will be more balanced this year. To Protect Abdullah and Stafford, the Lions wasted their first round pick on Right Guard Laken Tomlinson, who is probably too slow and doesn’t have good enough balance to compete at a high level in the NFL, particularly against the beefed up D-lines of the NFC North.
On defense, the biggest move of the offseason was not signing Ndamukong Suh to a long term contract, preferring to let him stomp on the heads and hands of players lying on the grass in Miami instead of the turf in Detroit. To ensure that they had at least one D-lineman with a counterintuitively pronounced name, the Lions signed Haloti Ngata from the Ravens. Ngata is definitely a small step down from Suh, but he’s probably got a year or two of high-level play left in him, so if you’re talking bang for the buck, the Lions probably did OK here. The linebackers and secondary are fairly average, and I don’t see much improvement there.
Overall, the Lions improved from last year, but with both Green Bay and Minnesota taking some leaps forward this year, I see the Lions settling in at 8-8 and possibly taking the wild card.
It’s too bad that an historically great player like Megatron is stuck on a team so firmly entrenched in mediocrity. For some reason, this sounds familiar.
That first picture. You are a good person and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
I laughed. Adding to the pile of reasons I am going to hell.
Lions will be extinct soon, so will monster trucks. We’ll always have fucking rug rats.
YOU TAKE THAT BACK! DENNIS ANDERSON’S GRAVE DIGGER WILL BE HERE LONG AFTER ELON MUSK MAKES FLYING CARS!
/runs out crying
Apropos of nothing, Matt Stafford and Fat Haley Joel Osment look like brothers that took all of the shop classes in high school.
http://i.imgur.com/BXy0Xje.jpg
http://www1.pictures.zimbio.com/gi/Matthew%20Stafford%202012%20ESPY%20Awards%20Press%20Room%200ImG4yzhexDl.jpg
I see fat people.
Matt Stafford looks like what “Stand By Me” Jerry O’Connell should have turned into instead of Unlikely Adult Hunk Jerry O’Connell.
Haley Joel Osment’s face is the same size that it was when he was 8, but he has an adult head.
His face looks like it’s imploding.
THAT PHOTO OF A DEAD LION OUTRAGES ME MORE THAN PHOTOS OF DEAD CHILDREN AFTER BEING RUN OVER BY A MONSTER TRUCK!!!!!!!
SIGN THIS PETITION TO OUTLAW ALL KINDS OF HUNTING AND MEANNESS TO ANIMALS THAT WERE IN DISNEY CARTOONS! AND SHARE ON FB!
Monster trucks are cool.
Lions and monster truck will be extinct soon; we’ll always have fucking rug rats running around.
What do you think of lions, monster trucks, and rug rats, Moose?
Ten years ago we had lions, monster trucks, and rug rats…
Caldwell: “…”
Sparano’s football: “….”
Caldwell: “…..”
Sparano’s football: “……”
— transcript taken from Detroit/San Francisco joint practice 8/12/15
Shonn Greene’s locker was intrigued by these ideas and wished to subscribe to their newsletter.
At least that’s what I assumed it meant when it said “…..”
“Mmmhmhmhmmmhmm.”
-Gen9 Smith
I’ve got a soft spot for the Lions. By that I mean that I can’t get an erection for at least three days after watching them play.
Why do you think Cialis advertises so heavily during NFL games?
Because all ads are directed specifically towards me?
/Solipsism FTW!
I am quite sure that “Fuck Lion” requires MiS original art!
I think any scribbling of Marques Slocum’s fuck lion I tried to produce would just ruin the magic.
Not a comment on the post, but just a quick thanks to the new overlords for this site from a former Kommenter! Bitches, blunts, big-screen tv’s, and 40’s for all of you!
My wife is gonna object to at least one of those.
But maybe not all?
Wait…. she doesn’t like 40s??
Naw, has to be big-screen TVs, obvs~
http://41.media.tumblr.com/6510ee4c4244f8cc1cefb73f5003e0f8/tumblr_nsqlxjGP3v1tc30tvo1_540.png
Damn, lion-shooting thumbdicks vs. Clarence Thomas. I don’t know which picture makes me more stabby.
I think just this once I’ll give Thomas a break. I think it’s the “smile while we shake hands” thing that breaks the tie. Yep, I’m off to kill some asshole hunters.
Sure does sound familiar!
http://i.huffpost.com/gen/1264107/images/o-LARRY-FITZGERALD-facebook.jpg
At least Fitz got to a Super Bowl (and fucking killed it in the game too).
“According to Anita Hill, during her two years of employment as Caldwell’s assistant, he had asked her out socially many times, and after she refused, he used work situations to discuss sexual subjects. “He spoke about…such matters as women having sex with animals and films showing group sex or rape scenes” she said, adding that on several occasions Caldwell graphically described “his own sexual prowess” and the details of his anatomy. Hill also recounted an instance in which Caldwell examined a can of Coke on his desk and asked, “Who has put pubic hair on my Coke?”
-Hard Knocks 2016
Caldwell hates that gays are destroying the sanctity of marriage while he beats off to gangrape porn.
“Anita Hill? More like ‘Anita Little Help Here’, amirite?”
– Calvin Johnson
I GOT A FUCK LION NOW COME FUCK WITH ME
— Walter Palmer, on winning the Nasty Fetish Tournament